Community› The Bump Message Boards› Special Needs
Special Needs
New Discussion

Kindergarten bully : (

diceK2007diceK2007 member
edited September 2013 in Special Needs
I knew that sending DS off to K would be hard but I didn't think he'd be made fun of in the first week. Some background: DS is 5 and started in EI at 10 mths and has received services ever since. He gets OT & PT for a hypotonia and a severe fine motor delay and a moderate gross motor delay. He has no DX at this point other than dev delay. We are seeing dev pedi next month to try to get him a firm DX to cover services....here in CT dev delay gets services only until the 6th birthday. None of his work ups so far (neuro and school eval) have turned up anything but we think maybe dyspraxia. He is bright but it's almost like his body doesn't get the message from his brain to work the way he needs it to. So that's our story. 

DS is in a typical K classroom. He has an IEP for OT/PT. The first few days were great....no issues, smiles at drop off and other than being physically exhausted he loved it. Day 4 he came home in tears and said he was never going back and that he wanted to go back to preschool. I asked why and he said a girl at his table has been calling him a baby because he can't write his letters and he scribbles. Ugh. I reassured him and emailed the teacher to see if she noticed anything. He has a new baby brother so I wasn't sure if he was maybe overreacting to something or what was going on. She was great and emailed me back almost immediately and said she had heard something and addressed it with the girl and my DS. 

The school has a zero tolerance bullying policy so they take things seriously. I struggled to call it bullying because the kids are so young but the teacher said it was absolutely the right thing to do to report it. I thought that would be the end of it but I got another email today from his teacher today saying the girl had started calling DS a baby again and was making fun of his scribbles. She said she moved DS to another table (she said the kids at his new table cheered when he came over) and that she would be contacting the girls parents to let them know what had been happening. 

I cried a little when I got the email today. It's like a kick in the gut to hear that your kid is being picked on. I knew he would struggle but I guess I never considered other kids being mean to him this early on. I hate the thought of him thinking he's not smart or less than because he struggles physically. 

I hate that he's dealing with this!!!
Report Reply to Post

Re: Kindergarten bully : (

  • diceK2007diceK2007 member
    Sorry for lack of paragraphs....typing on an iPad while rocking an infant!
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • funchickenfunchicken member
    I know it breaks your heart to hear things like that, but it sounds like the teacher is doing a good job handling it. My DD has a fine motor delay, too, and she has a really hard time with cutting activities and today the teacher had them cutting out a coconut tree for goodness sake. DD didn't get a sticker because she didn't finish her work. I'm trying really hard to focus on the next day being a new start and minimizing the importance of the sticker. We focus on the good things about the day, and this weekend we're going to work on some cutting together. Kids this age just have no filter, and sometimes they tease each other without really knowing how much they can hurt someone's feelings. Try not to let it get you down too much--his teacher sounds really great.
    Report Reply
  • Princess_LilyPrincess_Lily member
    This teacher is great.

    While reading it at first I was like, "why didn't she remove the 'bully'?", but then I saw the kids reaction to your LO at the table and it warmed my heart...so I'm sure it boosted his confidence!

    Its quite upsetting when your child gets picked on by a classmate, you take it very personally, but you did the best thing - brought it to the teacher, and the outcome & follow-through couldn't have been better IMO.
    photo notebook.jpg 
      
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers 
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
  • funchickenfunchicken member
    -auntie- said:

    While almost all kids get bullied, some of ours attract more of this behavior because they are different without an obvious physical marker than would make sense even to a five. It's hard. DS also had a first grade bully who was a sweet looking little blonde with pigtails who didn't get that the expected behavior of the classroom was just beyond what DS could do. She was pretty vocal about how "bad" DS was. 

    One thing that really helped DS was to talk about his individual set of strengths and weaknesses. We gave him ownership of his issues so he understood why certain things are harder for him than others. Not as a poor poodle hair pats thing or as a "gift"- just as a what is self knowledge thing. Self knowledge is power. 
    Auntie, it's interesting that you mention the bolded because I've been thinking about this a lot in regards to DD's teacher.  DD has ADHD (inattentive), SPD w/fine motor delay and difficulties with motor planning, and the developmental pediatrician suspects she might also have an auditory processing problem.  At the same time, she's bright, cute, and has a great vocabulary.  Because of this, I feel like the teacher might not really buy into her diagnosis.  I'm wondering if you often encountered this with your DS. 
    Report Reply
  • Princess_LilyPrincess_Lily member
    Mrszee, does she have a 504/IEP in place at school?

    I have found that even with special considerations unless medications are in place, parents of children with ADHD still will have pressure from teachers/school because their difficulties can't be "seen."

    That's why many seek out CHADD, an advocacy organization for parents of children with ADHD, who need further assistance when the school tries to pressure the parents
    photo notebook.jpg 
      
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers 
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
  • funchickenfunchicken member
    Princess_Lily said:
    Mrszee, does she have a 504/IEP in place at school? I have found that even with special considerations unless medications are in place, parents of children with ADHD still will have pressure from teachers/school because their difficulties can't be "seen." That's why many seek out CHADD, an advocacy organization for parents of children with ADHD, who need further assistance when the school tries to pressure the parents
    No, we got the diagnosis at the end of the school year last year.  I've been reading up on 504s, and we have a follow-up with the developmental pedi next week

    OP, sorry to threadjack.  I hope your DS has a good weekend and a better week at school next week!  Update us on how things are going.
    Report Reply
  • funchickenfunchicken member
    @Auntie, thank you so much for your response.  I mentioned the 504 because the developmental pediatrician didn't think DD would qualify for an IEP at this point.  I had her evaluated a little over a year ago and while they acknowledged her fine motor skills were behind, they said they don't offer OT in isolation, and they found no educational disability at that time.  I got a lot of answers like, "well, she doesn't need to wear clothes with buttons" or "they make shoes that slip on" or "they don't need to ride tricycles in kindergarten." 

    As far as I can tell at our school, it seems like the evaluation process is the same either way, and once it's done, they determine whether your child needs accommodations (504), actual services (IEP) or nothing.  I know that I can request an evaluation, but I'm not sure if they will even grant one if the teacher doesn't feel it's necessary.  For DD what looks like "not listening" could very well be not hearing the teacher and "not following directions" could be anxiety-driven behaviors related to starting a task that's difficult for her or stopping before she's finished with something because she ran out of time.  She's a people pleaser and a rule follower, and just a really good kid in general, so I'd hate for her teacher to think that issues related to self-regulation, impulse control, and anxiety are due to willful disobedience or over-indulgent parents.  I work with her on flexibility and self-regulation all the time at home, and she's made amazing progress.

    You are an awesome source of information as always.  Medication isn't even on the table at this point.  The developmental pedi didn't think it was necessary at this time.  DD doesn't tend to have a lot of out of seat behavior or impulsivity. We do limit screen time, and we read to her all the time.  We only do dvds in the car on long trips, like the four hour drive to my ILs.
    Report Reply
  • Rachel SonnierRachel Sonnier member
    Auntie your comment that the band teacher used to give YOU presents seriously made me chuckle!  ^:)^
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • AsivecAsivec member
    As a special education teacher (sahm now) demand the evaluation. If your in the US they have to comply (i believe in most states by 90 days). Look up info on IDEA and the gaskin case. You run the show as the parent even if the district wants to pretend you don't. Get an advocate for yourself.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • funchickenfunchicken member
    @diceK2007, How did things go with your DS this week? I was hoping that things got better with the seat change, and the teacher intervening with the little girl.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"