Anxious about gender scan

Craftymom13 · August 2013

OH how I wish we could all be as perfect as these snoody, STUCK UP women that come on here throwing stones. (Must not live in a glass house) As if a woman somehow cares LESS about a child because of the gender. It is a FUN part of parenting and being pregnant. Just because you are uptight and have to live your life by "politically" correct standards, doesn't mean everyone else does.

OP is having a fun "tongue and cheek" conversation with us. Not an "alert the femininists and all the other activits" conversation. While your at it why don't you alert CPS because she had a wish of having a girl and not a boy!! OH MY GOSH!! SHAME ON HER!! WHAT A HORRIBLE MOTHER!!

YOU need to "grow up"!

CONGRATS OP ON HAVING YOUR GIRL!! Now I am sure all these women can sleep better knowing you will be a better mother because you got what you wanted.

Jessrian · August 2013

I know there are IGNORANT people who clearly need to hear those words in order to know that's clearly a mothers first concern.

Jessrian · August 2013

Lol l these women clearly are perfect and aren't guilty of having dreams.

waittilltomorrow · August 2013

Congratulations on your wonderful news

petitmonstree · August 2013

I honestly can't really relate to this and this is our second as well. I'm truly happy with both although at first I was really hoping for a girl even though we already have one. But I wouldn't be unhappy if we had a boy, in fact now I'm really excited about having either.

Lol also I find out Tuesday. So ready to know already! :P

lolkat82 · August 2013

I really think there is a strong correlation between a mother's journey to become pregnant and gender "disappointment". In other words, if it was a long, arduous journey to become pregnant, chances are you couldn't care less what the sex is. A healthy baby takes precedent over sex. Ask any woman who has struggled through infertility... These women who are lucky enough to conceive within the average time-frame are the ones who have this obsession with "gender". Bottom line- you can either have disappointment with the sex of the child YOU are about to bring into this world, or you can just be happy with the fact that you are able to create life, which is a privilege many women do not have.
As someone who has struggled with infertility and genuinely thought I would never have my own child, I cannot relate to these women.

KMo84 · August 2013

I deliberately chose to find out the gender of the baby because I didn't want to burst into tears of disappointment immediately after delivering if I heard "It's a boy!" I don't know yet if it was the right decision, but my thinking was I wanted some time to prepare myself rather than dealing with all these emotions at a time when I'm already going to be emotional and exhausted. I admit, I was disappointed when the report said "Likely male" and I even cried later that day. I'm beginning to get a little more excited now about a little boy, and I hope once he's actually here I'll fall in love, but I suspect it will be more difficult next time if I find out I'm having another boy. Jessrian & co, I appreciate your honesty, and I don't think some of judgment and holier-than-thou attitudes I've seen in some of the other comments is helpful, though some did make me realize how a lot of my desire for a daughter is based in assumptions about traditional gender roles and stereotypes. Though I want a girl not because I want to buy her dresses and go shopping together, but because I have a really close relationship with my mom, and she had a really close relationship with her mom, and I want to have that myself with my own daughter. I guess it's possible I could have that with a son as well, or that I could have a daughter and NOT have a good relationship with her. But really, I feel guilty enough already for having such a decided gender preference (and I doubt I'm the only one), so I could do without the subtle shaming.

lolkat82 · August 2013

It's not subtle shaming, it's a matter of bringing reality to the situation. I guess people have different priorities and you can't help the way you feel, but put on your big girl panties and get over it. I can see being a bit disappointed not having the desired sex, but, really you're getting a gift that not every woman can have. You had sex knowing that there is a 50/50 chance for either sex, so if you aren't willing or prepared to have either, don't have a child. The thought of a mother breaking down and crying based on the sex of her child right after delivering them is absolutely ludicrous (to me, anyway).

Jessrian · August 2013

To me it's the same as raising a girl and having hopes and dreams of her marrying the man of her dreams, carrying a child and then find out she's lesbian. You still love her and there's still a chance she can get married and have a child but its not the same way as you thought it would be. You get over it but your disappointed or sad for a moment for the loss of a dream.

RandiG8 · August 2013

I have three girls, and with this one of course we were hoping for a boy. Welp its a girl! Honestly I think my sadness came because of all of the people who were like "I hope it's a boy" and "it better be a boy", they made me feel like I disappointed them (which I quickly pushed aside those irrational and irrelevant feelings). I really didn't care either way and am pretty darn thankful I was blessed one more time. BTW Congrats

Jessrian · August 2013

Thanks and congrats to you!!!

greenmama2013 · August 2013

I felt exactly the same way. I wanted girls not because of "traditional gender stereotypes"..Lord no! If anything I'd push my girls to be outdoorsy and sporty like me! But my preference was also rooted in the close relationship with my mother and sister. There's nothing like it! They are there for me through ups and downs, coached me through labor & couldn't be more supportive; and I feel that as women we DO need more support than men in certain aspects, because we have different experiences that they cannot relate to (childbirth, menstrual issues, raising children- being that most of the burden of society is placed on us in that department) and traditionally women have always had a large support system made up of other women to help with pregnancy pains/child-rearing which largely lacks today. I am thankful to have a girl, and although I am pregnant with a boy this time, I think I may try again for another girl so my daughter can experience the joy and support of having a sister. To the other moms on this board--IT'S OK to feel a certain way. It doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you HUMAN. You can't control how you feel, and sometimes it's better to let it out than pretend to please others. And as disappointed as I may have been at first, I can't wait to meet our little boy!!

lrj85 · August 2013

I wanted a boy with my first pregnancy. However I knew looking at our ultrasound she was a SHE. I was thrilled I didnt end up caring and I threw myself in to having a girl! God I have adored having a daughter! However I got pregnant this time and I just wanted a boy I wanted that experience too and I have three brothers and three nephews and I wanted a boy. Well we found out yesterday we are having a boy (i knew the second I conceived he was a he). I don't feel bad for not WANTING a girl when I got one she doesnt feel any less loved and she even knows mommy wanted a boy. I love my daughter and she came at exactly the right time in my life and was exactly what I needed I believe the same of this baby. All you ladies that are so freaking bitter I hope the stick falls out soon!

sjirishgirl · August 2013

We go next Friday.

I am so excited and nervous all that the same time. You would think since i did this with DD I would be fine. Its just so much to take it!!

Good luck.

daisy662 · August 2013

With my first one I really was hoping for a girl. We were team green but I knew in my heart it was a boy and it was. After about a minute of disappointment, it was over and I couldn't imagine him being anything else. He is now one years old and I am pregnant again. I never would have tHought I would say this, but I was kind of hoping for another boy because they will be so close in age and it would be great. On my way to my early ultrasound, I realized that I wanted a boy for my son. If I thought about what I really wanted for me, it would have been a girl. Early signs pointingg to a girl. Likely that could be wrong...my point is that now that I had my first, I realize it just doesn't matter. Babies are such incredible miracles. I understand having a preference but for me when all said and done, it just doesn't matter one bit. Congrats!

msknedwards · August 2013

I share your anxiety and concern. I am 17 wks with fraternal twins. My husband doesn't care to have girls. I'm afraid discovering the sex at the next ultrasound might be disappointing if its two girls. I would gladly accept any sex but I'm not trying again for a boy. Its been to hard on my body. This will put a strain on our marriage. If u believe in God put ur fears in his hands. He will see u thru. And you will adjust

MPLSdesigner · August 2013

I am very happy you got your girl, but I have to say I agree with many posters who find this type of concern slightly absurd.

Both my husband and I don't understand why so many couples have to find out the gender and in doing so, create this whole 'persona' of who their child will be before they are even born. I feel it sets parents up for disappointment no matter what as they are starting to over-plan and over-idealize their child before it even takes its first breath.

I wish more folks were on the same page as us and chose to meet our beautiful babies and fall in love with who he or she is slowly as we saw and learned about the child was irregardless of gender.

Leave pregnancy for health concerns. Instant gratification isn't as joyous as the journey of understanding.

Jessrian · August 2013

As a psychologist, individuals cannot choose their feelings. We can merely try to train them from controlling certain aspects of our lives. If a person desires a specific sex than it will never change just as if you have a certain house you want to buy. You may have a strong desire for a specific type but it may not be available or in reach but it will still be a desire.

monifa9283 · August 2013

Yep, I have a preference as well.

micaelasmakeup · August 2013

AFwifelife said:

msknedwards said:

I share your anxiety and concern. I am 17 wks with fraternal twins. My husband doesn't care to have girls. I'm afraid discovering the sex at the next ultrasound might be disappointing if its two girls. I would gladly accept any sex but I'm not trying again for a boy. Its been to hard on my body. This will put a strain on our marriage. If u believe in God put ur fears in his hands. He will see u thru. And you will adjust

I really hope that if you do have girls that YH will be able to see that they are blessings and truly doesn't resent them. My dad never wanted girls and he ended up with 2. He was OK with me being a girl but was very disappointed when my sister ended up being a girl. They barely have a relationship because he resents the fact that she is a girl. He has even admitted to her face that he didn't want her. He obviously isn't the best person but I hope your husband doesn't end up with the same attitude. It will definitely affect your marriage but it will hurt your girls even more.
DH wanted a boy our first time so bad and was disappointed to hear girl. But "put stress on your marriage?!" Trust me it will not, he will fall in love the moment he holds those babies.
Now pg with #2 he is crossing his fingers for a girl. Now he has the best of both worlds: a sweet little girl that is full of sugars that is also a buddy for baseball games and to rough house with.

micaelasmakeup · August 2013

AFwifelife said:

msknedwards said:

I share your anxiety and concern. I am 17 wks with fraternal twins. My husband doesn't care to have girls. I'm afraid discovering the sex at the next ultrasound might be disappointing if its two girls. I would gladly accept any sex but I'm not trying again for a boy. Its been to hard on my body. This will put a strain on our marriage. If u believe in God put ur fears in his hands. He will see u thru. And you will adjust

I really hope that if you do have girls that YH will be able to see that they are blessings and truly doesn't resent them. My dad never wanted girls and he ended up with 2. He was OK with me being a girl but was very disappointed when my sister ended up being a girl. They barely have a relationship because he resents the fact that she is a girl. He has even admitted to her face that he didn't want her. He obviously isn't the best person but I hope your husband doesn't end up with the same attitude. It will definitely affect your marriage but it will hurt your girls even more.
DH wanted a boy our first time so bad and was disappointed to hear girl. But "put stress on your marriage?!" Trust me it will not, he will fall in love the moment he holds those babies.
Now pg with #2 he is crossing his fingers for a girl. Now he has the best of both worlds: a sweet little girl that is full of sugars that is also a buddy for baseball games and to rough house with.

stacylulu · August 2013

I probably wouldnt be disappointed. I know that girls get harder with age and I gotta keep that in mind lol so im leaning more towards a boy, but either way, I'll be happy. My SO wants a boy BAD and I support that because he told me right out, if its a girl, and the minute shes born, we are trying again. So im rooting for a boy, just because I want a good break on this pregnancy deal lol its fun and beautiful, but its constant worrying too.

Dont dread on the wrong sex. I know if someone has 2 boys or girls, they want the opposite sex. and end up having 2 more of the same..my aunt always wanted a girl, and had 3 boys, and my mom wanted boys and had 2 girls. so just be cool with a happy healthy baby. I love my baby kicking up a storm and moving around. boy or girl. its happy right now. thats all i want.

RandiG8 · August 2013

@Jessrian I don't know why you are writing in that manner about the sex of a child, but as a girl who has been on both sides of psychology what you just said is not completely true. Yes we cannot always control our initial feelings towards something, we can however choose to change our way of thought and our actions in relations to those feelings. I wanted a boy so bad, I have three girls and now I am going to have another. I should have every reason to be upset and at first I was but very soon after I reminded myself what was really important I was able to take those irrational feelings and throw them out the window. Feelings are not excuses to allow us to dwell in negative and irrational ways. I am not saying it is not okay for someone to be upset for awhile because of gender disappointment, I am saying that if they have not taken any steps to work through those feelings (and yes that's what should be done) than she/he needs help for the sake of the unborn child. It is important to have feelings as we don't wan to run around as robots, but like I said they are not excuses to dwell in the negativity, we all have a choice in life and we can choose to be okay with the gender and love our little baby regardless of his or her body parts.

I think you are looking for ways to disagree with many of the women on here, and if you were a psychologist you would have given better advice than that. You are literally telling women its okay to just be disappointed, you gave no advice on how to overcome it.

RandiG8 · August 2013

I didn't realize you were the op, and now you are giving advice to people who are not you. Everything I just said goes out the fricken window because you are a psychologist giving yourself excuses and reasonable advice.

Jessrian · September 2013

Counselors don't give advice @randig8 we help people come to the answers on their own. I said what I said bc women shouldn't be made to feel guilty by feelings that are out of their control. I agree that eventually they should find the positive and up side about their situation. Women on here are sounding harsh towards women who have shown preference for a specific gender.

MamaP19 · September 2013

I would think psychologists especially would understand that sex is not the same thing as gender. It would be awesome if people didn't use these terms interchangeably.

jacquilee83 · September 2013

MPLSdesigner said:
I am very happy you got your girl, but I have to say I agree with many posters who find this type of concern slightly absurd.

Both my husband and I don't understand why so many couples have to find out the gender and in doing so, create this whole 'persona' of who their child will be before they are even born. I feel it sets parents up for disappointment no matter what as they are starting to over-plan and over-idealize their child before it even takes its first breath.

I wish more folks were on the same page as us and chose to meet our beautiful babies and fall in love with who he or she is slowly as we saw and learned about the child was irregardless of gender.

Leave pregnancy for health concerns. Instant gratification isn't as joyous as the journey of understanding.
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I disagree with this. Finding out the sex of your child does not have to mean you are defining them before they are born. I found the thought of waiting intolerable as I wanted to be able to plan and organise babies room etc before they arrived. We are human beings! Planning is adaptive and 'wanting to know' is a part of that. I'm the least girly person ever so all of our purchases are pretty neutral; however, knowing she is a girl gave me the flexibility to buy little dresses and plan for what we might call her. I'm not into gender stereotyping but preaching about letting them be what they will be is ridiculous. If family don't stereotype them as one or the other, society will anyway!

For all those posters with, what sound like, awful DH's. I think you need to have a serious discussion with them. Yes, they are entitled to a preference but being so openly disappointed with what they get is atrocious! It is a 50/50 chance and neither of you can control that. If my husband treated me like a baby baking factory where he put in his order I'd seriously reevaluate our marriage.

For those that will jump on this and say my dh doesn't have a preference, before I became pregnant it was clear dh dreamed of a little girl. As he is a big boy and realises we can't choose, when I got pregnant he never voiced his preference and talked about how equally exciting either sex would be. He even offered not to find out wanted me to know his hopes were not pinned one baby being a girl.

msronzio · September 2013

Jessrian said:

To me it's the same as raising a girl and having hopes and dreams of her marrying the man of her dreams, carrying a child and then find out she's lesbian. You still love her and there's still a chance she can get married and have a child but its not the same way as you thought it would be. You get over it but your disappointed or sad for a moment for the loss of a dream.

This is what disgusts me.

It almost sounds like you're implying that straight women don't grow up and opt to remain single. I'm not saying you're a bigot or anything, but this is a really weird, shitty attitude. I truly believe the odds will always go either way.

Your dream could be something along the lines of to raise a good person. That's mine. But here it sounds to me as though you claim that it's that your child grows up and gets married.

Jessrian said:

I know there are IGNORANT people who clearly need to hear those words in order to know that's clearly a mothers first concern.

People were not nearly as rude (or ignorant?) as I've seen these posts go...

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