Choosing godparents for your LO

goldenB · September 2013

How are you deciding who the godparents for this LO will be? What are your expectations of them?

For STMs - what is your relationship to the Godparents? Are you happy with their involvement in your child's life?

goldenB · September 2013

@BMReid good point.
I didn't realize this was a Catholic tradition, just thought it was Christian.

I wonder if other religions/cultures have something similar?

MrsGraham06 · September 2013

I'm not Catholic, I'm Lutheran. I have Godparents, my kids have a Godmother, and this one will too.

For me, the Godparents should be active in my children's lives (as in, my kids know who they are) and are expected to become guardians if something happens to DH and me. As guardians, they are expected to make sure the kids grow up in the church, study the Bible, study what it means to be a Christian (and Lutheran).

My sister is my children's Godmother. I asked her if it was ok first. They don't have a Godfather. My sister is currently single, and I can't imagine any of DH's brothers taking on that role.

My mom's sister and brother are me and my sister's Godparents.

LuGal623 · September 2013

There are no male siblings on mine or my husband's side, is it fair to just make my sister and my SIL the godparents? Though I'm not a fan of my SIL being in that role honestly but feel it'd be a slap in my MIL/SILs face to just ask my sister.

Also, we don't even have a church out here (moved 5 years ago) that we go to--oh the Catholic guilt is eating me up over this topic.

ccip82 · September 2013

DD has a godmother (my aunt) and a godfather (DH's brother). To us they were more for a religious standpoint than anything else. DS will have godparents too. We have not thought about it much yet though.

If something were to happen to DH and I, both DD and DS would go to my mom and sister as co guardians. There is no way in hell I want my children going to DH's family. They are becoming way too close minded and extremists for me to ever want them to raise our children.

buckeyebride22 · September 2013

I prefer to use family over friends. My nephew doesn't even know his god parents so we've sort of taken over. DS is my oldest sister and his nephew. That caused drama since hes only 13, but he's very close to my DH and I don't like my BIL. This baby will have my baby sister and we haven't decided on thw godfather.

goldenB · September 2013

@MrsGraham06 - we are sort of in the same boat (have a godfather in mind), but not a godmother. I wonder if the Catholic church only allows one? I need to look this up, but maybe someone else knows? Or does our godparent of choice need to be Catholic at all. I am wondering because Most of my Christian friends are more 'spiritual' than my Catholic friends.

Or can I have two godfathers?

cpm1223 · September 2013

We'll be asking my brother and my SIL to be the Godparents. I just wanted to have two people who would be in the baby's life a lot, love them, and care for them if anything were to happen to H and me.

KristaBelieve · September 2013

Deciding the guardians was easier for us. I think ideally godparents would be family but in our case that will not work. I don't even know my godparents (friends of my parents at the time) and DH's are is aunt and uncle but no real "spiritual" relationship. For us, our criteria is it needs to be someone who believes in God, does not need to attend church regularly, lives close enough to interact with our LO at least a few times a year, has known us and our family for many years, would be a good trust executor (the god parents will oversee our trust if we die since the guardians will raise our LO and we want there to be a check and balance system.) and would help guide our LO spiritually, ethically and religiously. We have the god father selected but are still deciding on his god mother. Our idea of a godparent is a little different from the norm.

ccip82 · September 2013

goldenB said:

@MrsGraham06 - we are sort of in the same boat (have a godfather in mind), but not a godmother. I wonder if the Catholic church only allows one? I need to look this up, but maybe someone else knows? Or does our godparent of choice need to be Catholic at all. I am wondering because Most of my Christian friends are more 'spiritual' than my Catholic friends.
Or can I have two godfathers?

We had DD Baptized (I am Catholic and DH is not). Only one of the two godparents needed to be practicing Catholics and in good standing with the church. Therefore I was able to have my aunt who is Catholic be the godmother and DH chose his brother who is not Catholic to be the godfather. I am not sure about two godfathers though. I don't think you could do that.

Dishylo · September 2013

I'm so lurking on this thread.....DH wants the godfather to be one of his friends. I like the guy, he's nice but I'm not sure he's the right person. Ever since we moved, we don't see him that often and what is the point of godmothers and godfathers if they aren't the guardians?

I always thought that GM's and GF's were the people who you would want to look after your kid(s) if something happened to both of you?

ccip82 · September 2013

Dishylo said:

I'm so lurking on this thread.....DH wants the godfather to be one of his friends. I like the guy, he's nice but I'm not sure he's the right person. Ever since we moved, we don't see him that often and what is the point of godmothers and godfathers if they aren't the guardians?

I always thought that GM's and GF's were the people who you would want to look after your kid(s) if something happened to both of you?

I think it is up to each parent to determine this. We have a will in place to specify who our guardians will be in case something happens to DH and I.

Dishylo · September 2013

@ccip82 - we're going to get something drawn up in our wills when we update them (clearly needs to happen soon!) and the only people I want looking after our LO would be my M & D or my S and BIL.

I wonder about the "point" of a GM or GF if it isn't for them to be the guardian in case of an accident. Is it for guidance, advice, leadership etc? :-/

goldenB · September 2013

@Dishylo - I completely understand your concerns. We have 3 brothers to choose from between DH and I. And one of them is getting married next summer - so they would be our best choice since they are a couple, but then DH's family isn't represented at all.

I have mixed feelings when it comes to choosing friends, because although I love our friends I worry that they are not blood. And what if the friendship goes sour, or they move away etc?

I was watching Giuliana and Bill and she choose her father as GF and Bill's sister as GM.

I didn't think grandparents were allowed to be godparents.

When it comes to all things GF/GM I am clueless.

KristaBelieve · September 2013

Godparents are not automatically the guardians but they can be. We plan on having deep conversations will all parties involved so everyone knows the plan/ expectations.

SarahA918 · September 2013

The Catholic Church does allow just one godparent. You can also have a godmother and a female sponsor if you want two, but can't think of an appropriate godfather. I'll be asking my best friend and her husband (I'm their oldest daughter's godmother) because my sister and her husbamd haven't spoken to me since I told her I was pregnant (I'm godmother to her two daughters)!

goldenB · September 2013

Dishylo said:

@ccip82 - we're going to get something drawn up in our wills when we update them (clearly needs to happen soon!) and the only people I want looking after our LO would be my M & D or my S and BIL.

I wonder about the "point" of a GM or GF if it isn't for them to be the guardian in case of an accident. Is it for guidance, advice, leadership etc? :-/

I thought it was more for spiritual guidance.

Dishylo · September 2013

@goldenB - we're in the same boat.....there are some friends we have now that might be great choices but.....where will they be in 5 years, 10 year etc? My family will always be my family, I will always be close to them and love them and they will automatically love my child as if it was their own - I can't say that about DH's mate.

Maybe that's what we'll do this weekend as we are plan-less. I guess it's better sooner rather than later.

peanutmuse · September 2013

Our son will have 3 godmothers -- my two sisters and H's sister. Because I'm a pain in the ass like that. My middle sister says that they should dress in red, green, and blue, like Flora, Fauna and Merryweather.

ETA: I'm not sure who we're going to name as potential guardians, but I'm leaning toward my youngest sister.

ccip82 · September 2013

Dishylo said:

@ccip82 - we're going to get something drawn up in our wills when we update them (clearly needs to happen soon!) and the only people I want looking after our LO would be my M & D or my S and BIL.

I wonder about the "point" of a GM or GF if it isn't for them to be the guardian in case of an accident. Is it for guidance, advice, leadership etc? :-/

I chose my aunt as a way of honoring her. We have always had a close relationship and she did not have any girls. I also chose her for the points that you mentioned-guidance, faith, etc. DH chose his brother...I was not thrilled, but since to us the godparent is more of a way of honoring family and close friends, it was not worth the battle.

Dishylo · September 2013

Hmmmm I like it - choosing guardians based on who you want raising your child in the event something happens to you and then choosing a few godparents as people who are more than just "Mommy and Daddy's friend".

@peanutmuse - I'll bet that would go down a treat with the other sisters. As long as they didn't have to wear the hats...

LuGal623 · September 2013

goldenB said:

@MrsGraham06 - we are sort of in the same boat (have a godfather in mind), but not a godmother. I wonder if the Catholic church only allows one? I need to look this up, but maybe someone else knows? Or does our godparent of choice need to be Catholic at all. I am wondering because Most of my Christian friends are more 'spiritual' than my Catholic friends.
Or can I have two godfathers?

I have nothing but questions now after this thread! I don't know if you can choose only one but I do know that they need to be Catholic, if you are baptizing your baby in a Catholic church, and they also have to be "active" Catholics. Argh why so many rules!

ccip82 · September 2013

LuGal623 said:

goldenB said:

@MrsGraham06 - we are sort of in the same boat (have a godfather in mind), but not a godmother. I wonder if the Catholic church only allows one? I need to look this up, but maybe someone else knows? Or does our godparent of choice need to be Catholic at all. I am wondering because Most of my Christian friends are more 'spiritual' than my Catholic friends.
Or can I have two godfathers?

I have nothing but questions now after this thread! I don't know if you can choose only one but I do know that they need to be Catholic, if you are baptizing your baby in a Catholic church, and they also have to be "active" Catholics. Argh why so many rules!

In my Catholic church, only one of the two godparents had to be in good standing with the Church. (My aunt had to get a letter from her Catholic church). It did not matter that our other godparent was not Catholic.

jms1374 · September 2013

This is something that we are struggling with now. Our son will be baptized Catholic, so at least one of his godparents must be. None of my siblings are practicing or even acknowledge being Catholic anymore and DH's family is Lutheran. DH's best friend and his wife are Catholic and we have discussed them, but I am not nearly as close to them and we hardly see them anymore, even living only a few miles away, so I have serious concerns about that.

peanutmuse · September 2013

LuGal623 said:

I have nothing but questions now after this thread! I don't know if you can choose only one but I do know that they need to be Catholic, if you are baptizing your baby in a Catholic church, and they also have to be "active" Catholics. Argh why so many rules!

My guess would be that this is a way for the Catholic church to round up more numbers. If you really want someone to be a godparent, and they are willing to get baptized and all that to do that for you -- which isn't really a stretch -- they are Catholics for life, according to Vatican law.

alinafed · September 2013

goldenB said:

@MrsGraham06 - we are sort of in the same boat (have a godfather in mind), but not a godmother. I wonder if the Catholic church only allows one? I need to look this up, but maybe someone else knows? Or does our godparent of choice need to be Catholic at all. I am wondering because Most of my Christian friends are more 'spiritual' than my Catholic friends.
Or can I have two godfathers?

I have the same problem - DH and I have 5 brothers between us and no sisters. I'm thinking about SIL or a best friend of mine but I do really want someone Catholic so we will see (as for us they wouldn't be back-up guardians, just the religious importance). I wouldn't do two godfathers though, even if the church allowed it I bet all our brothers would be weirded out by it.

OSUWifey09 · September 2013

For me, godparents are those we would put our children in the care of in case family can't care for them anymore. My parents, then my sister, are in line to take care of our children should something happen to me and H [we will revisit that as my parents get older].

My best friend and H's best friend are JJ and Devon's godparents. For this LO, I think we are naming our sisters [we each have one] with no godfather.

mrsjenni · September 2013

I'm Catholic, DH is not, but neither of us is religious. I do, however, Baptize my kids and will send them to CCD, have them confirmed, etc as a Catholic. Although I'm not religious, I'm glad my parents did that with me. I will also provide my kids with a religious foundation and then they can decide later, if they want to pursue it further.

Anyway, we choose Godparents based, not on religion or beliefs, but who will be good role models for our kids in all aspects of life. DS1 has my little sister and her husband, DD has my older sister and her husband and DS2 has my really good friends (they're married too each other).

For this baby, we're having difficulty. We want to choose DH's sister, but she is not Catholic. Obviously that is completely fine with us, but the church requires at least ONE of the Godparents be Catholic. We are totally stuck on who to pick at this point b/c we have "run out" (so to speak) of good friends/family that are Catholic that we would actually pick to be a Godfather. We may just pick my one BIL again so that DH's sister can be Godmother... I know it's really important to her (and to us) that she have that chance. We'll see.

miam4 · September 2013

I am Catholic and I chose my brother and SIL because I know they are active in our lives. Me and DH are godparents of their youngest also.
I like the idea of giving this honor to someone that is active in our life, someone that believe on the same religion we do and that's why they are the ones.

KatelynEA90 · September 2013

We don't have godparents. Currently, if DH and I die, our DDs goes to my parents. If/When my parents aren't capable to care for them, they will choose who they go to. We trust their opinion and it would likely be one of my siblings.

goldenB · September 2013

@alinafed - so which brother will be chosen first? DH's? how would your brothers feel?

Jen4033 · September 2013

STM here. We had DS baptized Catholic as that is what both DH & I are. However, we are not exactly practicing. The Deacon at the church I went to as a child was also my Confirmation sponser back in high school & so he did the baptism for us even through the Church would have normally required you to be active members first.

I chose a best friend from high school who I know to be just an all around good hearted person. She is practicing Catholic & that was one of the requirements. DH's brother is the Godfather, but technically to the church he was only a "witness" because he isn't practicing.

I really only expect them to observe big holidays & birthdays for DS. His godmother is awesome though & sends him books & messages me on FB to check in on him. She follows his DayCare's FB page to see pics. (She recently moved to Seattle, so is long distance to us now.)

Now I need to determine who owe want to choose for this new LO. I have no idea who would fit the bill for the task this time!

goldenB · September 2013

Amylou333 said:

It depends on what purpose you feel the godparents should serve. In the traditional religious sense, it should be someone who you feel can guide LO in their spiritual/ emotional life. If less religious- some interpret 'god parent' as someone who will raise LO if anything were to happen to you. I would choose totally different people depending on what purpose you feel the god parent should serve. I.e. My sister would be a great caregiver..but not a great spiritual guide.

@amylou333 i think this is a good way of looking at it!

alinafed · September 2013

goldenB said:

@alinafed - so which brother will be chosen first? DH's? how would your brothers feel?

I think because there are 5 they will understand. I kind of think it should be balanced i.e. if we choose a godmother who's on my side the godfather should be on his or vice versa.

Plus our situation is a bit different - one of DH's brothers he is not actually related to, the other two are half-brothers he only met at 28 years old but has since become extremely close with.

Furthermore, his family aren't practising Catholics and one of his brothers is gay and wouldn't want to be involved in anything to do with the church (which I understand). So I think if anything one of my brothers might be the first choice if we do go the brother route.

miam4 · September 2013

ccip82 said:

LuGal623 said:

goldenB said:

@MrsGraham06 - we are sort of in the same boat (have a godfather in mind), but not a godmother. I wonder if the Catholic church only allows one? I need to look this up, but maybe someone else knows? Or does our godparent of choice need to be Catholic at all. I am wondering because Most of my Christian friends are more 'spiritual' than my Catholic friends.
Or can I have two godfathers?

I have nothing but questions now after this thread! I don't know if you can choose only one but I do know that they need to be Catholic, if you are baptizing your baby in a Catholic church, and they also have to be "active" Catholics. Argh why so many rules!

In my Catholic church, only one of the two godparents had to be in good standing with the Church. (My aunt had to get a letter from her Catholic church). It did not matter that our other godparent was not Catholic.

When I baptized my godson it was a pain in the **s. Here in Miami happened this to me:
I didn't know that in this country you have to be registered at the Catholic church by your house. The churches have a list of addresses where each person should register. Then, after I found out where was "my church" I went there one month before the baptism. I go to a church far from my house because it is the one I am used to go for 7 years! I went to the church I was supposed to be registered and said I needed to register because I was going to baptize a child she said that she would give me a letter after 3 MONTHS I was registered. I was mad! I went to the church I go, explained and they were mad also. They helped and I could baptize my nephew.

On the other hand: my SIL's church said "it is your child! If you trust the godparents you chose, who are we to say no?"

So, just check what the church you are planning to baptize asks...

jenblanchard3 · September 2013

We are asking my husband's brother and sister in law.

juliasmama2010 · September 2013

I don't have to worry about this as my religion doesn't honor God parents. We just have the baby dedicated saying that we will lead our child to God and show them the religious ropes, so to speak. However, I am a God parent to my nephew and I am a terrible example. I'm bad with cards and special occasions, so I'm willing to bet nephews parents wish they didn't pick me!

goldenB · September 2013

@miam4 - i'm sorry you had so much trouble with the church you were 'registered' under... Religious institutions should always have a 'we welcome you with open arms' policy, IMO.

goldenB · September 2013

@juliasmama2010 - you bring up two points i was also wondering:

a) has anyone ever declined this 'honor' of being a GM/GF

b) do you think saying yes is more of a financial burden (ie more gifts expected etc?)

goldenB · September 2013

@alinafed - you are much closer to making a decision than I am!
although, i do want to say that although someone is gay and not interested in being involved in the church, don't discount them on the godfather role because they may still think it's an honour to be asked...just saying this because I have a really good gay guy friend and he is an awesome godfather to this nephew.

HappyDoc · September 2013

Our LO will not have godparents. We will designate two of our friends (a married couple) to care for our child if something happens to DH and I. This couple has very similar values and morals, and will be very involved in our LOs life.

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