TERRIBLE TWO'S!!!

--halo-- · September 2013

I am seriously at my wits end today. Jackson has turned into a monster over the last week! He ignores me when I talk to him and refuses to respond when I ask him questions. He will not do a SINGLE thing I ask him to and when I go to help him do it he has a meltdown. He no longer stops when I tell him to, which is dangerous. He now completely ignores me when I say no, or don't touch. I will say "Do not throw that truck or I am going to take it away, do you understand?" He will say yes, and then throw the truck. Tonight we went to the duck pond and he started throwing rocks at the ducks, so DH told him to stop and that it hurts the ducks, he kept doing it, so DH told him that if we did it again we would go home, and he did it again.

He refuses to go potty with me but will go with anyone else. When he refuses to to potty before bedtime, he will wet the bed. He throws such huge fits about having to stop playing in order to get ready for bed that bedtime takes over an hour because of time outs and us trying to be patient with him.

He tells me that he does not want to be a nice person, and that he wants to be naughty, or if he does something that hurts me and I tell him, "Ouch, please don't hurt me!" He will say that he wants to hurt me.

We are very patient with him, give him plenty of warning before changing activities, use timeouts when he is out of control. Tell me that he is not the only two year old acting like this!

Cheekers2010 · September 2013

Ouch! That sounds really rough. G is having his moments like that, too. Mostly ignoring me and not doing what I ask. He is also sometimes actively defiant. I miss my sweet boy and have a feeling it's only going to get worse. I'm sorry! I hope Jackson was just tired today and tomorrow will be better.

janneann1127 · September 2013

Do we have the same kid? Mine does all that too, minus the potty stuff cause he's still in pull ups.
I'm sorry, and I know it sucks! It's really hard to be patient, esp when you're in the last trimester and all huge and uncomfortable.

Anyway you're not alone. Griffin hits us when he's upset, and when you say, I'll take that away if you do this or that, he'll say, I WANT you to take it away! Ugh. I've heard 2.5-3.5 is the real rough stage. Boy I hope that's true?!

tiffanyp · September 2013

You're not the only one. However, I don't think it's the age. I think he's acting out because you're 34 weeks pregnant and he senses the changes coming. Avery's most difficult period was a few weeks before Charlotte was born to a couple months after. She acted out against me more than other people, so I'm not surprised that Jackson won't go potty with you. I wish I had some advice for you, but we just had to ride it out. Avery is a joy lately (most of the time...) so she has definitely gotten over whatever jealousy issues she was dealing with. Hang in there!

--halo-- · September 2013

You have no idea the relief I feel just knowing that your kids are similar! Thank you for telling me I'm not the only one!

@tiffanyp I have been wondering if that is part of it too. Tonight DH almost sabotaged our potty training and told Jack that if he wouldn't go potty before bed he was going to have to wear a diaper like a baby. (Omfg why did he say that?!) So J started saying how he wanted to be a baby again and didn't want to be a big boy.

Any advice on how to help with the transition of new baby coming??

keags5496 · September 2013

I don't have any advice but I'd love to know what other STMs say. Evan is super willful and I'm sure we'll be in the same boat in a few months.

As for the terrible twos, it's about their control. If they're getting in trouble it's typical to say they want to because it makes it seem like they have control meaty strong and be consistent. Try to show as much love and attention as possible when they're being good so they don't associate attention with being bad. Good luck!

janneann1127 · September 2013

@tiffanyp - I really hope that is true because Griffin has been a PITA ever since a few months before the baby came.. And most of his aggression/willfulness is taken out on me. Hope that evens out soon!

--halo-- · September 2013

keags5496 said:
...Try to show as much love and attention as possible when they're being good so they don't associate attention with being bad. Good luck!

Thanks for reminding me of this, Keags. I've been telling DH that it seems like lately all we do is tell him no and get him in trouble. But when he's being a good boy we just kind of let him be. But I see how that is totally backwards from what we should be doing.

jarebearsmom · September 2013

Omg I could have written this! Ds is driving me crazy! And he's been kicked out of the nursery at church twice ready. Dh is ready to put him in DC because he thinks maybe his parents are spoiling him and not giving him enough structure and discipline. Glad it's not just him

keags5496 · September 2013

--halo-- said:

keags5496 said:
...Try to show as much love and attention as possible when they're being good so they don't associate attention with being bad. Good luck!

Thanks for reminding me of this, Keags. I've been telling DH that it seems like lately all we do is tell him no and get him in trouble. But when he's being a good boy we just kind of let him be. But I see how that is totally backwards from what we should be doing.

I def don't always follow my own advice either!

tiffanyp · September 2013

--halo-- said:

You have no idea the relief I feel just knowing that your kids are similar! Thank you for telling me I'm not the only one! @tiffanyp I have been wondering if that is part of it too. Tonight DH almost sabotaged our potty training and told Jack that if he wouldn't go potty before bed he was going to have to wear a diaper like a baby. (Omfg why did he say that?!) So J started saying how he wanted to be a baby again and didn't want to be a big boy. Any advice on how to help with the transition of new baby coming??

I wish I could tell you what we did right. I think certain things helped, such as trying to involve A as much as possible with the new baby. She likes to be my helper, so when she was acting out (for instance, being really loud or throwing a fit while I was trying to put C down for her nap) I would ask her to go downstairs and bring me something. Also, I kept telling her what a great big sister she was going to be and tried to get her excited about the new baby.

Once the baby came, I made the mistake of relying too much on the TV. There were days when the TV was on more often than it was off. I think Avery knew I was ignoring her, and then trying to limit TV was a huge power struggle every day. Once I set limits around the TV, she became a much more well behaved kid. I sort of structured our day around it, so she gets one show after breakfast (while I go put C down for her morning nap), one show after lunch (while I put C down for her afternoon nap) and one show before bed. She never even asks for TV outside of those times anymore, so our largest source of conflict is gone. If I could be as disciplined about meal times, then we'd be golden

I also heard some great advice recently that I wish I had implemented in the beginning when C was born. Before you go to bed every night, put out a snack and and activity for your toddler to do first thing in the morning. That way, he doesn't feel ignored when he wakes up if you are tending to the baby. I imagine he would start to get excited to find out what his little surprise activity is in the morning each day, whether it's crayons or play dough or a puzzle or something else.

missmuffin87 · September 2013

We're in the same boat. Hazel's always testing the limits, seeing how much she can get away with before we enforce the consequences. For some reason she hasn't figured out that she can't get away with anything. If we say don't step into the street or we're going inside, the second she takes her foot off the sidewalk and puts it in the street we go inside, but she still does it. It's mind boggling and very stressful. She's mean too. The other day she stole Henry's bottle that I just put down and then straight up threw it at his head! Luckily I was able to ice it right away so it didn't bruise. And I hate how adorable and well spoken she is because people think she's the bee's knees and I'm like "No, she's the devil I tell you, I'm not crazy!"

I hear 2.5-3.5 is the most difficult age and that generally 3 is worse than 2. I hope now that we are getting closer to 3 we are in the worst of it right now because I don't think I can handle things getting harder than this.

theuntaggablek · September 2013

He's definitely testing us. If we give a warning, he's definitely on the look out to see if we follow through. He's been sick a lot lately, and his behavior gets worse when he's not feeling well. But since he's in daycare, we don't deal with it all day long everyday. More power to you SAHMs!

I like the idea of putting out a special activity the night before for the older sibling. Also, S just got some new hand-me-down toys from a friend, and he's really been enjoying playing with them. Even independently! Don't break the bank, but if you can swing finding some surprise new toys in the coming weeks (from garage sales or wherever), they might be well-timed.

S decided he wanted to potty train in the week or two after newbie was born. (Looking back, it was probably attention-seeking, but somehow I missed that obvious connection). He's still in pull-ups and night and nap at home, even though he wears underwear during nap @ daycare. I'm- not sure how you feel about pull-ups, but it might be worth it for sanity with the newbie (or in the last few weeks of pregnancy).

bosha711 · September 2013

Cheekers2010 said:

Ouch! That sounds really rough. G is having his moments like that, too. Mostly ignoring me and not doing what I ask. He is also sometimes actively defiant. I miss my sweet boy and have a feeling it's only going to get worse. I'm sorry! I hope Jackson was just tired today and tomorrow will be better.

All of this. I end up in tears the days he's home with me b/c I am completely exhausted by him. Today I actually got a headache from yelling at him so much. Potty training being added into the mix just adds a whole other level to the stress.

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