Hello mommies,
Today my boy/girl twins turned 1 month - Yay to that. There's something which has been bothering me since the time my angels were born and that is how people treat and talk with me, especially people from my husband's side. I don't understand why does everyone discourage a mother of multiples saying she can't handle her babies all by herself. At the moment I have help from my in laws. They would leave in November end and I would be the only one to take care of my babies, as my husband often travels because of his job.
Everyone from my husband's side have been talking all sort of nonsense and keep discouraging me telling it is really hard to manage one baby and I wouldn't be able to manage two. It pisses me off because I know I can handle everything pretty well. I don't understand why people are so negative towards mothers of multiples. I understand that it's a tough job, and I ain't the first mother of multiples.
Can you tell me how you manage your twins all by yourself? Are there somethings I should consider buying, so that I don't have a hard time calming the twins when they cry and are crabby? I am very confident I will do a good job with them, it's just that I lose my cool whenever people talk like that and compare my motherhood to a singleton's. Please advice!
Re: Managing twins all by yourself...
Ticker/Siggy Warning: Children and losses mentioned
TTC #1 since 7/2011
ME: 37 DH: 38
SA-12/28/11-normal
HSG-1/16/12-possible blocked left tube
BFP#1---CP 7/9/12
Hysteroscopy-8/9/12-blocked left tube for sure, proceeding with IUI#1
IUI#1 (Gonal-F + trigger)=BFP#2 m/c @ 19w1d D&E 1/23/13
IUI #2 (Gonal F + trigger)=BFP#3 EDD 1/6/14 TWINS!!!
Identical girls born 11/17/13
BFP#4 EDD 8/27/15 MMC at 7w6d
BFP#5 m/c at 6w
BFP#6 EDD 10/5/16 Going Strong! It's a Girl!
My MIL (who lives out of state) said she felt much better when I said I was willing to hire help if I needed it ... but I'm pretty sure this means she will be p*ssed if I end up not hiring it. She's someone who wants to be in control of everything from hundreds of miles away and doesn't like our friends or my mother, so the idea of us depending just on them bothers her. <_< She is the only one who has acted like that though. Everyone else--friends, family, even acquaintances--have OFFERED help, which is great, and said jokingly "Oh, you're going to be busy!" But then they also say how we'll be pros before long. So that doesn't bother me.
I feel blessed because I know we're surrounded by good people.
Ditto Sing and Marchesa especially. You can do it because you have to and it sounds like you are ready to do it! Have a couple of safe places like a bouncy or a swing to soothe a cranky baby if you are tending to the other. Know that sometimes one will cry for a bit longer than you'd prefer. It's ok.
I found that getting out of the house once a day, to Target, the grocery store, lunch, the Starbucks drive thru, whatever, helped keep me sane. We started going to the library for infant story time at about 8 months. The other moms are great about helping me hold one if the other is fussy. Sometimes our outing got cut short but it's always better to get out.
B/G twins born 5/12
People also ask me the "how do you do it?" Question and I love seeing their reaction when I say,"it's a lot easier than I anticipated." And that's the truth!
You just do it. These are your babies. I made a point to shower everyday and as soon as I was able to drive we went out everyday even if it was to walk around Target or for a walk around the block. Get used to leaving the house. Join a moms group. If you are breastfeeding find a support group, I went to one at the hospital and there was always somewhere there willing to give me a helping hand while I was there. I have taken my girls on the train into NYC from CT by myself since they were 4 mos old and people think I am crazy but I think people who are afraid to live their lives because they have a baby (or two) are crazy. Babies are portable. I'm not saying it's not hard. Lots of days they cried, I cried. The dog ran away the first day I was home alone and I couldnt drive much less walk to go find him, thank god for a nice neighbor. I actually found going out helped me emotionally and my girls really seem to enjoy it. Sometimes a change of scenery is good for everyone.
Emerson Lily 6 lbs 13 oz & Ellis Willow 6 lbs 9 oz
You can do it- We live 2 hrs from my family.... My boys were in the NICU for 17 days- came home on a Monday at 7pm- my DH left for work at 5 am the next morning. So I have been doing it on my own since day 1 (well during the hours of 10pm-4pm the next day- meaning I did all night feedings and SAH with them) My DH would come home and take 3 hours so I could nap if I needed or get out and do the errands (which I really needed since my guys were born in RSV season and we didn't leave the house with them from Nov-March- except Dr appts.)
Items that I found helpful were - bouncy seats (2), RNP (2), and boppies- later was the jumperoo. My guys were easy babies- STTN at 12 weeks and were easy to soothe- no colic and Nick's reflux was minor. I also found a good schedule was key- they ate every 4 hours when awake, we did the up 2 hours then time to sleep- so they started to take 3 - two hour naps until they were 9 months old- then they went to 2 - two hours..... So yeah I think my guys were easy babies.
I totally agree! Once I took the plunge and handled the twins plus my 2yo by myself, I was good. I just needed the boost to my confidence to have a successful day. I also took the kids out when I had help often, so i could get used to doing it and have the extra hands available just in case. Because I had my singleton first, the baby care of the twins is a piece of cake, because I know what to do from my first. It just takes longer. My main issues have been logistics, but they have been overcome for the most part
TTC since May 2006. After 3 failed Clomid cycles, 2 failed Injectibles/IUIs, 2 failed IVFs and 1 failed FET, we moved on to adoption!
Last ditch FET resulted in BFP, and identical twin girls!
And people cannot believe a breast feed. I just say, do you want to wash all those bottles? Popping on a boob is way easier.
It's hard to take it in sometimes. I get really offended. And how do these people think I can afford 4 kids and a personal nanny when I'm not working?!
Now I'm all worked up!
You can do it and you'll be fine. Yeah, babies will cry a little long. Yes, you will feel overwhelmed some days. But they grow fast. And I love my girls and have so much fun with them already at 2 months. It's fine!
Christian Alexander - 11/13/06
Amelia Rose & Owen Thomas - 3/29/11
I'm expecting my MIL to do the same, stating that she NEEDS to be there to help. That I NEEEEEED to have her there because I just can't take care of 2 babies. I tell you, I'll totally lose it before allowing that to happen. No, I'm not saying that I won't accept help if needed, but I won't allow someone to tell me that I need their help (with the exception of my hubby and son). (she's controlling, taking credit for raising my step son because they'd babysit for 2 nights every 4 months or so when my hubby had to go out of town for work) If I am in need of help there are plenty of people I will turn to, but I am determined to attempt this without their help. If nothing else, to prove to myself that I can. I'm stubborn, what can I say?
And I'm stubborn as well.
Christian Alexander - 11/13/06
Amelia Rose & Owen Thomas - 3/29/11