Managing twins all by yourself...

Snugly Ael · September 2013

Hello mommies,

Today my boy/girl twins turned 1 month - Yay to that. There's something which has been bothering me since the time my angels were born and that is how people treat and talk with me, especially people from my husband's side. I don't understand why does everyone discourage a mother of multiples saying she can't handle her babies all by herself. At the moment I have help from my in laws. They would leave in November end and I would be the only one to take care of my babies, as my husband often travels because of his job.

Everyone from my husband's side have been talking all sort of nonsense and keep discouraging me telling it is really hard to manage one baby and I wouldn't be able to manage two. It pisses me off because I know I can handle everything pretty well. I don't understand why people are so negative towards mothers of multiples. I understand that it's a tough job, and I ain't the first mother of multiples.

Can you tell me how you manage your twins all by yourself? Are there somethings I should consider buying, so that I don't have a hard time calming the twins when they cry and are crabby? I am very confident I will do a good job with them, it's just that I lose my cool whenever people talk like that and compare my motherhood to a singleton's. Please advice!

daisy19782011 · September 2013

I was just talking to MH about this yesterday, b/c his side of the family is always like, "Ya'll are going to need alot of help!" They even are talking about renting an apartment by us b/c they think they will be here so much...what??? I know it will be hard, but many have done it before us, so I think we will be fine. I find it kind of offensive actually!

LALASEPT05 · September 2013

Confidence is 80% of it I think. For me I lacked the confidence to handle it myself for a while. But I did eventually get there. If you feel like you can do it - then don't let anyone second guess you.

jezebel57 · September 2013

i know what you mean- i had a relative of DH's offer to send us a "baby nurse"/nanny for five 24 hour stints. do they think we can't do it ourselves? i am all for help a few hours a day when needed but it's nice to be left alone and just be a family doing it together ya know?

TobieRose · September 2013

I have been considering hiring a post-partum doula ... my mom will be around as much as a I want but with two babies and a toddler, I feel like I wouldn't mind someone to do the laundry and housecleaning for awhile, plus help with any breastfeeding issues etc.

My MIL (who lives out of state) said she felt much better when I said I was willing to hire help if I needed it ... but I'm pretty sure this means she will be p*ssed if I end up not hiring it. She's someone who wants to be in control of everything from hundreds of miles away and doesn't like our friends or my mother, so the idea of us depending just on them bothers her. <_< She is the only one who has acted like that though. Everyone else--friends, family, even acquaintances--have OFFERED help, which is great, and said jokingly "Oh, you're going to be busy!" But then they also say how we'll be pros before long. So that doesn't bother me.

I feel blessed because I know we're surrounded by good people.

kellibelle0417 · September 2013

I have been on my own during the work week when DH is at work and at times it is really hard. It is getting easier as we figure out our routine and it helps to get out of the house for a walk every day. I went upstairs to do laundry this morning while the twins were asleep in the living room. You can't hear anything in this house when you are in a different room/floor but I was hoping they would be ok. I came back down and my boy was screaming his head off

we will be setting up a monitor downstairs tonight. I also haven't had a shower yet. Some days I'm able to take a quick one. I think for me it would be nice to have someone come by every day (or a few days a week) for 2 hours so I could shower and get a couple of things done. I have gotten better at being ok with letting them fuss/cry if I have to attend to the other twin. I try to do my best to comfort them. Rock-n-plays are awesome for the living room! They make it easy to keep the twins close to you if you are on the couch and to pick them both up if needed. I also can nurse one while rocking the other in the rnp with my foot. Also, get a baby carrier! We just inherited the bjorn from my SIL. It is amazing being able to wear one twin if needed. Set up your station in the living room with everything you need during feeding time. It is very helpful. Lastly, if you do any bottle feeding, prep bottles or formula the night before. We have had to do some supplementing and prep a formula pitcher the night before. definitely a double stroller for walks. Those are the key things.

raraavis28 · September 2013

Don't let the naysayers get you down! You SO can do it....and you will because you have to lol. PPs have some great advice; having a swing and/or bouncy seat and a good carrier is very helpful. Also ditto @kellibelle0417 on the organizational tips and @sing4mysavior on the housekeeping; focus on taking care of the babies and don't feel like you have to spend their sleeping time making the house look perfect or fixing a gourmet dinner. Make sure you take some "you time" every day (even if it's just getting a hot shower while DH watches the babies) to replenish your physical and emotional energy. You will have good days and bad days but it won't take long for your confidence to build as you figure out your routine and what works for you and your LOs. Good luck, mama--you've got this!

rn8 · September 2013

Ditto Sing and Marchesa especially. You can do it because you have to and it sounds like you are ready to do it! Have a couple of safe places like a bouncy or a swing to soothe a cranky baby if you are tending to the other. Know that sometimes one will cry for a bit longer than you'd prefer. It's ok.

I found that getting out of the house once a day, to Target, the grocery store, lunch, the Starbucks drive thru, whatever, helped keep me sane. We started going to the library for infant story time at about 8 months. The other moms are great about helping me hold one if the other is fussy. Sometimes our outing got cut short but it's always better to get out.

staceymack · September 2013

My twins are 3 weeks old. I've been flying solo since Friday. I just find ways to make it work. Also I'm still figuring out what works and what doesn't. My living room looks like it has thrown up the baby store with rock n plays, swing, bouncer, pack n play, etc. House work has been very minimal since I'm still recovering.

Lil Kate · September 2013

No advice just that I manage my 5 yo 3 yo and 3 month twins on my own.... Not everyday but It's doable just need a schedule.

JordynLeighx3 · September 2013

You will be fine! We were discharged on a Saturday and I was alone with them that very following Monday until they were 12 weeks old. My mom came over the second day and left early after saying "well I don't know what I'm here for, other than snuggles, you don't seem to need my help!"

People also ask me the "how do you do it?" Question and I love seeing their reaction when I say,"it's a lot easier than I anticipated." And that's the truth!

Toni828 · September 2013

The other day a lady told me that I make it look easy to have twins! Well, it is hard, but as others have said, "you can do it because you have to". That's the bottom line. For me, I don't know anything different and I sometimes think to myself, "what are these ladies with singletons crying about?". LOL - Once you can get a good routine down that will help a lot! We had RNPs in the beginning and they were awesome!

bumpuser924057 · September 2013

I put DS1 in preschool two full days a week, and I have help from my mom, but she generally helps by taking DS1 on a couple of the days where he's not in school. So while I can't say that I do it all on my own, I am almost always the one dealing with the twins by myself.

I'm lucky - so far, they've been MUCH easier babies than DS was. Neither seems to have an issue with reflux, at least not the way he did, and they sleep well at night. I often feel like these two are easier to handle than he was on his own.

As for tips, tricks, and logistics... I went out and bought a second baby swing once I realized that both babies actually like it. That was a game changer - now when they fall asleep nursing, I can actually move them into a swing and they often will stay asleep for a bit! I also have little baby-holding appliances hanging out all over the house; we have a couple of secondhand Infant to Toddler Rockers, a bouncer, an activity mat, and since DS isn't using his space saver high chair anymore, I set it to recline all the way back so that I can keep whichever baby is fussiest at the table with me if necessary.

I use my stroller all the time - I'd never be able to leave the house without it. I keep a Boppy in the car to make it easier to nurse on the go. I eat lunch from fast-food drive-thrus at least a couple times a week; the car tends to put them to sleep, and I need to feed myself if my body's going to be able to make enough food for both of them, so if I have to scarf down a cheeseburger while driving in order to have a meal that day, then so be it.

Try not to feel too guilty about the crying. You will hear so much from singleton moms about how "crying it out" is going to destroy your poor child's psyche and that no baby should ever be left to cry for any length of time ever. Well, guess what - they outnumber you, and sometimes it is physically impossible to meet everyone's needs at the same time, so one of them will have to cry for a bit while you tend to the other. No one is harmed irreparably from a few minutes of crying; I just pick the loudest/angriest/hungriest one and deal with them first, then put them down and take care of the other baby, and switch back and forth as necessary until everyone's calm again. Those are the times where it would really help to have an extra set of hands, but you do what you can with what you have, you know?

You'll do fine.

JodiAriel · September 2013

I have been alone basically from the first week. We came home from the hospital on a Thursday and DH went back to work Monday. My mom was there 2 days that first week and that was it. DH works 2 jobs as well so some days he is gone from 7am-5pm and then again from 8pm-1am.

You just do it. These are your babies. I made a point to shower everyday and as soon as I was able to drive we went out everyday even if it was to walk around Target or for a walk around the block. Get used to leaving the house. Join a moms group. If you are breastfeeding find a support group, I went to one at the hospital and there was always somewhere there willing to give me a helping hand while I was there. I have taken my girls on the train into NYC from CT by myself since they were 4 mos old and people think I am crazy but I think people who are afraid to live their lives because they have a baby (or two) are crazy. Babies are portable. I'm not saying it's not hard. Lots of days they cried, I cried. The dog ran away the first day I was home alone and I couldnt drive much less walk to go find him, thank god for a nice neighbor. I actually found going out helped me emotionally and my girls really seem to enjoy it. Sometimes a change of scenery is good for everyone.

chickaboo1974 · September 2013

You can do it- We live 2 hrs from my family.... My boys were in the NICU for 17 days- came home on a Monday at 7pm- my DH left for work at 5 am the next morning. So I have been doing it on my own since day 1 (well during the hours of 10pm-4pm the next day- meaning I did all night feedings and SAH with them) My DH would come home and take 3 hours so I could nap if I needed or get out and do the errands (which I really needed since my guys were born in RSV season and we didn't leave the house with them from Nov-March- except Dr appts.)

Items that I found helpful were - bouncy seats (2), RNP (2), and boppies- later was the jumperoo. My guys were easy babies- STTN at 12 weeks and were easy to soothe- no colic and Nick's reflux was minor. I also found a good schedule was key- they ate every 4 hours when awake, we did the up 2 hours then time to sleep- so they started to take 3 - two hour naps until they were 9 months old- then they went to 2 - two hours..... So yeah I think my guys were easy babies.

meechellebelle · September 2013

It's doable and don't let anyone tell you that you can't handle it. Those first few months are tough and you're learning to adjust. Your life will be easier if you can get them on a good schedule but sometimes that's easier said than done. Get out when you can - go for walks, go to the mall, visit friends and family- it will break your day up. My DH works overnights and is gone for 15 hours at a time and then needs to sleep so it's me and the boys a lot. Ask for help when you need it. But it gets much easier! My boys are 7 months old now and it's such a fun age. I would be lying if i said i dont look forward to the next nap but life is much easier. I honestly hated the first 2 months, it wasn't for me, but this age is great and it will fly by!

kgs0505 · September 2013

LALASEPT05 said:

Confidence is 80% of it I think. For me I lacked the confidence to handle it myself for a while. But I did eventually get there. If you feel like you can do it - then don't let anyone second guess you.

I totally agree! Once I took the plunge and handled the twins plus my 2yo by myself, I was good. I just needed the boost to my confidence to have a successful day. I also took the kids out when I had help often, so i could get used to doing it and have the extra hands available just in case. Because I had my singleton first, the baby care of the twins is a piece of cake, because I know what to do from my first. It just takes longer. My main issues have been logistics, but they have been overcome for the most part

ceechie · September 2013

I hear this everyday. Even have a friend, who only has one kid, who would text me daily to see if I was "ok". She always made it seem like we were nut jobs for having 4 kids. Would bring over dinner, which is great, but never asked if we really needed it. So, the meals I had planed and shopped for would go bad. I finally told her they are babies, not a terrorist organization. And that we meal plan and shop on Sundays. If you want to help with dinner id love it, but you have to let me know! She even just texted me that on our girls night she doesn't want to keep me out to late! Isn't that my choice? And my dh isn't an idiot!
And people cannot believe a breast feed. I just say, do you want to wash all those bottles? Popping on a boob is way easier.
It's hard to take it in sometimes. I get really offended. And how do these people think I can afford 4 kids and a personal nanny when I'm not working?!
Now I'm all worked up!
You can do it and you'll be fine. Yeah, babies will cry a little long. Yes, you will feel overwhelmed some days. But they grow fast. And I love my girls and have so much fun with them already at 2 months. It's fine!

mamatotwins0812 · September 2013

Ditto exactly what @rn8 and @mrslee04 said. The swings were a huge help for me! I flew solo from day 1. We lived very far from relatives and DH had just started a new job so was very limited on his time home. It was VERY tough at times, but in the end I think it only made me stronger and more confident with them now. Definitely try to get out once a day if you can...even a walk around the block counts. We did something each day and it helped me tremendously and got them to be great in the car/stroller. When I was pg, my mil used to ask me, quite literally, how I was going to handle 2 babies. My answer was always "I have no idea, but I dont have a choice so ill figure it out". To respond to your question, i think the discouragement comes from an odd type of jealousy and makes people feel needed (kind of like the old addage about putting someone else down to make yourself feel better...). Either way, its unnecessary and frustrating for us. It can def be insulting but keep your chin up bc you CAN and WILL do it!! Us MoMs are superheroes

. Good luck mama- you got this!

kari.sandall · September 2013

It takes getting used to but you can do it on your own. Some days are better than others but it is very doable.

megs2011 · September 2013

I have help everyday but that's because my parents want to be here when they can. In the beginning DH and I took shifts at night so we were dealing with the babies alone. Its doable. Its hard and you'll be tired but its doable.

MrsCali_Bride · September 2013

My MIL made similar comments when I was pregnant. I'm the type of person that doesn't like being told that she can't/won't be able to do something and I will do everything in my power to prove them wrong. My MIL was sure that I would need extra help once my husband went back to work shortly after the twins turned 2 weeks old. I never once asked for extra help and I've been doing it by myself daily for nearly 2.5 years. Don't let them discourage you. Prove them wrong. You can do it. Good luck, Mama!

JoDoc · September 2013

MrsCali_Bride said:

My MIL made similar comments when I was pregnant. I'm the type of person that doesn't like being told that she can't/won't be able to do something and I will do everything in my power to prove them wrong. My MIL was sure that I would need extra help once my husband went back to work shortly after the twins turned 2 weeks old. I never once asked for extra help and I've been doing it by myself daily for nearly 2.5 years. Don't let them discourage you. Prove them wrong. You can do it. Good luck, Mama!

I'm expecting my MIL to do the same, stating that she NEEDS to be there to help. That I NEEEEEED to have her there because I just can't take care of 2 babies. I tell you, I'll totally lose it before allowing that to happen. No, I'm not saying that I won't accept help if needed, but I won't allow someone to tell me that I need their help (with the exception of my hubby and son). (she's controlling, taking credit for raising my step son because they'd babysit for 2 nights every 4 months or so when my hubby had to go out of town for work) If I am in need of help there are plenty of people I will turn to, but I am determined to attempt this without their help. If nothing else, to prove to myself that I can. I'm stubborn, what can I say?

MrsCali_Bride · September 2013

JoDoc - Luckily my MIL lives nearly 3000 miles away and they waited until the twins were nearly two months to come out to visit. At the time my parents lived about 75 miles away and I guess my MIL expected me to ask my mom for help. She was also the one that kept asking my husband what we were going to do if I ended up on bed rest (never happened) since we have an older son and my husband pretty much told her, "The doctors have not said anything about bed rest. We trust them. We'll deal with it if/when it comes to that."

And I'm stubborn as well.

Scorpgirl444 · September 2013

I've been a single mom since they were 8 months. So it's been just about 6 months now. I'm not going to lie...it's hard. Right now, I'm battling a cold that has it's intense moments. I can't go out to get one thing if it's needed. I mean, I *can* but I have to decide if it's worth it.

Mine are walking but so far just from the apt door to the car and even that distance can be a challenge but they are insistent on walking and not being held.

The typical day to day stuff isn't that hard. You get used to feeding and find ways to make it faster and easier for yourself. We do spend most of the day inside unless we have a play date with the local MoMs group. I don't go out to eat by myself. I'd never eat my own food if I did that. They are very well behaved but my son eats so fast he always needs more. I never get a chance to eat!

It's possible and doable and I know you can do it. Don't get discouraged and definitely don't let anyone who hasn't done it themselves, tell you that you can't.

Snugly Ael · September 2013

Thank you so much mommies. Y'all always make me feel good, and this is the main reason why I always love to turn to y'all. Y'all are honest and always encourage me. I'm so happy to be a part of this... May God bless you all and your families. :x

Managing twins all by yourself...

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