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September 2013 Moms
imakeeff0rts
member
What the actual?....Semi-BR
imakeeff0rts
member
No, I'm not about to ask if I'm in labor or if I've lost my mucus plug. I will, however, say that there are some touchy subjects in this post. Fair warning.
I've sort of mentioned my aunt's creepy husband before, but ugh. I got a facebook message from him just a few minutes ago, and I'm not really sure how to handle it. He's never contacted me before, so I didn't really think about blocking him or anything. Now, though...
Background: My aunt married this guy in the early/mid-2000s...much to everyone's dismay. He's creepy. He gives out the rapist vibe (and I've been raped, so that's saying a lot). He's wildly inappropriate (my aunt is one of five girls, and he makes sexual comments about my aunt, my mom, and their three sisters as well as their daughters who are all grown). He's way too touchy-feely, he's Christian only when it can help him establish his superiority over women. He believes that he knows better than everyone else about everything - for example, he made decisions about his granddaughter's safety while in his care that went directly against what the child's mother (his daughter) expressed to him and then told her that she's controlling her daughter which is worse than the physical abuse that she suffered at the hands of her stepmother. Basically, there's a reason that none of his children are on speaking terms with him anymore. In fact, his own siblings won't have anything to do with him. He's a real winner.
At my baby shower (we didn't know that my aunt was bringing him...), he told me twice that he wanted to come to my home immediately after my son is born. The first time I ignored it, the second time I pretty much said "Fuck no." I thought that handled the situation, but apparently not. My aunt has finally started to see his crazy and made a decision to separate. As far as I know, she's seeking a lawyer to make their split a permanent. I don't have a relationship with this guy - I do my best to ignore him, and have several times told EXACTLY what I think of him (usually after he crosses some kind of boundary), so I really can't fathom why he thinks that I want him around my kid.
Anyway, here's the message (names and other identifying info edited out):
eff0rts,
Your due date is marked on my calendar. I am in the process of making arrangements that would allow me to come one week before your due date and stay until I feel that you and [your husband] have gained an adequate enough grasp of parenthood. I need your address so that I can be there. I am planning on getting there sometime on the 23rd. As I will probably be staying for a while, I think that a hotel would be far too expensive. I'm sure that your parents won't mind getting a hotel since they're only staying for a short time. Because you said that you aren't planning on using a doula, I'd like to be in the delivery room with you and [your husband] so that I can baptize [your son] as soon as he's born, to supervise the medical staff, and to make sure that he's not vaccinated. As you know, I have many children and grandchildren and have been in the delivery room to witness all of their births. [Your aunt] will not be coming with me, as I'm sure that you've heard that we are currently separated. I'm sure having us both there during this tense time will be awkward for everyone.
I have found a church in the area that mirrors my beliefs. I have contacted the lead pastor and have started working on arrangements for them to visit your home as well. They will bring food to your home, hold bible studies in your living room, and offer marital counseling to you and [your husband].
Please respond to my message with your and [your husband's] contact numbers, address, and directions to [military post].
Sincerely,
Creepy, boundary-stomping mofo
Just reading that makes me want to stomp his face in. What the fuck is he thinking? He must be high. That's the only rational explanation for...that. On one hand, I want to ignore this because nothing that I can say can convey to this person (or anyone else for that matter) how much he is hated. On the other, I feel as though should he show up, it might be a good idea to provide the MPs with written proof that I told him to fuck off. I was thinking something like this:
"Creepy guy:
You are not welcome in my home, in the delivery room, near my family.You will NEVER see my child. EVER. DH and I DO NOT want you here. I will inform the post commander's office that you have no business here. If you somehow manage to find my home, or my hospital, I will immediately call the police."
What do you think? Because I'm at a loss. This message is...wow.
ETA:
- he's not ordained in anything but crazy. So I don't want him baptizing my kid.
- my mom is getting here a week before my EDD, and staying for one month total.
- we're getting DS vaccinated.
- why he thinks he knows more than the medical staff attending the birth of my child is beyond me. He's a programmer that can't hold a job because he's THAT crazy.
- "until I feel that you and your husband have an adequate grasp of parenting"...Yes. Because obviously your parenting skills worked out for you.
- his existence is awkward for everyone.
- I don't want people in my house shouting in tongues, putting their hands all over my family, and generally weirding me out, invading my space, and overstaying a non-existent welcome.
The audacity of this message floors me.
I've sort of mentioned my aunt's creepy husband before, but ugh. I got a facebook message from him just a few minutes ago, and I'm not really sure how to handle it. He's never contacted me before, so I didn't really think about blocking him or anything. Now, though...
Background: My aunt married this guy in the early/mid-2000s...much to everyone's dismay. He's creepy. He gives out the rapist vibe (and I've been raped, so that's saying a lot). He's wildly inappropriate (my aunt is one of five girls, and he makes sexual comments about my aunt, my mom, and their three sisters as well as their daughters who are all grown). He's way too touchy-feely, he's Christian only when it can help him establish his superiority over women. He believes that he knows better than everyone else about everything - for example, he made decisions about his granddaughter's safety while in his care that went directly against what the child's mother (his daughter) expressed to him and then told her that she's controlling her daughter which is worse than the physical abuse that she suffered at the hands of her stepmother. Basically, there's a reason that none of his children are on speaking terms with him anymore. In fact, his own siblings won't have anything to do with him. He's a real winner.
At my baby shower (we didn't know that my aunt was bringing him...), he told me twice that he wanted to come to my home immediately after my son is born. The first time I ignored it, the second time I pretty much said "Fuck no." I thought that handled the situation, but apparently not. My aunt has finally started to see his crazy and made a decision to separate. As far as I know, she's seeking a lawyer to make their split a permanent. I don't have a relationship with this guy - I do my best to ignore him, and have several times told EXACTLY what I think of him (usually after he crosses some kind of boundary), so I really can't fathom why he thinks that I want him around my kid.
Anyway, here's the message (names and other identifying info edited out):
eff0rts,
Your due date is marked on my calendar. I am in the process of making arrangements that would allow me to come one week before your due date and stay until I feel that you and [your husband] have gained an adequate enough grasp of parenthood. I need your address so that I can be there. I am planning on getting there sometime on the 23rd. As I will probably be staying for a while, I think that a hotel would be far too expensive. I'm sure that your parents won't mind getting a hotel since they're only staying for a short time. Because you said that you aren't planning on using a doula, I'd like to be in the delivery room with you and [your husband] so that I can baptize [your son] as soon as he's born, to supervise the medical staff, and to make sure that he's not vaccinated. As you know, I have many children and grandchildren and have been in the delivery room to witness all of their births. [Your aunt] will not be coming with me, as I'm sure that you've heard that we are currently separated. I'm sure having us both there during this tense time will be awkward for everyone.
I have found a church in the area that mirrors my beliefs. I have contacted the lead pastor and have started working on arrangements for them to visit your home as well. They will bring food to your home, hold bible studies in your living room, and offer marital counseling to you and [your husband].
Please respond to my message with your and [your husband's] contact numbers, address, and directions to [military post].
Sincerely,
Creepy, boundary-stomping mofo
Just reading that makes me want to stomp his face in. What the fuck is he thinking? He must be high. That's the only rational explanation for...that. On one hand, I want to ignore this because nothing that I can say can convey to this person (or anyone else for that matter) how much he is hated. On the other, I feel as though should he show up, it might be a good idea to provide the MPs with written proof that I told him to fuck off. I was thinking something like this:
"Creepy guy:
You are not welcome in my home, in the delivery room, near my family.You will NEVER see my child. EVER. DH and I DO NOT want you here. I will inform the post commander's office that you have no business here. If you somehow manage to find my home, or my hospital, I will immediately call the police."
What do you think? Because I'm at a loss. This message is...wow.
ETA:
- he's not ordained in anything but crazy. So I don't want him baptizing my kid.
- my mom is getting here a week before my EDD, and staying for one month total.
- we're getting DS vaccinated.
- why he thinks he knows more than the medical staff attending the birth of my child is beyond me. He's a programmer that can't hold a job because he's THAT crazy.
- "until I feel that you and your husband have an adequate grasp of parenting"...Yes. Because obviously your parenting skills worked out for you.
- his existence is awkward for everyone.
- I don't want people in my house shouting in tongues, putting their hands all over my family, and generally weirding me out, invading my space, and overstaying a non-existent welcome.
The audacity of this message floors me.
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This discussion has been closed.
Re: What the actual?....Semi-BR
I also know a creepy molester guy like that. Just completely gives me the wrong vibe.
Good luck. Sorry you have to deal with that crap!
Dear Family Member-
This message is to serve notice that if you contact myself, any of my family, acquaintances, (including professional and personal) it will be considered harassment and further action will be sought out. You are no longer allowed to contact any of the above mentioned for any reason.
Signed-
you
don't waste your energy stooping to their level. Just be blunt, and then block him. He's no longer a member of your family if your aunt is finally leaving him.
The fucking law sucks and that's bullshit!
I agree with @IrishPiratess , be blunt and cut ties. Ick.
FTR - the only person that I'm related to that ever claimed his as family is my aunt.
My jaw is still hanging open. I just...ugh. I just can't with this.
I wouldn't validate anything he says with any type of a response at all.
like I said. send it and then block it. Feel free to even take the message with you and post it to the medical staff so they are aware of what's going on. Even if they are telling you that it doesn't yet warrant a RO, you have the documentation that it's against your wishes/family wishes for him to be there
I agree with you, though - if I hadn't received it in my inbox and spent 20 minutes reading it to make sure that I was reading it correctly, I wouldn't have believed it. I still kind of don't. How does ANYONE think that any part of this is ok?
I think your response to him is adequate. Block him after that, and inform all your relatives that he has contact with that you are frightened of him, and he is not to be given any information about you, your home, when you go into labour, where you give birth, your baby, etc. Make sure they all understand what a freak this guy is (though, it seems everyone does understand).
Best of luck, and I'm so sorry you have to deal with this complete lunatic at what should be a really exciting and happy time. This is when you're trying to prepare your nest to be the safest happiest it can possibly be for your new arrival. Work extra hard these next few hours/days to ensure it stays that way.
We're one and done!
That is beyond creepy.
I think that the message from @IrishPiratess is good. You can probably put something together that is a combo of what you have and what she suggested.
Jamie
The only other way that I could get him banned from post is if he makes a threat. In that event, I have to print everything out and take it directly to the post commander's office.
BFP #1 4/29/12 m/c 5/18/12 at 6w2d
BFP #2 8/28/12 EDD 5/10/13 MC 9/22/12 at 6w4d
BFP #3 12/31/12 EDD 9/12/13
Me Dx: DOR DH: all tests normal
Our Pretty Little Nest Blog
I've had some experiences with this similar type of crazy and it is intense to say the least. Hard to talk sense into him, impossible to be blunt enough. Thank God he doesn't have your contact into and address. Maybe put your family on alert so that no one gives him information accidentally.
Sorry your dealing with this, keep us updated! I'm curious to hear what his reply will be.
Dear Family Member-
This message is to serve notice that if you contact myself, any of my family, acquaintances, (including professional and personal) it will be considered harassment and further action will be sought out. You are no longer allowed to contact any of the above mentioned for any reason.
Signed-
you
I just have to add that I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I don't know what I'd do or think. I'd be beside myself.
Here's what I sent:
Creepy guy-
This message is to serve notice that if you contact myself, any of my family, acquaintances, (including professional and personal) it will be considered harassment and further action will be sought out. You are no longer allowed to contact any of the above mentioned for any reason. Furthermore, the post authorities have been notified that you are not welcome. You will be denied access should you arrive here.
Signed-
eff0rts
I don't know if he's online or not (I'm not friends with him), so I'll wait until it shows that he's read it and then block him.
BFP 01/05/2013. EDD 09/18/2013. Low Progesterone. Gestational Diabetes. Rh Negative. Baby Ky-Mani born 100% healthy 09/17/2013. TTC#2 12/2013. BFP 02/01/2014! "Baby RaggaMuffin" due 10/07/2014.
Unfortunately, there are only three local hospitals. I called them just a few minutes ago and had them add that information to my chart. We're registered as private. The only other family member that knows where I'm giving birth is my mom because she's going to be here one week before my EDD to take me in case my husband is flying and can't. My dad doesn't even know where I'm giving birth, neither do DH's parents, either.
Homeslice is just...nufking futs. There's no other way to describe him. I REALLY want to C&P the e-mail that he sent to his daughter. It's...pretty unbelievable. Even moreso than this.
Edit for typo.
Definitely keep us updated!
Basically, he's going to find us and kill us, and take my child, even if that means shooting up a military base. Sooo....looks like I'm getting that RO after all.