Demanding age?

theuntaggablek · September 2013

Dh &I just had a talk about how he's feeling stressed keeping up w/2 kids + work. S wants someone playing with him every moment he's awake. Generally, we do. I thought that was normal. Dh thinks that lots of parents don't do that. He also said, and I think he's right, that our 2.5 yr old is as demanding as our 2.5 month old. Is your Dec. 2010 kid playing by him/herself?
How do you find time for parents to get downtime, if you do?

babycakes · September 2013

I don't know if DS1 and DS2 are as equally demanding but most of the time I find DS1 being more difficult in general. He usually doesn't like to play alone and we do play with him a lot but sometimes I just have to tell him that I'm busy and he has to play by himself. Sometimes he complains, sometimes he gets it and plays by himself. It would be awesome if my boys could play with each other but it always ends in fighting and tears so I have to watch them if they do play together. I think its actually important for LOs to have some independent play.

If I need my boys to play without me, I try to set something up for them rather than letting them figure something out on their own. Like, if I need to cook dinner, I'll ask them if they want to play trains. Then I'll set up the tracks on their table. Or if they want to read, I'll take out a bunch of books and throw them on the floor.

Our downtime usually happens after supper time and maybe this is flameworthy but we'll turn the tv on. The boys might watch or sometimes they just go off and play other things if they get bored. This is why I try and not watch tv during the day anymore cause I know it'll be on in the evening. Or our real downtime is after the boys fall asleep at night. Like right now lol. I'm bumping while DH watches a movie.

Serendipity117 · September 2013

O is pretty independent and plays by himself quite a bit. Plus he has G to play with. If he wants to play with us it's usually for books or when he's playing kitchen or something like that. For the most part though, he does his own thing.

Since I work with this age I can definitely say there is a big range in independent play, some do it-some don't. If you're concerned you could try setting aside some time every day where he has to play and entertain himself. Honestly though, kids are like adults. Some just like to interact with people more than others.

ETA: G is way more demanding than O. She's a big mamas girl. If she's not on me then she's by me. If she's not by me then she is looking for me. She does not have the same independent nature as her brother. I'm scared for when #3 comes...

bosha711 · September 2013

DD is way more independent than DS is!

DS does play with his trains solo for a good amount of time & doesn't specifically ask for me to play with him, but he constantly asks me to come look at what he made or asks me to help with something.

Sadly watching tv is the only thing that allows me to cook or clean or just take a quick break from him.

It sucks our house isn't open layout at all & can't allow him to go play up in his room it down in the basement unsupervised yet.

AllieMag24 · September 2013

DD1 is definitely more demanding than ever before - hard to know if that's about being 2.5 or about having a baby sister. I think some of both! She's pretty good about playing by herself, usually with puzzles, trains, blocks, etc., but the big trouble now is that DD2 (almost 8 mos) is really mobile and touching all of DD1s toys. So a lot of the attention that we spend these days is on trying to help DD1 chill out about that.

With regard to down time - honestly, that is only after 10pm when both kids are asleep, dishes and bottles are washed, and lunches are made. We used to get nap time free on the weekends, but now that DD1 has stopped napping, that's gone. Boo.

EVM1216 · September 2013

DD will play by herself, but she prefers not to. I get the "but mommy I want to do x with you!" a lot. If I need to be alone to shower or get something done I can guarantee she'll keep busy by letting her play on my phone, other times are hit or miss.

janneann1127 · September 2013

DS1 is way more demanding than the baby around here. However, I can easily keep the toddler occupied with the iPad or a TV show. Not so much with the baby. I find that he will play well on his own when it's just me at home with him, but if my husband is home, he is much more demanding about having daddy come outside to play. Luckily we have a very open floor plan and double sliding doors to the outside so he can play outside while I am inside pretty well. I think you'll see there's a pretty wide range of independence at this age. I understand where your husband is coming from though OP -, we just added baby #2 to the mix a month ago, and it's been one of the most trying months of my life. I think I've cried every day. Hopefully it gets better as they gets older and play together!!

theuntaggablek · September 2013

Thanks for your thoughts on this. I'm glad S isn't the only one who doesn't play much by himself. I've been watching your responses, but have only had a chance to reply until now. Our TV is in the basement, (by my own wishes, since I didn't want him to watch it all the time), which means that if he's watching, I need to be down there with him, instead of in the kitchen making dinner or tending Alden - there are some tools and things that I wouldn't want him to get into. But maybe it would be worth it for a few stints these days with a little guy around.

I think what's killing us is just the adjustment to life with two. With one attention-demanding kid, we could give each other a few hours of alone time on the weekends. Often, we used it to catch up on our jobs. But now that we have two, it's harder to do that and DH and I are feeling the pinch. We do our best to help give each other free time, but it's harder. I slipped out to go for a 1/2 hour run on Sunday during S's nap, and he woke up while I was gone. He was playing by himself when I got home, since dad was upstairs changing a diaper. He ran to me and said "Mama, where were you!?!? I missed you so much!" Which is sort-of endearing, but sort-of also explains why it's hard to get away even for 1/2 an hour.

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