Loss Check In

Mrs Nice · September 2013

Welcome to our checkin!

I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

QOTW: Is there any advice you would give to a new loss mom? What are some things that you wished someone had told you about when you lost your LO?

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

princezjk · September 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Just continuing with my counseling and IRL support group. Focusing on conquering the guilt I feel so I can move on from that aspect and come to a better place of acceptance.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? My biggest goal right now is getting healthy and dropping some pounds. I know that being overweight was a risk factor for losing Izzie, so as we move forward and think about TTCAL, I want to be as healthy as possible.

QOTW: Is there any advice you would give to a new loss mom? What are some things that you wished someone had told you about when you lost your LO? I think one of the best pieces of advice/warnings I received was that the hard days are going to blindside you. You may think you are doing great and then BAM! you aren't. And that is okay. Take the time you need, when you need it.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Always my Izzie

bunnybun4 · September 2013

((Hugs)) to anyone that needs them this week.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? i think I have just maintained this week...last week was awful so I think I am still recovering from that! no steps back though.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? drop a few more pounds

Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? exercising hard and eating right...my OB wants me to take it easy after my FW so I will have to just walk after this week.

QOTW: Is there any advice you would give to a new loss mom? What are some things that you wished someone had told you about when you lost your LO? to be more patient with myself...I went back to work 2 weeks after finding out that we would lose Bunny...a week after we really lost her...it was way too soon. I also rushed myself into holiday parties and such and I wasn't ready for all of that...at the time it felt like "so much time" had passed and i needed to be doing normal things...I wish I had just stayed at home a little more so I wouldn't have had to pretend liek I wasn't dying inside all of the time.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? TTCing again...I am really just trying to get my head into a positive place...right now all I can focus on is how devastated I would be with another loss.

angelsnight · September 2013

Ticker warning (rainbow mentioned)

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? No, I've been very angry lately.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I'd like to organize all of the clothes we had for Kayla. If the new baby is a girl, they will all work because even the boy clothes are gender neutral, but if it's a boy I'll have to pack away all of the very girly ones, and that makes me very sad...but it also makes me sad to think of a different baby wearing them. I'm not sure what to do.

QOTW: Is there any advice you would give to a new loss mom? What are some things that you wished someone had told you about when you lost your LO? To take one day at a time, that it's ok to not be ok, that it's NOT your fault, and to lean on people who are offering their help, even if it's something so simple that you think you can do yourself, take any and all help offered. I can't really think of anything that I wished someone told me, I had a lot of awesome support.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I've just been missing my baby so much...this past week was the 9th anniversary of when my mom died. I miss her, my baby, my grandparents that died last summer....on the one hand I am so glad they are all together and there for each other, but on the other hand I am feeling so overwhelmed with all the loss, I miss them so much and I just want them all here with me.

shandorfml2 · September 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Yes. I went on vacation with H, the first vacation in a long time. We went to see my friend in Virginia, which is a 13 hour ride for us. We shared Ana's photos and memory box with my friend and her H. It was really hard, but healing.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Getting back on track with getting healthy, and trying to get pregnant.

QOTW: Is there any advice you would give to a new loss mom? What are some things that you wished someone had told you about when you lost your LO? I wish I had undressed her and held her skin to skin. I'm so glad we got a lot of pictures. Anger, depression, anxiety, the thought that you can't live without your baby are all normal. You will make it through, but it is a very hard journey.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? getting back on track with health, and getting pregnant. Also, lovin' my angel baby so much!

squeakyfrog15 · September 2013

Ticker warning! Will change as soon as possible!

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
I'm new here, I had a D&C today so I guess that's my healing step.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
My next goal is to decide what my feelings are, and how to move forward. I'll probably take tomorrow off and think.

QOTW: Is there any advice you would give to a new loss mom? What are some things that you wished someone had told you about when you lost your LO?
I'm a new loss mom, but I would tell them it's okay to feel whatever you are feeling! But I wish someone would tell me when it sinks in.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
This week I'm just think about how quickly it changed. Sorry this is so depressive, I didn't realize my answers were down. I tend to try and find the positive or something funny, and right now I'm just sitting here. Thank you for welcoming us!

TwinkleTor · September 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
I tried going back to work yesterday (I work in a daycare), but I was a mess. I cried with my students, cried with parents, And cried with co-workers. My director told me I should go home after being there only an hour and having cried that much. She also felt I wasn't healed up physically to be back at work because I was complaining about my achy milk filled boobs. So I came home, thought a lot, cried less, but ended up having an ok relaxing day. I have the whole week off, so I'll take the time to continue to try to get over losing my Domenik and accepting that everything happens for a reason, and while I'm at it I'll try to relax!

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have any plans to help you achieve that goal?
My two next goals are to lose some weight to get healthier and get pregnant again. My plans are to start working out, slowly! And eating healthier. I spent the week after I lost my boy eating WHATEVER I wanted. Junk food galore and soda! And we will wait the 4-6 weeks before getting intimate! Though we miss each others bodies so much already!

QOTW: Is there any advice you would give to a new loss mom? What are some things you wish someone had told you about when you lost your LO?
Considering I'm a new loss mom, it's only been a week, I don't really have advice. Except maybe to keep them in our hearts, easier said then done. I have dealt with losing my father to divorce when I was 11y/o, now losing my son at 27y/o it's hard but I feel like I deal with loss different from others. It kind of comes easily for me. Cry it out, and talk to your partners. Those two things have helped me cope. When my fiancé is breaking down I stay strong for him, hug him, listen to him, kiss him and tell him everything will be ok! And he does the same for me when I break down! Have each others back... It will make you stronger as a team and you will feel it!

Open topic: What is on your mind this week?
All I been really thinking about is picking up the remains of my son. I thought he would have been home with me on Friday. Called the place yesterday and now they are saying Wednesday. I was very pissed off with them, I felt like they weren't considering my feelings about wanting my baby home because they just told me "sorry we've been really busy!" So I just have an empty urn at home. Anyway... As the hours get closer to Wednesday I get more excited about getting his remains and bringing him home where he belongs!

AJCagle82 · September 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

We will pick up PJ's remain this Wednesday. I know that I will feel so much better when she is at home where she belongs. I'm looking forward to that day and it seems to help my mood between now and then. We are also working on moving into our new townhouse. I'm planning what to do with the room that was supposed to be the nursery. It's still hard for me to go in there sometimes, but I'll go in and stay for a few minutes at a time. I'm trying to take it easy and not push myself. The room won't go away so I have to get used to it.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I stopped eating a lot after I lost Parker. I just wasn't hungry. Now I'm getting my appetite back, but I'm trying to keep my portions under control so I can get healthier. My husband and I also bought a punching bag last night. My dad bought me kickboxing gloves and punching mitts a few days after I left the hospital. I was/am so angry that I just wanted to hit something. Now I have a place to put that and get healthier. It really is a good release to just hit something as hard as you want to. It doesn't make the anger go away, but it helps work through it in a healthier and positive way.

QOTW: Is there any advice you would give to a new loss mom? What are some things that you wished someone had told you about when you lost your LO?

I'm still very new to all this. I think it is helpful to know that it isn't your fault, but it can be very difficult to convince your heart. I struggle with that. My mind knows there is nothing I could do to change what happened, but my heart says I am her mother and should have figured something out. Give your heart time to catch up with what your mind knows. I'm still working on that daily, and I have to remind myself of that daily. I continue to google search things that I think may have somehow caused this. Google has never said, "This is exactly what happened. Search over." The fact is I may never know what happened and that's just something I have to start dealing with.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Parker Jane is always on my mind. Every second of every day. I'm also wondering what will happen at my doctor's appt. this week. I go in Thursday to have tests done. We are running tests to see if there is anything we need to prepare for in the next pregnancy. I'm still scared she will find out it is all my fault even though I know that's not true (see above answer).

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