Telling toddlers about death

theuntaggablek · September 2013

My fil passed away years ago, when dh was a college sophomore. I never met him. Our boys have met &enjoy their other grandparents. S has begun to ask, "Where's grandpa last name?" The grandpa's picture appears on a collage my friends made for S at my shower. I've been trying to follow Dh's lead, since it's his dad, but he admitted he doesn't know what to say and that the question makes him sad. Any tips? How/ when do you explain death,especially of people lo never met?

SugarSnap83 · September 2013

Wow, that's a tough one. I guess my go to would probably be a children's book. Hopefully someone else will have something more helpful!

rainydayluck · September 2013

There is a book I heard about called:
The Fall of Freddie the Leaf.
It's more about life and death in general than about coping with the loss of someone close. Maybe that would work?

rainydayluck · September 2013

This is from a review on Amazon:
"Freddy, a maple leaf, is born in the spring, and grows to know his fellow leaves and his surroundings. Although leaves superficially look the same, he learns and appreciates the subtle differences between himself and each other leaf. He admires a larger leaf, Daniel. Daniel has a deeper understanding of life and death. He helps Freddie understand each of his phases of life. Finally, Daniel explains death and letting go.

The book uses the gentle, concrete metaphor of the annual changes in leaves on a tree to help anyone appreciate the different phases of life. Each leaf leaves the tree differently: some drift down quietly, and others fiercely resist the tug of the wind. This shows how each person approaches death differently. Freddy resists until he is withered and brown, the last leaf on the branch. Finally he lets go and experiences a sense of peace.

Although the leaves, die each year, they are part of the tree which lives on, although even it has a finite life. the book discusses the interconnecedness of life and death. however, it does not take a stand on the specifics of a life after death.

This would help children of a wide range of ages appreciate not only death, but also the different phases of life. Each time Freddy the leaf changes with the seasons, it is puzzling but he learns its value. He sees how the tree and the leaves have purpose. this helps one see that life has purposes that may not be immediately obvious. This book is also moving for adults who may be experiencing a life transition. I recommend that anyone, of any age take this book and read it under a tree."

bumpuser260585 · September 2013

We have had 4 deaths in the family or close family friends within the pas year or so. We just tell DS that the person is in Heaven with God. He seemed to accept that simple answer.

We went to a funeral a few weeks ago and when we walked in DS said, "Who died?" very loud and nonchalant. It was pretty embarrassing.

Cheekers2010 · September 2013

Well, when my father passed away a couple weeks ago, I told G that he died and his body stopped working. I tried to be matter of fact and very basic. I didn't want to say he was sick and make G think he would die if he got sick. I also didn't want to say he was "sleeping" or anything else that might worry him. It's hard. G is very imaginative but he also loves to understand how things work so the explanation of a body that has stopped working made sense to him.

theuntaggablek · September 2013

Thanks for the book suggestion, and the idea of saying "his body stopped working." That helps.

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