My daughter, who turns 13 on Friday, has recently fallen in with a new friend group. The group sort of coalesced at the end of last school year, and this was a big deal to my kid, who had lots of friends in middle school, but who hadn't really settled into one group yet. The girls get together almost every weekend, and my daughter has really enjoyed having a social life. The girl who seems to be the most charismatic of the new group has an older sister in high school. All the other girls are either the oldest or only children in their families. As a result, my daughter (and I suspect some of the other girls) has been introduced to a lot of "older teen" stuff through this one girl. So far, so good. As a parent, you always know that your child will step out of the "tween" stage and become a true "teenager" at some point, and you know it's going to be other kids who provide the gateway to that change.
One of the things this other girl is into is "Cosplay." For uninitiated, Cosplay is a portmanteau of the words "costume" and "play" and it involves dressing up as your favorite comic book/video game/manga/film/fantasy character. One thing Cosplayers like to do is dress up and attend conventions. Generally, two types of people are attracted to Cosplay: dorky teenagers and young adults like my daughter and her friends, who just want to enjoy creating costumes and being fans; and... dorky adults for whom Cosplay borders on sexual fetishism. There's a wholesome (if dorky) side, and a creepy side to it.
The friend group is planning to attend ComicCon in a city near us this weekend. The plan is for the girls to be dropped off at the convention center Saturday at 11 and picked up at 7:30 pm, spend the night at one friend's house, go back to the convention the next day and be picked up by a different mom and delivered home around 5 or 6 pm on Sunday.
I talked about it with my DH, and we decided we are not okay with dropping off our kid at a convention center in a major city an hour away from our home, even if she is with friends and promises to stay in the exhibition hall of the convention. I emailed the other moms, saying that we would drive our kid up there and meet up with the group. We are okay with our child roaming the exhibition hall with friends if we are on the premises. We are okay with one day of the convention, but see no reason for spending both days there.
I got an email from the mom of the charismatic leader of the group basically stating the following:
--I also used to feel uncomfortable with Cosplay conventions when my oldest daughter first started going to them in 8th grade.
--I've been to some of them, and it's mostly teenagers and young families.
--My daughter and other girls have been to several of these events without parents, and it's been fine.
--We've talked to her about safety at these things. We trust her.
--I am fine with the plan of dropping off the girls at the convention both days.
--If you can't agree to this, I'm sorry your daughter will have to miss out.
She did word it nicer than it's coming off here, but the message is clear: I'm sort of aggravated by this email, but I can also understand that her daughter, who is used to a lot more freedom than my daughter, and the other girls, don't want to take a step backwards from total freedom to having parents on the premises.
How would you respond to this?
High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:
DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
Re: Ugh. Big Kid Issue.
As a comiccon fan, myself, I don't think I'd be worried about the possible "darker side" of things. To me, it's no more dangerous than dropping a kid off at the mall.
Emeline 5.28.13
My Blog
Post-Baby PRs
Esri 5K 7.16.2014 - 21:30
Heart Half Marathon 3.16.2014 - 1:43:30
Canton City Marathon 9.8.14 - 3:30:56
I am guessing the charismatic girl through some sort of fit that you would be there, maybe thinking you would be hanging around the girls all day. Otherwise, I don't get her mom saying that unless you agree to the conditions your daughter is not welcome to join the other girls. That makes no sense to me. Why should another parent care if you plan to stay on premises or not?
Up until that point in the email, it seemed like she was tryinig to alleviate your concerns, saying that they had done this a few times before.
I can't say if I would be comfortable in this situation or not, but if you truly do not feel comfortable, I would not let this mom change your mind. Perhaps you can offer to drive the girls the first day and make it clear you don't plan to tag along with them all day, but just want to stay in the area in case there are any issues. I don't see how she could have any objection to that. I think I would want to see something like this myself for the first time so I would know if it is a situation I feel like my child would be safe in.