The strong facade begins to crack

poohniki · September 2013

(Long vent coming)
So I am a teacher in a district with a few problems administration-wise. Last year most of the newly married teachers and other whom were married after me talked about how this year would be the perfect year to become pregnant. (We are starting a new program and haven't received proper training- chaos expected). So last year I listened to this plan while going through 2 miserable IVF cycles. All of these teachers are on the same floor as me. Those who knew of my struggle said I would also be pregnant soon- but one was afraid she would also struggle so she got an early start. She became pregnant the first month- we co teach together, but she will be out for maternity leave soon. The only other friend on fb from work just announced her pregnancy. I so don't even want to show up for work. Whenever I am out of school people just assume its always IF related. I plan on being out a week for my FET next week. I'm sorry I shared anything with anyone.
I also am in grad school and one of the girls (we're all girls) got married in dec and is pregnant. She understands a little more and made sure to tell me before she announced it. I tried to open up- especially since at work it was far from supportive. And she listens, asks questions and its been good. Another girl joined our class because she took off to have a baby and dropped down a year. I did ok. I moved my seat away when I found out. The other girls know to sit near me and know it pains me. They are really good. I can be strong there.
It's just at work- I have no support in any aspect of my job. I don't want to go in tomorrow at all. I have a monitoring appt and if my lining isn't doing ok- it's going to be a hard day. Who knows how many other girls are going to be pregnant? I am trying not to stress- but it's suffocating me. I see myself tomorrow- trapped in these meetings and this girl announcing her pregnancy to everyone a few times. And then when we get into a bigger groups the next day ill find out who else is pregnant. I feel like a 2 year old... I just want to scream.
Thanks for reading

Alicia_R1 · September 2013

((Hugs)) I'm sorry. I wish there were words to say that could help more. Fx for your appointment and an awesome lining.

sunflowermama42212 · September 2013

I'm so sorry ::hugs:: I know it's hard but this is your turn be positive! Praying you get good results tomorrow. Cry it out tonight and keep your head high tomorrow! You had such a nice weekend keep that feeling into this week!

Issa6601 · September 2013

I'm so sorry- I completely understand how you feel. Some days, most days really, I wish I could just quit my job altogether. Long story. I hope you get GREAT news tomorrow. That will go a long way.

FishyMom · September 2013

Here's hoping that you get wonderful news tomorrow. I am so sorry your work is like that, it seems to happen to most of e people on here, and we are all here to vent to. ((Hugs))

katekat8721 · September 2013

(((hugs)))

hmz819 · September 2013

((Hugs)). I have no advice but I know how you are feeling.

mmhopeful · September 2013

Hang in there.....I know how you are feeling. You will be strong, I just know it. Go in there and be sure to focus on the topics, paperwork, and offer to copy anything for the group while in professional development. Count 1 hour at a time, and think of all of us waiting to support you later in the day here on the bump regardless of what you may hear at your monitoring appt. Just get some rest tonight. ((((Hugs))))

twistsandturnsto2 · September 2013

(((Hugs))). Vent away. I do really hope your appt goes wonderfully tomorrow. If not, maybe a nice coffee on the way to work to treat yourself. Heck, even if it goes well, same deal?

amcastord · September 2013

I knew when I read the post topic this would make me sad for you. IF blows and you are wonderful. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and your plan will eventually come to fruition. Believe that one way or another, one day, you will have an announcement to share also. Big hugs to you friend...take deep breaths.

Aurora1181 · September 2013

I'm sorry

It's so tough. Just do what you can- honor your feelings, be strong when you can, cry when you can't, and do something nice for yourself when you go home.

amcastord · September 2013

Aurora1181 said:

I'm sorry It's so tough. Just do what you can- honor your feelings, be strong when you can, cry when you can't, and do something nice for yourself when you go home.

Well said, @aurora1181!

monimu13 · September 2013

So sorry you are feeling this way and have no support at work. FX for a good appointment tomorrow. You can do it!

poohniki · September 2013

Thanks everyone, I love having all your support here.

Mwhigham22- I am going to take your advice. It does suck that something so small can make you forget that just a few hours ago you were happy and having fun.

@Twistandturnsto2- I think I'm going to need a coffee no matter what. Have to be up at 4:30 to get monitoring in before work. Maybe I'll get another one before I get to work and splurge. Something about blueberry coffee reminds me of Smurf cereal and when I was a child and life was so innocent and I could be anything I wanted. I'll be holding that coffee like Linus and holds his blanket. (Can you tell I have an obsession with coffee?)

@Aurora1181 & @mmhopeful - I am going to try to honor those feelings and take a break somehow if I need to get away.

You girls really are the best, and everyone's advice and hugs are more than what I needed. I'll just reread this thread tomorrow if I'm starting to feel down. Thanks!

RG0405 · September 2013

@poohniki: I feel your pain...I am the only one at work who is married and does not have a baby..except for one girl who is not trying...anyways I had one girl who was going to do her first IUI but got pregnant on their own that same cycle..she has offered support but I know regardless that it's difficult. Everyone is either pregnant, had a baby or on their way to baby # 2...it hurts to be isolated but know that we all feel the same pain. It sucks! Last week I was on fb and found out two other girls I know are pregnant. I just teared up. I think its better to lay off fb anyway since it just makes me upset.

Stay strong! We all have to keep moving forward..we will eventually be the ones announcing our healthy pregnancies.

Praying for you for tomorrow...i see my RE too for U/S. hoping we can start injections Friday

cachoque · September 2013

((hugs)) I hear ya in every way - friend circles, at school, at work - it feels like everyone on the planet is preggo. The icing on the top of my cake this year was my only 2 sister-in-laws announce 2 weeks a part that they're preggo - both are mid 40s, one on her 3rd & the other is on their 2nd after deciding they only wanted one 10 years ago - apparently they pulled out the IUD & boom! BFP on month later. Arrgggh!

Last thing I'll say is we went for a walk the other day & out of nowhere the words "it's a boy" appear in blue chalk on the sidewalk ... Surely from a photoshoot hours earlier. I just stopped & stared at it forever. People must've thought I was nuts - haven't decided if the universe was mocking me or if I was having a premonition. With absurd questions like that to ponder, I'm learning quickly that I'm the key to my own happiness.

Rant anytime - like reading your comments!

ttc23 · September 2013

So sorry Poohniki. It's so tough isn't it? We've had 5 pregnancies at work this year and it was always baby talk at every break. I was in a running/walking group and literally everyone started trying after me and has fallen pregnant since. I even went on a walk by myself last night to try and feel better after my IVF#2 BFN and ran into three of them all walking together- one with pram and two pregnant. I obviously wasn't invited. My sisters baby shower is this Sunday and other than my mum, grandmother and some older relatives I will be the only one not pregnant. I just want you to know that you are not alone. So many of us feel your pain. Please remember when you feel alone that there are all of us out here who know how you feel and send you love x

Tenyearwait · September 2013

I know just how you feel. I also get really cranky and jealous when I see parents of my students that don't even seem to care about them. I am taking care of everyone else's kids and can't have any of my own. I hate when admin gives us those lectures of "how would you want your child's teacher to treat them." I try to stay busy and try to find positive things to think about. It is hard. I am sorry you are having such a rough time...you are not alone. ((hugs))

Margritli · September 2013

I am so sorry, Poohniki. I feel the same way, too. It seems that everyone else around us is pregnant and I cannot even begin to describe how bitter it makes me, especially when people claim that they "weren't trying". I count pregnant ladies everywhere we go. It is becoming like a hobby of mine now. I am really sorry that your coworkers are so unsupportive. I hope it goes better for you than imagine today. I am thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way. FX that your appt. goes well and that your lining is where it needs to be. I really hope that this is your month, lady!

darby17 · September 2013

I am a teacher too Poohniki. It is really hard since we work in a predominantly female field - it can feel like you are constantly surrounded by pregnant people. Try to focus on your upcoming FET! This is an exciting time for you. I am sending you extra prayers that all goes well at your appointment. You have good things coming for you !

FutureMrsW9 · September 2013

Uuuugh I can only imagine how frustrating that is. I'm not a teacher, but I see people here at my job getting pregnant left and right, and many of them married after me. Just try to focus on YOU and ignore everyone (easier said than done, I know). FX for your upcoming FET!

poohniki · September 2013

Thanks! I think a little lie won't hurt any. My lining is good. Woohoo! Type 1 - triple striped. 7.7mm which my RE thinks means ill be ready the beginning of next week. That means I will be out the first week of school. I'm contemplating starting a rumor that I'm going to Disney world to avoid the crowds. Ha ha. Ill have a doctors note for those who need to know- but seriously thinking if they are not supportive it's none of their business.
Waiting for confirmation on the date. Keeping busy checking my email ever 5 minutes.
Thanks again ladies!!!

sunflowermama42212 · September 2013

So happy your appointment went well!

auntjessy · September 2013

I'm so sorry - sometimes I think it's best to just show people how crazy it's making me, even if I do seem like a bitter old hag! I told everyone on FB to just hide their PG posts from me until further notice, because every time I saw a new one I'd have a meltdown (after 5 yrs TTC). Then, maybe they'll be just a tad more careful. My words were, "I'm sorry, I'd like to be happy for you, but I just can't right now. Please try to understand, and share it with someone else who can be more supportive and positive." If that doesn't work, just start scowling at them until they avoid you like the plague.

Sending hugs and prayers your way.

Want a personalized experience?

The strong facade begins to crack

Re: The strong facade begins to crack

Choose Another Board

Search Boards