Blended Families
JessH1474
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Nasty texts from BM
JessH1474
member
Just a little background...We have SS12 EOW and alternating holidays, summers. We live about 1.5 hours from BM. DH filed the paperwork to have his cs modified. BM is making way more than DH now and SS12 no longer has childcare expenses. She has hired an attorney, but there isn't much he can do for her b/c in Florida cs is very black and white. Of course, she's pissed now b/c she knows she will be losing money each month so she's trying to make things difficult whenever she can. DH has a CO so there isn't much room for her to control anything there. Last night, she sent some very nasty texts saying DH was a dead bead dad and doesn't do anything for SS and just looks at him as a bill, blah, blah blah. She is now saying that SS12 will come over for our weekends if he doesn't "have plans". Obviously, we know she would be in contempt if she doesn't follow the court order, but it's just so freaking frustrating!!! We have NEVER had an issue with visitiation until she knows she's going to lose money, now she's going to try to be difficult. DH did respond to the part about SS having plans and her know that he has always been flexilble if something comes up and weekends needs to be switched but it would be a switch not a forfeit of time and that SS's plans on DH's weekends are to spend time with DH, but didn't respond do the part about the dead beat dad crap. How do you guys handle situations like this, I have to admit, I slightly considered paying her a visit last night....lol, well not really but in my head I did 
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Re: Nasty texts from BM
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013
Or he will screen shot the portion of their CO that goes against what she is saying. She really hates that tho.
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013
I'm not really sure what your husband expected to happen? If she has been used to using that money to support his son for the last 12 years than obviosly she is going to be upset. Is she remarried?
SS is getting to the age where he can make his own decesions regarding vistation. I don't know the rules in your state but I thought when they get around 13 or so they are able to decide if they want to visit or not. Personally if I were your DH I would not have opened that can of worms to save $150 a month or whatever it is. I knew a couple where the dad never saw his kid because the kid was mad at the dad and since he was 14 he decided he no longer wanted to see him, and didn't.
In most states, the "child being able to decide on their own" is a huge myth. Maybe their input is a factor in court, but most of the times it is not.
BM didn't ask a question, so her nasty gram doesn't require an answer. I think your DH handled her text correctly, not responding to the dead beat dad accusation and letting BM know that his time with his son is not optional.
To be honest, it wouldn't matter if the visits were optional, SS has no issues at all coming to our house, and often asks DH if he can pick him up earlier than what's scheduled. The reason for the decrease in child support is so we can use that money toward SS's expenses that we pay above and beyond child support. I'm sorry but I think it's a huge double standard that it's ok for BM to take DH back to court when she wants more money (which has happened 3 times), but yet when she's making more than DH and it's time for a decrease, she gets to revert back to a 17 year old and harrass people? If the money were actually being used for SS, that would be one thing, but when the current payment she's receiving is based on her making around 15,000 less per year than she is now and we have SS coming to us asking for new school shoes and clothes b/c she won't buy them, we have a problem.
No, she is not remarried. She has a 14 month old and is 6 months pregnant with another one. Her boyfriend lives with her.
I would ignore the rude nasty text and continue as usual. I am on both ends of the CS thing. H pays over $1500 month for his two kids and I receive $500 for my DD. It's all about the numbers and if your BM is making a lot more than your DH, then I think it is only fair for your to modify you CS.
I was talking to a friend who did this years ago (his son is now 22), and the BM took the son and moved out of state all because she was going to get $500 less in CS and he didn't see his kid for years, it was a case of extreme PAS. Now that his son is grown, they have reunited and have an excellent relationship. Oh and the BM even changed the son's last name to her maiden name.
I wouldn't respond to it. But I'd sure as hell document it and bring it to court with me.
Do not sink to her level. I know it's hard, but try really hard not to and just take note and move on.
We document it all then just ignore it. You know she is saying those things just to look for an argument so that she can have an excuse to go off more. No point in going there. I know how stressful it is though, believe me, we go thru the same thing here, a lot.
As far as CS, keep going forward. The calculator will take care of it all and if a reduction is warranted (and it sounds like it is if she is making more and there is no more childcare) then there's not much she can do about it.
We had the same thing happen when DH wanted the week to week schedule they had been doing for almost a year put in the CO as such, BM flipped out and didn't want to do it cause she knew the CS would change. Happened anyway.
Regardless, there is nothing you can do but document and ignore. If there are valid reasons for a CS change, and it sounds like there are, then so be it. She will just have to move on. I understand being frustrated. I know what it's like to pay a hefty payment every month and have SS be all I need school clothes, money for xyz etc. it's frustrating. I know what it's like that despite paying said CS, buying said clothes, paying for extra curriculars, taking vacations, providing a nice home, etc how awful it is to hear your husband called a dead beat. Nothing you can do but ignore it. You can't control her actions. Only your reactions.