Other women get jealous about twins? Is that a thing?

JuliaAndPete · August 2013

I remember at one point in my life feeling bad for a woman pregnant with twins. The last emotion on the planet I felt for her was envy.

So far a "friend" who just had a baby in June told me I was trying to "out do her" by getting pregnant with twins. As though I did it on purpose?!

Then my BIL's wife? Rolling her eyes at my MIL's every mention of the twins. My MIL is bs at her right now. My MIL likes me way more anyway

Is this normal? Does this happen to you guys?

BabyCarryingVessel · August 2013

In my pre twin days, I felt sorry for twin parents, but never did I envy them. To my surprise, DOZENS of people have told us that they wished and prayed for twins. This seems weird to me, but I suppose it could be a thing!

Mrs.AshAsh · August 2013

I have had people on BOTH ends of the spectrum. "Oh, twins!? I'm so jealous!" What?? You're jealous of this? I guess I make it look easy?? Haha. ;-) Only kidding. Other end of the spectrum... "Twins?! Good luck with that! Better you than me!" Well, I guess they are right. I never in my life thought that I'd have twins...let alone 4 kids! But, this is the hand that I'm dealt and I'm very blessed to be in this "situation". But, I digress...yes, this must be a "thing" because I've heard it too. Not as much as the "better you than me" comments, but I've heard it.

leapgirl8 · August 2013

They should be. Twins are awesome.

ks3pink · August 2013

I usually hear it from either really young girls, who aren't even really thinking about having kids yet, or from older ladies who have passed that point in their life. Those of child bearing age usually go with the "better you than me" response.

kiwi443 · August 2013

I've also heard comments from both ends of the spectrum. I have gotten a lighthearted, "You're such an overachiever you had to go ahead and have twins." Lol!

I do feel as though sometimes moms of singletons feel like they can't complain/vent to me without adding in that whatever they're struggling with must be insignificant compared to having twins. I kind of hate that.

PiperS · August 2013

leapgirl8 said:
They should be. Twins are awesome.

My thoughts exactly.

aliwisewoman · August 2013

I was surprised, but I got a ton of jealous comments after we found out. There was a small group of women that were TTC and most of them did after I did. There was a lot of talk and hope for twins. It was insane! The "better you than me" comments piss me off.

mylittleladies1229 · August 2013

Do you think your BIL's wife is jealous of the attention that twins bring? I could see that happening. I hoped for twins while I was TCC and going through fertility issues, but I would never say I was jealous of those who had them!

JuliaAndPete · August 2013

I do think she is jealous. Her daughter is 10 now and she is not the only baby in the family anymore. But my SIL could have had more. She had the time and capability. These twins are going to get a lot of attention from my husband's family. I expected this behavior from the 10 year old. Not her mother.

As far as this being a "thing" that blows my mind. But as far as Leapgirl8's comment, you're totally right twins are awesome! Even though I'm secretly terrified. $:\$

LottaLattes · August 2013

I don't really get the negativity toward twins, personally. Any age difference has it's pros and cons and yes the pregnancy was hard and the first few months nearly did me in, but I love, love having my twins. I think with all things being healthy, twins are crazy fun.

I have a friend with quads (well technically two sets of twins, so they were carried to 36 weeks between her and her surrogate) and one thing I love about her is she is always so positive about having so many. Yes it is hard and definitely not expected, but you just do what you do and it works out ok!

JuliaAndPete · August 2013

Wow! That woman is a super hero! God love her!

raraavis28 · August 2013

kiwi443 said:

I've also heard comments from both ends of the spectrum. I have gotten a lighthearted, "You're such an overachiever you had to go ahead and have twins." Lol!
I do feel as though sometimes moms of singletons feel like they can't complain/vent to me without adding in that whatever they're struggling with must be insignificant compared to having twins. I kind of hate that.

I've experienced this too, and I agree; I hate it. We're all moms and it's hard having a new baby (or babies)....I don't want people to think I have some sort of magic "trump card" just because I had two at once. At the same time, it does bug me when moms of singletons tell me how much "easier" it must be to have twins (because they entertain each other, I just have to "do everything twice" etc.)....those kinda comments usually get the side-eye from me. And, not gonna lie, I don't mind being admired or complimented on how well I "have it together" w/ my twins.:)

macchiatto · August 2013

Yeah, I never envied twin parents either; I remember thinking it seemed really tough and how I hoped (and was sure I would, since most people did

) I'd have one baby at a time. LOL
But yeah, I've definitely had people tell me they were jealous, that they'd always wanted twins, etc.

macchiatto · August 2013

marchesa28 said:

kiwi443 said:

I've also heard comments from both ends of the spectrum. I have gotten a lighthearted, "You're such an overachiever you had to go ahead and have twins." Lol!
I do feel as though sometimes moms of singletons feel like they can't complain/vent to me without adding in that whatever they're struggling with must be insignificant compared to having twins. I kind of hate that.

I've experienced this too, and I agree; I hate it. We're all moms and it's hard having a new baby (or babies)....I don't want people to think I have some sort of magic "trump card" just because I had two at once. At the same time, it does bug me when moms of singletons tell me how much "easier" it must be to have twins (because they entertain each other, I just have to "do everything twice" etc.)....those kinda comments usually get the side-eye from me. And, not gonna lie, I don't mind being admired or complimented on how well I "have it together" w/ my twins.:)

Yes, that annoyed the crap out of me, especially when they were babies. It took several years before my twins really entertained each other to any degree and even now, I'm not sure it yet outweighs the amount of time I spend refereeing their fights.

When people say stuff like that, I just say that all combinations and spacings have their pros and cons.

jcath · August 2013

I'm probably in the minority of twin moms who thinks kids really close together can be just as hard, I think its a different hard but both have their pro's and cons. And I'm also surprised how many people gush about how much they wanted twins and how many people tell me "isn't twin girls the best thing you could hope for" - which I find kind of offensive since my two oldest children are boys and I was perfectly happy living a life full of boys.

D&HMom · August 2013

People are either in one camp or another. The ones that say they wish for twins don't bug me. The ones that say better you then me...meh. you only get what you can handle.
The ones that try to compete with me I hate. Having two kids close together is not like having twins. Its like having then 12 months apart. I can't relate but I am sure it has its ups and downs.
Now they say its easier for me because they can play together which is true but they can also fight!

I think its a grass is greener kind of thing. I usually smile and say something like its just how things worked out for us...we don't know any different and everyone has their own story to tell....blah blah blah.

JuliaAndPete · August 2013

People with kids close in age even less than a year apart say its the same.... it's not the same!!

iloveburritos · August 2013

I've gotten the jealousy thing a few times so I've asked why and it's always been because the person wants two kids but doesn't want to be pregnant twice! I totally get that.

babywillmake3 · August 2013

I've had the jealousy thing from people who are either crazy (I kid.. kind of) or women who haven't had kids yet. I remember when I was pregnant with my son I was like, if it's twins and we can just have 1 boy and 1 girl and be done I will be stoked.. Well, I was stoked with just the one son and thanked my heavily stars at 2:00am multiple times when he wouldn't sleep, had refulx, puked all over me and I hadn't showered in days.

On the flip side, I get the most sympathy from people who have young children. Because they know how it is. Sure, it's not that I won't be able to handle twins, because you do what you can with what you have, but when you tell someone who hasn't slept in days and has spit up on her shirt from her singleton that you are having twins.. She gets it.

kstar83 · August 2013

so far all i get is the woah, that's a lot. You know you are going to have to buy 2 cars, 2 college educations, two sets of soccer cleats, etc. Thanks. I didn't know that 2 kids required 2 sets of shoes!

I just keep saying, yes it is unexpected but I am just focusing on keeping them healthy and growing as long as possible and once they get here we can worry about all the rest. It is like people think we TRIED to have twins, and now they are saying look what you did! Do you even know what you are getting into?

No we don't, and neither do you. So unless you have something nice to say go away and talk behind my back before my hormones jump out and getcha.

Do people think that we are delusional, and don't understand that this is going to be hard? I don't think any parent really knows how hard until they get here. But we all know its not going to be easy!

Mrs.Guz · August 2013

I've had a few little teenage girls say they've always wanted twins. Other than that, the only other person that has said it is my MIL, but I think her seeing how hard it is just being pregnant with twins, she's not really jealous anymore and just crazy excited to have twin grandchildren.

LottaLattes · August 2013

I will also say I was a little

jcath said:
I'm probably in the minority of twin moms who thinks kids really close together can be just as hard, I think its a different hard but both have their pro's and cons. And I'm also surprised how many people gush about how much they wanted twins and how many people tell me "isn't twin girls the best thing you could hope for" - which I find kind of offensive since my two oldest children are boys and I was perfectly happy living a life full of boys.

I will say, I am a little jelly, as 4 boys is a LOT of testosterone in one house!

And I agree, it isn't easy exactly to have two singletons, maybe easier than twins but still not a cake walk.

I do feel a little difficulty in relating to for my friends with a singleton only baby. Like, I can't really get that it is hard, though I remember feeling it was at the time. But seriously, once that kid is napping, you're golden, even if it is an hour later than normal. Are ya with me?

BananaPancake · August 2013

Okay, this post is weird. It's like watching a skinny, rich girl wonder aloud to her skinny, rich friends how any fat, poor girl could ever want to be skinny and rich. Seriously? YES, people are jealous. I would expect the majority of women on this board, of all places, to understand how much it hurts to want a baby, let alone two. Having two babies at once, regardless of the trials it takes to get there, is like winning the lottery. I never complain to my friends about how hard it is to hard two at once and I never offer anything but support when someone tells me they've always wanted twins. It really IS a double blessing, and it's truly amazing. When I see the pain in the eyes of my friends who are struggling with IF, or who have spouses who don't want any more kids, I know that my having twins is doubly hard to watch. I'd sit on bedrest the rest of my life to have the experience I've had.

BabyCarryingVessel · August 2013

Well said, @BananaPancake! Not to bomb the thread, but are your boys identical? I seem to remember you were unsure at one point. Just wondering!

BananaPancake · August 2013

Yes! We haven't had them officially tested, but they both have bright blue eyes and DH's side of the family can't even think of anyone on that side who could have passed them down. The odds that we could even have one with blue eyes is .025 percent, so the odds that we could have two is even slimmer, making the chance that they're ID about 99.999999%.

BabyCarryingVessel · August 2013

Cool! I wouldn't bother to have them tested either! What a rare and special combination!

JuliaAndPete · August 2013

My issue is THEY are not being supportive. I never said anything about me not being supportive. How does this make me like a skinny rich girl? That's really bad analogy. All I'm saying is I didn't know this was something people get jealous about. If this "friend" were someone having trouble getting pregnant I wouldn't be mad at her. She got pregnant on her honeymoon. It took me and my husband year. So your assumption about me is totally wrong in that regard.

JuliaAndPete · August 2013

Btw having twins makes you bigger and have less money. So I'm not really sure where that came from.

kiwi443 · August 2013

BananaPancake said:

Okay, this post is weird. It's like watching a skinny, rich girl wonder aloud to her skinny, rich friends how any fat, poor girl could ever want to be skinny and rich. Seriously? YES, people are jealous. I would expect the majority of women on this board, of all places, to understand how much it hurts to want a baby, let alone two. Having two babies at once, regardless of the trials it takes to get there, is like winning the lottery. I never complain to my friends about how hard it is to hard two at once and I never offer anything but support when someone tells me they've always wanted twins. It really IS a double blessing, and it's truly amazing. When I see the pain in the eyes of my friends who are struggling with IF, or who have spouses who don't want any more kids, I know that my having twins is doubly hard to watch. I'd sit on bedrest the rest of my life to have the experience I've had.

I don't think this post is referring specifically to people struggling with infertility. Maybe I missed some context clues?

And yes, having twins is special and there are certainly wonderful things about it. However, I am grateful that on this board (of all places), we can be real about the unique challenges of being MoMs.

JuliaAndPete · August 2013

@kiwi it was not referring to those struggling. I was that woman struggling. Two misscarriages, two surgeries, and a cancer scare. We all have our own struggles. I am nothing but supportive to my friends. It's not too much to ask the same of them.

ceechie · August 2013

MrsLee04 said:
Clearly it is a "thing" because look how many we get on this board wishing for them. Personally I don't get. I LOVE my twins more than life itself. But I don't love them because they are twins.....I love them because they are each super awesome kids. They just happened to be born the same day and therefore will always be the same age. If the world was magic and I could've had the exact 2 kids as singletons that would've been my choice. But we didn't get a choice and we love them just the same and make this crazy life work

You speak from my soul...
I always say, if I were ment to have 4 kids, then cool. I love my little girls but it would have been nice to space them a couple years apart. I hate listening to one cry while I feed or try to settle the other. I think all in all, though, people are just sooo opinionated about twins. Love or hate. One of my friends drives me nuts with the comments of how hard it must be. She always talks about how bad it must be. I finally told her to stop, that I had twins and not a terrorist organization.

somewhereincali · August 2013

BananaPancake said:

Okay, this post is weird. It's like watching a skinny, rich girl wonder aloud to her skinny, rich friends how any fat, poor girl could ever want to be skinny and rich. Seriously? YES, people are jealous. I would expect the majority of women on this board, of all places, to understand how much it hurts to want a baby, let alone two. Having two babies at once, regardless of the trials it takes to get there, is like winning the lottery. I never complain to my friends about how hard it is to hard two at once and I never offer anything but support when someone tells me they've always wanted twins. It really IS a double blessing, and it's truly amazing. When I see the pain in the eyes of my friends who are struggling with IF, or who have spouses who don't want any more kids, I know that my having twins is doubly hard to watch. I'd sit on bedrest the rest of my life to have the experience I've had.

I'm glad that its nothing but an amazing experience for you.
But its pretty close minded to not be able to see that it might not be that way for everyone. Everyone has their own (different) challenges, and it might be good to be more understanding.

nuttycoconut · August 2013

I definitely envied people with twins because I struggled with infertility. Why can't I have one baby and people can have two? I prayed for twins when we transferred two because I never ever wanted to go through negative pregnancy tests, living life in 2 week increments, shots, IVF retrieval, IVF transfer, more waiting, etc. I really wanted to have my family complete in one shot after lots of heartbreak. You just never know what people are going through or have gone through to have a family.

So I can understand people being jealous, definitely. Even if one hasn't struggled with infertility, there are still many reasons to be jealous. Your kids will always have each other, you get lots of attention wherever you go, and you get "two for the price of one" pregnancy (although we all know that's not true).

I feel very blessed to have twins and I wouldn't want it any other way.

LottaLattes · August 2013

somewhereincali said:

I'm glad that its nothing but an amazing experience for you.
But its pretty close minded to not be able to see that it might not be that way for everyone. Everyone has their own (different) challenges, and it might be good to be more understanding.

I think the key here is someone without twins would have less insight into what the hard parts are. Just like how I can feel sad for friends dealing with IF, but I can't really get it with 4 kids (and the first one with no complications or losses). I would much rather someone think it was awesome to have twins than do things like pretend to shoot themselves in the head like it is some terrible thing.

I also felt the same way about a local MoM who said she would "kill herself" if she had boys like I did. Wtf?

hnharden · August 2013

I think it must be a thing... and one which I had never thought about before I found out I was pregnant with twins. I'm a 21 yr old FTM and pregnant with twins and twins do not run in the family, like no where. I was just shocked to see a positive on the pee stick.... then I didn't believe there was anything growing inside me ... not even on the way to the first ultrasound. Then BOOM. The second I announced I was having twins.... everyone that I know that is currently pregnant( which is quite a few) were "We we're hoping for twins." I was just sitting there... I didn't even think I was really pregnant and you were HOPING for twins.... Needless to say , I was dumbfounded.

macchiatto · August 2013

MrsLee04 said:

Clearly it is a "thing" because look how many we get on this board wishing for them. Personally I don't get. I LOVE my twins more than life itself. But I don't love them because they are twins.....I love them because they are each super awesome kids. They just happened to be born the same day and therefore will always be the same age. If the world was magic and I could've had the exact 2 kids as singletons that would've been my choice. But we didn't get a choice and we love them just the same and make this crazy life work

Well said. That's how I feel!
And I also agree 100% with Kiwi's reply to BananaPancake. I don't think that analogy fits here at all.

Rynleigh · August 2013

I think the majority of people who are "jealous" of multiples aren't jealous of actually having two or more infants so much as they are jealous of the attention that they believe MoMs receive for their babies or jealous of the chance to dress their babies up in matching clothes like dolls or jealous of getting "one of each" at once in the case of m/f frats... I noticed it frequently when I was in my teens and twenties - a lot of younger ladies would go on and on about wanting twins if they found out that my mother is a twin... and most of them were the sort who always want to be the center of attention... but that's just anec-data lol I'm sure there are at least some normal people out there who are jealous for more positive reasons

(especially those who have struggled with fertility - that's a very legit reason to be envious, imo)

I love my twins, but I cannot say I ever envied women who had multiples...

katiebenes · August 2013

From the start of my pregnancy I have heard from SO MANY PEOPLE how "lucky" I am to be having twins, how they were trying for twins, how they wanted twins soooooo bad...

And then on the flip side getting the "catching up in one shot" or "have to outdo everyone...

I always thought twin pregnancies were cool. mainly because I only knew one person who had a twin pregnancy and hers went smooth like mine.

And not every poor and fat girl wants to be skinny and rich anyways.

katiebenes · August 2013

kstar83 said:

so far all i get is the woah, that's a lot. You know you are going to have to buy 2 cars, 2 college educations, two sets of soccer cleats, etc. Thanks. I didn't know that 2 kids required 2 sets of shoes!

I just keep saying, yes it is unexpected but I am just focusing on keeping them healthy and growing as long as possible and once they get here we can worry about all the rest. It is like people think we TRIED to have twins, and now they are saying look what you did! Do you even know what you are getting into?

No we don't, and neither do you. So unless you have something nice to say go away and talk behind my back before my hormones jump out and getcha.

Do people think that we are delusional, and don't understand that this is going to be hard? I don't think any parent really knows how hard until they get here. But we all know its not going to be easy!

really? I didn't know that parents were *required* to buy those things. I have full intentions of having my kids save up for their first cars... and I will help with tuition like my Mom did but I'm not paying for it all!

Sorry- that one always surprises me. It did when I was preparing to get a car and go to college as well.

JuliaAndPete · August 2013

So glad I'm not alone in this.

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