Insulting Pregnancy Books

lmcwooty · August 2013

Does anyone else notice that the way the male or partner role is described in pregnancy book is a bit insulting? I've been reading a few different pregnancy books (and my husband has been reading a few as well) and all of the books describe the man like some sort of neanderthal who only is wondering when you'll have sex again and avoids going to appointments. Is this anyone else's experience?

My spouse has been super supportive and wonderful...and is having a hard time finding books that aren't focused on "oh man, guess you won't get to watch football for a while!" Gag. I would never want to have a child with the type of guy that most of the books describe. My husband was complaining that most of the male-oriented books on pregnancy are all full of pictures and try to be more "frat-boy-ish" than informative.

Anyone else know of any books that are geared toward the male perspective that isn't a glorified comic book or that doesn't portray the partner so negatively?

Thanks in advance!!

JLyn821 · August 2013

My DH has been reading The Expectant Father. He's liked it and hasn't said anything about it being neanderthal-like. I skimmed through it a bit a couple weeks ago and it seems like a good one.

It's HERE on Amazon.

lmcwooty · August 2013

Thanks for the suggestions!! I feel better knowing other women are in shock and awe about some of that crap too - "things she'll be complaining about?" Jesus! You weren't kidding! Thanks, ladies!!

moonsparkles · August 2013

Thank you for the heads-up ladies!

nikki912 · August 2013

My husband read all the books i was reading - a few by Ina May, Pregnancy, Childbirth & the Newborn, and The Birth Partner. The last two are Peggy Simkin and they are amazing!

Rogue237 · August 2013

Yes! I've found this problem with a lot of the books - WTE, Mayo Clinic, etc. They have these blurbs that are like - "be extra nice to your pregnant SO. Do the dishes so she can sleep, make dinner," etc. Now, I have a great hubby (I'm biased;), but I'm sure most SOs are picking up slack for their pregnant ladies without that instruction. I'm sure the books don't mean it that way, but me and my hubby definitely read those parts and laugh.

lmcwooty · August 2013

Thanks for the advice - I feel the same way when I read the family history paperwork and questionnaires! It's so sad to answer questions like, "True or false: I can conceive of a situation in which it's ok to hit my spouse." It's SO sad because I know that those questions are there because people actually say yes, but holy crap! Makes me feel REALLY confident about my hubs, our partnership, and this baby.

SB31 · August 2013

Another vote for The Birth Partner. I just recommended it in another thread.

Rrrrrachel · August 2013

It's not just books its everything! My husband and I have a running joke about how commercials always depict husbands as idiots who can't work basic household appliances and can barely keep the children alive. I strongly second the penny simkin books (pregnancy, child birth, and the newborn as well as the birth partner).

BiggerinRealLife · August 2013

Im with you I hate how men are protrayed once they become fathers. I second "the Expectant Father." It had great reviews on amazon about how it didn't talk down to men and my husband really likes it. He says its got good info. I looked through it and I liked that at the beginning of every chapter (one chapter per month) it has a section about whats going in with baby, what's going on with mom, and what's going on with dad. They take his perspective and assure him that what he's going through is totally normal. And it encourages dads to be advocates for their own voices- to make sure they have a say and that doctors talk to them instead of ignore them. I actually feel like i need to read it myself to remind myself that he's going through this too.

DaisyJanie · August 2013

JennaHack said:

My DH has been reading The Expectant Father. He's liked it and hasn't said anything about it being neanderthal-like. I skimmed through it a bit a couple weeks ago and it seems like a good one.

It's HERE on Amazon.

Totally agree. I didn't read it either but I looked at it a couple times. My H really liked it, and he is definitely an equal partner in parenting, not a neanderthal hur-dur babies wut? kind of guy. He gets really annoyed at that stereotype.

skonkers · April 2014

How frustrating! Glad you got a good suggestion for another book. If the tables were turned I would be so insulted.

Boston*bride · April 2014

My husband has been reading and enjoyed Be Prepared (available here: https://www.amazon.com/Be-Prepared-Gary-Greenberg/dp/0743251547) It was recommended to me by one of my (male) colleagues.

It is a bit tongue-in-cheek, but it doesn't talk down to guys or view them as neanderthals who don't know how to do housework. It does talk to them as though they are guys-- so yes, there is a chapter on what to expect from your wife emotionally following the birth-- but not in a "here's what she'll be whining about way", but more of a matter-of-fact, "here is what is happening to her body from a biological standpoint so you know what to expect". And while there is a bit of humor, it's very informational.

I am going to check out The Expectant Father too based on this thread.

KarenEliza · April 2014

Yes! It is one of the reasons I hated The Girlfriend's Guide so much. It's terrible how men are portrayed as husbands and fathers in media. A single man is capable, smart, ready to conquer the world but as soon as he gets married he is bumbling, inept and lazy.

Twirple · April 2014

It is not so much a pregnancy book as a parenting book, but my DH read and loved "Hit the Ground Crawling." It is a parenting guide for men that is helpful and informative, and he didn't find that it talked down to him at all.

nstecklein · April 2014

Rrrrrachel said:

It's not just books its everything! My husband and I have a running joke about how commercials always depict husbands as idiots who can't work basic household appliances and can barely keep the children alive. I strongly second the penny simkin books (pregnancy, child birth, and the newborn as well as the birth partner).

We just started watching last man standing on out netflix. The description is that a working father starts doing more rearing of the family when his wife gets a big promotion. I was scared it was going to be one of those sitcoms where the only jokes are how incompetent the father is. I have been pleasantly surprised as they have made Tim Allen's character a competent human being and father. I wouldn't watch it otherwise becaus it would be too annoying.

Ashleypixie · April 2014

Neither of us have read any books this time around, but yesterday we were talking about how annoyed I'd get when he'd just hold the babies or change a diaper or feed them (anything I'd normally do 24/7) and people would say things like, "Oh look, she's such a daddy's girl!" STFU He's only around her three hours a day. If they're not made to look completely incompetent they're totally over glorified.

LizChad09 · April 2014

Another book I would recommend is called The New Father - A Dad's guide to the First Year. We got it at Buy Buy Baby, but I am sure it's on Amazon too. From what I have skimmed of it, it seems very informative and doesn't talk down to guys.

moonsparkles · April 2014

Ditto on the Expectant Father. DH liked it, although I've read more than he has

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