Deciding to not go back to work

Flyhoworth · August 2013

So I'm due to return to work in 2 1/2 weeks. I'm freaking out at the thought of not seeing LO as much as I want; as any new mom may feel. Anyone change plans and decide to stay home with LO instead of returning to work? Tricks to keep a tight budget on one income? Thoughts? Comments?

kkmlafferty · August 2013

I would love to stay home with my LO. I have 2 older kids 12 and 7 and never felt this strongly about not wanting to work. My DH just doesn't make enough to support the family so I don't have a choice. But I have extended my leave once already and emailed a request today to extend again.

PinkPuffyHeart2 · August 2013

I had let my employer know that I was taking my maternity leave to decide if I was going back or not. After spending time with my LO, I was still not 100%, but 90% sure that I wanted to stay home with her. For one, I am breastfeeding and so she basically lives on my boob. She won't accept bottles or pacifiers very well and if anyone holds her longer than half an hour, she cries for me. Trying to pump enough milk at work would be so stressful- the job is a fast paced, go go go type job, and I rarely ever got a lunch break even when I was pregnant... and they were 10-12 hour shifts...... so, finding time to pump, although legally my right, would not be easy. I would never have been able to finish my work load for the day, and leave on time... I couldn't stand the thought of stressing out my baby by leaving her due to her very strong attachment, and my husband does not want anyone else to watch her... so, I stay home. Money is very tight. I can't buy her everything I want to get her (which is one of the toughest things for me!)... but we are managing ok. Once she is a little older and she lets me put her down for naps and have more freedom, then I plan to get an at home job. Either babysitting other kids, or I may just start up an etsy shop selling my artwork, since that is what I really enjoy anyway.

LaBellaVida · August 2013

I actually wasn't supposed to return to work. We planned on me staying home- as I did with DS2.

I extended my leave twice to really think it threw, and I actually ended up going back...but it's temporary for now. I don't plan on staying at work much longer, but things may change...and I may never be a SAHM again.

I only work part time, and nights so I don't have to worry about daycare. MH watches the kids while I am at work. I only do 24 hours a week, so I get plenty of time with O. My other kids are in school all day, so that sucks I don't see them as much, and MH and I hardly see eachother. I have better hours on the weekends, so I am able to spend some time with the whole family.

Am12712 · August 2013

Im a lurker June mom. I am going to go back to work next week. Before baby I always thought I would have no issues going back to work...boy was I wrong! If we can work it out the plan is for me to go back to work and give my 30 day notice, then I will be a sahm.

Junemom2013 · August 2013

I wish I could be a sahm. My DH doesn't make enough to supports us so I have no choice. I started back at work today and it made me so sad to leave her.

Stefanie6743 · August 2013

I originally told my employer iwould come back part time, not full time. But i recently spoke w my employer andwill only be working per diem. It sucks bc i will lose my healthbenefits but it is worth it to me tobe able to stay home.

jennOK · August 2013

I am torn on whether I would actually be happy staying home or not. I teach, so I am going to be around kids all day one way or another. I just don't think my husband's income could support us right now, but if he got a good raise, I would consider it next year and possibly babysit a couple of other kids to supplement our income.

ilovemarfa · August 2013

I decided not to go back to work after my 2 year old was born 2 years ago. My husband makes more than enough to support the family so we decided it was best for me to stay at home. Honestly, I think that being a stay at home mom is 100 percent harder than working outside of the home. Often times I find myself wanting to go and get a job. I feel like the guy in the movie Groundhog Day- same thing everyday. I enjoy my kids but I also enjoy adult conversation and interaction.

aajoxx · August 2013

I'm totally envious of anyone that can SAH. I've been back for 2 weeks and it's the hardest thing being away from her. Trying to keep up with pumping is very tough, getting out on time to make sure I make it to day care for pick, I just really miss spending all that time with the LO and feel like I am missing things every day. Maybe some day in the future I'll get to stay home. Until then, I'll keep being envious of those that can!

kelseypie · August 2013

I've been back for a month, but when DH gets the raise his boss has promised I think I'm going to quit. It will be a tighter budget than we're used to, but manageable. We're going to start cloth diapering and stop eating out so much. Between those things and DH's raise it will be close to making up for my part time job.

I hope it happens soon. I can't wait to SAH!

WasNotWas · August 2013

I may be the minority but the only way I could be a SAHM is if the boys are in school

seriously, hats off to you ladies who do it!

ssemovsk · August 2013

Looks like I am in the minority but I am excited to go back to work. At my work we can take a year off and our job is guaranteed. And my DH makes more than enough to support us. But I worked damn hard for my job, and I just finished my graduate degree which will land me a huge pay raise so I have no intention of being a SAHM. Honestly, I'm not wired for it - even my husband has noticed that I've been crabbier. I love love love spending time with LO but I just feel like i need some adult interaction and to be known as something besides the milk maid lol I know going back in a few weeks will be extremely difficult but I feel like I'd lose my sense of self if I stayed at home. Kudos to those of you that SAH!

HeartLikeMine3 · August 2013

I am going to be a SAH mom until January when LO is 7 months then I am just going back part time. We don't make enough to live just off my husbands income but we saved for a couple years . I knew I would t be able to leave LO at a day care when he was tiny. Anyways I wish I didn't have to go back until he started school I love being at home with him

melissa0726 · August 2013

I was in the same position with DD1. Had every intention of returning to work, then did a total 180 after she was born!

My best advice is to make sure you and your husband are on the same page about the change in your lifestyle. That includes everything from budgeting finances to maintaining the household - who will be responsible for cooking, cleaning, paying the bills, etc.

Also, if you decide to SAH, find SAHM friends. While I looooove being at home (it's been 2 years now), it can be very isolating being with an infant all day every day. Especially during the winter months. I regret not looking into my local MOMS group sooner, those women help save my sanity!

GL with your decision!

Maelara · August 2013

I'm lucky because I get a year (50% paid). However, I will be working only part time when it's time to go back. This way, we don't have to shell out the excruciating amount of money day care costs! Plus, I've always wanted to be a SAHM

Linz805 · August 2013

I have really lucked out in this area...I am in my 13th week off (12 of them paid) and I go back to work next week. But the coolest part is that my son will come to work with me until he is 6 months old through our infant at work program. He will be in my offine with me all day, go to my meetings, probably cry during conference calls, basically be my business baby! I did the same thing with my daughter 3 years ago and while it does make work more difficult it is SO worth it and honestly one of the things that has kept me at my company. After 6 months he will go to the amazing daycare where his sister is. You all need to move to CA and work with me!

Flyhoworth · August 2013

Linz805 said:
I have really lucked out in this area...I am in my 13th week off (12 of them paid) and I go back to work next week. But the coolest part is that my son will come to work with me until he is 6 months old through our infant at work program. He will be in my offine with me all day, go to my meetings, probably cry during conference calls, basically be my business baby! I did the same thing with my daughter 3 years ago and while it does make work more difficult it is SO worth it and honestly one of the things that has kept me at my company. After 6 months he will go to the amazing daycare where his sister is. You all need to move to CA and work with me!

I'm in CA but nothing that great around here!

amie444 · August 2013

I am now a WAHM. My boss made a position so I can work from home. It is hard. I have hired a part time nanny that watched LO 0hours a week. I wish all I had to do was tAke care of my LO all day.

Linz805 · August 2013

CatalinaPink said:

I have really lucked out in this area...I am in my 13th week off (12 of them paid) and I go back to work next week. But the coolest part is that my son will come to work with me until he is 6 months old through our infant at work program. He will be in my offine with me all day, go to my meetings, probably cry during conference calls, basically be my business baby! I did the same thing with my daughter 3 years ago and while it does make work more difficult it is SO worth it and honestly one of the things that has kept me at my company. After 6 months he will go to the amazing daycare where his sister is. You all need to move to CA and work with me!
I'm in CA but nothing that great around here!
Same for me.

Well of course it's specific to my company in SoCal, but we've been doing it for 30 years. The first baby to participate in the program now works there :-) It would be amazing if more companies did something similar.

LiLi23 · August 2013

willman2585 said:
I may be the minority but the only way I could be a SAHM is if the boys are in school seriously, hats off to you ladies who do it!

This is me, too! I mean, don't get me wrong, I was sad when I returned after DD was born two years ago. But after being back for about a week I realized how much I enjoyed the adult interaction and me-time. Yes, it's extremely hard and crazy during the week, but there's no way I could SAH full time!

Achae · August 2013

I wish I made what my husband makes! He could be a stay at home dad then, I like going to work!

ashlo618 · August 2013

melissa0726 said:

I was in the same position with DD1. Had every intention of returning to work, then did a total 180 after she was born!

My best advice is to make sure you and your husband are on the same page about the change in your lifestyle. That includes everything from budgeting finances to maintaining the household - who will be responsible for cooking, cleaning, paying the bills, etc.

Also, if you decide to SAH, find SAHM friends. While I looooove being at home (it's been 2 years now), it can be very isolating being with an infant all day every day. Especially during the winter months. I regret not looking into my local MOMS group sooner, those women help save my sanity!

GL with your decision!

This is great advice, we were prepared for the financial and delegation of time and duties but personally the hardest thing is the lack of adult interaction! Just like the working Mamas have said, its one of the best parts about going back to work

I have really had to put myself out there and join groups, attend classes etc and meet other SAHMs so I can have some support and adult convo.Good luck, Im sure whatever you decide will be what is best for your family!

GraceInCA · August 2013

My plan was to stay home at least 6 months, but I feel like I'll go back in October instead of December. My kids are my life, but they need a mom who is fulfilled. No plans to stay at home full time until they're teenagers.

bumpuser8448316 · August 2013

Linz805 said:

CatalinaPink said:

I have really lucked out in this area...I am in my 13th week off (12 of them paid) and I go back to work next week. But the coolest part is that my son will come to work with me until he is 6 months old through our infant at work program. He will be in my offine with me all day, go to my meetings, probably cry during conference calls, basically be my business baby! I did the same thing with my daughter 3 years ago and while it does make work more difficult it is SO worth it and honestly one of the things that has kept me at my company. After 6 months he will go to the amazing daycare where his sister is. You all need to move to CA and work with me!
I'm in CA but nothing that great around here!
Same for me.

Well of course it's specific to my company in SoCal, but we've been doing it for 30 years. The first baby to participate in the program now works there :-) It would be amazing if more companies did something similar.

What industry are you in? I can't imagine trying to conduct business calls with an infant.

skio · August 2013

ssemovsk said:
Looks like I am in the minority but I am excited to go back to work. At my work we can take a year off and our job is guaranteed. And my DH makes more than enough to support us. But I worked damn hard for my job, and I just finished my graduate degree which will land me a huge pay raise so I have no intention of being a SAHM. Honestly, I'm not wired for it - even my husband has noticed that I've been crabbier. I love love love spending time with LO but I just feel like i need some adult interaction and to be known as something besides the milk maid lol I know going back in a few weeks will be extremely difficult but I feel like I'd lose my sense of self if I stayed at home. Kudos to those of you that SAH!

Wow, the milk maid comment is incredibly offensive. The rest is all specific to how you believe you would feel if you didn't work, and that's fine, but "I need to be known as something besides the milk made" was unnecessary, dude.

ssemovsk · August 2013

skio said:

ssemovsk said:
Looks like I am in the minority but I am excited to go back to work. At my work we can take a year off and our job is guaranteed. And my DH makes more than enough to support us. But I worked damn hard for my job, and I just finished my graduate degree which will land me a huge pay raise so I have no intention of being a SAHM. Honestly, I'm not wired for it - even my husband has noticed that I've been crabbier. I love love love spending time with LO but I just feel like i need some adult interaction and to be known as something besides the milk maid lol I know going back in a few weeks will be extremely difficult but I feel like I'd lose my sense of self if I stayed at home. Kudos to those of you that SAH!
Wow, the milk maid comment is incredibly offensive. The rest is all specific to how you believe you would feel if you didn't work, and that's fine, but "I need to be known as something besides the milk made" was unnecessary, dude.

Sorry didn't mean to offend anyone. It's a joke that I've heard other moms make that I thought was funny- maybe the humor didn't resonate with everyone
:-S

yohannah · August 2013

Ive been back for 3.5 weeks after taking a little over 2 months off. I cried the first day I had to leave her...shes with my MIL who keeps several toddlers during the day. I knew she was fine but it was such a drastic change. Luckily I have the support I need at work from mgmt and I dont think its a bother to my other coworkers....i work in a busy environment also so it can be hard to take breaks on time.... but after my first week I was only pumping about 6- 8oz during the day...I got worried. I started hand expressing after leaving my pump parts behind and i get so much more milk! Also made the lactation cookies and not only did they work, they were yummy too- its definitely hard but I think its for the best. Especially healthy for mom-LO needs to socialize and get to know her other grandma too. Its not like they can ever forget their mama!

TheTamedShrew · August 2013

I have an immense amount of respect for moms who work outside the home. Same for women who have the choice and choose to stay at home. Women have to play so many roles, regardless of their choice to take the financial support role or not. Although I don't wish we could revert back to the misogyny of the 50's, I think being a SAHM is a very respectable "career"(which I have chosen for now and might change later), and moms who work outside the home and parent are seriously super heroes in my book. We should all feel fulfilled, respected, and empowered for all that we do for our families.

skio · August 2013

ssemovsk said:

skio said:

ssemovsk said:
Looks like I am in the minority but I am excited to go back to work. At my work we can take a year off and our job is guaranteed. And my DH makes more than enough to support us. But I worked damn hard for my job, and I just finished my graduate degree which will land me a huge pay raise so I have no intention of being a SAHM. Honestly, I'm not wired for it - even my husband has noticed that I've been crabbier. I love love love spending time with LO but I just feel like i need some adult interaction and to be known as something besides the milk maid lol I know going back in a few weeks will be extremely difficult but I feel like I'd lose my sense of self if I stayed at home. Kudos to those of you that SAH!
Wow, the milk maid comment is incredibly offensive. The rest is all specific to how you believe you would feel if you didn't work, and that's fine, but "I need to be known as something besides the milk made" was unnecessary, dude.
Sorry didn't mean to offend anyone. It's a joke that I've heard other moms make that I thought was funny- maybe the humor didn't resonate with everyone
:-S

Hug it out. I don't hold grudges.

But it's not funny in any way to insinuate that SAHMs are just milkmaids; just like it's not funny to say that WMs aren't raising their own kids. Everyone's entitled to their choices and feelings but neither should be criticized as the lesser choice to the other. This battle between moms shouldn't exist. We're all moms, we're all doing what is best for our family. Insensitive wording just fuels the fire, know what I mean?

WasNotWas · August 2013

Sometimes when I am at home all day with my little one I also feel like my worth is measured in milk! Doesn't mean that is all SAHMs are good for, just means that's how I feel sometimes.

Flame away

flerlgirl · August 2013

ssemovsk said:

Looks like I am in the minority but I am excited to go back to work. At my work we can take a year off and our job is guaranteed. And my DH makes more than enough to support us. But I worked damn hard for my job, and I just finished my graduate degree which will land me a huge pay raise so I have no intention of being a SAHM. Honestly, I'm not wired for it - even my husband has noticed that I've been crabbier. I love love love spending time with LO but I just feel like i need some adult interaction and to be known as something besides the milk maid lol I know going back in a few weeks will be extremely difficult but I feel like I'd lose my sense of self if I stayed at home. Kudos to those of you that SAH!

"Milk maid"? Nice.

kaleyandjason · August 2013

flerlgirl said:

ssemovsk said:

Looks like I am in the minority but I am excited to go back to work. At my work we can take a year off and our job is guaranteed. And my DH makes more than enough to support us. But I worked damn hard for my job, and I just finished my graduate degree which will land me a huge pay raise so I have no intention of being a SAHM. Honestly, I'm not wired for it - even my husband has noticed that I've been crabbier. I love love love spending time with LO but I just feel like i need some adult interaction and to be known as something besides the milk maid lol I know going back in a few weeks will be extremely difficult but I feel like I'd lose my sense of self if I stayed at home. Kudos to those of you that SAH!

"Milk maid"? Nice.

You are a real winner, @ssemovsk.

ssemovsk · August 2013

MeghanKG said:

kaleyandjason said:

flerlgirl said:

ssemovsk said:

Looks like I am in the minority but I am excited to go back to work. At my work we can take a year off and our job is guaranteed. And my DH makes more than enough to support us. But I worked damn hard for my job, and I just finished my graduate degree which will land me a huge pay raise so I have no intention of being a SAHM. Honestly, I'm not wired for it - even my husband has noticed that I've been crabbier. I love love love spending time with LO but I just feel like i need some adult interaction and to be known as something besides the milk maid lol I know going back in a few weeks will be extremely difficult but I feel like I'd lose my sense of self if I stayed at home. Kudos to those of you that SAH!

"Milk maid"? Nice.
You are a real winner, @ssemovsk.

@ssemovsk aren't you the one bit vaccinating your baby?

I was joking! I stay at home (still on maternity for a few more weeks) and call myself this all the time, I didn't say it to put anyone down. I have a huge respect for SAHM's because its hard as hell and I couldn't do it. And to answer your question, no, I didn't vaccinate LO at her 2 month appt and I don't know if and when I will but what that has to do with this convo is beyond me

mrsmichigander · August 2013

Read the book IN PRAISE OF STAY AT HOME MOMS br Dr. Laura. It really helps you understand how hard it would be but for so many more reasons why it's incredibly fulfilling and good for the baby. You can have THE BEST NANNY/DAYCARE/BABYSITTER but they will NEVER be you.

lioness13 · August 2013

Staying at home is not for me. I go back to work in 3 weeks and I am looking forward to it. I like my job and as much as I love my DD, staying home would drive me crazy. I think it's great that many of you are doing that. It's a hard job!

flerlgirl · August 2013

mrsmichigander said:

Read the book IN PRAISE OF STAY AT HOME MOMS br Dr. Laura. It really helps you understand how hard it would be but for so many more reasons why it's incredibly fulfilling and good for the baby. You can have THE BEST NANNY/DAYCARE/BABYSITTER but they will NEVER be you.

First of all, I question Dr. Laura's legitimacy. Secondly, of course none of those things are you. What they are is a great resource to ensure your child has wonderful care if you can't/don't want to stay home. Do you plan to never ever go out and leave your kids with grandma or a sitter?

kaleyandjason · August 2013

flerlgirl said:

mrsmichigander said:

Read the book IN PRAISE OF STAY AT HOME MOMS br Dr. Laura. It really helps you understand how hard it would be but for so many more reasons why it's incredibly fulfilling and good for the baby. You can have THE BEST NANNY/DAYCARE/BABYSITTER but they will NEVER be you.

First of all, I question Dr. Laura's legitimacy. Secondly, of course none of those things are you. What they are is a great resource to ensure your child has wonderful care if you can't/don't want to stay home. Do you plan to never ever go out and leave your kids with grandma or a sitter?

NO NEVER FLERL!!!11!!!eleventy!1

WasNotWas · August 2013

flerlgirl said:

mrsmichigander said:

Read the book IN PRAISE OF STAY AT HOME MOMS br Dr. Laura. It really helps you understand how hard it would be but for so many more reasons why it's incredibly fulfilling and good for the baby. You can have THE BEST NANNY/DAYCARE/BABYSITTER but they will NEVER be you.

They will never be me. That's the point. My daycare employs childcare professionals, which I am not. I am able to mother the crap out of my kids, but there is no way that if my kids were home with me all day I would be able to teach them what they learn in school. I am happy with my decision and made what's right for ME. Opinions like yours are fine, feminism means being able to choose your choice. But, Gretchen, stop trying to make mommy wars happen, it's not going to happen.

flerlgirl · August 2013

kaleyandjason said:

mrsmichigander said:

Read the book IN PRAISE OF STAY AT HOME MOMS br Dr. Laura. It really helps you understand how hard it would be but for so many more reasons why it's incredibly fulfilling and good for the baby. You can have THE BEST NANNY/DAYCARE/BABYSITTER but they will NEVER be you.

First of all, I question Dr. Laura's legitimacy. Secondly, of course none of those things are you. What they are is a great resource to ensure your child has wonderful care if you can't/don't want to stay home. Do you plan to never ever go out and leave your kids with grandma or a sitter?
NO NEVER FLERL!!!11!!!eleventy!1

EXCLAMATION

flerlgirl · August 2013

willman2585 said:

mrsmichigander said:

Read the book IN PRAISE OF STAY AT HOME MOMS br Dr. Laura. It really helps you understand how hard it would be but for so many more reasons why it's incredibly fulfilling and good for the baby. You can have THE BEST NANNY/DAYCARE/BABYSITTER but they will NEVER be you.

They will never be me. That's the point. My daycare employs childcare professionals, which I am not. I am able to mother the crap out of my kids, but there is no way that if my kids were home with me all day I would be able to teach them what they learn in school. I am happy with my decision and made what's right for ME. Opinions like yours are fine, feminism means being able to choose your choice. But, Gretchen, stop trying to make mommy wars happen, it's not going to happen.

@willman2585 - I feel like you should know that I am a little bit in love with you.

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