Don't Know Her, But I Want To Slap Her! — The Bump
October 2013 Moms

Don't Know Her, But I Want To Slap Her!

My FI went to some fantasy football draft pick party last night. It was a his best friend's. His best friend's girlfriend hosted a baby shower yesterday. She shared some disturbing info about the mother to be. Apparently she has always been a heavy drinker. We're talking 10 or so mixed Vodka drinks doesn't faze her. She drank pretty heavily her first trimester until she realized she was pregnant. Guess it wasn't unusual for her to miss her period. Then she cut back to mostly red wine, but still drinks excessively. Supposedly her doctor said it was ok. Then at her baby shower she had four mimosas! I don't know who I want to slap more. The mother or the people around her that allow her to continue to drink. Come on people! Does Fetal Alcohol Syndrome mean nothing to you!?! My doctor told me and I quote, "Everyone says a glass of wine doesn't hurt, but IT CAN. Do. Not. Drink!"

Could you imagine the guilt one must feel if her baby popped out defected, and she knew she was responsible? It's one thing if you do everything possible to provide a good enviroment for your baby while he or she is in your womb. The baby come out with some issues... It was just meant to be. But if you don't, I would think the guilt would eat you up. I think I would be a nut case!

Re: Don't Know Her, But I Want To Slap Her!

  • That's really sad... I wonder how she will be once the baby is here.  I'm wondering if maybe it would have been worse for her and the baby if she stopped drinking all together (assuming she is an alcoholic).  That can do some serious damage to your body...
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  • I mean, what your doctor told you seems to contradict most of the research I've read, but I'll agree this lady's drinking seems excessive.
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    tmccord21MrsKocal[Deleted User]
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  • DH's mom smoked and drank her whole pregnancy. Enrages me.

    A coworker just told me his ex gf is pregnant (13w), and she is drinking, smoking, and on pills?!?! I don't know her name, but I want to report her ASAP!!! I started crying when he told me the news. I just don't understand how someone can be so selfish.
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  • She sounds like a gem. I'm worried about the baby brewing in her belly now but almost more worried about when that kid comes out and she has to care for it drunk. 
    [Deleted User]carawasa[Deleted User]
  • Agree with @sleepy33...my doctor said there is no research to support alcohol can cause ill effects if used in moderation, but it is his recommendation to not drink any.

    I do agree...if this person who is telling you this story is telling the truth and not exaggerating, it seems a bit much; but we are not a society where we don't allow morons to reproduce. Also, it's her child. She will get to live with the ill effects for the rest of her life...or not. I need to know how this baby turns out! Keep us updated!

    Also, I plan to drink a glass of wine or two at my shower :D

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    chicsahmliztorres1125
  • tmccord21 said:
    She sounds like a gem. I'm worried about the baby brewing in her belly now but almost more worried about when that kid comes out and she has to care for it drunk
    Yes, this is terribly frightening to me. 
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    tmccord21[Deleted User]lovelittlebean[Deleted User]
  • It always makes me so sad when I hear things like this. My niece was born addicted to pain meds, and it is so heartbreaking when a newborn has to go through withdrawal because of the mother. This baby could have Fetal alcohol Syndrome, or have withdrawal symptoms when it is born. Then, it has a hard life of being raised by a drunk. So sad.  :(
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  • DH's mom smoked and drank her whole pregnancy. Enrages me.

    A coworker just told me his ex gf is pregnant (13w), and she is drinking, smoking, and on pills?!?! I don't know her name, but I want to report her ASAP!!! I started crying when he told me the news. I just don't understand how someone can be so selfish.

    You do realize that back then they did not know all of the stuff they know now. Every woman drank and smoked during their pregnancy. They even smoked on airplanes.

    Am I bad for thinking that 4 mimosas isn't really that bad? All 4 probably have less alcohol than 1 glass of wine.


    chicsahmSuperSecretStatus
  • We have a baby right now in our NICU that has FAS, all 80 pounds of mom "didn't know she was pregnant" for 33 weeks. Came into the ER with a 0.28 blood alcohol level. Makes me sick!!!

    Needless to say, mom quickly lost custody of the baby.
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    tmccord21[Deleted User]
  • Wow, she clearly has a problem and I'm surprised her doctor hasn't intervened at all. 

    I agree with the others that most research indicates that a glass of wine here and there is fine. 

    However, at the beginning of my pregnancy, before anyone even knew I was PG, the topic came up and my friend was discussing how her sister had been working on a study that found even small amounts can have some ill effects and they were working towards getting doctors to refrain from telling pg woman that it is ok to have the ocassional drink. 

    Even though that's one study and I have no idea what type of reputation the place she works for has, it was enough to scare me into abstaining from alcohol until after baby.

       

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  • sleepy33 said:
    I mean, what your doctor told you seems to contradict most of the research I've read, but I'll agree this lady's drinking seems excessive.
    This, that is in excess for sure.... but my Dr. OK'd the occasional (NOT 4 in one afternoon) :P glass of wine end of 2nd and 3rd tri. It also helps when you have an irritable uterus like I do. I partake, and did with DS too.


  • Wino0920 said:
    DH's mom smoked and drank her whole pregnancy. Enrages me. A coworker just told me his ex gf is pregnant (13w), and she is drinking, smoking, and on pills?!?! I don't know her name, but I want to report her ASAP!!! I started crying when he told me the news. I just don't understand how someone can be so selfish.
    You do realize that back then they did not know all of the stuff they know now. Every woman drank and smoked during their pregnancy. They even smoked on airplanes. Am I bad for thinking that 4 mimosas isn't really that bad? All 4 probably have less alcohol than 1 glass of wine.
    I don't know what "back then" equates to but my grandmother quit smoking when she found out she was pregnant at 18, so this was between 1955-1960. I guess there was enough warnings out there for her at least to be mature about it? While I don't see why PP would be "enraged" by the disputed fact, I might also agree it's mildly immature to have drank and smoked in the 70s/80s when pregnant with even as little research backing it as they had back then. I also haven't written documentaries on this type of info or anything, but I think around this time they still had little research done on secondhand smoking, but "enough" done on firsthand smoking to convince most women.

    A mimosa is about one part champagne (or fruit wine), two parts fruit juice. Before becoming a bartender, I was also under the impression that this was one of the more "harmless" cocktails out there. While it may seem that way, one part will be anywhere from .75-1.5 oz of champagne depending on the size of the glass. For an 8oz mimosa, 1 jigger will be nearly 2 oz of champagne. One glass of wine standard is 5oz. Since 2 x 4 is 6oz, not only is it more than a glass of wine, but it's probably more alcoholic. Alcohol content in a mimosa is going to vary based off of what champagne is used (between 7% and 15% alcohol) while a glass of wine (in my experience) is around 10-12%.

    TL;DR: I think it's okay for PP to be annoyed with MIL for drinking/smoking while pregnant though I wouldn't get too judg-y due to the era difference (unless she is one of those MILs who comments on everything the PP does while pregnant, disregarding the choices she'd made her own). 
    According to OP the girl had 4 mimosas. That may have been her toning it down while pregnant in public surrounded by a bunch of people, so it still sucks. I'm questioning the 10 vodka cocktails not phasing her though -- is that exaggerating? Because that's a lot of fucking alcohol LOL

    Not trying to stir shit. I found your comments interesting.
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    Mmhodges07
  • My OB had the same comment in regards to alcohol. "You don't drink right?" "No" "Okay, good." I would feel personally conflicted feelings if I were an OB trying to treat a patient who is concerned for LO's health but yet won't seek help for her alcohol addiction. 
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  • While I agree that having 1 mimosa or glass of wine is probably okay, IMHO it's not worth the risk.  Look at everything else we are doing (and told to do) to give our babies the best chance, to keep them safe and to reduce any risk of issues (both while pregnant and after the baby is born) so I don't see giving up alcohol during pregnancy as that big of a hassle.  Was it fun to be the only person not drinking at the cookouts this summer, No, but would I hate myself forever if I did "risk it' and something happened that I could have possibly prevented.   For most things I advocate following your doctors orders and if you are bending the strictest rules/guidelines, make sure its in moderation. 

    This girl doesn't even seem like she's taking her baby's health into consideration with her behavior and that is disgusting.  

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    msronzio
  • Wino0920 said:

    DH's mom smoked and drank her whole pregnancy. Enrages me.

    A coworker just told me his ex gf is pregnant (13w), and she is drinking, smoking, and on pills?!?! I don't know her name, but I want to report her ASAP!!! I started crying when he told me the news. I just don't understand how someone can be so selfish.

    You do realize that back then they did not know all of the stuff they know now. Every woman drank and smoked during their pregnancy. They even smoked on airplanes.

    Am I bad for thinking that 4 mimosas isn't really that bad? All 4 probably have less alcohol than 1 glass of wine.


    DH is 25, and I am 24. My mom sure knew that nicotine and alcohol wasn't positive for the baby. DH's mom drank and smoked excessively, and her child before him died a few weeks after birth, because of her choices.
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  • mmgkms said:
    I think anyone who drinks/takes pills/does any other drug while pregnant is an utter piece of shit that doesn't deserve a baby. No, this doesn't include the occasional glass of wine while pregnant. I mean the ones who drink more than a glass, every single day. As far as the ones who do any sort of drug, I have zero tolerance for that shit. I have zero tolerance for drug use period though.
    High-five. It's so hard to find anyone around here my age who has never smoked weed. I always feel like the odd one out, and no one ever believes me. Oh well..
    I understand the depth of addictions, I really do. And I try not to side-eye a pregnant lady lighting up after leaving mcdonald's. But seriously. There's help out there for people like them.
    DH's mom smoked and drank her whole pregnancy. Enrages me. A coworker just told me his ex gf is pregnant (13w), and she is drinking, smoking, and on pills?!?! I don't know her name, but I want to report her ASAP!!! I started crying when he told me the news. I just don't understand how someone can be so selfish.
    You do realize that back then they did not know all of the stuff they know now. Every woman drank and smoked during their pregnancy. They even smoked on airplanes. Am I bad for thinking that 4 mimosas isn't really that bad? All 4 probably have less alcohol than 1 glass of wine.
    DH is 25, and I am 24. My mom sure knew that nicotine and alcohol wasn't positive for the baby. DH's mom drank and smoked excessively, and her child before him died a few weeks after birth, because of her choices.
    Still drank and smoked after she lost a baby? Okay, I'm side-eyeing her lol. 
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  • msronzio said:


    mmgkms said:

    I think anyone who drinks/takes pills/does any other drug while pregnant is an utter piece of shit that doesn't deserve a baby. No, this doesn't include the occasional glass of wine while pregnant. I mean the ones who drink more than a glass, every single day. As far as the ones who do any sort of drug, I have zero tolerance for that shit. I have zero tolerance for drug use period though.

    High-five. It's so hard to find anyone around here my age who has never smoked weed. I always feel like the odd one out, and no one ever believes me. Oh well..
    I understand the depth of addictions, I really do. And I try not to side-eye a pregnant lady lighting up after leaving mcdonald's. But seriously. There's help out there for people like them.


    Wino0920 said:

    DH's mom smoked and drank her whole pregnancy. Enrages me.

    A coworker just told me his ex gf is pregnant (13w), and she is drinking, smoking, and on pills?!?! I don't know her name, but I want to report her ASAP!!! I started crying when he told me the news. I just don't understand how someone can be so selfish.

    You do realize that back then they did not know all of the stuff they know now. Every woman drank and smoked during their pregnancy. They even smoked on airplanes.

    Am I bad for thinking that 4 mimosas isn't really that bad? All 4 probably have less alcohol than 1 glass of wine.


    DH is 25, and I am 24. My mom sure knew that nicotine and alcohol wasn't positive for the baby. DH's mom drank and smoked excessively, and her child before him died a few weeks after birth, because of her choices.

    Still drank and smoked after she lost a baby? Okay, I'm side-eyeing her lol. 

    Yes, absolutely terrible! When DH and I told her about us being pregnant, she lit up a cigarette, in her house, after two minutes of the news. DH and I got up and left, and she brought up how she smoked and drank during all of her pregnancies. I wanted to mention how her child died (the one before DH), but I obviously couldn't be that mean. I side eye her quite often!!!!
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  • sleepy33 said:
    I mean, what your doctor told you seems to contradict most of the research I've read, but I'll agree this lady's drinking seems excessive.
    Ditto this. From everything I've read as well, it's pretty well established that one glass of wine won't hurt the baby, but yeah - this lady sounds like an alcoholic and that can DEFINITELY hurt the baby. 
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  • Ugh. FAS is no joke. My 12 year old brother in law was born at 23 weeks and its now healthy. But he is autistic, has cognitive development delays and adhd. He is a very lucky child, he could have died being born so small. (1lb 12oz) 
    A glass of wine here or there is okay but, drinking like that is not worth your child life. 
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  • Wino0920Wino0920
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    @msronzio- she is not having the 10 glasses of vodka while pregnant, she quit to only red wine.

    I'm sorry, but the era difference is huge. My mom smoked with all 5 of us and so did my grandma. My mom seriously side eyes women who do now because of everything they have learned. She has quit since then and can't believe how little they knew.

    I find it funny that women love to bash the once in a while drink but have no problem bragging about all the junk food and pop they drink. I was recently watching Dr. Oz and he had a doctor on that said one glass of wine a day is healthier than 1 glass of soda a week.

    I'm not saying I agree with this woman but the Judgy bull rap that comes out when discussing it is amazing.

    Edited: day to week when speaking of soda.
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  • @wino0920 I'm not against wine here or there. I'm talking about excessive drinking, and women who smoke/ do drugs.
    I also agree that eating junk food constantly is gross. I think it's the most crucial time to eat healthy!
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  • msronziomsronzio
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    edited August 2013
    @Wino0920 That's what I had thought, but I was commenting that even not while pregnant... that's a lot of alcohol, nahmean. My mom's a heavy drinker and has been for most of her life, but around 4-5 vodka cocktails and she's on her ass. 4 is amusing. 10 sounds life-threatening.

    Since more information came to light about PP's experience, I guess it's even worse that she lost a child and didn't really "learn" from it. Quotes because clearly I don't know the whole story and couldn't possibly know if the baby had had some other kind of underlying medical reason. I've been guilty of half a beer or an oz of wine 2-3 times throughout the pregnancy, and I treat my diet the same way. It's hard to avoid all the junk since food = comfort for me, but that's why I enlisted the help of a nutritionist and went organic. (AWing a little over here ;) )

    Like I said, I try not to judge.. Because you never know if the woman is just having a bad day and has to have this ONE cigarette or ONE drink. But I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. The girl in OP's story doesn't really seem like she deserves that... she does however deserve to be referred somewhere where she can get help. Wine might be ok once in a while, but most likely not every day (I admit I'm not a scientist/OB to proclaim that). I truly hope with all of my heart that her LO dodges the bullet and is born healthy.

    ETA I will have to watch that episode considering I love wine but DH makes fun of me for it.
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    Wino0920Mmhodges07SuperSecretStatus
  • msronzio said:
    @Wino0920 That's what I had thought, but I was commenting that even not while pregnant... that's a lot of alcohol, nahmean. My mom's a heavy drinker and has been for most of her life, but around 4-5 vodka cocktails and she's on her ass. 4 is amusing. 10 sounds life-threatening.


    During my party phase I could easily knock down 10 cocktails.  Plus some shooters probably.  You just never know the tolerance of the person!
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  • msronzio said:
    @Wino0920 That's what I had thought, but I was commenting that even not while pregnant... that's a lot of alcohol, nahmean. My mom's a heavy drinker and has been for most of her life, but around 4-5 vodka cocktails and she's on her ass. 4 is amusing. 10 sounds life-threatening.


    During my party phase I could easily knock down 10 cocktails.  Plus some shooters probably.  You just never know the tolerance of the person!
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    Couldn't resist :P
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    chicsahm
  • I can't drink 4 anything and not be embarrassingly drunk. Maybe her mimosas were mostly OJ and just a splash of champagne. I have a mimosa or 2 on sundays, but they are nearly all juice and I really just want to feel fancy with a stemmed glass. 
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