Leaning towards OAD, questions — The Bump
One & Done: Only child

Leaning towards OAD, questions

edited August 2013 in One & Done: Only child
Hubby and I have been strongly leaning towards OAD. We just had our first child together on 5/23/2013. My husband is 41, and he has an 18 year old son already, but he never gets to see him and hasn't been allowed to be involved in his life, so really, this is like the first child for both of us. I use to want to have two kids, largely because I felt like I was missing something growing up without siblings around (I have two half brothers, but they are so much older than me I was basically raised like an only child). I have changed my mind, though, and am pretty certain we should be OAD. He is a SAHD and I still need to finish my degree and really establish my career, so I feel like it is going to be a long time before we can even possibly afford more than one child. I don't want our daughter to go without. My husband is adopted, so we were considering adoption down the line if we get to a place financially that would allow for a second child and we really wanted one. My hubby was actually the one to first suggest a vasectomy.

When I told my friends that I wanted to be OAD, I was really surprised how many of them were saying I would regret it or that I should wait at least a year before hubby gets snipped. I do not do well on hormonal birth control and don't want a tubal, so we both think snipping is the way to go for us. With those of you who have a tubal or a SO that got snipped, do you ever regret it? What's the hardest thing about being OAD, if there is anything hard about it? Is it a good idea to wait a year?
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Re: Leaning towards OAD, questions

  • We are pretty sure, but decided to wait to do anything perminant. We use either a diaphragm or condoms until then.
  • I can't offer anything because we did wait a year. Dh's appt was on ds's first birthday. When that appt was offered, it seemed a sign that we were making the right decision.
  • We waited a year before making any real decisions too. He's getting the vasectomy soon (had other medical issues that got in the way this year) and we've just been using condoms. There's really not any sort of major life-changing decision you're supposed to make during those first 12 months.

    I can relate to some of your situation. DH is a SAHD (on purpose) and I'm just in a mid-level govt job, so there is a major financial factor. And DH is an only child who always wished for siblings, so he obviously had some qualms there. But we still decided in the end that this was the best course for our family.
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  • We are probably OAD, and if you asked us any time the first year, we would have said hands-down-OAD.  But the first year is a tough ride.  The first year is when you haven't figured out your patterns for money, for scheduling (including things like school).  When you haven't really figured out your family entirely.

    Clearly, YOU know your feelings and your family's feelings best.  If you are sure, then that's ok too!  I'd keep in mind that your hormones are still not back to a baseline like what they were before pregnancy, so if you think that is having any influence on your decision, you might want to wait on permanent measures.  But if you know that isn't a factor, then you know!

    Good luck making your final decision!
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  • KatieB19KatieB19 member
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    edited August 2013
    We are done, but we are still going to wait until DS is 5 (our maximum age difference from back when we wanted 2) to do anything permanent.

    I also don't like hormonal birth control, and iuds wig me out, lol. I had a diaphragm, but dh always felt it and it irritated him. We do sometimes use condoms, but our birth control method of choice is withdrawal. There are A LOT of misconceptions about withdrawal. Some truths (that can be verified with studies): the only time there will be semen in pre-ejaculate fluid is if the man finished, did not urinate, and then had sex again. This method is also as effective as condoms. Of course, you have to trust your partner. There should not be any "pulling and praying", he shouldn't wait till the last second to pull out. DH have been using this method for 6 years and got pregnant when he, ya know, didn't pull out.

    You could also chart. That's a really good way to know when you are fertile (which is for like 10 days in the middle of your cycle). After you ovulate, which you will know by your temps, you are not fertile again until a few days after your next period begins.

    ETA: changed "middle of period" to "middle of cycle"
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  • Katie, I am glad to hear that works for someone else as well! We have been using the withdrawal method for about 2 years with no issue (only got pregnant when we intentionally didn't use it). I like the idea of charting too. =]
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  • How sure are you?  If yo ureally REALLY think you're done, then have your DH get snipped.  But if there is ANY question in  your mind - wait a few more months.  The first year IS hard and if people based #2 on the first year alone, there would be a LOT more OAD families!! 

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • I feel like we are about 90% sure. DH has gone back and forth a little but keeps going back to saying he should get snipped.
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