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MIL made going home outfit

Abs211981Abs211981 member
in 3rd Trimester
I was at a baby shower for my SIL (married to DH's brother) who is due in Oct when my MIL surprised her with a crocheted going home outfit that she had *made* herself. MIL has good intentions, but the outfit was awful.  Okay, not awful...it just wasn't anything even close to something my SIL would per her child in.  

SIL called me after the shower sobbing bc she has no idea how to handle it.  MIL announced when she opened it that she made it just for DS to go home in.  SIL was so stunned that she just went with it.  

MIL can have some controlling and meddling tendencies, but she has a huge heart and I really think she was just trying to give SIL something thoughtful.  Still....

What the heck?!  I don't know what to tell SIL...it would be bad enough if MIL just bought an outfit, but since she made it SIL feels obligated to let DS wear it home.  And now I'm already freaking out about her doing the same thing to me one day and I'm not even pregnant yet!!
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  • Abs211981Abs211981 member
    HFrizzle said:
    Tell her to put it on him, take a couple pictures of him in it and then change him into whatever they planned on bringing him home in. Unless the MIL is going to be at the hospital or her house when they get home, there are ways around it.
    We all live in the same town 5 min from each other and 10 from the hospital so she will definitely be there for the whole thing...
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  • Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member
    Does she have to though ?  I understand everyone lives close but that still doesn't mean MIL has to be at the hospital and at their home ?
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  • Abs211981Abs211981 member
    I guess I should have added that SIL had been excited about picking out a going home outfit herself.  She doesn't want to pick a fight, but she's bummed she isn't going to be able to pick out a going home outfit.  She plans on have extended family there in the waiting room (with everyone together there will be 22 of them) and of course there will be lots of pics.  

    I don't know....I'm just glad it's not me.
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  • Abs211981Abs211981 member
    Also, we live way down south were 70-80 degree temps are quite common in early Oct.  So no chance of an extra blanket to cover that thing up
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  • Abs211981Abs211981 member
    I guess I'm glad I came here to get opinions...I was at a loss but was thinking of suggesting just going to MIL and gently explaining that she was really excited about picking the outfit out herself but that she couldn't be more grateful for the time and thought MIL put into the outfit.  And that DS would wear the outfit very soon, as soon as the weather got a bit colder.

    Oh well!
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  • Abs211981Abs211981 member
    msronzio said:
    Abs211981 said:
    I guess I should have added that SIL had been excited about picking out a going home outfit herself.  She doesn't want to pick a fight, but she's bummed she isn't going to be able to pick out a going home outfit.  She plans on have extended family there in the waiting room (with everyone together there will be 22 of them) and of course there will be lots of pics.  

    I don't know....I'm just glad it's not me.
    Oh well that's easy then! She can bring a swaddle blanket, and practice skin to skin from the get-go (LO will be naked except for a diaper anyway), so she doesn't even need to put him in it until he is literally going home. I understand getting excited about a going home outfit. Initially I was too. Then I realized, I'm going to be dressing this child for the next several years of his life, and there will be plenty of photo opportunities. 
    If it is such a big deal, I don't see why SIL can't just tell her no. It's not her child, it's SIL's. 
    Didn't think about skin to skin and swaddling...good stuff!
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  • msronziomsronzio member
    thedash said:
    Just have her tell MIL that she already has an outfit that her and her husband have picked out together to go home in, and that LO will wear the outfit she made another time (like on the first visit to MIL's house).  Or you can tell her it didn't fit?!?
    This exactly if she really cannot stand to let him wear the outfit for the drive home. She can say we already picked something for that but this is a great first day at home or first visit to grandma outfit. And it would be very unusual to have everyone in the waiting room when she is discharged. You usually don't know exactly when that will be. Even on the day you're being released you kind of sit around waiting for doctors and nurses to check on different things and nobody gives you a time estimate. Then suddenly they show up with a wheelchair and off you go. Is she actually going to have over 20 people sitting around the hospital with her waiting for all of that? Don't they have jobs?
    lmao
    unfortunately from what I'm hearing some just abruptly take off for several days. jeez! 
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  • CutieBean79CutieBean79 member
    She should suck it up and use the outfit. It's homemade and should rank higher than anything bought at a department store or baby boutique. Family trumps fashion.
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  • Abs211981Abs211981 member
    msronzio said:
    thedash said:
    Just have her tell MIL that she already has an outfit that her and her husband have picked out together to go home in, and that LO will wear the outfit she made another time (like on the first visit to MIL's house).  Or you can tell her it didn't fit?!?
    This exactly if she really cannot stand to let him wear the outfit for the drive home. She can say we already picked something for that but this is a great first day at home or first visit to grandma outfit. And it would be very unusual to have everyone in the waiting room when she is discharged. You usually don't know exactly when that will be. Even on the day you're being released you kind of sit around waiting for doctors and nurses to check on different things and nobody gives you a time estimate. Then suddenly they show up with a wheelchair and off you go. Is she actually going to have over 20 people sitting around the hospital with her waiting for all of that? Don't they have jobs?
    lmao
    unfortunately from what I'm hearing some just abruptly take off for several days. jeez! 
    DH's family is weird.  For my other SIL's delivery she had her parents, her sister and BIL and their 2 kids, her MIL and FIL, and my DH all in there the ENTIRE time.  We have an incredibly large hospital with huge delivery rooms (like hotel suites) and she was fine having every single one of them there even during pushing.

    Granted, she had an epidural and stated she didn't feel too much pain.  Still, there's no way in HELL I would do that.  It was literally a family event.


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  • TashnBabiiTashnBabii member
    I'd tell your SIL to be honest and tell your MIL that although it was a kind gesture, she has something already picked out for LO. She can take a few pictures of LO in outfit, but then change him after.
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  • Abs211981Abs211981 member
    msronzio said:
    Abs211981 said:
    msronzio said:
    thedash said:
    Just have her tell MIL that she already has an outfit that her and her husband have picked out together to go home in, and that LO will wear the outfit she made another time (like on the first visit to MIL's house).  Or you can tell her it didn't fit?!?
    This exactly if she really cannot stand to let him wear the outfit for the drive home. She can say we already picked something for that but this is a great first day at home or first visit to grandma outfit. And it would be very unusual to have everyone in the waiting room when she is discharged. You usually don't know exactly when that will be. Even on the day you're being released you kind of sit around waiting for doctors and nurses to check on different things and nobody gives you a time estimate. Then suddenly they show up with a wheelchair and off you go. Is she actually going to have over 20 people sitting around the hospital with her waiting for all of that? Don't they have jobs?
    lmao
    unfortunately from what I'm hearing some just abruptly take off for several days. jeez! 
    DH's family is weird.  For my other SIL's delivery she had her parents, her sister and BIL and their 2 kids, her MIL and FIL, and my DH all in there the ENTIRE time.  We have an incredibly large hospital with huge delivery rooms (like hotel suites) and she was fine having every single one of them there even during pushing.

    Granted, she had an epidural and stated she didn't feel too much pain.  Still, there's no way in HELL I would do that.  It was literally a family event.


    What the hell
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    Well I guess if they're THAT close...then she can totally tell her mom NOOOPE!
    That was a different sister in law...this SIL does not feel that comfortable.  Just using it as an example since PP mentioned that family might not be there when they leave. 

    Sorry for the confusion :-/  

    It was totally worth seeing that awesome octopus gif though!
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  • heaven22twheaven22tw member
    Suck it up and put the baby in the outfit bc lets be honest gma will be spoiling the cr@p out of that baby for the next...well eternity.  in order to prevent future clothes issues mention the yarn seemed to irritate his or her skin...and they are going to have to be careful about what fabrics the baby wears.
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  • somerandomladysomerandomlady
    estreyas said:

    "MIL, we've put some thought into it, and due to the liklihood LO will probably spit up or have a wet/dirty diaper and it may damage your hard work, we may actually pick (other thing) to bring him/her home in. We'll definitely make sure to get some photos of her/him in it for you, though."

    SIL - /and/ you, @abs211981 - get to decide what your LO comes home in. Thank her for the gift if she gives you another crocheted nightmare, and let her know you already have something for the LO / are picking up something else, and will make sure LO gets the chance to wear this at another time when you can be sure it won't be damaged.

    estreyas said:

    "MIL, we've put some thought into it, and due to the liklihood LO will probably spit up or have a wet/dirty diaper and it may damage your hard work, we may actually pick (other thing) to bring him/her home in. We'll definitely make sure to get some photos of her/him in it for you, though."

    SIL - /and/ you, @abs211981 - get to decide what your LO comes home in. Thank her for the gift if she gives you another crocheted nightmare, and let her know you already have something for the LO / are picking up something else, and will make sure LO gets the chance to wear this at another time when you can be sure it won't be damaged.

    Most people make baby items out of machine washable yarn, because duh babies get bodily fluids on everything. Saying 'we don't want to wear this outfit because it'll get pooped on' is just kind of insulting. It's saying you will NEVER use the gift and it was a waste of her time & money to wear it.
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  • Abs211981Abs211981 member
    msronzio said:
    @somerandomlady While I don't condone the white lying aspect of the PP's suggestion, I think it's a hell of a lot more insulting to corner a family member into using something she made when she wants it to be used. Keep in mind this isn't MIL's LO, it's SIL's LO... MIL already got to bring a child/children home in a take home outfit. While a handmade gift is always a kind gesture (I think I got 4 homemade baby blankets, and I love them ALL and wish I could use them all 4 at once!) it is just that -- a gift. The gifter does not get to tell the giftee when she can or can't use it, lol. That's just ridiculous.

    Also, I realize gifter and giftee are probably not real words, haha
    Ok, I'm glad someone else is saying this.  That was my thought.  While it's a nice gesture, why not make an outfit for them at wear at ANY point?  Why does she have to make the statement in public that it's specifically for the baby to come home in?

    But since no one else had thought that I figured I was overreacting.  Then again this was the same women who insisted her grown sons come back into the church to escort her out at the end of their wedding ceremony...as in she wanted them to come BACK in right after her son and his new wife walked out so that she could be escorted out by him.

    Yeah, I know, weird. 
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  • Abs211981Abs211981 member
    msronzio said:
    Ooh ooh, another idea, SIL could have LO wear the outfit like maybe once and then do one of those shadowbox things with it and give it back to MIL to display in her house. Then she never has to put LO in it again 

    Buahaha I am evil.
    >:)
    bahahah didn't even think of this!!
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  • Abs211981Abs211981 member
    babygiantquest said:
    I am dying to know what this outfit looks like.
    ha!  I don't blame you.  I texted SIL to see if I could get a picture but she said she's rather not since she knows several girls from our hometown that lurk and/or post on here.  She's worried that it could possibly get back to MIL :(

    I tried!!
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  • msronziomsronzio member
    Abs211981 said:
    msronzio said:
    @somerandomlady While I don't condone the white lying aspect of the PP's suggestion, I think it's a hell of a lot more insulting to corner a family member into using something she made when she wants it to be used. Keep in mind this isn't MIL's LO, it's SIL's LO... MIL already got to bring a child/children home in a take home outfit. While a handmade gift is always a kind gesture (I think I got 4 homemade baby blankets, and I love them ALL and wish I could use them all 4 at once!) it is just that -- a gift. The gifter does not get to tell the giftee when she can or can't use it, lol. That's just ridiculous.

    Also, I realize gifter and giftee are probably not real words, haha
    Ok, I'm glad someone else is saying this.  That was my thought.  While it's a nice gesture, why not make an outfit for them at wear at ANY point?  Why does she have to make the statement in public that it's specifically for the baby to come home in?

    But since no one else had thought that I figured I was overreacting.  Then again this was the same women who insisted her grown sons come back into the church to escort her out at the end of their wedding ceremony...as in she wanted them to come BACK in right after her son and his new wife walked out so that she could be escorted out by him.

    Yeah, I know, weird. 
    Initially I was concerned, and it must be tough since SIL was to the point of sobbing. However she seems like she really just does not want to disappoint MIL. And that's fine, but I think it's been mentioned before, that these kinds of things should be nipped in the bud early because they will start to develop in other areas of LOs life as he or she grows up. Essentially for SIL she either has to just roll with it to make MIL happy so she doesn't have to seem "ungrateful" (although I detest that kind of a compromise) or she should put her foot down now so she doesn't have to in the future. It's hard! There is a lot at stake. MIL might close off completely. I don't know her otherwise I could pitch what I'd do in this situation :( 

    That's the thing though, she has to know her, or talk to her husband about how to properly deal with her in this case. If it were my mom, I'd compromise, because my mom is sweet and never overbearing. If MIL however is, and this kind of behavior is seen as acceptable, this could strain into other areas of LOs life later on, such as eating habits or religion, and no mother wants to debate with her MIL about that kind of crap. It's not MIL's kid.

    So no, you weren't overreacting -- I'm just a real pushover with my future kid's clothing. I don't give a crap what he wears because the clothing I received was all very nice, and I don't have to worry. Also, for some reason, a going home outfit doesn't matter much to me. Add in the fact that my mom and MIL are freaking stellar amazing, and you got someone who would totally compromise on this sort of thing ;) 

    SIL will be justified in whichever option she chooses. It's great of you to be there for her through all this.
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  • babygiantquestbabygiantquest member
    edited August 2013
    Abs211981 said:
    babygiantquest said:
    I am dying to know what this outfit looks like.
    ha!  I don't blame you.  I texted SIL to see if I could get a picture but she said she's rather not since she knows several girls from our hometown that lurk and/or post on here.  She's worried that it could possibly get back to MIL :(

    I tried!!
    Aw, sad face.  But, I can't say that I blame her; the situation sounds messed up enough as it is.  Best of luck to you both.
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  • Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member
    Abs211981 said:
    msronzio said:
    @somerandomlady While I don't condone the white lying aspect of the PP's suggestion, I think it's a hell of a lot more insulting to corner a family member into using something she made when she wants it to be used. Keep in mind this isn't MIL's LO, it's SIL's LO... MIL already got to bring a child/children home in a take home outfit. While a handmade gift is always a kind gesture (I think I got 4 homemade baby blankets, and I love them ALL and wish I could use them all 4 at once!) it is just that -- a gift. The gifter does not get to tell the giftee when she can or can't use it, lol. That's just ridiculous.

    Also, I realize gifter and giftee are probably not real words, haha
    Ok, I'm glad someone else is saying this.  That was my thought.  While it's a nice gesture, why not make an outfit for them at wear at ANY point?  Why does she have to make the statement in public that it's specifically for the baby to come home in?

    But since no one else had thought that I figured I was overreacting.  Then again this was the same women who insisted her grown sons come back into the church to escort her out at the end of their wedding ceremony...as in she wanted them to come BACK in right after her son and his new wife walked out so that she could be escorted out by him.

    Yeah, I know, weird. 

    Ok, you got me.  Did this actually happen or did your DH / BILs say " no."
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  • CutieBean79CutieBean79 member
    MMMiller said:
    I can't imagine one little outfit causing such conflict.  My MIL does a lot for us, she is my hubsand's MOTHER after all she's an important part of our family...if she made an outfit, ugly or not I'd put the baby in it.  It's one day (the outfit likely won't make it through the whole day anyways).  Is an article of clothing worth hurting someone's feelings?

    My thoughts exactly.
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  • somerandomladysomerandomlady
    msronzio said:

    @somerandomlady While I don't condone the white lying aspect of the PP's suggestion, I think it's a hell of a lot more insulting to corner a family member into using something she made when she wants it to be used. Keep in mind this isn't MIL's LO, it's SIL's LO... MIL already got to bring a child/children home in a take home outfit. While a handmade gift is always a kind gesture (I think I got 4 homemade baby blankets, and I love them ALL and wish I could use them all 4 at once!) it is just that -- a gift. The gifter does not get to tell the giftee when she can or can't use it, lol. That's just ridiculous.


    Also, I realize gifter and giftee are probably not real words, haha
    I'm NOT saying she has to use it as going home outfit, or even that she ever has to wear it. I'm just saying if somebody told me they'd basically NEVER use my gift out of fear of ruining it I'd think they're an idiot. Then what's the point? Why preserve something to never use it? It's a dumb excuse.

    The baby is no more likely to poop on it in the ride home than on the first trip to grandmas house, is what I'm saying.

    MIL was well intentioned I'm sure and doesn't realize she's making SIL feel awkward with her pressuring. If she wants to use a different outfit she should; if called on it just say you wanted to pick something out yourself. No reason to make a big deal out of it or lie by sending pics in the homemade outfit and then changing baby. Change the baby as little as possible, it makes our baby scream lol

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  • JMU_Bride09JMU_Bride09 member
    Personally, I would tell MIL thank you but that we had something else in mind for baby's coming home outfit. She can always have the baby wear it for his second day home and make a big deal about that. I understand not wanting to start a fight, but I wouldn't ant to compromise with my first child. There are ways of going about the situation without hurting your MIL (unless she's overly sensitive).
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  • Abs211981Abs211981 member
    Disneygeek77 said:
    Abs211981 said:
    msronzio said:
    @somerandomlady While I don't condone the white lying aspect of the PP's suggestion, I think it's a hell of a lot more insulting to corner a family member into using something she made when she wants it to be used. Keep in mind this isn't MIL's LO, it's SIL's LO... MIL already got to bring a child/children home in a take home outfit. While a handmade gift is always a kind gesture (I think I got 4 homemade baby blankets, and I love them ALL and wish I could use them all 4 at once!) it is just that -- a gift. The gifter does not get to tell the giftee when she can or can't use it, lol. That's just ridiculous.

    Also, I realize gifter and giftee are probably not real words, haha
    Ok, I'm glad someone else is saying this.  That was my thought.  While it's a nice gesture, why not make an outfit for them at wear at ANY point?  Why does she have to make the statement in public that it's specifically for the baby to come home in?

    But since no one else had thought that I figured I was overreacting.  Then again this was the same women who insisted her grown sons come back into the church to escort her out at the end of their wedding ceremony...as in she wanted them to come BACK in right after her son and his new wife walked out so that she could be escorted out by him.

    Yeah, I know, weird. 

    Ok, you got me.  Did this actually happen or did your DH / BILs say " no."
    Oh this actually happened.  SIL was so taken aback that she didn't know what to say and just rolled with it.  That was 3 years ago and to this day regrets not putting her foot down.  Bc her DH went back in for mommy dearest after ditching her (this is how she sees it) she has had ongoing issues feeling like MIL is being too intrusive.
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  • redfallonredfallon member
    msronzio said:

    @somerandomlady While I don't condone the white lying aspect of the PP's suggestion, I think it's a hell of a lot more insulting to corner a family member into using something she made when she wants it to be used. Keep in mind this isn't MIL's LO, it's SIL's LO... MIL already got to bring a child/children home in a take home outfit. While a handmade gift is always a kind gesture (I think I got 4 homemade baby blankets, and I love them ALL and wish I could use them all 4 at once!) it is just that -- a gift. The gifter does not get to tell the giftee when she can or can't use it, lol. That's just ridiculous.


    Also, I realize gifter and giftee are probably not real words, haha
    Yes yes yes to all this!

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  • MrsClaus8MrsClaus8 member
    Literally MINUTES after we got DS1 into his going home outfit he had a major blow out and didn't even end up wearing that outfit home. Just sayin'. Put the kid in it, take a pic and change him. Maybe it's because we're on baby #3 but I can't even remember what's in the hospital bag for this kid to wear home. Lol
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  • Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member

    Well it sounds like your SIL has had ongoing problems with MIL being inappropriate and not respecting boundaries.

    Does she even want MIL with them when they bring the baby home ?  It seems instead of having the courage to come out and say " MIL, please leave us alone while we have time to bond and recover," your SIL is  focusing her anxieties on the outfit. 

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