What to do about bossiness

meg1974 · August 2013

DD used to be really shy and wouldn't play with other kids very much. Then, I started her in preschool last year and she really came out of her shell. Now, she has gone the opposite direction and has become quite bossy. She bosses her younger sister around as well as other kids her age, and even me sometimes when I play with her. She gets frustrated when people won't play exactly the way she wants them to do. I can see kids not wanting to play with her because of this, and then she gets upset.

I tried explaining to her that people don't like to be bossed around and sometimes they want to play their own way, but it doesn't help. Any tips?

74dragonfly · August 2013

My DD did this a lot at age 3.5. I used to say "it isnt fun to play with you when you tell me what to do. please stop". if she wouldn't I'd walk away. she started to get the message.

It was lesson we repeated a lot. It got better at age 4.

LoCarb · August 2013

This is very common for my 4 yo and several of her friends through PS or other outlets. I'm thinking it's the age.

When DD1 bosses me around I talk to her like an adult and explain my feelings. I don't like to be ordered around and you are not playing fairly. My feelings are hurt. Try asking me to do xyz.

meldoo2002 · August 2013

I would just let her figure out from natural consequences what happens. I have one that's bossier than the other, but neither are shy and are both pretty bossy. They started a new daycare just for this summer and there are older kids there 5-7... they've always been the oldest at daycare. The first day Nathan came home and said "mom they don't want to play the way I want to play all the time." Um wow... really.... nice of you to realize it may not be all about you. So I think it's a good thing if the kids decide they don't want to play with her. She'll learn.. and you can talk about it. If you don't compromise you may have to be ok with playing alone. Nathan unfortunately thinks "compromise" means I make the plans and you compromise to do what I want. LOL.

Littlejen22 · August 2013

All of the above but also remember that we tell girls they are bossy and boys they are leaders so I would teach her to listen to others also but remember that as long as she does not alienate people it might not be bad.

https://m.blogher.com/six-ways-parents-can-avoid-toxic-effects-gender-stereotypes-their-children

rab2006 · August 2013

Listening. This is totally DD right now. We don't have the LO for her to boss around yet, but she gets VERY bossy with DH and I. We are consistent w/ our warnings and time outs, but doesn't seem to do anything to slow it down with her.

groovygrl · August 2013

What the others said and to address the female stereotype issue mentioned above I have tried to start saying to her that you need to take turns leading how to play, sometimes ou get to lead how you play and sometimes you have let your friends lead because your friends may not want to play with you if you always have to lead and they don't get a turn. I would say the same to Ds.

meldoo2002 · August 2013

Um my kids are boys and they are bossy. Never once did I consider their behavior as being a leader. I didn't realize that was how the gender stereotype was being portrayed.

VTbride05 · August 2013

My son is bossy with some friends, and not with others. I try to both step in when needed, but also step back and if they decide not to play with him because he is bossy I hope the lesson will be learned a bit. It's a hard one.

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