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He won't even respond

inthelostinthelost member
in Single Parents
I saw bd once a few weeks ago..and he's been ignoring me ever since. I just want him to talk to me and figure things out since we're getting close to her being born. He will not respond to me or acknowledge me in any way even when I ask him if he wants to know when his daughter is born so he can come see her. I don't even think he knows which hospital I'm going to. It's a little hurtful that he won't even acknowledge my existence at all. I think even a "I don't care or want to know when she's born" response would be better than absolutely no response at all...when he did see me he just made stupid comments about my size and such I think he was just trying to make me upset. I really don't even know if I should inform him when she's born at this point...
Liliana Seraphina born 9/5/2103


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Re: He won't even respond

  • ktedmonktedmon member
    My son's bd will get a text and that's it. I know he'll insist coming to see him, and I may allow it, but he won't even be on the bc to begin with. He's bad news and I wish I had known more about him before getting pregnant by him. This is #6 for him and his ex after me is pregnant with #7. He doesn't care for any of them and because of his past, I am going to try to get a protective order against him. I think in your situation, the non communication is probably your answer. You could just let him know and leave it at that, Good luck!

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  • 20thirteen20thirteen member
    I just found out that my BD got a text from a mutual friend when my DD was born.  I wasn't going to tell him, I figured his parents would.  But they didn't either.  He was upset but I didn't understand why, since his "attempt to communicate" was one text message.  Anything else was through his parents and, even then, was little to nothing.  I don't know what the deal is with your BD, but clearly he has some growing up to do.  A real man steps up for his kids, regardless of whether or not mom & dad stay together.
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  • dmndsr4evadmndsr4eva member
    Wow, 7 kids!  Sorry.  Personally if I were you and he was ignoring you I would just cut him out.  Cut your losses and move on.  If he wants to be in his child's life than he needs to be the one to make the effort. 
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  • Martinez720Martinez720 member
    You need to stop trying and focus on you and the baby. I know it hurts and it's easier said then done. But if he wants to be part of the baby's life he will. I'm kind of in the same situation ... BD was all about having this baby and being a family but as soon as I got home from the hospital he totally changed He wants nothing to do with the baby and I'm now all by myself as a FTM figuring it all out. I've called , txt etc and nothing. Soo I gave up bc my baby needs my attention and maybe one day he will come around.
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  • pregokatpregokat member
    what Matinez says! Don't waste your time trying when he isn't willing to spend energy trying

    When I found out, I notified BD and he agreed to meet up with me, he owed me $$ and was going to buy me groceries.. He no showed.. TWICE.. and never returned calls or msgs... 
    So I gave up.. 
    When I was about 6 months pregnant I contacted him and he said "its not mine, leave me alone" then when I was about to pop I messaged him.. AGAIN.. saying "we have a child on the way, what are you going to do about it?" 
    His response was "its not mine, if you take me for child support i'm getting a dna test and laughing in your face when it comes back negative because I cant physically have kids" (he had another pregnant girlfriend at the time)

    SO He's never ONCE attempted to contact me, never once asked to meet his child, never once asked to help out or showed any interest at being involved..
    All of my actions were in vain and a waste of my energy! 

    If I can share my story and help someone to realise not to waste their time, then I hope someone can learn from me... Don't waste your time! Only do things that are positive for you and your child. 
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  • pregokatpregokat member
    another note... 

    Let the state "notify" him of his child with a paternity affadavit.. 
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  • SheenafontenotSheenafontenot member
    I havent received a response in 6 months. I debated the whole pregnancy whether or not I would at least let him know when I go into labor but now as the date gets closer I've come to the realization that he's made his decision clear. He can be notified by the state when she's born unless a friend of his tells him because as far as I'm convened he doesn't exist, which is how he's treated me.
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  • momof2buggsmomof2buggs member
    His silence is the cowardly way of saying he isn't interested in you or the baby. I don't mean to be harsh, but I've been there, done that. Move on, and prepare to raise your child without him. It sucks, but the sooner you accept this, the sooner you can begin to take inventory of what support/resources you will have in parenting. Now, even if he doesn't want to be a daddy, that doesn't mean that he will get out of paying child support. You can look up the local court assistance officer and find out what you can do to begin child support proceedings. If I were you, I would not put his name on the birth certificate, or give her his last name. This isn't a way to control the situation, rather it is a way of avoiding a future headache, because it sounds like there will be many other situations with this man that will cause you to need an Advil.


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  • Martinez720Martinez720 member
    momof2buggs said:

    His silence is the cowardly way of saying he isn't interested in you or the baby. I don't mean to be harsh, but I've been there, done that. Move on, and prepare to raise your child without him. It sucks, but the sooner you accept this, the sooner you can begin to take inventory of what support/resources you will have in parenting. Now, even if he doesn't want to be a daddy, that doesn't mean that he will get out of paying child support. You can look up the local court assistance officer and find out what you can do to begin child support proceedings. If I were you, I would not put his name on the birth certificate, or give her his last name. This isn't a way to control the situation, rather it is a way of avoiding a future headache, because it sounds like there will be many other situations with this man that will cause you to need an Advil.



    I have a question since you have gone thru this. I started the process of child support .. BD is on the birth certificate and the baby has his last name...He has been giving me money but I want it through the court since he bailed on us what's to say he won't pay. Anyway he keeps asking for his social security number which I will not give because I'm assuming he is going to try to claim him! I may have been stupid before but I won't make that mistake again! How does it work do I have the right to claim him every year or does he get to claim him every other year?

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  • bullybuttbullybutt member
    If you are the sole provider and there is no proof of him providing child support, you are the one that gets to claim him on your taxes.  Just because he is the sperm donor doesn't mean that he gets to reap the tax compensation.  If you take care of all of your son's well being items, there should be no reason for him to need his SS#.  Plus, I'd definitely get the jump on your taxes each year before he even had the opportunity to.

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  • momof2buggsmomof2buggs member
    Honestly, I'm not sure. I don't know all of the details that are involved in your situation, and laws vary by state. Like I told the OP, there should be a court assistance officer that you can talk to, and find out what rights you do have. Sometimes protecting our kids can get messy. A good friend of mine told me that I will always have to defend what I love, and that has been the absolute truth. 
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  • dmndsr4evadmndsr4eva member
    Martinez720 said:
    His silence is the cowardly way of saying he isn't interested in you or the baby. I don't mean to be harsh, but I've been there, done that. Move on, and prepare to raise your child without him. It sucks, but the sooner you accept this, the sooner you can begin to take inventory of what support/resources you will have in parenting. Now, even if he doesn't want to be a daddy, that doesn't mean that he will get out of paying child support. You can look up the local court assistance officer and find out what you can do to begin child support proceedings. If I were you, I would not put his name on the birth certificate, or give her his last name. This isn't a way to control the situation, rather it is a way of avoiding a future headache, because it sounds like there will be many other situations with this man that will cause you to need an Advil.


    I have a question since you have gone thru this. I started the process of child support .. BD is on the birth certificate and the baby has his last name...He has been giving me money but I want it through the court since he bailed on us what's to say he won't pay. Anyway he keeps asking for his social security number which I will not give because I'm assuming he is going to try to claim him! I may have been stupid before but I won't make that mistake again! How does it work do I have the right to claim him every year or does he get to claim him every other year?

    He cannot claim the baby on his taxes.  If you look up the IRS law the parent who has physical custody for 51% or more time is the one who can claim the child.  As long as you can prove you have 51% physical custody you are the one who is able to claim the child.  Also, I see no reason why  he would need the SSN?
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  • inthelostinthelost member
    Yea I think I won't even tell him..thank you for the responses though. I mean that one time I did see him a few weeks ago I got text messages saying "I miss you" and "I promise to do better this time" and other such related garbage...whatever. (Act better I'm assuming) I don't think it's ever going to happen though and I don't even know why he bothered seeing me one time when he said he'd be better but just act like a jerk anyway and then ignore me...but thank you all for the responses. And I have no plans on putting him on the birth certificate and she's definitely not getting his last name!
    Liliana Seraphina born 9/5/2103


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  • EarthandFireEarthandFire member

    Smart move not to give LO's SSN to BD. My GD does not have LO's SSN either and never will if I can help it.

    State to state is going to vary on laws. When you file your taxes you will see a question that asks if you have provided more than 50% of the dependents care for the year. You can claim anyone who is dependent on you including parents, spouses, etc. I'm trying to remember what it said from filing last year but I think that's the percentage. IF he somehow gets LO's SSN and uses it to file taxes you can fight this with the IRS by making him provide proof. As he isn't even visiting he can't do that and (hopefully) it will be a short process to get your return straightened out. You may even be able to get them to make a note that he can't claim LO without a CO after you've gone through the process once. A headache but it can be reversed should that happen.

    As far as child support, I've worked closely with CS on a pervious job and in my state setting up CS does not entitle him to claiming you LO on his taxes. That's something that has to be set up in a CO. It's usually set up as EOY. CS Enforcement won't set up those terms, he's going to have to take you to court to get that. If he does, the courts will probably give him EOY assuming he's paying CS. In that case, see if you can't get a clause in there that says he has to be current on his child support to claim LO too. Doesn't hurt to try. If he doesn't go to court, then document and go by the IRS's guidelines. I'm sure you easily provide more support for LO than he does.

    Getting CS set up isn't just what's on the birth certificate though. You either need a DNA test or an acknowledgement of paternity. I could name my child Susie Slater but that won't make that child Christian Slater's child. If you don't have one of those, it can take a while to get CS set up. Call your local CSE office ASAP to get the ball rolling if you haven't already. Ask your CSE office if they give out dependent SSN's to NCP's if they ask to cover yourself.

    A second note on if he does claim LO one his taxes, when a NCP is behind on their child support, tax returns are seized in most states. Once you have CP set up, if he's not paying it's likely you'll be getting his return anyway. He doesn't even get to see it. The IRS send it directly to CSE to cover his overdue CS.

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  • CoIvieCoIvie member
    Mine hasn't responded the whole 6 months I've been pregnant. He responded once asking me for my number and then hasn't used it.

    I MIGHT let him know when she's born. Might not. But the state surely will
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