NNBR: XP if you've had a wedding blessed years after the initial wedding

KateLouise · August 2013

hi ladies, I've posted this on the AP board, but feel like I regularly chat here as well and like to hear your thoughts.

DH and I married 10 yrs ago. We had a civil ceremony because that is what was right for us at the time.

I've recently returned to the Catholic church, and would like to get our marriage blessed. DH is completely happy to do this.

My question is about the logistics of how to make it a bit special without making it a "big production."

To me the ceremony itself feels quite intimate, although we need to have two witnesses, so we're planing on inviting our parents and DH's Aunt. FIL has passed, so that makes 4 people.

I've mentioned it to a few friends who suddenly got very excited about attending a wedding, and despite my best efforts to insist it's not a wedding as they're thinking of, they are very keen to "have a party." and celebrate.

So at this point we're thinking of having the private ceremony, perhaps going out for dinner just us two and the girls, and then maybe taking the girls to my parents so that DH and I can go out and have a drink and maybe invite some friends out to join us.

Then I thought perhaps it's polite to do something with the parents after the ceremony like a morning or afternoon tea, depending on what time the blessing is.

Then I thought perhaps this is making all too big a deal of it.

So I'm suppose I'm curious what other people have done?

Thoughts?

PS I in no way see this as a gift giving event. Purely something that feels right to us to do, and seems like a nice thing to celebrate in a very low key way.

aylafsu88 · August 2013

We had the big wedding and ceremony. While I enjoyed it I would have preferred a smaller ceremony. My H really wanted the big celebration so I compromised. IMO the ceremony is a very special, intimate event so it should be more private with only a small number of immediate family/friends. I think limiting the ceremony to a few family members is great. I cannot imagine that any of your friends would have a problem with that. I do understand that your friends are excited and want to celebrate the event. Could you do an informal dinner celebration with friends and family? Maybe a small gathering at someones house or at a restaurant? This way you don't have to go over the top with decorations/renting a space etc. I don't think your friends would see this as gift grabby especially if they are your close friends who you have known for years. As for the tea/brunch with the parents I think that is a nice idea but you probably don't need to do it. They will be at the ceremony which probably means the most to them and part of the informal dinner.

SarahinMD · August 2013

I would not AT ALL worry about making too big of a deal about it. Lots of people do vow renewal around 10 years and throw a big party. And you are doing something "new". Do as much as you'd like/feel comfortable (not just to make others happy). This IS a big deal, and worth celebrating (both 10 years AND having it blessed). Really I think the bigger question is how much money and time you want to spend on it--but I definitely don't think it need be limited otherwise. Congrats and good luck!

nodito · August 2013

From the Church's perspective, you can make the convalidation ceremony as big or as small as you'd like. They see it as a real wedding, and you're entitled to the full monty if you'd like. But if you'd rather make it special but low-key and DH is Catholic, you could consider scheduling it for a weekday Mass. You'd get the nuptial Mass and the support of a (small) Catholic community of church-goers but without the hoopla associated with a larger affair. It would probably be in the morning and you could treat for brunch afterwards.

I think your idea to take family and friends out to dinner or tea to celebrate afterwards is lovely. Do what you can afford. It's not at all overboard, and I would not be at all concerned that your friends or family will see this a gift-grabbing event. If you're family is Catholic, they'll likely be excited for you and appreciate that you're getting your marriage convalidated ("blessed").

Congratulations, and welcome home. ;-)

barnwife · August 2013

nodito said:

From the Church's perspective, you can make the convalidation ceremony as big or as small as you'd like. They see it as a real wedding, and you're entitled to the full monty if you'd like. But if you'd rather make it special but low-key and DH is Catholic, you could consider scheduling it for a weekday Mass. You'd get the nuptial Mass and the support of a (small) Catholic community of church-goers but without the hoopla associated with a larger affair. It would probably be in the morning and you could treat for brunch afterwards.

I think your idea to take family and friends out to dinner or tea to celebrate afterwards is lovely. Do what you can afford. It's not at all overboard, and I would not be at all concerned that your friends or family will see this a gift-grabbing event. If you're family is Catholic, they'll likely be excited for you and appreciate that you're getting your marriage convalidated ("blessed").

Congratulations, and welcome home. ;-)

Ditto all of this.

I think a brunch or small dinner or something afterwards for a small group would be entirely appropriate if you want it.

Especially ditto to the welcome home!

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NNBR: XP if you've had a wedding blessed years after the initial wedding

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