Inconsiderate comments - Vent

alilbear · August 2013

A few pet peeves I've experienced that make me want to punch someone - I've resisted.

1. "Threatened abortion"
How inconsiderate is this medical terminology? I was out of town when my miscarriage was first recognized. I was given my medical records to take from doctor to doctor. I wanted to cry every time I read "threatened abortion". No, it WAS A MISCARRIAGE!

2. "Was she really even pregnant?"
I had a close family member have the audacity to ask my husband this as he told them the news of my miscarriage!

3. "It will happen when it's meant to be"
Don't under any condition tell a woman experiencing a miscarriage this!

4. "At least this was an unplanned pregnancy"
No, it wasn't. Probably should have listened a little closer to me - nurse! And even if it was unplanned, that wouldn't necessarily make it a better experience.

What are your pet peeves, or inconsiderate comments you've experienced?

claywalker · August 2013

"Don't question God's plan"

This literally infuriated me.

E&B0811 · August 2013

((hugs)). People can be so insensitive.

In addition to the ones you named, I also hate "at least you know you can get pregnant" and "I'm sure the next one will be fine."

kayleenamiller · August 2013

"At least you have had 3 healthy pregnancies." That doesn't mean I didn't want this one any less! If you're not sure what to say, sorry for your loss will adequately cover it.

lms1981 · August 2013

E&B0811 said:
((hugs)). People can be so insensitive.

In addition to the ones you named, I also hate "at least you know you can get pregnant" and "I'm sure the next one will be fine."

This. I got pregnant very quickly so when I told my BFF about the MC she said "at least you know you can get pregnant" which I know she was saying to comfort me, but sometimes I just wish people would say "I'm so sorry" and just listen. Even though its totally not logical, I feel like I somehow lost my one and only chance to have a baby. Again I know that makes no sense and is not true, but that's my reaction to that comment.

alilbear · August 2013

@Ims1981 - I too, got pregnant very quickly. Which my DH thought maybe was the reason why we MC. I cant really blame him for wondering. Thankfully, the doctor said this was not the reason. So I have also got the "at least you know that you can get pregnant. That's normally the difficult part". Same here, I feel like I missed my one and only chance of being pregnant.

I was already excited for my EDD 3/31/2014. My mom's birthday is April 6th, mine April 10th. My cousin is also April 10th, but four years older than me. I found it ironic and that it was meant to be.

meglette417 · August 2013

I do think the threatened abortion term was weird when I read it on my paperwork too.

ADubzNL · August 2013

I sent my father an email and asked him to tell my grandmother, because I cannot deal with her scolding me for doing things she thought that I shouldn't while I was pregnant. I feel guilty enough already that I don't need more guilt piled on.

Meghanalewis · August 2013

The worst for me was..."Well that's why you aren't supposed to tell people until at least 12 weeks". Gah.

[Deleted User] · August 2013

Meghanalewis said:
The worst for me was..."Well that's why you aren't supposed to tell people until at least 12 weeks". Gah.

WHAT?!?! Someone said that to you?? How unbelievably callous!

kmolsonmay5 · August 2013

This comment is a little different as it comes from people who are unaware that we recently had a mc.

When are you guys planning on having kids

Luckily, I have yet to break down in tears over this but I fear it is coming...UGH. Even if before the MC, I dislike this comment. I completely despise it now.

mileswithmyles · August 2013

kmolsonmay5 said:
This comment is a little different as it comes from people who are unaware that we recently had a mc.

When are you guys planning on having kids

Luckily, I have yet to break down in tears over this but I fear it is coming...UGH. Even if before the MC, I dislike this comment. I completely despise it now.

I second this. I snapped at a coworker who asked me this last week. I know it's my choice not to tell her about my loss, but it still set me off.
I have always found this to be a really personal question and I NEVER ask people, even before my MC. You never know what is going on in someone's TTC life.

Memc2001 · August 2013

You have two beautiful kids, focus on that. It wasn't meant to be. There was something wrong and it just happens. You are so lucky, don't forget that.

MommaAshley12 · August 2013

Memc2001 said:
You have two beautiful kids, focus on that.
It wasn't meant to be.
There was something wrong and it just happens.
You are so lucky, don't forget that.

What horrible things for someone to say to you. I'm so sorry!

MommaAshley12 · August 2013

What about when people say, " Well at least you know you can get pregnant."
Really? That didn't work out to well for me now did it? And I've never had a healthy pregnancy before so my being pregnant for two weeks doesn't really mean much to me at this point. Ugh! I get aggravated just thinking about it. Sorry for the vent.

jchuntoon05 · August 2013

I am sorry for your loss....I know people try to help and try to come up with something nice to say and you just think to yourself, why couldn't you just hug me and say I'm sorry and I am here if you need anything... some people's comments are just horrible... My Father in law's was the worst of all..."Well, it was GOD's way of preventing a baby that would have had something wrong with it" Same day of MC...really?!?! I am new to the board so if you ever need to vent feel free to contact me...

claywalker · August 2013

It's so ironic that we're hearing such similar things. I agree with PP, I wish people would just give me a hug and say "I'm sorry."

Today someone said,"well at least you know you don't have to go back to IF treatment and end up with a litter."

OMG, are you kidding me? I didn't even know what to say, I just walked away.

mileswithmyles · August 2013

It's so ironic that we're hearing such similar things. I agree with PP, I wish people would just give me a hug and say "I'm sorry."

Today someone said,"well at least you know you don't have to go back to IF treatment and end up with a litter."

OMG, are you kidding me? I didn't even know what to say, I just walked away.

For real?! WHO SAYS THAT?!

claywalker · August 2013

hcorcoran said:

For real?! WHO SAYS THAT?!

Right? I was so flabbergasted.

giraffe2112 · August 2013

My situation is sort of the same- I passed my baby this morning and when I went into the doc to confirm the u/s questioned if I had even been pregnant and did I get a positive test . The doc did the same thing. Ummm let's see I missed my period had 4 positive tests and your office wouldn't see me until August 27 to confirm. I even brought what I passed( definitely NOT a blood clot

) the doc wouldn't even look at it( not my regular) she says" based on your description of the events an what you passed we will call this a miscarriage" it's almost like they didn't believe me that I had +HPT and then bleeding and cramping early this morning. I was pregnant. I had a miscarriage. I am no longer pregnant. People can be so insensitive, my condolences to all on this board may we be back soon with wonderful news to share, xoxoxo

giraffe2112 · August 2013

*u/s tech

Kristalina · August 2013

My friend who was trying to get pregnant told me the pressure was off her now that I wast pregnant any longer!

giraffe2112 · August 2013

@Kristalina-That is awful!

RustyGirl3 · August 2013

I am so sorry you had to hear any one of those comments, let alone all of them.

On my sheet that I had to hand in at the front desk after my F/U appt it said "Missed Abortion"...really made me sad. The term Miscarriage was no where on the paper at all. I didn't like that.

And how sure people are that all will fine next time...I am going to hope so, but there is no guarantee.

Big hugs.

lms1981 · August 2013

I got the dreaded "when are you going to get around to having kids" question today. Ugh.

mileswithmyles · August 2013

lms1981 said:

I got the dreaded "when are you going to get around to having kids" question today. Ugh.

I hate that! I have always found that question VERY personal!

carlsonbaby2014 · August 2013

lms1981 said:

I got the dreaded "when are you going to get around to having kids" question today. Ugh.

Lately I've wanted to punch people that ask me this question and tell them it's none of the F'ing business. Seriously. Either that, or check the clock and say something like "well I should be ovulating this time next week, so don't come by our house since we'll be getting around to trying to have some kids". Ugh, sorry, I'm so done with people and them being overly nosey and inconsiderate.

claywalker · August 2013

lms1981 said:

I got the dreaded "when are you going to get around to having kids" question today. Ugh.

I think I'm going to start answering this with "I have a child, and lost him. Thanks"

Mazingmommyof6 · August 2013

" something must have been wrong with the baby".... The worst thing someone has said to me. Why oh why would anyone say that?

hchollister · August 2013

Here's a kicker- I got the news this Monday- my birthday- and my MOTHER says the following:

"I'm sorry, sweetie. Well, I'd hate to say happy birthday, but when you come over, I have a card for you and we'll celebrate then."

Thanks Mom.

alilbear · August 2013

Just got the "you're at that age that everyone is getting married and having babies".

My friend didn't know...just bad timing. Could have been worse. She could have asked when we were going to have kids!

Drgn30 · August 2013

My 30th birthday was Monday and an older coworker (who didn't know I was pregnant or miscarrying) said, "you're generation is so strange. i can't believe you're 30 and have no kids."

ashtonblair123 · August 2013

Before I got the results from my blood work my mother said "I don't see why you would be so upset, you haven't had to to get attached to it yet."

JustinsGirl2011 · August 2013

These comments make my stomach turn. People need to keep their opinions to themselves.

MrsRusty14 · August 2013

I can't believe family would say those things! I had a co-worker tell me "well at least you weren't very far along". I don't know how I managed not to slap her. The one that bothers me the most is "it was God's plan, or it was meant to be"...so you are saying I am not meant to be a mother? Ahhh not helping.

Drgn30 · August 2013

I have to add one. The physician's assistant who was doing my pre-op (for D & C) re anesthesia told me: "oh was this your first? well, this usually happens the first time people get pregnant." I just stared blankly at her, then said "yeah... i don't know...." she looked at me with pity and i wanted to slap her.

lms1981 · August 2013

When I was in the ER for my MC the doctor asked me if we wanted a boy or girl?! I was like "um, I just want to make sure the baby is ok!!" And then he turned to my husband "I'm sure you want a boy right?" My husband was like "seriously??"

Drgn30 · August 2013

When I was in the ER for my MC the doctor asked me if we wanted a boy or girl?! I was like "um, I just want to make sure the baby is ok!!" And then he turned to my husband "I'm sure you want a boy right?" My husband was like "seriously??"

I'm so sorry. This brings me to tears.

lms1981 · August 2013

lav17 said:

lms1981 said:

When I was in the ER for my MC the doctor asked me if we wanted a boy or girl?! I was like "um, I just want to make sure the baby is ok!!" And then he turned to my husband "I'm sure you want a boy right?" My husband was like "seriously??"

wow, just wow... do they have some communication/emotional disorders, these doctors?

I know right?! At least the nurse was normal and mouthed "I'm sorry" to me when he was being such a jack ass.

cmcookaln · August 2013

My parents always have a big party over Labor Day weekend. We were going to announce our pregnancy then. Now we obviously aren't going o announce anything. I know there will be people there asking us when we are going to get pregnant, especially some of my friends who knew we were trying. I have not had some of these comments yet but I know they are probably coming.

mileswithmyles · August 2013

lms1981 said:

When I was in the ER for my MC the doctor asked me if we wanted a boy or girl?! I was like "um, I just want to make sure the baby is ok!!" And then he turned to my husband "I'm sure you want a boy right?" My husband was like "seriously??"

I would have replied, actually we would just like a baby you insensitive prick. But thanks for asking!

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Inconsiderate comments - Vent

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Began trying for a baby January 2012
BFP 4.25.2013 EDD 1.3.2014 MMC 6.3.2013 D&C 6.19.2013
BFP 11.3.2013 CP 11.6.2013
BFP 3.31.2014 EDD 12.10.2014 Baby boy Carlson born 12.19.2014

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Inconsiderate comments - Vent

Re: Inconsiderate comments - Vent

Began trying for a baby January 2012BFP 4.25.2013 EDD 1.3.2014 MMC 6.3.2013 D&C 6.19.2013BFP 11.3.2013 CP 11.6.2013BFP 3.31.2014 EDD 12.10.2014 Baby boy Carlson born 12.19.2014

Choose Another Board

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Began trying for a baby January 2012
BFP 4.25.2013 EDD 1.3.2014 MMC 6.3.2013 D&C 6.19.2013
BFP 11.3.2013 CP 11.6.2013
BFP 3.31.2014 EDD 12.10.2014 Baby boy Carlson born 12.19.2014