Putting a baby up for adoption

indygirl11 · August 2013

I'm 17 and pregnant, and many people helped in pressuring me to give the baby up. And I already picked a family for an open adoption but now I don't know if I can do it. How do I tell them that I'm starting to get cold feet, and I'm not sure i want to do it. I feel terrible about it but I love her so much

maryoosa · August 2013

Indy,

Do you have a counselor? Are you working with an agency or a lawyer who could direct you to one? You should absolutely not be pressured into placing your baby for adoption unless you want to make that placement. If you are having doubts, the family you've chosen would much rather have you tell them that now, then after the baby is born. I know there are a few moms on the board who have placed, and perhaps they'd be able to give you some advice.

Best of luck in your decision.

Dr.Loretta · August 2013

I agree with mary, please talk to someone you trust, whether it's a friend or pastor, a counselor, or a social worker. it's perfectly normal to feel this way, and it's perfectly OK to make whatever decision you feel is best for you, whether that's parenting or making an adoption plan.

HUGS

CaptainSerious · August 2013

Doing what's best for your child is your prerogative. If you want to raise her yourself, you have every right in the world to do so. Please find appropriate counseling that can help you identify what resources you have nearby to help you achieve your goal of parenting. They should tell you about programs in your area for mothers in need, such as daycare assistance, WIC, etc.

Please, let the family your working with know that you are considering parenting. The earlier they know, the more then can guard their hearts. Prospective adoptive parents are often in a very vulnerable place, and it would help them to know that this is not likely going to work out.

dholsapp · August 2013

I would strongly recommend if you are thinking of parenting that you get some extra counseling now to help you with this decision. I'm guessing from your screen name, and I could be wrong, that you are from Indiana. Hopefully they have already informed you, but In Indiana once TPR is signed, normally 24 hours after birth, it is a final decision unless fraud or coerrsion (sp) can be proven. I would hate for you to get into that situation and decide that you parenting is best for your child and it would be to late. Hugs!

Ginny0211 · August 2013

So sorry to hear that you were pressured into a decision.

I hope there is someone you can talk to who will discuss both parenting and adoption with you without pressuring you either way. As others have suggested most agencies offer counseling and that could be very helpful for you.

Here is my story in case it helps at all. I became pregnant in HS as well. After meeting the adoptive parents I picked for my birthson I felt confident in my decision of an open adoption but I still did not know how I was going to go through with it. I didn't know how I was going to let him leave my arms. I still don't know how I did it, but I did and I do not regret my decision. He has had a wonderful life with two parents that have been able to provide him the stability and resources that I could not back then. And thanks to open adoption I have been able to be apart of his life and see him happy and thriving. We have an open adoption with visits. I have seen him grow over the years and we have acquired some wonderful memories.

It was hard. Really heartbreaking hard ,but time does heal and seeing him smile melts my heart and takes the pain away.

I believe that was the right decision for my baby. Your situation and life may be very different than mine was then and parenting turns out to be right for you and your baby. I hope you come to a decision that leaves you with peace and no regrets. Do not let anyone pressure you into this decision.

The agency I used offered counseling and support no matter my decision. If I had decided to parent they had a list of support programs and governmental services I could apply for. I hope you can find something like that.

As others have said be honest with the potential adoptive parents. Let them know its not likely, possible, or it is definitely not going to happen. They need to know how much they need to guard their hearts or if they need move on.

I wish the best for you and your baby.

Elreid · August 2013

@JaxxM--same here! I'm a fellow birth mother who placed her daughter at 19. If you need any help, advice or a place to vent, feel free to message me!

That being said- it is the most amazing, breathtaking, heartbreaking, loving, and courageous thing you could ever do for your child if you think it is the right path for you. I promise when you see their first smile and you know they are happy that will be all you need to know you made the right decision. Good luck with everything!

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