One & Done: Only child
JoAnna914
member
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Hi. I think I'm OAD.
JoAnna914
member
Hi everyone. I've been lurking here for awhile, and have been afraid to intro myself because making such a statement would feel so permanent, so declarative. But I think I'm ready to say that I'm done.
A little of my backstory. Sorry it's so rambly. It's the first time I've put these thoughts into writing:
My husband and I have been married for 11 years, and spent a good part of that time debating whether we even wanted children at all. Finally, after deep consideration, we decided to take the plunge and give it a go. We were fortunate to get pregnant right away, even though I was in my late 30s at the time, but lost our first pregnancy at 8 weeks. We managed to get pregnant again right away (I do realize how lucky I am), and aside from a little spotting at 10 weeks that had me panicking, my pregnancy was smooth sailing - I actually didn't even feel pregnant until I hit 40 weeks. At my last appointment, my blood pressure spiked, and my doc had me induced that evening because he didn't want me risking pre-e. The birth experience was also uneventful (relatively speaking, of course, lol). Great epi, only 40 minutes of hard pushing, and voila - I had my absolutely perfect baby boy. He looked so much like my baby pictures, it was overwhelming - I still tear up thinking of that moment and saying out loud "Oh my god, that's ME!"
My boy is now 20 months old. He is the central joy of every one of my days; he makes me laugh at least five times every day. He is clever. He is hilarious. And he knows it :-) However, I am now 40, DH is 43. We are tired, LOL! I'd hardly be the first woman in the world to have kids after 40, but I feel like I'm moving into a new phase of my life that just isn't conducive to having babies. I started my second career only six years ago, and I am just getting my footing there - another maternity leave, another year of pumping, another year of not having my head on straight - I just can't afford that if I want to accomplish what I want to accomplish at work. And my work is important for my own self-worth, important for providing for the child I already have, and important for assuring that he never has to take care of me.
Another child is EXPENSIVE. We could swing it, but since we are a decade closer to retirement age than many other parents of kids this age, we have less time to recoup the investment. And invest, we will! I wanted for nothing growing up, so I want him to have everything I had. My DH was dirt poor growing up, so he wants him to have the financial security he didn't have. We want to pay for private school and college for our boy. We want to travel the world with him, show him everything that we love. I want to take him to Disney World every other year until he's sick of it. Doing that times 2 would be crazy expensive!
And finally, I am just starting to feel like myself again, after feeling like I was inhabited by an alien for two years. I'm done nursing, he's becoming this real independent little person, and our lives are starting to resemble something that I recognize. If we were to have a second, I'm pretty sure that infancy wouldn't be nearly as traumatic as the first time, but still, we'd be starting the cycle all over again. Like I said before, I'm 40 and I'm tired, lol!
Still, I have hesitations. Parenthood has been awesome for me. My boy is amazing - he's everything I ever hoped for. Wouldn't double the awesome be fabulous? DH and I both have close siblings - isn't having a sibling one of those rich life experiences? Of course, the risk is that my next child could be an ax murderer (although the jury is still out on the one I've got - he's too young to tell at this point, lol!), and that they'd hate each other. Also, the risks to my and my unborn child's physical health at this age are much greater. Having another child is like having elective surgery, with all of the risks that surgery brings. The child I have now deserves to have his mommy around while he grows up.
And so with that, it is 99% likely that we are OAD.
But that 1% lingers.
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Re: Hi. I think I'm OAD.
I am also new to this board and we have been having the same discussions. I had an IUD put in so we wouldn't have an accident. I have some "regrets" on that some days. Thinking that maybe an accident would answer our questions for us. But, then the thoughts of we are both 41 creep back in. Along with the full time energy of our 15 month old daredevil, no-fear child. I am exhausted. The there is the money thing. Not sure how in the world we would pay for daycare for 2. College for 2.
I still have that 2% that I can't shake. It's hard, but I think in the long run we will be happier. Right??