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Parenting after a Loss
ksyknelvr73
member
BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d
BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11
BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d
BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13
***TTCAL PAL Check-In***
ksyknelvr73
member
**Please note this check in is for ladies who've had a loss since bringing their latest child(ren) home.
*****************************<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
How are you ladies doing today?
Where are you in the TTCAL process?
Anything in particular that you're struggling with?
QOTD: Are you a working mom or a SAHM? What do you like about it, and what do you not like about it?
BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d
BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11
BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d
BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13
BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14
This discussion has been closed.
Re: ***TTCAL PAL Check-In***
Hi everyone, a super big hug to all.
Today is a good day for me because instead of racking my brain with TTCAL, I have been focused on LO's (hopefully final) NICU followup appointment tomorrow. As much as everyone tells you to try to focus on other things or take up a hobby, it's hard to do at times. So I am thankful to have my mind preoccupied with other things this week.
This is my first month actually charting so I am starting to get the hang of it. However I can't make myself wake up at the same time everyday, so I am pretty sure charting is not making any difference this month. The positive is I know what I need to fix for next cycle.
As mentioned above, I am struggling with waking up at the same time. So although I am telling myself it is a learning process. I am really struggling today wiht the thought that I am "wasting: this cycle.
QOTD: I am a working mom and am so blessed to have my mom watch LO everyday. However I do think about going part-time at least once a week. I do wish I could spend more time with LO. Financially it's not really feasible since my job offers really good insurance.
11.2011 - DS1
02.2013 - loss at 6 wks
06.2014 - DS2
10.2015 - loss at 12 wks
03.2017 - DD
I hope that this IS the final NICU appt for you guys. I know that would be a huge relief!
Charting can actually be pretty hard when you first start, I totally understand. I will say that it definitely gets easier to do as time goes on and it becomes more of a habit. I try to take my temp around the same time everyday, but it doesn't always happen. What are the reasons behind waking at different times? LO waking up, setting your alarm, waking up for other reasons?
I know exactly what you mean about wanting to be part time (at times). That would be amazing!
BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d
BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11
BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d
BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13
BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14
This is goign to make me sound so irresponsible, but I have a flex schedule at work and can go in anytime between 6-930am as long as I get my 8 hours in. LO usually wakes up around 7-730. But depending on the weather I may sleep in. My husband is a chef so he works late hours and I tend to stay up late with him. I have been telling myself for at least 4 months now that I need to start getting on a better schedule.
How are you holding up Ksyknelvr?
11.2011 - DS1
02.2013 - loss at 6 wks
06.2014 - DS2
10.2015 - loss at 12 wks
03.2017 - DD
That doesn't sound irresponsible, it sounds awesome!
I actually have the flex like that as well but I am a lazy, anti-morning person so I end up coming in at the latest time basically. So I set my alarm for the same time everyday, for the very last possible minute I can sleep. LOL
I'm doing okay. I was in a big funk for the last couple weeks but honestly, this last weekend I felt like I kind of snapped out of it. I had RPL bloodwork done last Thursday so I am anxiously awaiting those results. We weren't told to stop TTC so we haven't....but I am not sure how optimistic I feel in general at the moment.
BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d
BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11
BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d
BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13
BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14
I'll go ahead and contribute my stuff...hopefully we'll see some more ladies on here throughout the day!
How are you ladies doing today? Doing okay today. Actually in a good mood and haven't been in a few weeks, so it's nice.
Where are you in the TTCAL process? We are still TTC but I just came off a CP 2ish weeks ago...we weren't told to wait, so we aren't really trying but aren't really preventing either. I had RPL testing done last Thursday so waiting for those results.
Anything in particular that you're struggling with? Today, no. Ask me tomorrow and my answer might change - it seems like it's a day to day thing.
QOTD: Are you a working mom or a SAHM? What do you like about it, and what do you not like about it? I am a working mom. I work full time, outside the home and DS goes to daycare. He seems to love it! It still breaks my heart on occasion though when I drop him off. I like working b/c I feel like I get adult interaction and I like that I get to eat and pee in silence and privacy if I want to : ) However, I would love to be more part time or WAH b/c my commute is pretty long and I feel like I lose hours I could spend with my family b/c of it.
BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d
BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11
BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d
BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13
BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14
little chkn born 06/30/11
baby chkn born 04/22/14
05/13
07/13
little chkn born 06/30/11
baby chkn born 04/22/14
05/13
07/13
I missed the last two of these posts, but would love to join in!
Where are you in the TTCAL process?
This is our first cycle back since our second loss. I'm CD 10 and already overanalyzing everything.
Anything in particular that you're struggling with?
I'm struggling with guilt this week. After our second loss I feel like we can obviously get PG but my body isn't doing its part.
This week I'm especially feeling bad about my post-baby weight gain. I had GD with DD and should have put more thought into how sensitive my body is to weight gain and my hormones. I started exercising 4 weeks ago and am eating more healthy foods. So I feel like I started too late.
QOTD: I'm a full time working mom. I think that I would love to SAH but I carry our benefits. If I could have a benefited part time job that would be ideal, but them it would depend on income vs daycare expenses.
little chkn born 06/30/11
baby chkn born 04/22/14
05/13
07/13
I´m doing okay. Friday is the EDD of my most recent loss, so I´m a little emotional about that. I honestly thought I would be pregnant again long before now...
DH is still not ready to try again, although we are making progress. Last week I went with my doctor and we did an ultrasound to check my uterus and ovaries, everything looked great, healthy and normal. He sent me for RLP bloodwork and I get my results back tomorrow. Then I meet with him Friday morning to discuss them. So I´m anxious to see if there´s anything wrong with me. Hopefully within the next few months or so DH will get on board with having another LO.
Like I said earlier, just struggling with my EDD coming up on Friday :-(
Fortunately I am a little bit of both! I am home with Lucas all day every day but then I teach ESL part time at night for about 3 hours M-F. I think I have the best of both worlds, I love it and am so thankful that I am able to do both!
BFP #1 4/22/10 MC 5/5/10 (6w4d) EDD 12/25/10
BFP #2 10/19/10 CP 10/27/10 (4w6d) EDD 6/30/11
BFP #3 5/10/11 Lucas Abelardo born 12/29/11 at 37w3d
BFP #4 12/10/12 MMC 1/14/13 (9w3d) D&C 1/15/13 EDD 8/16/13
BFP #5 8/22/13 Lucia Elizabeth born 4/17/14 at 38w
BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d
BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11
BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d
BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13
BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14
BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d
BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11
BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d
BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13
BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14
11.2011 - DS1
02.2013 - loss at 6 wks
06.2014 - DS2
10.2015 - loss at 12 wks
03.2017 - DD
Doing okay today - at the stage in this particular cycle where 8 dpo is all messing with my head because I'm taking progesterone. The medication makes me have symptoms like nausea, heartburn, fatigue, stomach/digestive issues... all things that really I never would mind as symptoms of possible pregnancy... but when I know that they're just side effects from being on this medicine I'm taking in case I'm pregnant... it's just kind of hard to deal with and plays with my head every month. I used to think I could rely on certain temping patterns but I've learned I can't use that as any indicator either. So... just waiting out the 2WW.
Plus side is that I feel less inclined to test early now. With having a repeated early loss history I just don't see the point anymore until I really am 15dpo. I've had too many either chemical pregnancies or really early losses that the excitement of that has just kind of faded and I truly would rather just not know now until then. But every day I have to remind myself of that a little.
On the plus side though, I really am trying to savor every minute with my son. The whole process of TTCAL now just makes me want to soak up every second with him more and more every day. I hope one day I don't become one of those overly intrusive moms!!! But for now, while he's 3 1/2 it's still okay lol. Anyway.... I am enjoying every funny thing he says, every giggle, every smile as much as I can. While simultaneously trying to learn the patience that comes with parenting a toddler.... and one who's on a much slower pace than I am at that lol!
As far as where we're at... we've been trying since Dec 2011, so we're at 1 yr. 8 mos now. I haven't had a positive test since end of March, which has been my longest stretch without a BFP since we started trying. My RE is basically resigned to the fact that there's nothing we can do to improve my egg quality at this stage (low AMH of under .16)... so that is really bothersome on the one hand. But I am taking COQ10 (once I get a new bottle) and hoping that makes a difference when we can re run some blood tests. Won't make much of one. But basically my RE isn't going to support any kind of medical intervention because he thinks if we did IVF my eggs are of such poor quality I have an equal chance of just getting pregnant naturally. So that's how we're proceeding. And just praying every day.
Struggles - all of the above!!
QOTW: I actually work part time with full medical benefits and in the line of work I want to with people I really like and very close to home. I am INCREDIBLY lucky that my company has worked with me to have this situation since DS was born. The position I was in initially after he was born, I actually couldn't stand. Couldn't really stand the work itself or the people I was working directly with. Then my manager, after about a year, back tracked on his agreement with me to let me work part time. So he said I could either take a 20% pay cut and less responsible position, or I could work full time. Obviously neither of these choices were preferable and I also couldn't stand working for him, so I asked around in another department that I was supporting that I wanted to be in anyway. And the manager there was very happy with my work and when I asked if he had any part time situation that might work for me over there he created a position for me. I got a pay raise, change in position, and am now working with people I really like.
Only thing that is really difficult is trying to be in both worlds. It is hard to go back and forth between being part SAHM and part professional. And not feel like I'm missing out somewhat on either aspect. But I have my mid year review tomorrow actually and am hoping that it is good and that it might lead to a promotion!
I am really struggling with the fact that I don't want to go back to full time while I still may have a chance of having another child - the whole goal was to remain part time while I had another child so I could be at home at least part time for the first couple years. Well, obviously our hoped for schedule is now way off track. So, right now I'm still hanging in with part time, but it has been a HUGE burden on us financially since my husband has his own business - which does well enough, but still things have been very very tight for a long time.
But I wouldn't trade a dime for all the joy I've gotten from being able to be with my son as much as I have and that we were able to not to have to put him in any kind of day care when he was an infant.
I feel blessed.
Okay sorry for the novel!! Thanks for reading anyone who made it through that!!
QOTD: Are you a working mom or a SAHM? What do you like about it, and what do you not like about it?
dream 1 CAME TRUE 2.13.2010
<dream 2> 12.2011
2.10.12 : 4 weeks
6.17.12 : 10 weeks
10.10.12 : 4 weeks, 6 days
12.13.12 : 9 weeks, 1 day
4.6.13 : 4 weeks, 4 days
10.27.13 : 5 weeks, 6 days
4.2.14 (IVF #1) : 4 weeks, 1 day
6.19.14 : IVF #2 Negative
</dream 2>
resolve.org
lyrics
***All always welcome!!***
ksyknelvr73 - I am glad you're having a good day. I remember how maddening it is to wait for the RPL results... I hope they come soon and are either all good or indicate something easily fixable! You have been on my mind!
chknma - Ugh guilt is such a difficult emotion. Of all the different negative ones, whenever I think about it, guilt just always pops up - it seems to be such a root emotion of all other ones. I'm so sorry you're feeling that way and that you can find peace and let that guilt go. I completely understand where you're coming from with the post-baby weight gain as well. I had lost a bunch but now it's back on
Fififa21 - ((((hugs)))) as your EDD approaches. I'm glad that the initial look from the ultrasound looked good and I hope you get good information from your bloodwork that is helpful!
Huge hugs to all you ladies and to those I may miss!
dream 1 CAME TRUE 2.13.2010
<dream 2> 12.2011
2.10.12 : 4 weeks
6.17.12 : 10 weeks
10.10.12 : 4 weeks, 6 days
12.13.12 : 9 weeks, 1 day
4.6.13 : 4 weeks, 4 days
10.27.13 : 5 weeks, 6 days
4.2.14 (IVF #1) : 4 weeks, 1 day
6.19.14 : IVF #2 Negative
</dream 2>
resolve.org
lyrics
***All always welcome!!***
How are you ladies doing today? Better than I thought I'd be. Today was my DS's hearing test and I was worried I'd be a blubbering mess if they didn't find a problem. They didn't find anything obvious (one slight concern), but apparently I did a good job preparing myself for that news because I've not cried one tear.
Where are you in the TTCAL process? Is it bad that I don't even know how many months post-loss I am??? I think I'm somewhere in the 8th month. I'm in the care of an RE now (I'm AMA) and I *finally* got a call back from their office to schedule another hysteroscopy (spotted a likely fibroid via u/s)...of course they wanted me to do it when DH was thousands of miles away, so I told them to pick a day the first two weeks of Sept. If they can't do it then, it ain't gonna happen here bc we're moving. I'll likely handle it when DH is deployed (I have a few friends in VA I can call and ask to watch DS).
Anything in particular that you're struggling with? Two things. #1 is the whole is he or isn't he autistic thing with my DS. I'm trying my hardest to embrace all the progress he's making and not focus on what 'ism' or syndrome they think he may have...if he even has any at all. I feel like I've lost touch with what's normal for a 2 year old and am overanalyzing every.thing.he.does. My current hypothesis is that he's not, but that he had fluid in his ear for months (MOTY, right here) that cleared up with abx with his last ear infection. He's been a different kid, my old kid, since that cleared up...and his receptive language has exploded. He still has some red flags for autism though, so who knows if I'm right... #2 is TTC#2. If DS is autistic, there is an increased risk for any other kids we have having it. A substantial risk (normal chances are like 1:88, we'd have a 10-30% chance)...but the thing is that he won't be dx'd until a year from now and I'm already almost 37.
QOTD: Are you a working mom or a SAHM? What do you like about it, and what do you not like about it?
I'm currently a SAHM. I love that I've been there for nearly every milestone he's ever had and that we have an incredibly close relationship. I don't like feeling like everything is on me when it comes to stuff with him...this came to a head when he started falling behind developmentally, major mom guilt. We started sending DS to daycare one day a week both because he needed the socialization and bc I needed to not have ALL the pressure to teach him everything.
BFP#2 2.5.11 (EDD 10.15.11) DS born 9.28.11
BFP#4 8.27.13 (EDD 5.6.14) DD born 4.23.14
My Recipe Blog
~All AL'ers welcome~
BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d
BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11
BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d
BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13
BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14
BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d
BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11
BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d
BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13
BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14
Hugs to you. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Hope you are able to use DS's daycare day to take extra good care of yourself. Hope your appointment can be scheduled before your move.
little chkn born 06/30/11
baby chkn born 04/22/14
05/13
07/13
FX for you this cycle. Hope the COQ10 helps! Sounds like you have a great setup at work. I can relate to the good and bad of a DH that is self employed. Right now me working PT would really hurt us financially with Daycare, but his business has been growing so I keep hoping that after # 2 we can make it work. I agree with soaking up as much time with DD as possible. At 2 she certainly has her NO moments so I take advantage of every sweet snugly moment when I can!
little chkn born 06/30/11
baby chkn born 04/22/14
05/13
07/13
BFP#2 2.5.11 (EDD 10.15.11) DS born 9.28.11
BFP#4 8.27.13 (EDD 5.6.14) DD born 4.23.14
My Recipe Blog
~All AL'ers welcome~
Thanks ladies for all the hugs, I really appreciate them
And ksyknelvr73, Im getting ready to go pick up my results in just a little bit. If I can decipher them myself, I will update later today. If not, I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow morning, so I will def. let yall know then what he says.
And to answer your question about my DH...he´s mostly scared of 2 things. 1...losing another baby, having to pay for another D&C (they are quite expensive) and just going through that emotional turmoil yet again. 2...the financial aspect of having a second child, diapers, clothes, formula, food, toys, etc. He is a civil engineer, which is super common down here, so work is not always steady for him. He usually moves around every 6 months-1 year, after he completes whatever project he´s working on. He´s constantly changing companies, which like I said, is the norm down here, but he´s worried about being able to provide for another LO.
Hugs to everyone who needs them this week!
BFP #1 4/22/10 MC 5/5/10 (6w4d) EDD 12/25/10
BFP #2 10/19/10 CP 10/27/10 (4w6d) EDD 6/30/11
BFP #3 5/10/11 Lucas Abelardo born 12/29/11 at 37w3d
BFP #4 12/10/12 MMC 1/14/13 (9w3d) D&C 1/15/13 EDD 8/16/13
BFP #5 8/22/13 Lucia Elizabeth born 4/17/14 at 38w
BFP #1 4/22/10 MC 5/5/10 (6w4d) EDD 12/25/10
BFP #2 10/19/10 CP 10/27/10 (4w6d) EDD 6/30/11
BFP #3 5/10/11 Lucas Abelardo born 12/29/11 at 37w3d
BFP #4 12/10/12 MMC 1/14/13 (9w3d) D&C 1/15/13 EDD 8/16/13
BFP #5 8/22/13 Lucia Elizabeth born 4/17/14 at 38w
BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d
BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11
BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d
BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13
BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14
little chkn born 06/30/11
baby chkn born 04/22/14
05/13
07/13
glad you have that time to let it all out. it's so hard to always "be on." you are certainly giving him the best of yourself, just make sure to save a little bit for of that love for yourself too. ((((extra hugs)))))
little chkn born 06/30/11
baby chkn born 04/22/14
05/13
07/13
11.2011 - DS1
02.2013 - loss at 6 wks
06.2014 - DS2
10.2015 - loss at 12 wks
03.2017 - DD
Thanks. I try, there just isn't always much left to give to myself. I keep praying that he'll be ok, but the reality is that 1:54 boys have autism...and somebody has to be that 1. It's too young to know for sure with him though, and the not knowing is so hard. It has me overanalyzing things that could just be him being a quirky toddler.
BFP#2 2.5.11 (EDD 10.15.11) DS born 9.28.11
BFP#4 8.27.13 (EDD 5.6.14) DD born 4.23.14
My Recipe Blog
~All AL'ers welcome~