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August 2013 Moms
lkobriant
member
Breaking up with breast feeding...WWYD
lkobriant
member
Mobile: "Breaking up with breast feeding...WWYD"
Before I start, I'm not looking for any 'Breast is Best' campaigning, I want genuine, unbiased opinions please.
Finn is a week today and what a week it's been, for LOTS of reasons, one of which has been the breast feeding drama in our house. I went into this knowing that I wanted to exclusively breast feed, I felt it was best for him and wanted to provide the best for my son. Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely nothing against moms who formula feed, both of my sister's kids are products of formula and have zero negative emotions or thoughts about that or her as a mother. Here I am a week later and I'm about at my wits end with the whole thing. He started out great! He caught onto nursing pretty quickly and was taking both sides pretty well for a day or so. After that he started being a little more difficult at sucking and being lazy, he'd latch perfectly but he just wouldn't suck. It wasn't too worrisome, he'd eventually get it but after being transferred to pediatrics for jaundice it was different. He spent an extra day in the hospital under the bili lights for jaundice and that's really when it all fell apart. He was so stressed and so fussy/upset the whole time, with good reason, that any attempt to nurse him ended in a battle between him and the nurse to get him to latch. It didn't help that I was now stressed, seeing my 3 day old baby boy in complete melt down and the nurses (all of whom were supposed to be extremely well trained in breast feeding and latching) trying to make him take it because he needed to eat so badly. This went on off and on for hours until one finally broke down at about 3 am and told me he needed a bottle because he needed to eat. Let me add, I LOVED all of our nurses, they were all fantastic except in this one area and that had they really informed me that it was such a big deal at that point I would have happily given him a bottle sooner, I kept telling them that I wanted what was best for him at that moment. Ever since he hasn't been able to go 5 mins of trying to latch without a complete melt down. Since I've been told multiple times that me and my body are doing everything right and he's just not getting it, the doctor recommended I talk to a local La Leche leader to find out about local lactation consultants to help get him back on the breast. I've spent what feels like all day pumping for the past 3 days trying to keep up with him and I'm just done. I'd convinced myself that if we could get him back on it'd be easier and I'd be happier but I've realized, after talking to a wonderful La Leche leader and having her tell me that her opinion from just over the phone is that his reason for not taking the breast has to do with it being forced on him in such a stressful situation, that I don't want to do that to him anymore. At this point the thought of pumping makes me burst into tears (which I've done multiple times) and thinking about trying to force him back on brings on a similar reaction. At this point I'm just emotionally and mentally over the whole breast feeding thing. Like I said, I have no moral obligation to formula feeding, he's gotten more than a few formula bottles so far, but for some reason I just have it in my head that I'll be letting everyone down if I stop and just go to formula feeding, especially at a week old. DH is completely supportive either way because he sees what this whole thing is doing to me and as long as Finn is fed and happy he's OK. A lot of times I feel like I'd be a better mommy if I did stop trying because I'd be less stressed, more relaxed, and able to spend more good cuddle time with him. I have to call the pediatrician tomorrow to let her know how it's going and I plan to talk to her about it but I really wanted some mom to mom advice.
Before I start, I'm not looking for any 'Breast is Best' campaigning, I want genuine, unbiased opinions please.
Finn is a week today and what a week it's been, for LOTS of reasons, one of which has been the breast feeding drama in our house. I went into this knowing that I wanted to exclusively breast feed, I felt it was best for him and wanted to provide the best for my son. Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely nothing against moms who formula feed, both of my sister's kids are products of formula and have zero negative emotions or thoughts about that or her as a mother. Here I am a week later and I'm about at my wits end with the whole thing. He started out great! He caught onto nursing pretty quickly and was taking both sides pretty well for a day or so. After that he started being a little more difficult at sucking and being lazy, he'd latch perfectly but he just wouldn't suck. It wasn't too worrisome, he'd eventually get it but after being transferred to pediatrics for jaundice it was different. He spent an extra day in the hospital under the bili lights for jaundice and that's really when it all fell apart. He was so stressed and so fussy/upset the whole time, with good reason, that any attempt to nurse him ended in a battle between him and the nurse to get him to latch. It didn't help that I was now stressed, seeing my 3 day old baby boy in complete melt down and the nurses (all of whom were supposed to be extremely well trained in breast feeding and latching) trying to make him take it because he needed to eat so badly. This went on off and on for hours until one finally broke down at about 3 am and told me he needed a bottle because he needed to eat. Let me add, I LOVED all of our nurses, they were all fantastic except in this one area and that had they really informed me that it was such a big deal at that point I would have happily given him a bottle sooner, I kept telling them that I wanted what was best for him at that moment. Ever since he hasn't been able to go 5 mins of trying to latch without a complete melt down. Since I've been told multiple times that me and my body are doing everything right and he's just not getting it, the doctor recommended I talk to a local La Leche leader to find out about local lactation consultants to help get him back on the breast. I've spent what feels like all day pumping for the past 3 days trying to keep up with him and I'm just done. I'd convinced myself that if we could get him back on it'd be easier and I'd be happier but I've realized, after talking to a wonderful La Leche leader and having her tell me that her opinion from just over the phone is that his reason for not taking the breast has to do with it being forced on him in such a stressful situation, that I don't want to do that to him anymore. At this point the thought of pumping makes me burst into tears (which I've done multiple times) and thinking about trying to force him back on brings on a similar reaction. At this point I'm just emotionally and mentally over the whole breast feeding thing. Like I said, I have no moral obligation to formula feeding, he's gotten more than a few formula bottles so far, but for some reason I just have it in my head that I'll be letting everyone down if I stop and just go to formula feeding, especially at a week old. DH is completely supportive either way because he sees what this whole thing is doing to me and as long as Finn is fed and happy he's OK. A lot of times I feel like I'd be a better mommy if I did stop trying because I'd be less stressed, more relaxed, and able to spend more good cuddle time with him. I have to call the pediatrician tomorrow to let her know how it's going and I plan to talk to her about it but I really wanted some mom to mom advice.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Breaking up with breast feeding...WWYD
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
Best of luck and t&p's for you and LO!
All the bottles have slow flow nipples but I know even that can have an impact. The La Leche leader suggested Biological Nurturing, which is basically constant skin to skin and letting him find the breast himself whenever he feels necessary, we gave that a shot today and he slept the entire time, but we're still giving it a go, even if I choose to formula feed I'm sure I'll do skin to skin. I have tried getting him on the breast the second he acts hungry and even once when he didn't just to see, every time after hand pumping for a few seconds to make sure there is milk there and available for instant gratification. Although he'll take the nipple in, and occasionally suck once or twice, he always lets it go and then starts screaming. My milk has definitely come in more since Friday but I'm confident it's in enough for him to get some easily if he'd just suck. Multiple nurses checked for him being tongue tied and all said he looked fine, they just called him stubborn.
I honestly feel like short of the lactation consultant, I've done about all I can do (and stand to do). I don't want to look back and regret not trying harder but I just don't know how much more 'fight' I have left in me for it. He'll have to bottle feed in about two weeks anyway when I go back to school/interning so in the back of my mind I'm worried that I'll be exhausting myself to get him back on the breast just to have the same thing happen again when he has to take the bottle while I'm gone, if he's not able to go back and forth.
I know that I'm still a mess of postpartum emotions which aren't helping, but honestly, if I could remove this stress and situation I would have nothing to be upset about. I'm in no way depressed, maybe a little sleep deprived but nothing like I expected and I just LOVE every second with him, the only thing I have found myself remotely emotional about is this.
I spent a lot of time with LCs but they could not figure out why she wouldn't latch. She did okay with a nipple shield, but after a couple days was unable to get milk when using a shield. I stuck with it and kept trying. Finally I saw a speech language pathologist/ LC. She was calm and spent time trying different techniques. She helped me in decreasing my stress and fear, reminding me that she was just a newborn trying to figure things out. During that session, she latched and we successfully nursed for a year. Don't give up hope- stick with it if you can! Take advantage of all resources that you can.
I tried both and while we still had a few troublesome episodes he took to it immediately and then the tears turned to tears of joy! I used a nipple shield until about 6weeks but would try and offer my second breast without a shield and he slowly got it without a shield. I nursed DS until I lost my supply at 10 months when I got pregnant with DD and we made it to the 1 year mark with my freezer stash!
Good luck OP I know it's a struggle to get the hang of breast feeding I hope you and your LO find what works best for you wether it's BF or formula!
Why is pumping making you cry? Does it hurt? Or is it the constant getting up?
As we previously discussed LO had trouble sucking so I've stuck to exclusive pumping. The late night pumps are tough but overall it's been great knowing DH could help with the feedings.
In the end you have to do what's best for you and your LO. Formula is not the enemy and if it helps keep you same then by all means.
I would suggest maybe sticking to it for another week. Everyone told me the first 2 weeks were the toughest and that was no joke!
I had several girlfriends who had babies in consecutive months after me and they were all breastfeeding queens, plopping their giant boobs out and slamming them into their babies' mouths with no issue, while my DD1 was a lazy, and distracted eater who had no patience.
I EPed for 6 months, but to be honest, it was awful and I don't know if I would do it again, so I would never suggest it to anyone else. I think I would have just switched to formula. (Although I am really proud I toughed it out that long.)
In retrospect I think about the stress I was under at the time. The extra nights in the hospital, bili lights, my in laws came and my MIL squawking about how I was "force feeding" her, my own business did not have enough reliable staff for me to feel like I could walk away and leave someone else in charge, family medical issues, and my own heart condition.
The most important thing is that your baby be fed and have a happy mommy. My DD1 is smart, healthy, active, has no allergies - and the formula didn't hurt her a bit. Do what is best for YOUR mental well being because in the end, it is what is best for your baby.
Good luck! And don't beat yourself up. I always felt like I had to have an "explanation" ready when people asked me, "Are you breastfeeding her?" and the reality is, you don't have to defend your decision to feed you child and make yourself happy.
Pp have good advice, so ill just say good luck!
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
Expecting Baby Bean February 2017
I BF both of my children for over a year. With my first especially, I had some supplementing with formula. I can honestly say that, if this baby does not take to nursing, or if she cluster feeds the way my first one did, then I am done. (Just the idea of my pump makes me want to cry.)
I am not a lactivist. I hated the LLL meetings, and disliked most LCs that I met. They stressed me out completely, and I felt like a failure whenever I saw them. I felt like something was wrong with me, because BF was never that bonding experience I thought it would be.
But I was not failure. And you are not.
The priority is feeding and caring for your child. After that, your priority should be YOU.
What is your goal? Was it to BF for a specific period of time? Because it does not have to be an all or nothing situation. Pump what you can, when you can, and see if he will nurse. But if you end up using formula then so what? Maybe you only pump one or two bottles a day. But so what?
The only person, though, who can answer this is you. It is completely up to you. If BF is your priority, if it is what you WANT to experience, give it some more time. The first 6 weeks are by far the roughest, so if you can make it to 6 then you are in the home stretch. If you decide to reduce your pumping, and just do some BM, that is ok to. If it is just not what you want to do, then switch to formula.
Good luck!
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to be over, it's about learning how to dance in the rain." -Unknown
Married 3-1-08 | Nathan 11-24-08 | Kaelyn 11-30-10 | Alicia 8-17-13
Agreed.
1) not all slow flow nipples are the same. My Born Free are much faster than the Advent. Just a thought to make sure your using truly a slow flow to help with transitioning back and forth. I've heard the playtex are the slowest.
2) what about trying a nipple shield? I use the ones by Medela and they've really helped. I'm in the process of transitioning off but still use them when LO gets lazy/stubborn/etc. or when I'm in a hurry. I found them at Target initially. Also they haven't impeded LOs ability to get as much milk (as some have warned me about).
I think you should schedule a face to face consultation with a lactation consultant. I know a few women who were sure that they couldn't nurse that have met with an LC and are so glad they did.
First of all, nothing you do in the next few days is going to make or break your decision to breast feed. If you need to supplement with formula or donated milk via a bottle, that's okay. If you wanted to, you could get him back on the breast again when you get home.
Secondly, your happiness matters a lot here. You will be the best mama you can be when your needs are being met too. So do what's best for everyone and don't feel guilty.
I had to EP with DS due to a number of issues and I know how awful it is to feel like you are failing. You're a good mom and everything will be fine no matter what you choose.
Finding a good lactation consultant can be a life saver. The first few weeks of motherhood are hard and having someone who's "seen it all" can help.
I hope things get easier for you soon.
DS born 9/3/13; DD born 7/22/15; LO due 5/28/18
FS (age 5) and FD (age 2) to become AS/AD very soon!
Edited: spelling errors
I feel like it sounds bad but honestly, I've found that EBF isn't as important to me as I thought it would be. I don't feel 'deprived' of any emotional bonding, etc with him like I thought I would. I honestly feel like I get just as much, if not more, bonding in when FF because I get to hold him and cuddle more. I guess we'll just take this week slowly and see how I feel and what the doctors suggests.
Again, thank you all!!
The best advice I got was don't give up on a bad day.
Please make sure you meet with a certified lactation consultant. I met with 2 in the hospital and now my pediatricians office has one. I talk to her in person or on the phone daily. It is very helpful for trouble shooting.
All this in mind I am breastfeeding pumping and supplementing. Do what you need to have a happy healthy baby and mamma!
You have a lot of great advice here. Personally, I felt exactly like this about the whole BF experience. It stressed me out, and I dreaded doing it. In the end, I quit after a couple weeks with my first son, and I barely made it through a week with this one. For us, formula feeding has been great. DH can assist with the feedings, and DS1 is perfectly healthy. I think you have to do what's best for you.