What's the Big Deal: 2nd Pregnancy Baby Showers

jazelise · August 2013

So I've read around the message boards, posts about second pregnancy baby showers.

I've read more posts against second pregnancy baby showers and I just don't get it.

Why wouldn't you want to celebrate having another child? People say baby showers are to

welcome the mother into motherhood, yea that may be somewhat of the case, but its a BABY SHOWER right..?

My family and friends are ecstatic that I'm having another baby, and the only issue between them all is "WHO"

will throw me a baby shower for my second pregnancy, because they all want to.

You can't possibly believe it isn't necessary to celebrate a second child coming into this world. SMH!

Subsequent pregnancies and baby showers aren't a "Been There Done That" situation.

If that's the case then what about women who have been married multiple times? Do they deserve second or third weddings?

I guess it's a touchy subject to me. I've had two friends denied baby showers from their friends and families all because its not their first pregnancy/baby shower. It's BS.

Disneygeek77 · August 2013

You can certainly celebrate. What people have a problem with is asking others to " shower" them with gifts. It comes across as greedy to be hitting the same people up for gifts time and time again.

No one is saying you can't have a party to celebrate, but again, do it without gifts.

Oh and 2nd baby showers are not the same as saying someone shouldn't have a second wedding. It is more along the lines of saying a couple renewing their vows shouldn't have another bridal shower.

Disneygeek77 · August 2013

Also, if second baby showers are considered normal and expected in your circle, then that is fine. Just keep the invitations to those to whom see it is normal.

Oh and you should never, ever throw yourself a party where you are the guest of honor and people are expected to come and shower you with gifts.

Soap1 · August 2013

I agree with the pp, it's a bit inappropriate to expect gifts for your second baby. With your first, it's about getting all the gear and supplies you'll need for a baby. For your second, you already have that stuff.

A couple of common alternatives for 2nd (or more) babies: 1) A "Sprinkle," which is a party held before the baby's birth. The mother doesn't register but people often bring gifts. 2) A "Sip and See," which is held after the baby is born, a chance for people to meet the new baby. Again, no registry, but people usually bring a little something.

I do think if there's a really significant age difference between babies (5 years-ish), a second shower is fine, though.

mfransdell · August 2013

-Someone throwing you (general you) a shower is not tacky.

-Asking for/demanding/expecting a shower (1st, 2nd, or otherwise) is tacky.

I consider showers a gift. If someone gives you a gift you graciously accept and asking for a gift is rude.

bnik · August 2013

People who get married multiple times don't have multiple showers, cause they already have everything. Celebrating a new baby and having a second or third shower are two completely different thing..

happyturtle03 · August 2013

I didn't have a shower with my second child, which totally sucked because my first was a girl and my second was a boy. All the baby stuff I had was PINK! But no one offered to throw me one and I just accepted that. I'm really hoping someone will give me one this time around though because it's been 7 yrs since my last baby and we gave everything away thinking we were done.

I'd say if someone is offering you a shower, then by all means enjoy it! If you really want one just to celebrate your new baby, not necessarily for the gifts, then have a "meeting baby" party after baby is born instead and just do it open house style where people can come by in the same little time period so you only have to get presentable for guests on one day. (Doesn't every new mommy live in her bathrobe for the first 3 weeks? I certainly did both times and totally plan to this time too!). As long as you are happy and everyone around you is happy to party the way it works for you, then I say go for it, as long as you are not demanding about it.

imakeeff0rts · August 2013

MosyMama said:

The reasons why subsequent baby showers after the first are tacky are clearly explained in most of the discussions about them, so if you don't get that after reading all of the posts, then I'm not sure what else anyone can say (especially since you're evidently having a second shower and are hell-bent on justifying it). There's nothing wrong with celebrating every baby, but a shower is not necessary to do that. Since showers are, by definition, gift-giving events, having one for every kid you decide to pop out conveys a sense of entitlement and the attitude that other people should provide you with the things you need to take care of your kids. THAT is BS. If people want to give you gifts for a second, third, or ninth baby, that's their choice and good for you, but they don't need (and shouldn't get) any sort of invitation to do that. They will do it on their own.

Lurker from the third tri board here...

All of that. It seems like you don't really understand the point of a shower. Yes, you're celebrating the child, but the premise of a shower is to give the expectant parents gifts. I probably would not attend a second shower because it's extremely gift-grabby and the attitude of entitlement in that situation bothers me. I also would not attend a second wedding shower.

However, you also don't seem to understand the difference between a wedding and a baby shower. Typically, couples that get married more than once pay for their own wedding. Guests are not expected to give gifts - the wedding is simply a celebration of their commitment to each other and their future life together NOT a gift-giving event like a wedding shower or baby shower.

dglvrk2 · August 2013

To OP: You're fortunate to have friends volunteering to give you a second shower. If you want it, graciously accept it. I innocently planned a second shower for a friend before I heard they are a bit unusual (several years ago). It was a small casual couples shower and we all went in on a second car seat, something the couple needed since their children were only two years apart.

I'm on baby #2. If a friend offers to give me a shower, I'll probably accept but emphasize that that I'd prefer no gifts except for something like hand me downs or pre-made meals. I guess it would be more of a party in that respect.

Just keep it low key and enjoy your friends!

jazelise · August 2013

I understand completely what a baby shower is meant for. And a bridal shower is the EXACT same thing. A woman having been divorced and remarried having a bridal shower is just as ridiculous as having a second shower, who doesn't see the similarities? Not everyone keeps things from their first pregnancy/marriage.

Let me make this point clear before continuing: I would never ask anyone to shower me with gifts. For MOSYMAMA saying Im "hell-bent on justifying me having a second baby shower" I have friends and family members who have no problem throwing me a shower, mainly because Im having a boy this time around. A lot of ppl say it isn't necessary, well if you have kids close in age, maybe not, but 3 years apart absolutely. OR if having the opposite sex than you did the 1st time around. I had a girl first, now a boy.

The difference between myself and others, I've made it a point to tell all my friends and family that I will not accept brand new items, and would prefer hand-me downs. For obvious reasons.

MOSYMAMA: You seem bent out of shape. I completely understand your point but let me once again make this clear, I would never ask anyone to provide the things needed to take care of my children. That's like being on Welfare and not doing shit to get back on ones feet to be off of welfare. Lazy, Selfish, Inconsiderate and I can go on and on, but that's not me.

jazelise · August 2013

I absolutely agree.

The only thing tacky about it all is asking for/demanding/or expecting a baby shower.

jazelise · August 2013

This time around I have not registered. I do believe that is unnecessary and what you all deem as TACKY. That would seem like I expect those items. And honestly I don't expect anything. But for my friends and family members to come together and celebrate. Call it a "Sprinkle" call it a "Baby Shower", there is nothing wrong with it do it a second time around.

jazelise · August 2013

dglvrk2 said:

To OP: You're fortunate to have friends volunteering to give you a second shower. If you want it, graciously accept it. I innocently planned a second shower for a friend before I heard they are a bit unusual (several years ago). It was a small casual couples shower and we all went in on a second car seat, something the couple needed since their children were only two years apart.
I'm on baby #2. If a friend offers to give me a shower, I'll probably accept but emphasize that that I'd prefer no gifts except for something like hand me downs or pre-made meals. I guess it would be more of a party in that respect.
Just keep it low key and enjoy your friends!

Thats exactly what I did when my sister offered to throw me this second baby shower. No registry, gladly accepting hand-me downs.

dglvrk2 · August 2013

Sounds fun to me. Enjoy the time with your friends and family before LO #2 comes along. It gets harder to have QT with friends and family as you have more little ones. :-)

Liz4444 · August 2013

What the hell is the difference between accepting new gifts and used gifts? A gift is a gift.

kennazebrowsky · August 2013

It really depends on what is normal in your circle of family and friends.

You should not expect a shower, throw your own or ask for one.

SingleMom31 · August 2013

If it's a second or third wedding, you don't generally get a wedding shower either. Even if you don't still have the stuff from your first marriage, it's not an excuse to have someone ask your friends to buy you stuff again. Think of it as a lifetime limit of one shower invite per person -- if you friend bought you china the first time, they shouldn't have to buy you more just because marriage #1 didn't work out and you want new (or even just new to you) stuff again.

Also, what does the sex of a child have to do with anything? #2 won't care what color their carseat, etc are. Plus, it's quite poor planning to not register for sex-neutral stuff the first time -- friends shouldn't be asked to buy more bc you were short sighted.

Same argument for kids a few years apart -- Being shortsighted and getting rid of everything doesn't mean that you should ask everyone to buy/give you more stuff to replace it.

happyturtle03 · August 2013

With my first, I registered for neutral stuff, because I hoped for more children, but as soon as family and friends found out I was having a girl, they bought pink. I didn't complain because I hadn't asked for anything to begin with, but I was given a shower and I did appreciate it. For my son, I chose to buy different covers for things and clothes that were gender appropriate (seriously, I cannot imagine anyone wanting to put their son in frilly pink dresses, that's just a special kind of freaky!). I never complained about not having a shower, nor would I have dreamed of asking for one, but had it been offered it would have been really nice, simply because I really wasn't given the option of gender-neutral stuff to begin with despite my careful planning and specifically asking that if anyone wanted to give a gift to please keep in mind that my second might be a boy (thereby implying that I wouldn't expect another shower or more gifts- not that I expected gifts to begin with but people were asking me what they could give). It's been 7 years since my last baby, and never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would be expecting again at my age. It's not that I expect people to give me things or that I can't provide for my own child, but if people want to give me gifts I would appreciate it. I would never ask for it, but it certainly would be nice. Most of the items we gave away were to a man in the military who suddenly found himself a single father to a toddler and a newborn, and a few others over the years who really needed the help. I'm not for one second sorry that I gave that stuff away to them. They needed it way more than I did. I've given more gifts than I could count over the years, to friends who were having their first, second, third, and sometimes even 4th, 5th, or 6th, and I never once cared what number the child was, it was a child, a blessing, and I WANTED to give a gift to celebrate this new life. So if someone WANTS to give me gifts and a shower, then I will graciously accept, and if they don't, then no big deal, I can get what I need. I agree that it is rude to ASK or EXPECT, but jmo, it's equally rude to turn down someone who truly wants to give a gift from their heart. Besides, if someone doesn't want to buy a gift, they always have the option of not attending the shower or offering a gift that doesn't cost anything and would mean so much more like an offer to babysit for a couple of hours or bring by a meal during the first weeks.

ordinary1 · August 2013

Second showers are to welcome a MTB into motherhood not to celebrate a baby. If you want to throw a party for your dad, do you throw it without him there? No. It's the same thing.

happyturtle03 · August 2013

Ok, not meaning to be rude, but I really am trying to be clear here, because all I am getting so far is that it's basically it's just semantics. So if a FTMTB has a shower to welcome Her into Motherhood, then does she have a Welcome Baby party to celebrate the first child since the first child would not be in attendance at the shower any more than a second child would? Aren't all showers really about the child since all the gifts pertain to said child? Regardless of birth order? What about birth order makes any one person more deserving of gifts than another? Second children are certainly going to get enough hand-me-downs, don't they deserve a few new things too? If it's all about welcoming the first time mother to be into motherhood, it seems to me to make more sense to give gifts that pertain to the mother such as maternity clothes and massage certificates... None of this makes sense to me. If someone wants to give you a gift, you graciously accept it, unless it is overly pricey or you don't want anything to do with the person or your SO would be (rightfully) angry over it or you have some other reason that really makes sense. I can see where saying you should not ask or expect, but not accepting when it is offered just because you've had a child before seems ridiculous. Call it whatever you want, shower or celebration or coffee on Tuesday, but the point is when someone offers something, do you say yes or no. The original poster says multiple people are wanting to give her a shower, her decision is to accept or decline. Its not a question of whether or not she should ask or expect, if it were I'd be all over that saying not only no, but hell no. But if someone plans a party in your honor or goes out and buys you a gift because they wanted to, why should etiquette say it's ok to accept if this is a first baby and not ok if it's a second or more?

Liz4444 · August 2013

happyturtle03 said:
Ok, not meaning to be rude, but I really am trying to be clear here, because all I am getting so far is that it's basically it's just semantics. So if a FTMTB has a shower to welcome Her into Motherhood, then does she have a Welcome Baby party to celebrate the first child since the first child would not be in attendance at the shower any more than a second child would? Aren't all showers really about the child since all the gifts pertain to said child? Regardless of birth order? What about birth order makes any one person more deserving of gifts than another? Second children are certainly going to get enough hand-me-downs, don't they deserve a few new things too? If it's all about welcoming the first time mother to be into motherhood, it seems to me to make more sense to give gifts that pertain to the mother such as maternity clothes and massage certificates... None of this makes sense to me. If someone wants to give you a gift, you graciously accept it, unless it is overly pricey or you don't want anything to do with the person or your SO would be (rightfully) angry over it or you have some other reason that really makes sense. I can see where saying you should not ask or expect, but not accepting when it is offered just because you've had a child before seems ridiculous. Call it whatever you want, shower or celebration or coffee on Tuesday, but the point is when someone offers something, do you say yes or no. The original poster says multiple people are wanting to give her a shower, her decision is to accept or decline. Its not a question of whether or not she should ask or expect, if it were I'd be all over that saying not only no, but hell no. But if someone plans a party in your honor or goes out and buys you a gift because they wanted to, why should etiquette say it's ok to accept if this is a first baby and not ok if it's a second or more?

The majority of the things you think are for baby that a MTB receives are, in reality, for the convenience of the mother. Baby doesn't care if you take her out in a stroller or she gets held, the stroller is a convenience for the parents. Does baby care if it's diapers get thrown in a diaper genie or in the kitchen garbage can? Nope. Does baby care whether you wipe their spit with a dish towel or burp cloth? Mine certainly doesn't. You know who cares? Mom...

Also, if someone wants to buy you a gift, they don't need a shower invitation to do so. I have had 2 children, 0 showers, 0 registries, and both received more gifts then I know what to do with.

apostle85 · August 2013

I have heard of people having what is called a "sprinkle" for a second child. They really only invite family and very close friends and if they are having a boy say and the first baby was a girl, they mostly just get clothes and toys for gifts. I am on purpose registering for gender neutral strollers, car seats and things like that so I won't need something different if we decide to have another baby.

I always take my friends and family who have their second or third baby a small gift at the hosptial/mail it to them. Usually a few cute outfits and a book or two.

Personally, I wouldn't want another shower but that's just me.

lashagu · August 2013

If your friends and family wants to throw you a shower for the 2nd baby by all means go for it. People feel so "agravated" by second showers like they're the ones spending money or buying gifts, for me personally is not a big deal. I have many friends with kids and if they're having a second kid and have a shower or whatever you want call it to celebrate that, I'll be the first one there with a brand new gift for the brand new baby to come. Enjoy your shower!!

SingleMom31 · August 2013

happyturtle03 said:

Ok, not meaning to be rude, but I really am trying to be clear here, because all I am getting so far is that it's basically it's just semantics. So if a FTMTB has a shower to welcome Her into Motherhood, then does she have a Welcome Baby party to celebrate the first child since the first child would not be in attendance at the shower any more than a second child would?

Yes - If you want, a first time mother can have a shower to welcome her to motherhood (where she is showered with gifts to help prepare her for motherhood - FWIW, I did receive a couple gifts like massage gift certificates). After the baby is here, she may have a second party to celebrate the baby. As this is not a gift giving event by design, the parents can throw it themselves. You may have some people bring small gifts (like cute outfits), but don't expect them.

Aren't all showers really about the child since all the gifts pertain to said child?

No, not at all. Showers are about the MTB/PTB being welcomed into motherhood.

Regardless of birth order? What about birth order makes any one person more deserving of gifts than another?

Since it's not about the baby, birth order is not important. What is important is that the mother is already a mother, and she doesn't need to be welcomed into motherhood again.

Second children are certainly going to get enough hand-me-downs, don't they deserve a few new things too?

No, nobody is entitled to new stuff. Baby doesn't care. If it's a boy in a pink onesie, I promise that he will be just fine. That said, if YOU want new stuff for YOUR baby, it's up to YOU to buy it.

If it's all about welcoming the first time mother to be into motherhood, it seems to me to make more sense to give gifts that pertain to the mother such as maternity clothes and massage certificates...

Some people do get those kinds of gifts. Traditionally though, gifts are things that the MTB will need for the new baby - not unlike how wedding shower gifts are traditionally things to help the BTB set up her house.

None of this makes sense to me. If someone wants to give you a gift, you graciously accept it, unless it is overly pricey or you don't want anything to do with the person or your SO would be (rightfully) angry over it or you have some other reason that really makes sense.

There is nothing wrong with accepting a gift. In fact, regardless of whether you have a shower, those closest to you likely WILL buy you gifts. The tacky part of it is allowing someone to host a party that is to welcome you to motherhood by showering you with gifts to assist you as you become a mother when you are already a mother.

I can see where saying you should not ask or expect, but not accepting when it is offered just because you've had a child before seems ridiculous. Call it whatever you want, shower or celebration or coffee on Tuesday, but the point is when someone offers something, do you say yes or no. The original poster says multiple people are wanting to give her a shower, her decision is to accept or decline.

In case there was doubt, she should gracefully decline. In case you need a line, "Aunt Betty, it's so very kind of you to offer, but Husband and I already have everything that we need and we'd hate to ask all of our friends to buy us gifts again so soon after Child was born. Do you think that everyone would like to come to a party after Baby arrives, so that they can have a chance to meet Baby?"

Its not a question of whether or not she should ask or expect, if it were I'd be all over that saying not only no, but hell no. But if someone plans a party in your honor or goes out and buys you a gift because they wanted to, why should etiquette say it's ok to accept if this is a first baby and not ok if it's a second or more?

Because it's not about the baby... It's about being welcomed to motherhood. You are already a mother.

On a side note - Maybe you should post this on the baby shower board. I suspect that you'll find that most people don't agree with you.

Babi2comingSoon2014 · August 2013

personally i never got it either "rude to have multiple showers" and never heard of it until forum boards, ive asked around family and co-workers and they all thought it was odd to view it as tacky.
So my conclusion on the topic is how its viewed is dependant on you social circle, I for one will also be having a second baby shower. Thats what we do in my family/social circle, always been that way.

Babi2comingSoon2014 · August 2013

personally i never got it either "rude to have multiple showers" and never heard of it until forum boards, ive asked around family and co-workers and they all thought it was odd to view it as tacky.
So my conclusion on the topic is how its viewed is dependant on you social circle, I for one will also be having a second baby shower. Thats what we do in my family/social circle, always been that way.
If you come to someones celebration (whatever its called) without even so much as a card, you are considered rude

lollipoppoop · August 2013

I think second showers are tacky. There are multiple posts on the baby shower forum on this topic as well.

PinkinProvence · August 2013

Because people are just pretending. No one cares that much about you having kids except the grandparents. It's a nice gesture for the first child. It is tacky and greedy to have another shower for the second child (or any subsequent children.)

By all means, you should throw a "celebration" for your second children. Make sure to put on the invitation "no gifts" and give everyone fabulous favors!

numeria11 · August 2013

Here's the problem for those of you who say "Well my family wants to throw one so it should be ok." That's great that a family member or two wants to do so, the problem is they are going to invite other people to said shower who are then going to feel obligated to buy you things because it's a shower. Just because 1 or 4 or 6 people don't understand etiquette and think it's ok to pressure your other friends and family into buying gifts (because really that's what they are doing) doesn't make it ok. If they are hell bent on celebrating the baby then they can come over and you can have a small party with those people AFTER the baby is born more as a meet and greet, not as a shower or sprinkle. Using those words immediately implies to all invited that they must bring a gift.

Every friend I have I bring a gift when I meet the new baby but I do it because I want to and because I know there are things that will have worn out/been used up since the last kiddo, but that's my choice. Pressuring someone into buying you gifts by having a second shower is tacky no matter who is hosting it.

happyturtle03 · August 2013

Thanks for answering my questions without being rude. To be honest, I wasn't thinking "as applies to ME", I'm just not there yet. I've been trying so hard just to get through my first trimester without losing this one, and still not feeling entirely out of the woods there now that I've hit 14 weeks even though it is going well this time. I was thinking from the perspective of all the times I have attended second, and so forth, showers. Not that I think MY second (or third in my case) baby deserves NEW things, but from the perspective of a guest/friend/family I would really want the family to have a few new things for baby. Is it necessary? No, but seriously, 99% of the hoopla for baby is just that, and NO ONE needs most of that crap. I always kept it simple with my other two. We had the basics and we didn't even register for the extras when I had friends demanding I register for my daughter. I think it's silly for anyone to spend money on all the crazy things that you might use once and could certainly do without. Also, totally agree that a second baby whatever-you-want-to-call-it, should be a small affair with close friends and family. Maybe it is just differences in social circles and what you are accustomed to, though. For the most part I've always heard the shower announced as "To welcome BABY" and in my social circles multiple showers have been traditional, especially if the child is opposite gender from their older sibling(s) or there has been some time between babies. With my second, I didn't ask for a shower, did not expect one, and did not have one, but I had been on bedrest for months and I had mostly what I needed short of some new covers for things and some boy clothing and diapers. Anyway, for what it's worth, I think it would have to be a personal decision to have or not to have based on what is appropriate for your social circles, afterall, it would be your friends and family who would either judge you tacky or be terribly disappointed, right? More than anything, it should be the attitude with which you accept or decline that is more important. Either way, if you aren't gracious about it, that would be what makes it tacky in my opinion, but obviously, what do I know...

numeria11 · August 2013

Oh and one more thing, I'm SOO sick of hearing, well all my stuff for baby one was PINK or BLUE so now I need new stuff. No you don't. If you or your family were silly enough to only buy stuff that works for one sex knowing full well you planned to have more kids then that's your bad and you need to go by new stuff if it bothers you that much, not expect your friends or family to do so.

Here's a crazy idea, don't find out what you're having or don't tell others until the kid comes out and buy/register for gender neutral stuff for the first 12 months. We didn't find out with DD and everything we got works for either boys or girls. You choosing to find out and then choosing to tell people and then choosing to buy gender specific stuff is no one's fault but your own.

And 3 years between kids isn't enough of gap to justify another shower either sorry. If the person was say 6-10 years out from their first and thought they could never have another kid I can at least see possibly justifying a new shower. But just because you didn't want to store stuff for 2-3 years between kids, don't expect others to buy it for you again.

nicholssquared · August 2013

See my other post here for the more practical reason not to have a second shower. However, there's a larger underlying issue here that isn't clear to OP, I suppose:

The whole thing stems from a sense of entitlement. People don't seem to understand that even first baby showers aren't an expectation or an entitlement ever. Shower or not, it is ultimately the parents responsibility to buy everything for their child. Finding a reason to have a shower, whether first or subsequent, with the sole intention of making it someone else's responsibility to provide for your child is against the normal societal order (read: against normal societal order = tacky).

First showers are more acceptable because it is not the sole intention to have others provide for the baby, one is also celebrating this special time of transition by honoring the MTB. For second showers, that second reason doesn't apply - the mom is already a mom and is no longer transitioning; therefore the only reason to have one is for the purpose of having your friends and relatives take over your responsibility as parents. This is against the normal order of things, see the bolded above.

NataliasMOM0214 · August 2013

numeria11 said:

Here's the problem for those of you who say "Well my family wants to throw one so it should be ok." That's great that a family member or two wants to do so, the problem is they are going to invite other people to said shower who are then going to feel obligated to buy you things because it's a shower. Just because 1 or 4 or 6 people don't understand etiquette and think it's ok to pressure your other friends and family into buying gifts (because really that's what they are doing) doesn't make it ok. If they are hell bent on celebrating the baby then they can come over and you can have a small party with those people AFTER the baby is born more as a meet and greet, not as a shower or sprinkle. Using those words immediately implies to all invited that they must bring a gift.

Every friend I have I bring a gift when I meet the new baby but I do it because I want to and because I know there are things that will have worn out/been used up since the last kiddo, but that's my choice. Pressuring someone into buying you gifts by having a second shower is tacky no matter who is hosting it.

These are my exact feelings...if your mom or friend wants to throw you a shower that is putting expectations on the guest list/invited women....they are then obligated to buy 'appropriate' gifts (esp. since they'll be opened publicly in front of the crowd!), and attend. If you have some people at your house to meet the baby, that is one thing, and those people who go can bring something 'smaller' like an outfit or toy where they would feel that isn't enough to bring to a 'formal' shower. Your Mom and close friends are excited to celebrate, but all those guests are not, most likely, as close to you and to ask them to take the time and money to welcome you to 'motherhood' a second time is unfair and selfish. Plus, even stating that gifts are not welcomed won't even fly as most people would feel funny showing up to the event empty-handed. It just seems that too many people want everyone else to pay for the necessities that you think you need (or b/c you want things new). Most of the big items should not be thrown away, and should be gender neutral from your first (carseat, stroller, swing, bouncer, etc)...clothing is what you will get as people visit you, anyway, or things that you, as the parent, should buy! I am with my second now (a boy, as I have a DD), and I do not expect a shower, and wouldn't want my friends to attend another one as it just seems greedy to me.

jessisimmons · August 2013

I am a FTM having two showers in 2 diff states for my 1st bc my husband is from NY & I'm from VA which is where we live. In the event that I get pregnant again we will not be having a 2nd shower. IMO it's tacky being that the shower is to welcome the mother in to motherhood. If people choose to give us stuff for a 2nd, 3rd or however many babies we decide to have that's on them. But I certainly won't care if they do or don't & won't invite them a shower/party where they feel obligated to do so.

kimmycup · August 2013

I really don't see the big deal either. It's a new baby coming into the world. My sister has three children and we threw a shower for each one. If someone offers to do it, then why not?

RedPeppah · August 2013

I always wondered if a second shower was a do or a don't. I'm going to have to say no based off of all the comments. I both agree and disagree on some points so I remain neutral on the thought.

numeria11 · August 2013

kimmycup said:

I really don't see the big deal either. It's a new baby coming into the world. My sister has three children and we threw a shower for each one. If someone offers to do it, then why not?

Let me help answer your question since clearly you haven't read or valued any of the responses on this thread up to now. I'm copying and pasting my orginal response to save time. But in a nutshell it is rude.:

Here's the problem for those of you who say "Well my family wants to throw one so it should be ok." That's great that a family member or two wants to do so, the problem is they are going to invite other people to said shower who are then going to feel obligated to buy you things because it's a shower. Just because 1 or 4 or 6 people don't understand etiquette and think it's ok to pressure your other friends and family into buying gifts (because really that's what they are doing) doesn't make it ok. If they are hell bent on celebrating the baby then they can come over and you can have a small party with those people AFTER the baby is born more as a meet and greet, not as a shower or sprinkle. Using those words immediately implies to all invited that they must bring a gift.

Every friend I have I bring a gift when I meet the new baby but I do it because I want to and because I know there are things that will have worn out/been used up since the last kiddo, but that's my choice. Pressuring someone into buying you gifts by having a second shower is tacky no matter who is hosting it.

aeh72 · August 2013

Lurker here - blame it on the new format where I see an interesting title and get caught up reading a whole lot of drama. With that being said:
jazelise3 said:

Let me make this point clear before continuing: I would never ask anyone to shower me with gifts. - except when:

[you are] having a boy this time around

[when your kids will be] 3 years apart [and then it's] absolutely [necessary]

[you don't] accept brand new items, and would prefer hand-me downs. For obvious reasons. Oh, do you mean the obvious reason THAT YOU ALREADY HAVE A CHILD AND HAVE PLENTY OF WHAT'S NEEDED FOR A NEW BABY??

Sorry, but your statement about "never" asking anyone to shower you with gifts is defied by your own statements. And, to quote you: It actually is "Lazy, Selfish, and Inconsiderate" to expect people to buy you things for your child - any child, be it first, second, or fifth. And, allowing someone to throw you a 2nd shower - which is a gift giving event - when you should already have what you need for a new baby because you have a child already is expecting people to buy you gifts.

ETA to clarify statement

Sawyerplus1 · August 2013

i havent read the other posts so maybe I'm repeating someone, but I think it depends on what you consider to be the PURPOSE of a shower. If it's to celebrate a new baby, then by all means celebrate! If it's to help prepare new parents for their new roles, then perhaps a couple is "prepared" enough by the time #2 or 3 comes along.

I've been on these message boards for many years and 4 kids and I've seen this issue again and again. Ultimately I think it depends a lot on your circle of friends/family, local traditions, and where you live. Where I live, showers for subsequent babies are not uncommon and they are certainly not considered tacky. I had a shower for my 2nd baby (with just close friends and family) and it was a lovely celebration of my baby. If someone wants to throw you a shower, no matter how many kids you've already had, be gracious and accept. (I do agree, of course, that ASKING for and/or expecting showers is tacky.)

Auburngirl32 · August 2013

Who is the governing body on shower etiquette??? I mean really ladies, this is crazy.

waiting4Baby00 · August 2013

The only ime I really think second baby showers are appropriate is for a baby to be born with special needs. If you want to have a party to celebrate another pregnancy, I think that is totally fine. But there should be a clear mesage of no gifts. Otherwise people will feel obligated to bring one. I have thought about asking my girlfriends to have a gtg to celebrate my second pregnancy and I was playing with the idea of instead of gift, collecting items for the orphanage here in town. I don't really get the "if someone offers..." excuse. Just because one person wants to offer doesn't mean the rest of your friends and family should be guilted into buying you more gifts for every child you decide to have. ETA and I should say, what I meant by gtg was going for "afternoon tea" with my girlfriends and using my pregnancy as an excuse to get everyone together to celebrate since life always seems to get so busy. No silly guess which candy bar is in the diaper games.

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