Baby Showers

Shower etiquette... 2nd shower? Unknown gender?

Family & friends are asking if I mind having another shower (since it's not really etiquette to do so for 2nd child). 1st child was a girl and we found out the gender. 2nd child we will not find out the gender, so since it may be a boy, should we? WDYT?

Re: Shower etiquette... 2nd shower? Unknown gender?

  • I guess if they are offering then why not, but personally I would feel really weird. Your DD is only a little over a year old so there is not much your new little one is going to need that you do not already have.

    You could always do a baby sprinkle so everyone can meet the baby after she or he is born and more then likely they will bring a gift anyways. Or you could just do a nice lunch with invites saying "No gifts please".

    Are you registering or is this just a get together kind of thing??

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  • honestly, i would decline. ?it hasn't been that long since your first child was born.

    however, i do think it's a great idea to do a "meet the baby" kind of gathering, but you wouldn't register for it and it would just be a fun GTG. ?most likely, people will bring gifts, but this way there's no pressure.

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  • It's sweet of them to offer, but it's really inappropriate.  I've never known any second-time Moms to have a shower.  If I were invited to a shower for a second-time Mom I'd "have a schedule conflict" and privately, and possibly with friends who broached the subject first, think it gift-grabby.
  • I think that if people are offering then it's not inappropriate to accept.  It would be weird to ask. Since you obviously didn't ask, I say let the people who love you do something nice for you if they want.  If my friend/cousin were having another baby I would wnat to do something nice for her and would hope that she would allow me.
  • Since a shower is considered a gift, wouldn't it be more rude to decline someone's gift than tell them not to throw it b/c it's not proper ettiquette to have another? If they're offering and you didn't ask for it, let them throw one. Really, what if they were doing it as a suprise... then you'd really have no say.
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  • If there offering to give you a shower then i would!!
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  • A better idea would be to have a "welcome baby party".  That way they know the gender and will buy accordingly...plus get to see the baby.  We did this for my oldest DD since they didn't find out the gender.  It was her shower but it was after her DS was born.  It was her first baby but newborns don't need much anyway.  He was 3 weeks old when the shower was held.  Her girlfriend hosted and it was at my DD's home so they didn't even have to go anywhere.  Her friend came over and cleaned and cooked and decorated the night before.  It turned out well.  I think the guests really appreciated seeing the baby...I know they did actually because they said so.  It was a novel idea and was well received.
  • Well I certainly don`t think it`s terrible to have a second shower, I would also decline the offer. Just because someone offered to host it, that doesn`t mean the people being invited think it is a great idea. When I`m invited to a shower for someone having their second or third child, regardless of gender, I sort of begrudge having to buy a formal gift even though I do attend and bring a gift because you can`t really decline a shower invitation just because you don`t want to buy a gift.

    I would always bring something when I go to meet the new baby, whether it be first, second, or third child, but it would be something smaller, like a new outfit instead of something bigger like monitors, playpen, etc. because the parents would have received that the first time. If there is a formal shower the second time, it seems like a gift grab.

    If you want people to come over and meet baby, host a party yourself, but specifically state on invite, something to the effect of, ``no gifts please, just the pleasure of introducing our newest little one``

  • I would not even bother putting "no gifts please" on the invite if you DO decide to have an "after baby party".  Just let the guests decide whether or not they want to bring a gift.  Putting that on an invite is almost the same as telling them what to buy...except you would be telling them not to buy.  The fun is picking out and buying the gift for me.  Just send out an announcement (or make your own) meet the baby get-together.  Have some food...people will come (and they will bring gifts!)...gender specific.
  • I wouldn't turn them down but I'd suggest either a sprinkle or diaper shower if they want to do it before the baby gets here or a meet and greet afterwards, but insist that it not be a full blown shower since it is your second and it is pretty close to the first.
  • It is not rude to decline an offer.  The offer is not a gift.  It is perfectly good form to politely say "no thank you"
  • I have been to 5-6 "sprinkles" this year alone for second babies.  I see nothing wrong with it...it is more of an opportunity to celebrate the second baby.  Yes people bring things...diapers, new onesies, etc., but not huge gifts.

    I would NOT register for a second baby, but see nothing wrong with a little shower with close friends!

  • I personally would not.

    Your kids are close in age.  You still have all the big expensive gear.

    People will buy you clothes and/or gender specific stuff after the baby is born regardless of having a shower.

    Where I'm from second showers under your circumstances are bad etiquette and appear gift grabby.

    I was offered one and I declined it.  Just not my style....

    Our IF journey: 1 m/c, 1 IVF with only 3 eggs retrieved yielding Dylan and a lost twin, 1 shocker unmedicated BFP resulting in Jace, 3 more unmedicated pregnancies ending in more losses.
    Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
  • If it's being offerred I don't see anything wrong with accepting--if it'd make you feel better, you could have a "diaper and wipes" or a "diapers and formula" (if you're not BF'ing) shower...or wait till after the baby arrives and you know the gender. If I was buying a gift for a 2nd time mom it'd probably be diapers and wipes anyways--you always need those!

     

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  • imageRoxyLynn:
    It's sweet of them to offer, but it's really inappropriate.  I've never known any second-time Moms to have a shower.  If I were invited to a shower for a second-time Mom I'd "have a schedule conflict" and privately, and possibly with friends who broached the subject first, think it gift-grabby.

    Sorry, I completely agree with this.  Even though they offer, I think it would be really tacky on your part to accept.  As others suggested, a meet the baby gathering is a much better idea.

  • Here's the same question and answer on Storknet.com

     

    Showers for second (or more) babies
    Q. Is it improper to have a baby shower for your second baby, especially if the sex is different?

    A. It is never improper to have a baby shower. A shower is so much more than gifts. It is an opportunity to gather family and friends together to celebrate the beginning of a new life. The birth of a baby is a joyous occasion, and it is always acceptable to celebrate it. If other family members or friends are concerned about it being improper to have a baby shower for a second (or more) child, there are ways to take the focus off the gifts. If the second child is a different sex than the first, it would be fun to host a "It's a Girl" or "It's a Boy" party, where guests bring gender specific gifts. Or, if the mom-to-be truly does not need anything for the new baby, forego gifts altogether and just gather to celebrate. Another option is to host a casserole shower or a pampering mom shower.

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  • Toys R Us will tell you it's always appropriate to buy toys.  Restaurants will tell you it's always the best time to go out to eat.  And businesses that get more business from more baby showers will tell people that a shower is the way to go.

    In other words, they are not in any way an etiquette authority.

  • If you google shower etiquette or shower for 2nd baby you'll find all sorts of etiquette responses.  Most of them agree that having a second shower or "sprinkle" is completely acceptable in today's society. 

     I guess it would be best to just go with your gut feelings on it.  How would you feel about going to a shower for a second baby? I, personally, would't have a problem with it I guess.  The only time I though it was odd was when a friend of mine was having a shower for her 4th child.  She had full blown "showers" for all of them and had them all within a 6 year period.  That was a little much I think.

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  • RoxyLynn, you are like a babyshower nazi. I'm seeing you in practically every thread concerning baby showers for 2nd or 3rd babies. What is your joy-kill deal?

     

    Maybe I'm just biased because I was cheated out of having any baby shower for my son, thanks to my SIL, but I think every baby and the mother who gives birth to them deserve to be celebrated. Of course, I think if the parents already have everything they need and are financially O.K. then it should be included on the invites something to the effect of "no gifts necessary". I don't think people should be denied the joy of celebrating the special times of their life, due to some rigid rules of outdated etiquette.

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