BFing in Public article

redfallon · August 2013

This came up through my FB feed today. It reminded me of some of the UO convo we had yesterday about BF'ing in public. In the UO, I said that I wasn't sure that I'd feel comfortable BF'ing in public and didn't know if I'd feel better about covering up, etc. I won't really know how I will feel about it until it comes up. However, I don't feel that means that other moms who are comfortable should be asked to leave somewhere because of it. I also learned a lot from other moms about it in the UO convo, of which I'm very appreciative.

The comments at the end of the article are very disturbing and shows exactly the backlash that public BF'ing moms get every day. It opened my eyes a lot to how moms who are just trying to feed their babies are being treated. I am really disgusted and disturbed by the comments. I didn't see very many that were defending the mothers. Most of the comments were saying that BF'ing mothers only do it for attention, etc.

Here is one comment that really made me angry:

"[I]f these women want to flaunt their breasts instead of taking care of their children at home, then they are owed every demeaning titty remark that is thrown their way. Those children didn't ask to be born. They are not accessories made to be fit into their mothers' "lifestyles." I am a woman. My mother breast-fed all 3 of us but she respected herself and us enough to plan her life in order to be at home. Guess what? I know of no Chik fil-as that do not have drive-through windows. If these women are simply dying to eat fast food instead of going home, they can pick their food up and still show respect for their fellow men and women and children. Anyone woman who cannot plan a schedule probably has NO business being a mother. These women want to educate everyone? I honestly think this is not a subject on which anyone is uneducated. I seriously question their motives. Are you so hungry for attention? Is everything so egocentric to you that you must pull your breast, your boob, your whatever out in public and flop it around until the baby takes it? Are you the only person in the world who matters? Are you the only one restaurants should cater to? YOUR RIGHTS END WHERE EVERYONE ELSE'S NOSES BEGIN. Get real."

Here's a link to the article:

https://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/chick-fil-a-nurse-in-stands-up-for-public-breastfeeding-171256622.html

**The article singles out an incident that happened at a Chick-Fil-A. I'm not against Chick-Fil-A as a whole as this may have been an isolated incident. However, it's the overall attitude in the comments that made me angry.**

Edit: A lot of the comments talk about the women having their boobs hanging out. Nowhere in the article did it say that the boobs were hanging out, and even in the photo, the only boobs you can see are from the woman in the background with a low-cut shirt who is NOT breastfeeding.

JLMcWeeney · August 2013

Wow! That is the worst comment I have seen especially by a woman.
A town very close to mine just held a protest called "the Great Latch On" where women gathered and feed their babies out in the open. It was covered by local news, and many horrible comments like the one you posted are on there. Many men even compared breast feeding in public to urinating in public.
I actually shared the link on my Facebook, and an older woman saw it and said there is no reason women can't have enough respect to cover up.
Even if the woman is covered people still seem to throw a fit though.
Women are just trying to feed their babies!

redfallon · August 2013

Yep. Before I stopped reading the comments, I saw several that compared breastfeeding in public to:

1. Urinating in public
2. Scratching balls in public
3. Defecating in public
4. Only wearing a piece of tape over a nipple in lieu of a shirt in public

sallywacket · August 2013

I'm not one to swear much at all, but...

Fuck 'em.

I don't have the energy to respond to such ugly comments. Just don't care what ya think.

ravenclaw1 · August 2013

People who take the time and effort to spout such nastiness are ignorant and apparently have nothing better to do. Thankfully, people like that tend to be in the minority. I just can't take them seriously and I move on.

BFing in public is no big deal to me, and a lot of others. Id venture to guess that a majority of people either don't mind or don't care either way, and I hope that more people continue to move in that thought direction. It's always the dumbasses who yell the loudest, sadly.

ravenclaw1 · August 2013

I just re-read this, and am looking through the comments.

Most of the comments are pretty decent - I find very few offensive. I will say, though, even as an avid supporter of women's rights to breastfeed in public, I do think these "nurse ins" are tacky as hell. At that point, you're really doing it to ruffle feathers, I think.

EMLYNNLERETTE · August 2013

I wouldn't participate in a nurse in personally, but I think that women who do are not necessarily looking for negative attention. They are fighting to make it known to the public that what they are doing is not indecent. Looking for attention, yes. Attention to the fact that nursing women can nurse anywhere. I applaud anyone who feels bold enough to NIP. I had a hard time going anywhere for months because my DD was sick and nursed almost constantly. If I had never bit the bullet and nursed while out, we would have gone broke ordering takeout since my husband worked... What's more infuriating is that women 'hear' other women's struggles and they STILL cannot accept nursing as normal and acceptable.

msronzio · August 2013

Looks like those people are called "lactivists". It seems similar to any other protest.

What made me happy though, was the related article! https://finance.yahoo.com/news/more-3-000-moms-breastfeed-173000320.html

Good job TB!!!

camzay83 · August 2013

I really like this board, due Sept. 24th, but have only posted once, but I really felt like I needed to respond to this because it's a subject that I feel pretty strongly about.

I feel like this is one of those topics that is so sensitive that no one can really change another persons opinion which everyone is entitled to....

But for me personally, I feel I have the right to feed my child anytime anywhere, and how dare anybody make a mother feel bad about BF her child. I do plan on BF in public. HOWEVER if there is a comfortable place nearby (not a restroom stall) depending on the situation I would feel better taking a moment in private to BF, or at least cover up and not just whip out my boob in public. My husband and I are both in the restaurant industry and women who can't at least use a cover make me extremely uncomfortable, and it's a lot more common than people think. I am a private person and I don't want to see your breast. A woman my just be thinking from her point of view that she's feeding her child but she obviously doesn't care that she might be making other people uncomfortable. I don't want anyone except for my husband to see my boobs even if I am feeding my child. They make nursing covers for a reason and they are very affordable so there is no excuse to not at least use one of those. Just the other day my husband had to serve a woman who was BF, he walked up to the table and the first thing he saw was her boob hanging out, he looked away right away and looked to the husband to take his order first but the woman still glared at my husband and made him feel like a pervert even though he had no control over seeing her breast. Nowadays most breast pumps are covered by insurance and if your able to, why not pump and store your milk and put your breast milk in a bottle for use in public places, OR at least cover up so everyone doesn't have to see your boob. Especially younger children who are old enough to be curious about the body but not old enough to understand the difference between flashing people is wrong and nobody should ever show his or her body to you, oh but BF is okay because it's just one nipple and baby is hungry.

Wishing35 · August 2013

camzay83 said:
I don't want anyone except for my husband to see my boobs even if I am feeding my child. They make nursing covers for a reason and they are very affordable so there is no excuse to not at least use one of those. Just the other day my husband had to serve a woman who was BF, he walked up to the table and the first thing he saw was her boob hanging out, he looked away right away and looked to the husband to take his order first but the woman still glared at my husband and made him feel like a pervert even though he had no control over seeing her breast. Nowadays most breast pumps are covered by insurance and if your able to, why not pump and store your milk and put your breast milk in a bottle for use in public places, OR at least cover up so everyone doesn't have to see your boob. Especially younger children who are old enough to be curious about the body but not old enough to understand the difference between flashing people is wrong and nobody should ever show his or her body to you, oh but BF is okay because it's just one nipple and baby is hungry.

Are you serious? Your comparing flashing with breast feeding? How about if your child is curious you explain it to them like you would anything else. I may or may not BF in public but I find it nuts that people get so bent out of shape about something natural like this, then you turn on the tv or look at a magazine and there is smutt , sex and violence everywhere.

Shanmarie1083 · August 2013

=D> 8-> @laurelannie well said, I couldn't agree with your response more.

@camzay83 you've obviously never been a nursing mother and therefore have no idea what the hell you are talking about. Not every baby will nurse with a cover, my DS was one of those babies. He would scream and refuse to latch if he was covered up. I really can't say I blame him, it's hot under there and really would you want to eat your dinner with a blanket over your head? I think not. Also the fact that you even suggest women pump just to prevent others from possibly being uncomfortable tells me that you really don't support breastfeeding at all. Pumping is annoying and I won't do it more than I have to.

The bottom line is, I have rights to breastfeed anywhere I please with or without a cover. I try to be as modest as possible, but if it makes others uncomfortable that is their problem, not mine.

Cleo421 · August 2013

This is a slightly different topic, but I've already told my friends and family, if they don't want to see my boobs, don't come in my house after the babies get here. I will likely be pumping and feeding constantly, and ain't nobody got time to mess around with trying to make others feel comfortable by using covers, etc. One of my friends pumped in front of me constantly when i visited her at home, and it really was NBD.

Re: BFing in public, like with any strong opinion, I think you have fringe extremests at either end. I believe in trying to have modesty in public, but only to the extent that it doesn't interfere in the least with BFing. The comfort of my kids > the comfort of others, all day.

revlaurawittman · August 2013

@camzay83, our bodies were made with boobs for a reason and that purpose was to feed our children. Just because someone decided to make nursing covers doesn't mean that all nursing mothers should be required to wear them from here on out.

I said this in the UO post on Thursday and some others have said it here too, but nursing covers are not always practical. My son would get really hot and upset if I put him under there, and making sure that my son is comfortable nursing is more important than worrying about all the ignorant pieces of shit who see something sexual in what I'm doing. And yes, it is ignorant. I can't tell you how many times I was told to nurse in the bathroom or to go sit in the car to nurse my son. I was never exposed. I wore nursing tanks and had tons of tricks for being modest about it. Why don't people walk around telling all the women in low cut tops to cover themselves up? If you look at a baby nursing and see something sexual or inappropriate in that, then you have something messed up in your own head.

This is a really hot topic for me. I got to the point with DS that if someone told me I could nurse in the bathroom, I would tell them to go take their lunch into a bathroom stall and enjoy. They wouldn't do it because it's unsanitary. If I had never nursed in public I would have never been able to leave my house. With a baby who nursed constantly, I needed to be able to feed him when we were out and NO he wouldn't take a bottle for the first couple of months.

Sorry... this has turned into a rant... all basically to say, I hate assholes.

revlaurawittman · August 2013

Oh and also @camzay83, I'll repeat once again, what I said on Thursday. If as a mom you can't explain to your child something as innocent as a mother feeding her child naturally, then you are up shit creek when it comes to explaining far more difficult things in life. You contradicted yourself 50 times in your post. You went from saying you should be able to nurse where and when you want, and then you completely 180'd to say that it's a nursing mother's responsibility to make other people comfortable. Come back in a few months when you've encountered the rude statements that other people make, and when you've realized that nursing is a lot harder than you think it's going to be. As someone who works in a restaurant, wouldn't you also prefer a mother to take care of her child than to have a baby screaming for food the entire time they're eating? As a mom you get a ton of comments about that too.

Bottom line, moms need to support other moms in this instead of adding to the fuel. If you want to cover up, if you don't want to nurse, that is your decision, but don't tell other mothers that they are being inappropriate or making other people comfortable simply because they are trying to take care of their children. We all do the best we know how, but the condescending and hateful comments are just too much.

EllaBelle2010 · August 2013

Another proud BF mom here! I HATE that this is such a hot topic. Not just here, but in life. I understand that breasts are very sexualized, but really? People don't have the wherewithal to know the difference?

Luckily I never got comments to my face about BF DS#1, but I did get stares. I always just wanted to look at the person and say, I see that my child eating his lunch is making you uncomfortable, but the way you're shoveling food into your mouth like a slob is far more offensive.

The positive note is that there is so much focus on the issue now that things will eventually change for the better. It'll just take mothers like us to continue to do what we're doing.

AnjaO · August 2013

I will admit that before I had kids, my views were a little different. I always planned to breastfeed, but the idea just felt a little odd to me. You know why? Because our society makes such a big freaking deal about it! If we saw it more, no one would find it creepy or "indecent." I aim to raise my children to see it as a normal part of life.

When I had DS, he nursed for about 45 minutes every 2 hours (and you could nursing time from the beginning of one session to the beginning of the next, so yeah, that's about 1.25 hours off at a time). I would have been a shut-in for the first 8-9 months of his life if I couldn't NIP. I nursed this kid in restaurants, on mountains, sitting behind the front desk of my office... I wore a cover if there were other people around, and it was such a pain in the butt. I spent so much time wrestling to keep the cover in place, and my kid ended up with heat rash several times from it. If he was really fighting it, I'd go somewhere like the car or another room where I could ditch the cover. As for pumping, well, I pumped several times a day just to increase my supply, and you want to know how much milk I got? Not a damn drop for the first few weeks, and then it would take me almost a week to make up a single bottle.

This time, I'm over my hangups about making anyone uncomfortable. I am making some tank tops into nursing tanks so I can keep myself covered as much as possible (I'm actually more worried about people seeing my back rolls than my boobs, yeah...), and if people are so disturbed by seeing the tiniest bit of flesh with my kid's head blocking the rest, then THEY can go sit in the car or go in another room. No more making myself miss out on family meals, birthday parties, etc. New moms feel isolated enough as it is. And, I'm pretty sure stuff like that is contributing to these ideas that women need to hide themselves to feed their kids anyway.

revlaurawittman · August 2013

EllaBelle2010 said:

Another proud BF mom here! I HATE that this is such a hot topic. Not just here, but in life. I understand that breasts are very sexualized, but really? People don't have the wherewithal to know the difference?

Luckily I never got comments to my face about BF DS#1, but I did get stares. I always just wanted to look at the person and say, I see that my child eating his lunch is making you uncomfortable, but the way you're shoveling food into your mouth like a slob is far more offensive.

The positive note is that there is so much focus on the issue now that things will eventually change for the better. It'll just take mothers like us to continue to do what we're doing.

Seriously... this is exactly the problem.

Surfergirl013 · August 2013

@camzay83

SERIOUSLY?!?! grow up, and fast...and please post here again in about 6-8 weeks, when the shoe is on the other foot. Why does no one ask a mother Bottle feeding her child to go to the bathroom? Society is sexualizing something natural and beautiful. I agree with most PP's most people's table "manners" are much more offensive and appalling.

redfallon · August 2013

msronzio said:

Looks like those people are called "lactivists". It seems similar to any other protest.

What made me happy though, was the related article! https://finance.yahoo.com/news/more-3-000-moms-breastfeed-173000320.html

Good job TB!!!

Just read the article: WTG TB!
=D>

eyris · August 2013

Why are boobs such a big deal, anyway?

They're constantly in our faces on TV, magazines, movies, etc. Aren't we all used to boobs by now?

Shanmarie1083 · August 2013

eyris said:

Why are boobs such a big deal, anyway?

They're constantly in our faces on TV, magazines, movies, etc. Aren't we all used to boobs by now?

Didn't you know that boobs are only ok if they are in a low cut top walking down the street, in a magazine or catalogue, in TV/movies... hell they are even ok if they are having dollar bills thrown at them.

Apparently when they are being used in the manner that nature intended them to be then suddenly they are indecent and make people uncomfortable. I don't get it and it just shows how fucked up our society can be.

The only thing I can do is go about my business and feed my child in the way that she needs and if anyone has a problem with it then they can kick rocks, and both my DH and I will happily tell them so.

msronzio · August 2013

Shanmarie1083 said:

eyris said:

Why are boobs such a big deal, anyway?

They're constantly in our faces on TV, magazines, movies, etc. Aren't we all used to boobs by now?

Didn't you know that boobs are only ok if they are in a low cut top walking down the street, in a magazine or catalogue, in TV/movies... hell they are even ok if they are having dollar bills thrown at them.

Hahaha this x1 billion.

Can I just have a teenager moment and say I fucking hate society.

People will complain about anything they can...

I can't believe in the OP, that comment the person actually said "flop her boob out" all over the place in public for attention. LMFAO at that.

AngelMommy11211 · August 2013

I nursed 3 kids, 2 years each, overlapping them all by 4-7mo. I've nursed everywhere, and I can see way more boob on people with low cut shirts. I don't use a cover up, but I do put my shirt down to their nose and nobody can see a thing. I even had a friend come up and start chatting and she didn't even realize the baby was nursing. Just thought I was holding him. Until she asked to hold him and I told her he's nursing. Lol. Thankfully in my 6yrs I've never gotten a bad comment from a stranger. But my soon to be BIL has an issue with it, as does my mom, which makes things very annoying. She's always suggesting I go in another room. I don't come to gatherings to spend half the day in the bedroom. Yes, the fact that I'm nursing is obvious, but that's all they can tell! I'm not showing anything! Just very annoyed by it all. My siblings are used to it, nobody else seems to care, but my mom is all old fashioned about it. Just annoyed. Vent over.

EllaBelle2010 · August 2013

Shanmarie1083 said:
Didn't you know that boobs are only ok if they are in a low cut top walking down the street, in a magazine or catalogue, in TV/movies... hell they are even ok if they are having dollar bills thrown at them.

Apparently when they are being used in the manner that nature intended them to be then suddenly they are indecent and make people uncomfortable. I don't get it and it just shows how fucked up our society can be.

The only thing I can do is go about my business and feed my child in the way that she needs and if anyone has a problem with it then they can kick rocks, and both my DH and I will happily tell them so.

All of this a billion times.

Trust me I am highly sexual and I of course use my breasts sexually. But I can also use my mouth to be sexual and my shoulders, etc... Doesn't make me want to go running in the other direction every time I see someone in a tank top or putting lipstick on.

Our society is fucking ridiculous.

Shanmarie1083 · August 2013

@EllaBelle2010 I wanna know what sexy moves you are doing with your shoulders. I might need to spice up our sex life after the baby comes. Maybe some shoulder foreplay is in order

mrsmoxie · August 2013

It angers me that this is such a hot topic. I'm all for bfing whenever/wherever you need to. I would rather my child see a mom breast feeding her baby than all the sex and violence that is on tv every day. And in no way would it make me uncomfortable to explain to her that that is what boobs are for.

I was in a Starbucks recently, and I noticed a mom bfing her baby in a corner of the place, and about 10 feet away were some teenage boys pointing at her making vile comments making the mother uncomfortable. I just grabbed my drink and sat where I could block their view of her and gave them the nastiest look I could muster. The mom even thanked me after!

EllaBelle2010 · August 2013

Shanmarie1083 said:

@EllaBelle2010 I wanna know what sexy moves you are doing with your shoulders. I might need to spice up our sex life after the baby comes. Maybe some shoulder foreplay is in order

This made me laugh. Its just when DH kisses my shoulders and my neck, it drives me crazy- in a good way! LOL I guess that was a bad example, huh.

laurelannie had a better example of her :::gasp::: ungloved hands!

Surfergirl013 · August 2013

https://themattwalshblog.com/2013/08/09/we-must-stop-these-crazed-half-naked-psychopaths-from-feeding-their-children-in-front-of-other-people/

I hope it is a clicky....Found this fabulous post on pregnant chicken today...that sums it up...

A37licia · August 2013

Here's a good article https://www.craig-norton.com/the-best-defence-for-breastfeeding-in-public/

I prefer to wear a cover personally, but also know how to do without with just my shirt pulled down and still meet my and my DH's comfort with modesty. But others who don't do the same I don't view as immodest, and babies need to eat. I don't really have anything else to add, it's been said.

camzay83 · August 2013

I never said anything about taking away a mothers right to NIP, and I never said anything about shaming them either. I also clearly stated that I support BF and mothers right to do so. I did state that I prefer more modesty about BF when in public. So there was no need for calling me an asshole or telling me to grow up just because I'm more of a private person. A nursing tank with a lose t-shirt works the same as a cover.

*Edited to add that I also took the attacks against my husband very personal.

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