Second child- baby shower

zxifnswdjdfn · August 2013

KateMW said:

zonastar23 said:

I think you are overreacting. I'm having a second shower because I had 2 people insist on throwing one for me. If you don't want to go, then don't. It's not as big a deal as you are making it out to be.

For the record, I had all neutral gear with DD except clothes and her later carseats (the infant seat was neutral). The issue we ran into was that a lot of her things were handmedowns, which is common around here, and things have since expired or have broken (I tripped one time and fell through the crib, for example). Other things were donated when my cousin had triplets and couldn't afford to buy all the gear for them because of a medical condition that kept his fiancé from being able to work and will kill her eventually. (It was actually all over the news around here and in LA where they lived). We do still have some things, just not all of what we need.

And on top of that, we did register for this baby and a lot of stuff on that registry is expensive (playpen, stroller, car seat, crib, basinet) I fully expect to buy it myself once the registry coupon rolls in. But if anyone asks me about it I will direct them to it. I'm satisfied pretty easily, though. Thrift store clothes are fine by me!

Why is it OK to have a shower just bc you need things? Everybody needs baby stuff. You should be prepared to buy it yourself, no matter what # baby it is for you. And just bc you gave away the stuff to somebody {way to hijack the thread with your odd story, btw} who needed it, doesn't mean you deserve to have another shower to get more stuff.

I never said it was okay to have another shower just because you need stuff. I wouldn't be having one if my friend didn't insist on it, an I wouldn't care. I am prepared to buy the gear for myself, like I said I am waiting for the registry completion coupon to get the big stuff. I've already been buying the smaller things that are easier to store. I'm not being gift grabby, I don't care if people bring presents or not. We are perfectly capable of getting our own stuff, and I would honestly prefer to shop for myself. If someone asks about a registry, I'll tell them, because it would be rude to not tell them. My way of looking at it is bring gifts if you want, don't if you don't want to, I don't care. Come, eat, hang out (because I don't get to see many of them often) and catch up. I don't do games or any of that. The gifts aren't a priority at all.

notkateanymore · August 2013

zonastar23 said:

zonastar23 said:

I think you are overreacting. I'm having a second shower because I had 2 people insist on throwing one for me. If you don't want to go, then don't. It's not as big a deal as you are making it out to be. For the record, I had all neutral gear with DD except clothes and her later carseats (the infant seat was neutral). The issue we ran into was that a lot of her things were handmedowns, which is common around here, and things have since expired or have broken (I tripped one time and fell through the crib, for example). Other things were donated when my cousin had triplets and couldn't afford to buy all the gear for them because of a medical condition that kept his fiancé from being able to work and will kill her eventually. (It was actually all over the news around here and in LA where they lived). We do still have some things, just not all of what we need. And on top of that, we did register for this baby and a lot of stuff on that registry is expensive (playpen, stroller, car seat, crib, basinet) I fully expect to buy it myself once the registry coupon rolls in. But if anyone asks me about it I will direct them to it. I'm satisfied pretty easily, though. Thrift store clothes are fine by me!

Why is it OK to have a shower just bc you need things? Everybody needs baby stuff. You should be prepared to buy it yourself, no matter what # baby it is for you. And just bc you gave away the stuff to somebody {way to hijack the thread with your odd story, btw} who needed it, doesn't mean you deserve to have another shower to get more stuff.
I never said it was okay to have another shower just because you need stuff. I wouldn't be having one if my friend didn't insist on it, an I wouldn't care. I am prepared to buy the gear for myself, like I said I am waiting for the registry completion coupon to get the big stuff. I've already been buying the smaller things that are easier to store. I'm not being gift grabby, I don't care if people bring presents or not. We are perfectly capable of getting our own stuff, and I would honestly prefer to shop for myself. If someone asks about a registry, I'll tell them, because it would be rude to not tell them. My way of looking at it is bring gifts if you want, don't if you don't want to, I don't care. Come, eat, hang out (because I don't get to see many of them often) and catch up. I don't do games or any of that. The gifts aren't a priority at all.

Well, you gave about 20 reasons why you needs new stuff, so I just put two and two together.

notkateanymore · August 2013

Darbie914 said:

Also, the purpose of a shower is to 'shower' the MTB with gifts. So if you want to get together with people to spend time together without gifts, then just do that. If you label it a shower, then it becomes a gift giving event.

You can still get together with friends and family to spend time with one another without having to call it a shower. It's not an interchangeable event.

Oh I know, I was mainly kidding about the gifts. I know people will bring them and I will be overjoyed to have them. But I really am in it for the food.

nicholssquared · August 2013

I never will understand the come and hang out argument. It's a baby shower, at which guests are expected to bring gifts by definition. If you don't want your guests to feel obligated to bring a gift, which you claim, then don't have a baby shower, have something else - a meet the baby, or, hell, just a barbeque. You can't invite people to a baby shower and not make them feel obligated to get you stuff.

notkateanymore · August 2013

nicholssquared said:

I never will understand the come and hang out argument. It's a baby shower, at which guests are expected to bring gifts by definition. If you don't want your guests to feel obligated to bring a gift, which you claim, then don't have a baby shower, have something else - a meet the baby, or, hell, just a barbeque. You can't invite people to a baby shower and not make them feel obligated to get you stuff.

I agree with this.

zxifnswdjdfn · August 2013

KateMW said:

zonastar23 said:

KateMW said:

Why is it OK to have a shower just bc you need things? Everybody needs baby stuff. You should be prepared to buy it yourself, no matter what # baby it is for you. And just bc you gave away the stuff to somebody {way to hijack the thread with your odd story, btw} who needed it, doesn't mean you deserve to have another shower to get more stuff.
I never said it was okay to have another shower just because you need stuff. I wouldn't be having one if my friend didn't insist on it, an I wouldn't care. I am prepared to buy the gear for myself, like I said I am waiting for the registry completion coupon to get the big stuff. I've already been buying the smaller things that are easier to store. I'm not being gift grabby, I don't care if people bring presents or not. We are perfectly capable of getting our own stuff, and I would honestly prefer to shop for myself. If someone asks about a registry, I'll tell them, because it would be rude to not tell them. My way of looking at it is bring gifts if you want, don't if you don't want to, I don't care. Come, eat, hang out (because I don't get to see many of them often) and catch up. I don't do games or any of that. The gifts aren't a priority at all.

Well, you gave about 20 reasons why you needs new stuff, so I just put two and two together.

We do need new stuff, but I know that's our responsibility. I also know how it looks when people see that stuff on a registry for baby #2, like "Why the hell didn't you plan ahead for this?". Lack of planning isn't always the issue, shit happens.

nicholssquared · August 2013

gwinnygirl said:

H blew it & let me know that SIL & MIL are throwing me a surprise sprinkle for me. DS is three, this one is a girl. Should I tell them to get bent? LMK.

Also, I view the etiquette surrounding 2nd+ baby showers as a regional/social circle thing. It is definitely not given the side-eye in our group of friends & family.

Um, no. This argument doesn't apply to your situation. Someone is doing it for you because they want to celebrate you and are trying to give you a gift. A "sprinkle" implies that it's a small affair and you're not taking advantage of your host's hospitality and using it as was way to get stuff. It has to do with the intentions of the host and MTB.

Having a party for the sole purpose of getting more stuff for yourself is (or should be) considered tacky no matter where you're from.

zxifnswdjdfn · August 2013

Cashingn2 said:

nicholssquared said:

I never will understand the come and hang out argument. It's a baby shower, at which guests are expected to bring gifts by definition. If you don't want your guests to feel obligated to bring a gift, which you claim, then don't have a baby shower, have something else - a meet the baby, or, hell, just a barbeque. You can't invite people to a baby shower and not make them feel obligated to get you stuff.

I'd contemplate a sip and see. I like that idea. If you have a shower, people are going to feel obligated to bring a gift, whether that's your intention or not.

Eh, In my opinion, flu season, c section recovery, and the holidays are enough to toss the meet the baby idea out the window. Anyone who doesn't see the baby by chance will wait until DDs birthday party in May to meet him. No more flu season so my germophobia will be less crazy. I wouldn't be opposed to a barbecue or something along those lines but no one has a big enough yard for it. As far as they've made me aware, they're looking for a restaurant to hold it in or something.

zxifnswdjdfn · August 2013

Cashingn2 said:

zonastar23 said:

nicholssquared said:

I never will understand the come and hang out argument. It's a baby shower, at which guests are expected to bring gifts by definition. If you don't want your guests to feel obligated to bring a gift, which you claim, then don't have a baby shower, have something else - a meet the baby, or, hell, just a barbeque. You can't invite people to a baby shower and not make them feel obligated to get you stuff.
I'd contemplate a sip and see. I like that idea. If you have a shower, people are going to feel obligated to bring a gift, whether that's your intention or not.

Eh, In my opinion, flu season, c section recovery, and the holidays are enough to toss the meet the baby idea out the window. Anyone who doesn't see the baby by chance will wait until DDs birthday party in May to meet him. No more flu season so my germophobia will be less crazy. I wouldn't be opposed to a barbecue or something along those lines but no one has a big enough yard for it. As far as they've made me aware, they're looking for a restaurant to hold it in or something.
You do realize you don't have to do it immediately after the baby is born, right?

I thought that was usually like a couple weeks after baby was born. Am I missing something?

lisab613 · August 2013

superspecialsnowflake said:

Melco1984 said:

I am the kind of girl who will always attend a shower and buy a gift. I was just raised that way. I guess when I found out, I was just feeling overwhelmed by the amount we have spent this past month on them, and that 4 out of 7 weekends have been stuff for them. She is a friend and I am happy for her, but I guess I was just feeling like I'm constantly giving to a 'fund' lately. Maybe I'm just being bitchy today too lol.

*shrug*

That's on you then. But I'd like to think that you'd give happily to your friend, or politely decline. I have no sympathy for you if you choose to give, but carry around a b!tchy attitude about it since this is completely, 100% your choice to do so.

I agree with this. If you think it's tacky, you can not go, but if you want to go, go and don't complain about it. The choice is yours here.

melco19 · August 2013

Thanks everyone.

mestills · August 2013

@EmmaBoBemma My friends offered to throw me a shower or a spa day. Still waiting for the u/s to find out what we are having. If we have a girl I may be more open to a sprinkle. But kind of leaning towards the spa day either way, maybe you should offer that as an opinion.

lollipoppoop · August 2013

I know how you feel. I had to go to three baby showers in June all of which I had already given gifts for the first child and wedding but they were really good friends so I sucked it up.

kittyh8r · August 2013

@Somony I WISH it was that easy. We lived in Texas when we had all THREE of my showers. We didn't move to Wisconsin until DD was 7 months old. H's side of the family missed all of that. H said that his mom is so excited to get to throw me a shower. He says I cannot turn it down. It really is sweet of her. We seriously don't need anything. There are a couple things here and there that I want to get and is on a registry, but I am not giving that info out because it's just a check list for us.

mestills I can't ask for her to do a spa day for me. She wants a big party!

jmb527 · August 2013

zonastar23 said:

KateMW said:

zonastar23 said:

KateMW said:

Why is it OK to have a shower just bc you need things? Everybody needs baby stuff. You should be prepared to buy it yourself, no matter what # baby it is for you. And just bc you gave away the stuff to somebody {way to hijack the thread with your odd story, btw} who needed it, doesn't mean you deserve to have another shower to get more stuff.
I never said it was okay to have another shower just because you need stuff. I wouldn't be having one if my friend didn't insist on it, an I wouldn't care. I am prepared to buy the gear for myself, like I said I am waiting for the registry completion coupon to get the big stuff. I've already been buying the smaller things that are easier to store. I'm not being gift grabby, I don't care if people bring presents or not. We are perfectly capable of getting our own stuff, and I would honestly prefer to shop for myself. If someone asks about a registry, I'll tell them, because it would be rude to not tell them. My way of looking at it is bring gifts if you want, don't if you don't want to, I don't care. Come, eat, hang out (because I don't get to see many of them often) and catch up. I don't do games or any of that. The gifts aren't a priority at all.

Well, you gave about 20 reasons why you needs new stuff, so I just put two and two together.

We do need new stuff, but I know that's our responsibility. I also know how it looks when people see that stuff on a registry for baby #2, like "Why the hell didn't you plan ahead for this?". Lack of planning isn't always the issue, shit happens.

@Zonastar Can you describe further how you fell through the crib? That sounds like quite the fall.

kittyh8r · August 2013

jmb527 said:

zonastar23 said:

Why is it OK to have a shower just bc you need things? Everybody needs baby stuff. You should be prepared to buy it yourself, no matter what # baby it is for you. And just bc you gave away the stuff to somebody {way to hijack the thread with your odd story, btw} who needed it, doesn't mean you deserve to have another shower to get more stuff.
I never said it was okay to have another shower just because you need stuff. I wouldn't be having one if my friend didn't insist on it, an I wouldn't care. I am prepared to buy the gear for myself, like I said I am waiting for the registry completion coupon to get the big stuff. I've already been buying the smaller things that are easier to store. I'm not being gift grabby, I don't care if people bring presents or not. We are perfectly capable of getting our own stuff, and I would honestly prefer to shop for myself. If someone asks about a registry, I'll tell them, because it would be rude to not tell them. My way of looking at it is bring gifts if you want, don't if you don't want to, I don't care. Come, eat, hang out (because I don't get to see many of them often) and catch up. I don't do games or any of that. The gifts aren't a priority at all.

Well, you gave about 20 reasons why you needs new stuff, so I just put two and two together.
We do need new stuff, but I know that's our responsibility. I also know how it looks when people see that stuff on a registry for baby #2, like "Why the hell didn't you plan ahead for this?". Lack of planning isn't always the issue, shit happens.
@Zonastar Can you describe further how you fell through the crib? That sounds like quite the fall.

Right? I want to hear the story...

jmb527 · August 2013

@Cash and Emma, glad I'm not the only one who singled that out of her reply. She mentioned it before in a thread and I let it go, but now I want to know! Plus the mental image is sort of funny, pending that she or DD weren't hurt.

notkateanymore · August 2013

I thought she said stroller? Am I crazy? LOL

zxifnswdjdfn · August 2013

jmb527 said:
@Cash and Emma, glad I'm not the only one who singled that out of her reply. She mentioned it before in a thread and I let it go, but now I want to know! Plus the mental image is sort of funny, pending that she or DD weren't hurt.

Short version, we had a spot in the floor where it was damaged and falling through under the carpet. My husband repaired it a few months back. But the crib was in the corner by the door to the living room, my bed was on the other side of the room. I woke up from a nap (MH and DD were in the living room) and was stumbling to the bedroom door from the bed, floor gave, I tripped, 350 lbs of me collided into the front of the crib, crunch. It would have made a pretty funny fail gif, honestly but hurt like a bitch. I had a bruise on my arm and side where I tried to catch myself. DD was turning 2 a week later and had been starting to climb out already, so we just decided to pull out the toddler bed at that point instead of looking for a new crib.

katmb2013 · August 2013

swirl25 said:

nicholssquared said:

Torrespagan23 said:

It's all depends if it's the same gender or not .. But sometimes ppl Just enjoy celebrating new things in there life... If u want to give her a gift give her what u can afford and just bless her by being apart of the event

I don't agree with this. Let's assume she has a girl and is now having a boy (I have no idea if that's really the situation) If she's already had one baby shower, she chose to register for frilly, pink stuff. She could have registered for neutral stuff. Furthermore, that pink, frilly bassinet does not suddenly not function because her baby has a penis instead. It still works fine. She could still use it. She could alter it. If it bothers her, she should have registered differently. Since she didn't, it's her responsibility to replace with "boy" stuff if she wants. It's imposing on people's hospitality to ask for things you already have for purely aesthetic purposes.

All of this.
Absolutely this. We purposely registered for neutral stuff knowing we were having a girl for that very reason. Now we are having another girl but neutral is still the way to go IMO!

Yes, we also registered for all neutral stuff. I made sure to have almost everything picked out before we found out the sex so I wouldn't be tempted. I want everything possible to be able to be re-used for any and all future children.

zxifnswdjdfn · August 2013

KateMW said:
I thought she said stroller? Am I crazy? LOL

No, my husband broke the stroller. Well, one of them anyway. One just kind of broke down in storage (it was a handmedown and kind of old anyway, nbd) but the last stroller we had for DD (we still use an umbrella every once in a while, but in talking about the $50+ variety) we were in a parking lot and he misstepped, landed on a wheel, twisted his ankle, wheel tore open and went sideways, stroller folded up on DD. I think we're clumsy. In my defense though, I have a legit balance disorder and have to go to vestibular therapy for it.

Chichigo · August 2013

My cousin had a shower for her second-she had given away all her baby stuff and the second was a surprise. I went to the shower but only gave a small gift- a handmade (not by me) newborn Santa hat. I'm hoping she regifts it.

Marchmellow2 · August 2013

If she's a good friend, I would go, and give her something small. Like $10 - $15? It's not that much to spare.

synergy_gd · August 2013

So I'm curious with all these shower posts people seem to have some pretty strong opinions on what you can and can't do. When your friends have babies do you not buy them a gift no matter what number baby it is or if they have a shower or not?

ChiSoxMama · August 2013

My friend is doing a sprinkle for mine. She had me make a list of things that I had worn out that need replacing, and any items that I need to restock (diapers, wipes, washes, whatever) so that she'd have a guide if anyone wanted ideas of what I might need. Other than that we're just looking at it as a fun evening with friends, and I'm really looking forward to it.

chinablack55 · August 2013

Multiple showers are common here and I guess your finances will determine how big the shower would be......

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