Parenting after a Loss

Intro

Hi all,

I have one 20 month DS at home after a struggle with infertility.  since he was 9 months we have been ttc #2 and had 2 losses.  the last one was in June and i was 13 weeks and baby had a heart defect and cystic hygroma.  It was absolutely devastating because we thought we were in the clear.  Drs are puzzled as to why i am having the miscarriages after a healthy pregnancy and saying it may just be bad luck.  however, i am scared to death to ttc again.  I cannot keep going through this heartache. I am trying to face the possibility that DS will be an only child and it is very hard for me.  I love my son so much and i know how lucky we are to have him but I want another child so badly.  It is affecting my parenting a bit because i distracted in my grief and sadness.  I was lurking a bit here and it seems that most of the posts are not about the losses but i wondered if anyone was dealing with something similar?

Re: Intro

  • I'm so sorry for you losses.  I'm not going through this and don't have any words of wisdom, but there was a Check-In here for gals in your situation.  Welcome to the board, and I hope others can offer some advice for you.

    *** aka: andreahshields ***

    *** July Siggy Challenge - Cake Wrecks ***

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    BFP#1 3/8/12; diagnosed w/ Anencephaly at 12w6d; D&C 5/9/12
    BFP#2 7/18/12; A/S 10/26/12 It's a Girl! EDD 3/29/13
    Phoebe Jordan Born 3/20/13

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  • I am very sorry for your losses. I am not going through this, as we lost our son before having our rainbow. I just wanted to say welcome and that I hope you are able to find some comfort here.

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie - (B9PH)

     

    Lilypie - (0YVF)
     TTC since 11/2009; Lap/HSG/Hysteroscopy: 5/2011 (endometriosis - removed; endocervical polyp - removed; high pressure in bilateral tubes - cleared)

    BFP #1: 8/4/11; DS1 born sleeping on 11/16/11 at 19w1d

    BFP # 2: 5/7/12, EDD 1/10/13, DS2 born 1/4/13

    BFP # 3: 11/8/13, EDD 7/17/14, mmc 10wks

    BFP # 4: 5/16/14, EDD 1/15/15, praying for our 2nd rainbow baby 

  • OP, I am so sorry you are going through this. PP's are right, there is a check-in for this that I HOPE will be posted regularly on Tuesdays (I started it, then slacked, Junebug posted the last one), it's called the TTCAL PAL Check-In. You are absolutely not the only one facing this exact situation. I started the check-in b/c I felt there was a need - I have a DS at home who is 2.5 and we are TTC#2, I lost a baby before DS, and I have now lost 2 after DS while trying for a second child. I can 100% empathize with your feelings and frustrations. I am also going for RPL testing, my appt is actually scheduled for tomorrow morning. Are you having that done as well? Your siggy says yes but I figured I'd ask. ((HUGS)) and sorry you are experiencing this special kind of hell like a few of us here as well.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d

    BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11

    BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d

    BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13

     

    BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14 

  • thank you so much ksyknelvr, i have been checking out a few boards-TTCAL, Secondary Infertility, before finding this one. I too wanted 2 under 2 and would have had that, had my second pregnancy worked out.  now i am hoping to have one before DS turns 3.  miscarriages are the worst. i am going to see an MFM next Thursday so he can tell me some more about my prognosis for future children and what exactly happened with my latest loss.  i have to say i am terrified to be pregnant again.  the fun and excitement of pregnancy is over. i just want one more baby and i am done.
  • dillngr9 said:
    I'm so sorry for your losses. I had a healthy baby and then two MC in a row trying to have #2 and it was so hard. I often felt like I wasn't being a good mother to DS1 during my grief because it consumed me. But then we were blessed to have a healthy pregnancy again and it resulted in DS2. So there is hope, as at fetched as it may seem when your heart is so broken. I hope you find some comfort here on your journey. Hugs!

    Happy to hear from a positive outcome, you give me hope!

  • lizok22 said:
    thank you so much ksyknelvr, i have been checking out a few boards-TTCAL, Secondary Infertility, before finding this one. I too wanted 2 under 2 and would have had that, had my second pregnancy worked out.  now i am hoping to have one before DS turns 3.  miscarriages are the worst. i am going to see an MFM next Thursday so he can tell me some more about my prognosis for future children and what exactly happened with my latest loss.  i have to say i am terrified to be pregnant again.  the fun and excitement of pregnancy is over. i just want one more baby and i am done.

    I am also terrified to be pregnant again. But my desire for another child is still greater than that fear (for now). I worry that it won't take much more for those emotions to switch. I am also active on TTCAL and I do believe it's a great community there. If you feel like being a part of it as well, you should join in.

    Other than that, lots of ((HUGS)) to you right now, and keep a look out for the check-in on this board, we'd love to have you.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d

    BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11

    BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d

    BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13

     

    BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14 

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