Second child scares?

rMe6411 · August 2013

So DH and I decided we will start trying for the next baby. One day I'm like "Yes! let's start actively trying" and then I'm like "Ehhh let's wait till next month." I want to go for the next but I am scared shiiitless this time around. I realize the responsibility of having a child now so I am much more nervous. I am also getting those feelings of letting DD down by having another and having to share my time with her. It would be so fun in a few years to have them be so close in age but this time is much more nerve wrecking than last time I feel. Anyone else ttgp and having these feelings or am I completely nuts??

99frontier · August 2013

We are not ttgp yet because I feel the same way!! Before DS was actually here, we both agreed that we wanted our kids to be pretty close in age. Now? I still want them close, but I'm just not quite there yet with letting go of our special one-on-one time and with him not being "the baby" anymore. Plus, I'm a SAHM and I can barely keep up as it is!! So I need a little more time to try to prepare mentally...and get rich so I can hire someone to clean my house daily!

sdlaura · August 2013

I have those same thoughts, but I'm already pregnant again. It happened sooner than we expected, and I'm sure a lot of my friends and coworkers think we're nuts, but I figure there are pros and cons to pretty much any age spacing, so we're looking at the positives.

emandjp · August 2013

You are not alone. We are TTGP starting this cycle or the next and I am both excited and scared. I know having two close together will be awesome once they are a little older but I can't help but feel sad that I'll be taking something away from Charlotte.

britvahok · August 2013

I'm scared and we don't play on TTC for 2 more years!!!

rMe6411 · August 2013

We set the ttgp cycle for June but when June came around I was not ready! Then came July, and now it is August... Maybe September? I keep trying to remember it will be 9 months until the next is born so she will be almost two. This is a much harder decision than the first time around. First time I was trying to convince DH and now this time he is trying to convince me.

cedenton · August 2013

I'm scared enough that I don't plan on ever doing it. One and done!

JAO2011 · August 2013

99frontier said:
We are not ttgp yet because I feel the same way!! Before DS was actually here, we both agreed that we wanted our kids to be pretty close in age. Now? I still want them close, but I'm just not quite there yet with letting go of our special one-on-one time and with him not being "the baby" anymore. Plus, I'm a SAHM and I can barely keep up as it is!! So I need a little more time to try to prepare mentally...and get rich so I can hire someone to clean my house daily!

I could have written this word for word! I want another but not quite yet!!

MoFree · August 2013

I haven't thought past my big hurdle of getting pregnant. I don't know how I will work f/t, care for Lila and cope with the nasty s/e of Lupron in preparation for a FET. I can't think beyond that.

Ms. Lisi · August 2013

We want to start trying again in Feb. That way DD will be 2 when the next baby arrives, and will be able to play a bit more independently and also help out (put toys away, etc.). Also, that way it wont be such a huge transition when she spends a lot more time with Daddy.

sammiesjd414 · August 2013

My fear comes with wanting to make sure dd stills gets all the special one on one time, and the new baby doesn't feel like "the other kid". How can i give enough love and attention to each? But i am a third child and had plenty of love growing up, so i try to remember that. It is scary though, and we aren't trying for a year!

Jillwithani · August 2013

We will try again next summer. I had a beautiful pregnancy with DS but a history of loss so I'm already terrified..

SJandVA · August 2013

sammiesjd414 said:
My fear comes with wanting to make sure dd stills gets all the special one on one time, and the new baby doesn't feel like "the other kid". How can i give enough love and attention to each? But i am a third child and had plenty of love growing up, so i try to remember that. It is scary though, and we aren't trying for a year!

This was my fear before DD2 came. Although they are not close in age, 4 1/2 years. So I cant really speak to having kids close in age.
It just works! You just have to trust and know that it will. Not all days are easy. But it feels like they both have been here all along.
Not to mention the sibling bond is amazing to watch. DD2 lights up when she sees her big sister.

ccam · August 2013

We just had an RE appointment last Friday about starting up again and doing a FET in the fall. I am terrified, to be honest. Not about the FET or a pregnancy, but about balancing 2 kids. I also know that I was so worried about going back to work after my leave with DS, but it worked out. We'll get into our groove and it will be like we never knew any different.

jessalynn521 · August 2013

As many of you know, I am worried about these types of things right now. I just wanted to offer something that one of the ladies on 2u2 posted a couple of months back that made me feel so much better about bringing this baby into the mix:

Loving Two

As I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: How could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before. I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me" And I hear myself telling you in mine,"I can't," knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying her -- as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast. But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two.

There are new times -- only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. I watch how she adores you -- as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments.

And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.

And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you -- only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you -- you each have your own supply.

I love you -- both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.
~Author Unknown~

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