Gender reveal at shower

slmille4 · August 2013

Hey everyone. As I've said before u guys are so much nicer on this board then the others so I'm hopin for some help vs just being told how horrible of a person I am. I'm going to be revealing the gender of our baby at the shower. My hubby and I already will know. Now this is the main bf shower with both sets of grandparents and family and close friends. So it won't be like random great aunt that I've met once, that was one criticism I got that who will care because we'll already know. The reason I am doing it is we are planning on having more than one, so want to get the basics vs all the pink frilly dresses I know will come if it is a girl and I tell. This doesn't mean you can't buy me clothes. This was another criticism I got was tht I was forcing people to buy me what I want, no people will buy me whatever they feel like and I know it, but hey buy me those yellow or green cute onesies that I can use over and over. Sorry for the little rant during this post. I just was hoping for some help and last time I asked everyone who'd replied was tellig me how selfish and horrible I am. Even though I told my coworkers and fam what I was doing and they thought it would all be fun. My mom was actually the one who gave me the idea after she felt bad that my cousin who had her second girl and at a mini shower got all frilly pink dresses besides my mom who have her a gift car to bru and told her to buy whatever she needed. So does anyone have any fun ideas for the reveal???

ScarlettDahlia · August 2013

I was considering doing this, but DH cannot keep a secret for shit when he's excited, lol.

You could do the filling on the inside of the cake or cupcakes. You could do the box full of balloons and open it up.

mrsjenni · August 2013

Meh, I hate this idea and especially the reason you're doing it. I knew I was having a boy with my first and still got everything on my registry. And I personally loved getting clothes, because it was a nice surprise to go into his closet throughout the year and find clothing in all sizes that I could use as DS grew.

Andplusalso? You said you're having several showers... which one do you plan on doing the reveal at, exactly? The last one? That's not really fair to the people at the other showers that came to celebrate your baby with you and bought you gifts. Are they not good enough for the reveal? Only to buy you shit? LMK.

But anyway... you could do the cake thing. Pink icing for a girl and blue for a boy and when you cut the cake everyone can see what you're having. A better option, depending on the number of guests, could be to do cupcakes with a glob of pink or blue icing in the center and have everyone bite it at the same time. And there's always the balloons in a box thing.

peanutmuse · August 2013

A little word of warning. You're likely going to get a lot of the same types of responses that you got on the other board.

Honestly, I considered doing this simply because a friend of mine did it and it was fun at the shower -- we were all chatting about it and making guesses and anxiously awaiting when she was going to announce. I didn't even consider the gift part. But then I realized that it will probably be kind of obvious because there will certainly be some items that will be revealing whether I want them to be or not. So I scrapped that idea. Still not sure how we'll announce the sex, but I'm not worried about it.

kilbs · August 2013

We did this at my sisters shower and made a game of guessing the gender before she did the reveal. It was fun!

I agree with your reasons. I personally think it's different for girls bc all I got at my shower was clothes and very little stuff I needed.

That being said, if you want to do it that way, I suggest keeping it a secret from EVERYONE. My SIl told immediate family only. Then after the reveal her MIl brought out a giant basket of girl clothes and it made everyone else feel bad and made the rest of the shower awkward.

[Deleted User] · August 2013

I don't see a problem with your plans. Have fun and I'm sure everyone will be excited for you!

lmills730 · August 2013

I honestly don't see a problem with it from a gift standpoint if you are worried about getting too many "gender-specific" items because that's not really any different than a shower for someone who is Team Green since no one knows what they are having either.

Like @mrsjenni said though, I think my biggest problem with it is that you are having multiple showers and who really gets to be at the "important" one with the reveal. If one is all family (both yours and SO's) and your other is work colleagues, I can see announcing at the family one. If you are having multiple showers with different sides of the family, I can see one feeling slighted if they weren't the important enough shower to get the reveal.

peanutmuse · August 2013

kilbs said:

That being said, if you want to do it that way, I suggest keeping it a secret from EVERYONE. My SIl told immediate family only. Then after the reveal her MIl brought out a giant basket of girl clothes and it made everyone else feel bad and made the rest of the shower awkward.

That is super awkward, and quite rude actually. Excellent point.

ccip82 · August 2013

A quick google search and I found this:

https://pinterest.com/babycenter/gender-reveal-ideas/

Personally these are not for me, but there are a lot of ideas...

WinsyWade · August 2013

mrsjenni said:

Meh, I hate this idea and especially the reason you're doing it. I knew I was having a boy with my first and still got everything on my registry. And I personally loved getting clothes, because it was a nice surprise to go into his closet throughout the year and find clothing in all sizes that I could use as DS grew.

Andplusalso? You said you're having several showers... which one do you plan on doing the reveal at, exactly? The last one? That's not really fair to the people at the other showers that came to celebrate your baby with you and bought you gifts. Are they not good enough for the reveal? Only to buy you shit? LMK.

But anyway... you could do the cake thing. Pink icing for a girl and blue for a boy and when you cut the cake everyone can see what you're having. A better option, depending on the number of guests, could be to do cupcakes with a glob of pink or blue icing in the center and have everyone bite it at the same time. And there's always the balloons in a box thing.

I believe "more than one" is reference to children, not showers.

mrsjenni · August 2013

WinsyWade said:

mrsjenni said:

Meh, I hate this idea and especially the reason you're doing it. I knew I was having a boy with my first and still got everything on my registry. And I personally loved getting clothes, because it was a nice surprise to go into his closet throughout the year and find clothing in all sizes that I could use as DS grew.

Andplusalso? You said you're having several showers... which one do you plan on doing the reveal at, exactly? The last one? That's not really fair to the people at the other showers that came to celebrate your baby with you and bought you gifts. Are they not good enough for the reveal? Only to buy you shit? LMK.

But anyway... you could do the cake thing. Pink icing for a girl and blue for a boy and when you cut the cake everyone can see what you're having. A better option, depending on the number of guests, could be to do cupcakes with a glob of pink or blue icing in the center and have everyone bite it at the same time. And there's always the balloons in a box thing.

I believe "more than one" is reference to children, not showers.

She says the reveal will take place "at the main shower" and that she plans to have "more than one"... sounds like showers, not kids. But with the wall of text, it's hard to tell.

Regardless, it's a stupid idea and even more stupid if you're having more than 1 shower.

mrsjenni · August 2013

kilbs said:

I personally think it's different for girls bc all I got at my shower was clothes and very little stuff I needed.

Meh, my sister had a girl first and probably got even less clothes than I did.

WinsyWade · August 2013

mrsjenni said:

WinsyWade said:

mrsjenni said:

Meh, I hate this idea and especially the reason you're doing it. I knew I was having a boy with my first and still got everything on my registry. And I personally loved getting clothes, because it was a nice surprise to go into his closet throughout the year and find clothing in all sizes that I could use as DS grew.

Andplusalso? You said you're having several showers... which one do you plan on doing the reveal at, exactly? The last one? That's not really fair to the people at the other showers that came to celebrate your baby with you and bought you gifts. Are they not good enough for the reveal? Only to buy you shit? LMK.

But anyway... you could do the cake thing. Pink icing for a girl and blue for a boy and when you cut the cake everyone can see what you're having. A better option, depending on the number of guests, could be to do cupcakes with a glob of pink or blue icing in the center and have everyone bite it at the same time. And there's always the balloons in a box thing.

I believe "more than one" is reference to children, not showers.

She says the reveal will take place "at the main shower" and that she plans to have "more than one"... sounds like showers, not kids. But with the wall of text, it's hard to tell.

Regardless, it's a stupid idea and even more stupid if you're having more than 1 shower.

Ahh, you're right. Wall o' text confused me.

I agree that about the multiple showers, that it would be unfair (and kind of sad) for the family that did not get the reveal.

slmille4 · August 2013

The more than one was is reference to children. The main one meant all family shower, the only other shower is a church shower they do for first time moms. Which will jut be a small celebration, the gender will already be announced and people can choose to bring gifts or not.

gina0485 · August 2013

I say do what you like. Everyone is always going to have an opinion, whether good or bad, about the details - is it tacky, selfish, boring, overdone, too cutesy, etc. it's impossible to please everyone. With that said, Pinterest as mentioned before has great gender reveal suggestions and several other women on this board have done fun things so you could peek through past posts.

mrsdmeyer · August 2013

I think it's fine.

katags · August 2013

I'm only registering for gender neutral items, but no clothing. And I've seen people register for packs of onesies, so if you do that, just make sure you register for the colors you like (want). Or just don't register for clothes at all. Register for the basics only. People do have the right to buy whatever they want, on your registry or off, so even if you only register for the basics, you'll still likely get clothes/blankets/etc even if you don't let people know ahead of time what sex baby you are having. Some people just like giving clothes. And honestly? You'll need onesies. You'll need clothes. The people who buy you these things will likely buy you something in the same price point even if it's not clothes. So it's not like you'll be getting a pack of onesies instead of a car seat. So if you intend to buy your own clothes, why not buy bottles instead? IMO if you get something you don't want, return it or exchange it for what you do.

People are doing you a favor by buying you stuff in the first place, and I think the mentality behind withholding the sex until after the shower just so they'll buy you "what you want them to buy you" is kind of selfish. I'm not trying to be rude, but just point out what you may not have considered. Now, if you wanted to do a gender reveal at the shower with the idea that everyone is together at the same time, that might be a little different. It could be special to share that information in a unique way, especially since the party is already planned and you're not necessarily going for that AW moment of having everyone gather (and then the awkwardness of do we bring presents to a gender reveal party as well as a shower) for a second occasion just for this reveal.

kiki1978 · August 2013

My cousin put on her shower invite that she didn't want any clothes. That really irked me because I think it should be my choice what I want to buy. I think arranging your shower so people get you only gender neutral stuff is kind of the same thing. I wouldn't do it.

slmille4 · August 2013

Definitely keeping it a secret to anyone but my hubby and I.

mommygrams0730 · August 2013

I think you should be aware that people frequent different boards, and most likely baby showers board members are going to see your post here too...i actually read your original post on that board a while ago...but whatever.

I'm not a fan of gender reveal parties, revealing in private is totally another thing. However i still don't understand why you will already know? Why not just do a true reveal and find out at the party. Your expression will mean more to your guests than the actual sex of the baby. Just my opinion...

twobluelines · August 2013

I don't know. We were planning on doing something similar. I don't really like showers or shower games but my family wants to throw one. We have suggested doing a sex reveal at the shower (wow sex reveal sounds so much dirtier than gender reveal). I would rather my clothing and gifts not try to bias the preferences of my child by convincing them that pink is only for girls or bringing a baseball hat for a boy. I don't think it is selfish or greedy... no more so than having a shower in the first place.

nbbride06 · August 2013

I got nearly everything I needed off my registry even though people knew it was a girl. I got lots of clothes too in all different sizes that basically clothed DD until around now (she's 2). People want to buy fun stuff but most people don't want to waste their money on things you won't use. Give your family some credit. Either find out the sex with the rest of them or just let everyone know in advance. Yes it's your shower, but nobody is obligated to throw you one. It's a privilege to have one or two.

litzo27 · August 2013

mommy grams said:

I'm not a fan of gender reveal parties, revealing in private is totally another thing. However i still don't understand why you will already know? Why not just do a true reveal and find out at the party. Your expression will mean more to your guests than the actual sex of the baby. Just my opinion...

This 100%. If you do it then celebrate the surprise along with your guests.

quidditchcapn1120 · August 2013

I think a gender reveal at the shower is fine. Not my style but to each their own.

However, the reasoning behind your choice seems very selfish to me. People spend their time and money to celebrate you and your baby with gifts and some aren't good enough that you have to come up with a scheme to avoid those gifts? That's just rude. It's no one besides the parents of the baby's responsibility to provide "the basics". Like you said, people will get what they want but you are forcing their hand knowingly to get you the higher priced items because you don't want their "pink frilly dresses". If I was coming to your shower originally and then found out your reasoning behind the gender reveal, I would not come to the party and then send you a frilly dress in the mail.

slmille4 · August 2013

Just to play devils advocate... So if I didn't drink and someone bought me a bottle of wine even though they knew I didn't drink but they thought it was just a good gift to give someone there is no problem with that, shouldn't u take into consideration the gift recipient too?

quidditchcapn1120 · August 2013

slmille4 said:
Just to play devils advocate... So if I didn't drink and someone bought me a bottle of wine even though they knew I didn't drink but they thought it was just a good gift to give someone there is no problem with that, shouldn't u take into consideration the gift recipient too?

That would not be thoughtful of the gift giver. However, it would not give the recipient the right to refuse the gift or say anything other than "thank you for the gift" as would be appropriate in any other social situation.

DamnPrecious · August 2013

I would see through the invite what your intentions are. I think it looks cheap and spoiled.

slmille4 · August 2013

And just FYI. Most of my family is aware why I'm doing it, in fact my mom and best friend thought it was a great idea, also ran it by coworkers and no one said its a bad idea or were offended. They thought it would be fun to find out then.

slmille4 · August 2013

quidditchcapn1120 said:

slmille4 said:
Just to play devils advocate... So if I didn't drink and someone bought me a bottle of wine even though they knew I didn't drink but they thought it was just a good gift to give someone there is no problem with that, shouldn't u take into consideration the gift recipient too?
That would not be thoughtful of the gift giver. However, it would not give the recipient the right to refuse the gift or say anything other than "thank you for the gift" as would be appropriate in any other social situation.

And I never said I wouldn't love anything anyone got me, if someone is set on buying me a cute outfit and buys me a little boy tux and a pink frilly dress I will love whatever. I'm not forcing anyone to buy anything. If people were going to buy me clothes they will buy me clothes and will love whatever they get me. What would be the difference for not revealing the gender till the birth for the same reason? I just can't keep a secret that long.

quidditchcapn1120 · August 2013

slmille4 said:

Just to play devils advocate... So if I didn't drink and someone bought me a bottle of wine even though they knew I didn't drink but they thought it was just a good gift to give someone there is no problem with that, shouldn't u take into consideration the gift recipient too?
That would not be thoughtful of the gift giver. However, it would not give the recipient the right to refuse the gift or say anything other than "thank you for the gift" as would be appropriate in any other social situation.
And I never said I wouldn't love anything anyone got me, if someone is set on buying me a cute outfit and buys me a little boy tux and a pink frilly dress I will love whatever. I'm not forcing anyone to buy anything. If people were going to buy me clothes they will buy me clothes and will love whatever they get me. What would be the difference for not revealing the gender till the birth for the same reason? I just can't keep a secret that long.

It has nothing to do with keeping the gender secret till whenever you want, that's your choice and there's nothing inherently wrong with that. What IS wrong is the intention you have in keeping the gender a secret until your shower. It is selfish and gift grabby. True, unless you tell your guests your reasoning, most of them will be unaware and will do what you want and buy you a gift off your registry. However, you have told us on here, and the reasoning itself is terrible.

DamnPrecious · August 2013

You are withholding information to get what you want. It's kinda foot stompy.

slmille4 · August 2013

Ok I guess I just don't get it, I want to stay gender neutral. So it's selfish for me want that and not tell anyone so we can stay gender neutral? And it's selfish of me to want to make it into a fun betting game at the shower? Like I said before, buy me clothes, buy me nothing off the registry, you are right they are gifts and I will live whatever anyone gives me. I guess I'm not seeing it as deceitful, more as a compromise to my husband wanting to know, me not being able to keep it secret that long, and trying to stay gender neutral at the shower. That is all, no mean intentions. If we say how dare I ask for certain things, why do we bother registering for things at all?

quidditchcapn1120 · August 2013

slmille4 said:

Ok I guess I just don't get it, I want to stay gender neutral. So it's selfish for me want that and not tell anyone so we can stay gender neutral? And it's selfish of me to want to make it into a fun betting game at the shower? Like I said before, buy me clothes, buy me nothing off the registry, you are right they are gifts and I will live whatever anyone gives me. I guess I'm not seeing it as deceitful, more as a compromise to my husband wanting to know, me not being able to keep it secret that long, and trying to stay gender neutral at the shower. That is all, no mean intentions. If we say how dare I ask for certain things, why do we bother registering for things at all?

Again, it has nothing to do with wanting to stay gender neutral. Go ahead and register for things that are gender neutral. You're right, you register for things you want- that's the point of the registry. However, there's also a reason that you can't write "Do not buy me anything that's not on my registry" on your invitations. In essence, that's what you are doing by keeping the sex secret WITH THE INTENTION that people won't be able to buy you "frilly pink dresses" or a cute tuxedo or whatever.

If you were finding out the sex at your party too instead of beforehand, and hadn't said anything about what kind of gifts you were hoping not to get... then there would be nothing at all wrong with your plan for your party.

twobluelines · August 2013

I don't get why it is such a big deal that she wants yellow sleepers instead of pink ones.

DamnPrecious · August 2013

She could also buy everything herself and not do a shower if she's so passionate about it.

quidditchcapn1120 · August 2013

twobluelines said:

I don't get why it is such a big deal that she wants yellow sleepers instead of pink ones.

It's not a big deal. Which is why you make a registry with what you want. But you don't get to essentially blackball your guests into getting you what you want like a two year old. Make a registry, go to your shower, and graciously smile when you get a gift, whether it be something you wanted or not. Would you feel the same way if she were talking about Christmas gifts instead of baby shower gifts?

Tink1704 · August 2013

I am with you completely! We are finding out in a couple weeks and everyone is criticizing us for keeping it a secret. I too want to stay gender neutral. I am a tom boy and want to avoid all pink frilly stuff. Some family members have said that they will wait and get what they want to get after the baby. Truth be told I find that inconsiderate. Why do I have to dress my child the way you want?? I appreciate whatever is given to me but to tell me I am being rude for not telling is not fair. I just want to be able to reuse stuff if the next one is the opposite gender.
Just try and remember that this is your child and you will do what YOU want concerning the child. Advice is welcomed but ultimately its not their decision. This is what you and your SO have decided and they should respect it.

Tink1704 · August 2013

Not to mention you dont have to let them know you know the gender.

mommygrams0730 · August 2013

Oh for heavens sake, if you want all gender neutral then just return the stuff you don't like and pick what you want. Most people include a gift receipt these days anyway.

That's the whole point of giving gifts, to pick out what you want to give to someone...a registry is a list of items to help people figure out what to give you. Half the time when I'm giving gifts I just buy clothes because it's easy.

I don't know why you're even asking about this anymore since you clearly got opinions and go ahead from your family and coworkers. Clearly Internet strangers just don't get it since most seem to have the opposite opinion as you.

I find it hard to believe that you will be dressing your child in greens and yellows their whole life. A little blue or pink won't hurt. I mean these days boys were pink anyway so who cares!

mommygrams0730 · August 2013

Tink1704 said:
I am with you completely! We are finding out in a couple weeks and everyone is criticizing us for keeping it a secret. I too want to stay gender neutral. I am a tom boy and want to avoid all pink frilly stuff. Some family members have said that they will wait and get what they want to get after the baby. Truth be told I find that inconsiderate. Why do I have to dress my child the way you want?? I appreciate whatever is given to me but to tell me I am being rude for not telling is not fair. I just want to be able to reuse stuff if the next one is the opposite gender.
Just try and remember that this is your child and you will do what YOU want concerning the child. Advice is welcomed but ultimately its not their decision. This is what you and your SO have decided and they should respect it.

You don't have to dress your child the way anyone else wants...it's a gift, if you don't like it don't put it on them. I have totally different tastes in clothes than my SIL when it comes to both our boys and girls. Big deal that doesn't mean I tell her which clothes to buy when she's going shopping for birthday/Christmas presents. I tell her sizes. My husbands side of the family always gives clothes. I like to give toys, they don't tell me I can't buy toys for their kids for gifts....it's a gift, I get to choose what I'm giving. They can choose to do whatever they want after. And if they return it, I'm not offended...then they can get whatever they want.

xanadu94 · August 2013

slmille4 said:

Hey everyone. As I've said before u guys are so much nicer on this board then the others so I'm hopin for some help vs just being told how horrible of a person I am. I'm going to be revealing the gender of our baby at the shower. My hubby and I already will know. Now this is the main bf shower with both sets of grandparents and family and close friends. So it won't be like random great aunt that I've met once, that was one criticism I got that who will care because we'll already know. The reason I am doing it is we are planning on having more than one, so want to get the basics vs all the pink frilly dresses I know will come if it is a girl and I tell. This doesn't mean you can't buy me clothes. This was another criticism I got was tht I was forcing people to buy me what I want, no people will buy me whatever they feel like and I know it, but hey buy me those yellow or green cute onesies that I can use over and over. Sorry for the little rant during this post. I just was hoping for some help and last time I asked everyone who'd replied was tellig me how selfish and horrible I am. Even though I told my coworkers and fam what I was doing and they thought it would all be fun. My mom was actually the one who gave me the idea after she felt bad that my cousin who had her second girl and at a mini shower got all frilly pink dresses besides my mom who have her a gift car to bru and told her to buy whatever she needed. So does anyone have any fun ideas for the reveal???

If this is the close family/best friends shower, I am sure they will be completely supportive of whatever you decide. If you are at all worried, run the idea by them first and see what they think. I would certainly feel more comfortable doing a gender reveal like this at a shower if it was only my close family/friends and not acquaintances/co-workers. It might even be more fun if you and your husband found out at the same time as everyone else. Have the technician write it down on a piece of paper at your A/S scan and do a fun reveal. I think that would be an amazing family moment for everyone!

As to your initial question, I have seen a lot of fun reveal ideas on the message boards in the past few weeks and I think those would be a good place to start. I like the giant box with the pink/blue balloons that pop out. I also really enjoyed the cake/cupcake idea with the inside icing that you cut/bit into. Maybe some kind of shower game where each guest gets a piece of a puzzle and they all assemble it to reveal girl/boy? How about a medley of songs that have boy or girl in the lyrics? I don't know, I am just grasping at straws here. Good luck with everything!

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