Adoption
Telling friends and family
When did you tell friends and family that you were considering adoption? My in-laws don't know anything about our struggles yet. I feel like we should put them in the know, however we haven't officially started the adoption process yet.
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Re: Telling friends and family
We had some approvals to wait for in order to be accepted to the agency we desired to work with for our domestic infant adoption. Once we were approved to join the agency we sent an email to friends and family.
Our email announced that we were expecting through adoption with no due date. We explained simply and shortly that we have spent the last several months undergoing fertility testing that resulted in a confirmation of our previous understanding that we are unable to biologically carry a child. We also explained that we had planned to adopt our child even before we were married. (I have known since I was about 8 that I would not probably be able to have a biological child - so this was such an easy transition for us).
We then gave our friends and family an FAQ. Some of the questions we answered were: what type of adoption, how long is the wait, why we are adopting a child that doesn't look like us, what if the birth mother 'changes her mind', can we throw you a shower, and so forth.
We sent this in a mass email to all friends and family, and of course we told our parents by phone. We have received nothing but compliments on the information and the myth busting we did about domestic adoption. We have also received so many wonderful messages congratulating us on 'expecting' and sharing with us stories about how adoption has touched them or someone they know. Many of those emails just made me cry, in happiness.
We really are treating this like a pregnancy, with all the joys of telling people and preparing our home for a baby as well as the nerves that all parents have when expecting a child, we just don't have a due date!
Every couple has come to adoption for their own reasons and their own ways. I think you just have to discover for yourself what path you want to go down :-)
My family knows about our IF and my m/c's, so we're very open about our adoption research.
DH's family knows nothing, so we'll let them know when we hook up with an agency.
Our closest friends knew about our IF struggles and then we came out about that to our immediate family during IUI #4 - attempt 1. We didn't tell any extended family so when we announced we were adopting to my grandparents they asked what we were adopting :-0
Our bosses know and over the next month, as we finish up the homestudy, we will be sharing with all our aunts, uncles, co-workers, etc. We want to start networking asap.
Love the FAQ idea!