One of my oldest and dearest friends is pregnant and due in Feb. She's one of the kindest, smartest and hardest working women I know. I admire her very much.
Here's the issue.
On Friday, she asked me if I had a busy December (I guess meaning would I be traveling) because her and her H were going to start looking at venues for her baby shower. She said that since her mother is unable to throw her one (her mom has been long suffering from mental illness and does not have the means) and her MIL is Jewish and doesn't believe in baby showers, she has no choice but to host and plan it herself. Also, my friend is an only child and her H only has brothers (just in case you were wondering why her sibs can't help).
Now, I personally don't have the means financially or space wise (we live in an apt) to throw a shower, but she has a few other close girlfriends that have houses that could possibly serve as a venue and / or they might be willing to split the costs on hosting a baby shower at another venue. She has not yet told these friends she is expecting, so I can't yet call them to see what they think.
WWYD in this situation? Would you tell her not to book something? I can't promise her other friends are going to want to step up, and if they don't I can't foot the bill for a shower myself. I know it's not my place to tell her what's proper and what's not, as we are all adults, but I can't help but feel really uncomfortable about this.
I guess what I am asking is would you let a close friend go ahead with this plan? She is one of those people that just doesn't know any better.
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
Re: Can't believe I am writing this.
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
Expecting Baby Bean February 2017
Thanks for the replies.
She's a teacher so I am guessing all of the free time is getting to her. It's obviously way early to plan.
I am hesitant to say something until I know that the other friends can help. I don't want to promise something I can't deliver.
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
Hmmm. That had not crossed my mind-- but I guess it's possible. We (myself and 3 of her friends) threw her bridal shower last spring so maybe that's what she was doing?
I would love to have a shower at my place, but apartment living + toddler makes it not really possible. I can maybe fit 5 people in my living room before it's a fire hazard.
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
Hmmm. That had not crossed my mind-- but I guess it's possible. We (myself and 3 of her friends) threw her bridal shower last spring so maybe that's what she was doing?
I would love to have a shower at my place, but apartment living + toddler makes it not really possible. I can maybe fit 5 people in my living room before it's a fire hazard.
If you are wanting to throw or help throw a shower, does your apartment have any kind of clubhouse or rec room that tenants can use that would work?Well, first I would like to say that Jewish people do believe in baby showers, just not before the baby is born ( it is considered bad luck ). There is still a chance her MIL will do something after the baby is born.
Other than that, I just don't know. My feeling is that some people simply don't get baby showers just like some people don't get sweet sixteen parties or a car when they get their license. However, how do you say this to a good friend ? Maybe just gently remind her that it isn't polite to throw a party where the sole purpose is to shower you with gifts ?
TTC since 3/12
High LH/FSH Ratio 8/12
DX with PCOS 11/12
Clomid 50mg - 19.5mm Follie - Trigger + TI = BFP! 11/12
EDD August 11, 2013
I would say something to her. It's very possible that she just doesn't know that it's improper for her to throw her own shower. If a dear friend won't tell her that she's making a faux pas, then who will?
You don't have to be preachy about it, but saying "You know, I've heard and read in several places that it's really poor form to throw your own shower. Maybe you should wait to see if someone will host for you; you still have lots of time before your due date for someone to offer." Then drop it.
partial molar pregnancy : bfp 6.28.10, d/c 8.17.10, 7 rounds methotrexate, cleared 7.1.11
alexander patrick : bfp 1.16.12, born 9.20.12 @ 39w1d, 7 lbs./11 oz./22 in.
scarlett irene elizabeth : bfp 5.24.13, born 2.3.14 @ 41w2d, 7 lbs./13 oz./19 in.
I would politely tell her before she commits a faux pas and could risk people talking behind her back, and then in the next breath remind her that many hostesses don't offer until after the anatomy scan so she has time. I would try to tell her before she books a venue so she doesn't lose any money as well.
I can't get the ticker to work, but I have two sons:
Baby RJ, born 1/25/2014
Formerly Twilightmv