HELP! First pregnancy, new job!

Re: HELP! First pregnancy, new job!

• jnealet member

  July 2013

  I'm assuming that you're not married?  Don't stress too much about your parents, many other Catholic parents have survived this type of news and still love their daughters and grandchildren (I'm sure there are exceptions to this rule but lets ignore those bastards).

  Don't tell work until you have too, do you have to declare it on the Medical Sceening?  Why should you?  Is it a manual job? 

   

  Good luck!  Take one day at a time and everything will work out.

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• CrawltheWarriorKing member

  July 2013

  As far as your employer, no need to share until you are comfortable and for most it is after 12 weeks.  Depending on the type of screening, if they specifically ask on a form or if it's important to disclose because of let's say an x-ray I'd base my decision on that. 

  Are you not married?  Is that why your parents will be devastated?  Do you live with them?

  You're in your late 20's, you're a big girl, so I'd just tell them when you're ready.  I don't see how this news should impact them really.

  

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• NicoleWI member

  July 2013

  OK, deep breath! Give yourself a little time to let the big news settle and get used to being pregnant. You don't have to tell either the job or your parents right now, unless there's some reason that pregnancy would be a factor in the medical screening. Many people with planned pregnancies don't tell until after the first trimester. On the off chance you'd miscarry or something (hopefully not), there's not a point to upsetting your parents now. 

  
  

  Firing you b/c you are pregnant is totally illegal. Again, unless there's something weird with the medical screening, you would probably be able to work for months before you tell your job.
  

  
  

  When you do tell your parents, hopefully they will surprise you. Is your BF going to involved? Not sure how deep or long-term your relationship is. I think you (and your BF??) would just have to say something along the lines of, "We have some news. We know that this is very unexpected and not something you'd hoped to have happen, but we are expecting a baby. I am XX weeks along and we are (insert upbeat emotion. Excited? thankful? feel like this baby is a blessing?) We know it might take a little time to get used to this news, but we hope to have your support.

  
  

  Good luck! My brother had an unexpected pregnancy a couple years ago. My parents are Catholic but NOT at all devout, but it was still a huge deal to tell them. It went well. My very devout Catholic grandparents were wonderful. I think age adds perspective. My grandpa just said, "Babies are little miracles. It will be a blessing." My brother and the baby's mother are now married and expecting #2.

  

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• shannm member

  July 2013

  Breathe. Don't tell your new employer anything. It is not relevant. Wait till you are at least 12 weeks. Reassess then. At that point depending on your work environment, you may want to disclose then or you may choose to wait till later.
  As for your parents, that is up to you. I would wait until at least 12 weeks.

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• Netty_3 member

  July 2013

  Seriously...this was me two years ago.  I got a job with a municipality and three days before I started I found out I was pregnant.  I asked my SIL (HR Exec for a large company) what to do, and she said wait until after your first trimester...that's when you're out of the woods for most cases of miscarriage, etc. and when most people tell friends or not as close family about pregnancy.  So I did, and my group is very family oriented and friendly, and baby happy, so they were very accommodating and all around great about helping me figure out my benefits, and making sure things worked out for me. So it may not be as bad as you think it will be.

  All the best!

  

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• Netty_3 member

  July 2013

  I also have devout Catholic parents.  My sister went through telling them when she was 20, and while they're initial reaction may have not been the best, they have been there every second from that moment on.  My nephew is their pride and joy golden grandson. They helped her out the whole way. It may not be the way they saw things happening, but (not knowing your parents) I think (especially being devout Catholics) they will love your child in every way knowing he/she is a little miracle.

  

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• daytong1

  July 2013

  I am very grateful for the advice! I truly have no idea where to begin with the new job and honestly don't even know WHEN I will be starting work or when insurance would kick in. Its a very stressful time right now... but all your advice helps clear some air!
  
  As for my parents -- My boyfriend and I moved in together over the weekend in a house he is in the process of purchasing from family, and we told my parents a month ago this was our plan (and apparently at this point, I was just DAYS pregnant): dad surprised me with his "you're an adult, this isn't what we want for your life but you can make your own decisions" speech... My mother, on the other hand, absolutely lost it. As did my older sister. They did the same when my brother moved in with his then-girlfriend-now-wife and when after marriage they announced they were pregnant for the first time, my mom said "well at least they did ONE thing the right way!" I honestly, though, can't see my parents taking this as lightly as my dad took the move-in news: a baby is a bigger deal than a house. I truly haven't practiced Catholicism in almost 10 years but they have never been stronger in their faiths, I swear ... And my sister is practically a nun, literally. Spent time in the convent and everything. So for me to break their hearts with telling them I'm willingly "living in sin" and then to have to turn around and tell them I willingly "concieved in sin" will just destroy them. Everyone says they will get over it, but it will be a very traumatic experience telling them the news.

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• iverske9 member

  August 2013

  It is understandable to be weary of their reaction but you have to take a step back and realize that now your going to be a mother and your family comes first. I was raised catholic so I can understand why they would be upset but in the end they will get over it. I say pull off the band aid and tell them.

  Congrats on the baby and the job.

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• NicoleWI member

  August 2013

  iverske9 said:

  It is understandable to be weary of their reaction but you have to take a step back and realize that now your going to be a mother and your family comes first. 

  This is true in a way I don't think I ever fully understood until my first baby was born. Once that baby is born, you realize how totally you are responsible for making the decisions that will be best for him/her and creating your own family unit. Not that you aren't still going to want to have relationships with your own parents and siblings, but your realize that the most important thing at this stage of your life is the life you are building with/for your baby. 

  
  

  

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