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"on hold" - sooooo frustrated!

MzReeMzRee
in Adoption
After completing our pride training and most of home study- we were put on hold at our final interview. We were done!! But our worker said she didnt like that we have any debt in collections and that our daughter said she feels sad when we argue (she is 8, we arent perfect, and is she supposed to be happy her parents argue from time to time)

It was such a slap in the face. We were DEVASTATED!!! It truly was our final interview, no indication that we were not on track, we had just finished setting up the new bedroom, and had saved enough for a smooth transition.

I just feel like the workers that work for CAS must be perfect! They must all be debt free, and never have arguments with thier spouses!-otherwise why is my family being judged soo harshly???? :(
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Re: "on hold" - sooooo frustrated!

  • MzReeMzRee
    Basically she said she would "check back" in 6 months and see if things are "going a bit better" for our family
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  • MzReeMzRee
    Thanks! Really,Im just sad, but trying to be optimistic :(
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  • Keri MarieKeri Marie member
    So I have some questions about this...
    We have debt and we are currently paying off a medical bill that ended up in collections that we recently found out about. Can I be "denied" or put "on hold" over something that dose not reflect our parenting abilities? I'm weirdly worried about this now.

    Mother of  Sable Rene' & Clifton Michael
    Blog    Names
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  • mysticlmysticl member
    I used to do homestudies for foster care.  It wasn't up to me if a home got approved or not.  She may have had a meeting with her supervisor and when those things came up she was told to put you on hold.  

    Having debt is not so much an issue but debt in collections can be a red flag.  It could be perceived that you are irresponsible depending on why it was turned into collections. 

    Did the worker specifically ask your daughter about you arguing?  If so I'm not sure what their problem is.  However, I have interviewed a lot of bio kids and never once has one of them mentioned their parents arguing.  So if your daughter is the one who brought it up they may have felt that your arguing must be pretty significant if your daughter told a stranger about it.  

    I understand your frustration, I just wanted to give you some perspective from the other side.
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  • JennaNAaronJennaNAaron member
    We were asked about our finances, but no one actually checked into them.  We both have past bills that have went to collections, but they are really old, nothing new.  Is it new debt?

    ~*Jenna*~


    TTC since November 2009.

    Currently licensed foster parents with the hope of adopting!  Also pursuing pregnancy through IUI!  First IUI scheduled 10/3/13


    Currently loving our placements:

    A 1/08

    C 4/11

    K 6/12


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  • MzReeMzRee
    Thanks for all the feedback! I think the issue is that when we decided to start this process we said we would be 100% honest and upfront about everything- So when they asked if we had debt (nothing new in about 3 years, but still trying to get a handle on it) we told the truth! And when asked about our fighting- wetold the truth! We are a female same-sex couple!!! We have mood swings and pms x2!!! She let us read her notes from our daughter's interview; she brought it up and asked her how she felt when we argue- first she said "fine" then when asked the second time she said "sad I guess"

    I went into this knowing that I wasnt perfect, but I also know that I am a great parent, and I genuinely want to help get a child out of 'the system' and into a 'family'.

    We were soooo close......
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  • MzReeMzRee
    The family counselling session is definitely something that we might consider moving forward to show good faith!
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  • mysticlmysticl member
    fredalina said:
    I am really saddened by this. No new debt in 3 years and a child directly asked (twice) how she feels when you argue and she says "sad I guess"? That is NOT fair!
    Yeah, that's being picky.  In fact the way you are telling it, it almost sounds like your daughter felt she was being prompted to answer a certain way.  

    Though like I said before it might be her supervisor calling the shots.  All I could really do was make recommendations and my supervisor agreed with me or she didn't.  If she didn't my recommendation was ignored.
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  • aligrossaligross member
    Sorry this is happening to you! I cannot believe that the worker asked your daughter twice, but reality is that any kid would be sad to see their parents argue. It's actually a healthy and natural feeling that children need to develop. We can't always hide our children from disagreements in life and they need to know how to handle it and what those feelings are that they feel!  

    Let's look at the bright side though... she put you on "hold" and she didn't throw you out completely! 6 months in the grand scheme of things isn't that long of a period of time (think Christmas/New Years!) You can do it. I agree with everyone on making good faith and trying to get the creditors handled... Ask your social worker about recommendations for counselors, show her how you are doing everything you can! :) Good Luck!!!
    Began the Adoption process 4/2013
    Home study Approved 12/2013
    .... and the wait begins! 

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