I wish we could get married... :(

Knelson84 · July 2013

Argh just a quick vent. My partner and I have been engaged for so long and I really wish we could have gotten married before the birth of our LO in our home country. One day... Sorry to vent, are many of you married to your partners? Singles? Defacto??

ball.and.chain · July 2013

My wife and I were legally married in Massachusetts in 2007. I agree that it is frustrating and unfair that not everybody can be!

KH826 · July 2013

My wife and I had a wedding in Pennsylvania where we live in August 2012, and then we were legally married in December 2012 in NYC. While we are legally married, it is not recognized in our state at this point. That is part of the reason that we waited so long to get married (we have been together for 9 years)... we did not feel an urgency to do it when it would not be recognized in our home state; however, when we started thinking about having a family, we changed our minds...

Where do you and your partner live?

Knelson84 · July 2013

We are in Australia, we considered going to New Zealand when it was legalized there but decided against as it won't be recognized in our country at all so we decided to wait. Just hoping that the wait isn't too long!!

lbugher · July 2013

I wish we were married, too I live in Indiana so it's unlikely we'll see a legalization anytime soon, but if the IRS decides it will recognize ALL gay marriages so long as they were legally solemnized in a state with marriage equality, then we'll probably hop over to Iowa and make it official. Better to have just federal benefits, at least, even if we can't have state.

We've been together for 8 years, so it's really frustrating. I was the MOH for my best friend's wedding recently and she told me she always thought I'd get married way before her. Looked her in the eye and said "I'd have been married 5 years ago if it wasn't illegal." That comment made me kind of peeved. That and she insisted I join the boquet toss since I'm still "single." What the hell? I'm NOT single, and I haven't considered myself to be single in ages. It sends a chill of anger up my spine every time I have to check "single" on a form anymore.

doodah1013 · July 2013

On forms if it says "Are you married?" I check Yes, then write "but" and then check No and change it to "not legally". So I reads "Yes, but not legally." I am pretty sure I frustrate the HR department... But I am just trying to be as accurate as possible.
If we can't be legally married, at least we can be witty about it.

KH826 · July 2013

For a long time I checked the "single box"... but recently I have started checking married. I am married. The form doesn't ask where or if my state recognizes my marriage. So I have decided to start checking married on all forms from now one (well, except income taxes, if I am not able to do that yet...), and if anyone ever questions it, I am happy to explain. But for Jury Duty Form, Form at Dr's office, etc. - Married! I would like to speak to the person who wants to tell me that I am not.

kristi&p · July 2013

Legally married in CT September 2009.

lbugher · July 2013

I live in a liberal town so they have forms that have a "partner" option. I typically use that, but you can bet your hiney I'll start checking "married" as soon as we make it legal! We don't owe anyone an explanation.

Anyone else on here get the "Are you sisters?" question? DP and I get that - ALL THE TIME - and it drives me bonkers. One of these days I'm gonna turn on the next old lady who asks (because they're usually 60+ who question our relationship) and say "No, we're lesbian lovers. Oh, I'm sorry, did I just make you uncomfortable?"

And as soon as people start questioning our relationship relative to our children, be prepared for Mama Bear to rear her angry head.

KH826 · July 2013

We get the sisters question too, though I have no idea why. We do not look alike in my opinion.

It was worse before I lost weight... I think people saw too heavy young women with brown hair and brown eyes and thought - aww, sisters! LOL - I don't get it! So we get it less now b/c I think my features look different now that I am smaller. Although, people have also asked if my mother-in-law is my mom (and we don't look alike at all!). I just think they see interactions between people who seem like family and they like to make it fit into a category they are comfy with.

lbugher · July 2013

Yeah, we're both heavy and caucasian but beyond that we look nothing alike. I have curly hair, blue eyes, and round features whereas DP has straight hair, brown eyes, and sharper features. Our faces couldn't be any more different. Strange how people want to fit us all in boxes. I never question anyone's relationship to anyone else. I know too many people who don't fit the "traditional" mold and frankly it's not really my business.

Another thing I never do: ask when someone is due! My bestie is slender but carries a pooch right below her belly button and people ask her when she's due all the time. She's infertile and it makes her sad every time someone asks. Unless the lady mentions her baby, I ask no questions!

jspencer8216 · July 2013

Amanda and I get asked if we are twins a lot. She just kisses me and then asks if they would do that to their twin. We wear our wedding rings and consider ourselves married even though it will never be legal in Indiana

lbugher · July 2013

Hey, Indiana! Where abouts are you from, jspencer, if you don't mind me asking?

jspencer8216 · July 2013

Indianapolis. What about you?

lbugher · July 2013

Bloomington

glad to find another lesbian Bumper from Indiana! I was beginning to think I was the only one.

lbugher · July 2013

@herbabymama - it's not so bad, as long as you don't move out to the boonies. It's the tiny towns in the country that are far less accepting of gays and lesbians than our bigger, more liberal enclaves. However, if Indiana does pass a constiutional amendment in 2014 banning gay marriage, then I will be having a serious discussion with DP about moving somewhere else.

aud+rey · August 2013

We are married, though not legally. We have discussed having a ceremony up north so that it is recognized federally, but haven't decided yet. I think it will be after we have a LO for tax purposes, as awful as that sounds. We wear rings, though not matching. She has a simple band with diamonds and I, well, don't... We have been asked if we are sisters a lot. We are around the same height and both have blonde hair...we both have a round facial structure. But our builds are nothing alike. I agree with PP that said they get it less now that I have lost some weight.

trisholio · August 2013

My DW and I got legally married September 2011, I can't believe we are getting ready to celebrate our 2 year anniversary! We live in Ohio and right now there is a ban on SS marriage, but its going on the ballot November 2014 to allow SS marriage. So let's keep our fingers crossed!!!!

When filling out forms I always put that I am married unless its a federal form or for taxes. Everything else I say married. When I started a new job a few months back they asked me if I was married and I look at my manager and said "why do you want to know?" I just needed to know how to answer, he looked at me pretty funny at first. Then I explained myself and our situation.

Danni_Girl · August 2013

My wife and I have been legally married since June 2011. But we are originally from Ontario, so we are in a different situation from most on this forum from what I've seen. Not many Canadians here. But that doesn't matter since we are all here for the same reason.

We also get the sisters reaction a lot. Don't see the resemblance, but like everyone else.. if you have the same hair colour people seem to assume.

shelly2314 · August 2013

My wife and I got legally married in New York June 2012! Unfortunately we live in Florida where it is not recognized. BUT IDC, I do not like someone telling me I cannot be happy

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I wish we could get married... :(

Re: I wish we could get married... :(

I'm 35, DW is 33
Together since Dec 2007
Married since 18 June 2011

TTC #1
1st IUI - trigger, 9 July 14 at midnight, IUI - 11 July 14 at noon - BFP!!
10 Dec 14 - Lost our Baby Girl to Hydrops & Cycstic Hygroma due to Turner Syndrome
TTC #2
2nd IUI - hoping to try for our Rainbow in the Spring

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I wish we could get married... :(

Re: I wish we could get married... :(

I'm 35, DW is 33Together since Dec 2007Married since 18 June 2011

TTC #11st IUI - trigger, 9 July 14 at midnight, IUI - 11 July 14 at noon - BFP!!10 Dec 14 - Lost our Baby Girl to Hydrops & Cycstic Hygroma due to Turner SyndromeTTC #22nd IUI - hoping to try for our Rainbow in the Spring

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I'm 35, DW is 33
Together since Dec 2007
Married since 18 June 2011

TTC #1
1st IUI - trigger, 9 July 14 at midnight, IUI - 11 July 14 at noon - BFP!!
10 Dec 14 - Lost our Baby Girl to Hydrops & Cycstic Hygroma due to Turner Syndrome
TTC #2
2nd IUI - hoping to try for our Rainbow in the Spring