Dads at a playdate?

Andrewsgal · July 2013

OP you are being downright rude. You have major issues you need to work on because your excuses are all kinds of messed up.

Stefibeth · July 2013

We've only had this happen once with our group and the mom hosting the playdate wasn't comfortable with it. It was more because of who it was than it just being the dad though. It was a new member (that the people attending the playdate hadn't yet met) and her boyfriend. The member in question had seemed a little... I don't know, strange, I guess, and I can understand the host's hesitancy about the boyfriend attending. I don't think it would have been an issue at all with an established member's male SO.

MH is involved with the kids and can talk (albeit slightly more abstractly than I

) about cloth diapering and babywearing and other parenting topics we like, but I think he'd feel a little uncomfortable hanging out with the group like I do. I could see him possibly taking DS to a public meetup if he really needed to get out of the house like a PP talked about, but it hasn't happened before.

It kind of makes me a little sad for SAHDs though. Like maybe they wouldn't have as much opportunity to make friends like moms do. Not that SAHDs can't be friends with SAHMs, but... it just might not be the same.

new+tothis · July 2013

Yes, it has come up and yes, I'm totally comfortable with it. There's one married couple in our group. The dad is a professor so he has a few days during the week where he isn't working and stays home with their girls. Whenever our group does anything we invite the girls and whichever parent is available. It doesn't matter who that is. Dad gets in on our convos just like anyone else would.

LatteLady5 · July 2013

I agree with PP's.I'm sorry OP but I just don't see a problem. If you're not comfortable having them in your home meet in a public place. I just don't get why that would be a problem.

MGP · July 2013

This is not a wedding. I am not obligated to offer her spouse a +1 on the invite. If she wanted to invite another female friend that I had not met I would still feel the same way. Personally I would never want to put a host in that type of position. Have I been to people's homes before meeting them? Yes, it's called socializing. But did I know the people I went with and made sure the host was OK with it. Absolutely. Would I have been offended if they had said no? Possibly, but I would understand.

Here is the best comparison I can make to my arguments:

1. Let's say it's not a playdate because I am NOT in any way trying to be discriminatory towards a male parent. Say you get invited to a party via Evite. You RSVP yes but as the date gets closer you notice that the guest list is dwindling and the people remaining (the "subset" if you will) either you don't know or don't really care to spend time with. It's just not worth going and you prefer to spend your time in another way. You think "eh, guess I will cancel" and do so and give the age old "sorry kids are sick excuse". Everyone has done this as some point whether you want to admit it or not. I'm just on the other side as a host, and I was more honest and direct.

2. Say you and the kids are going out of town and your husband wants to host a poker night. He gets on the horn via text/email/FB/Meetup/however you invite people to socialize. The only person that RSVP's is a person that one person you know has only met once and wants to bring his wife. Do you want these people in your house? Is your husband really that motivated to clean the house and make drinks and snacks to entertain these people on his own? Would you question for just a minute "why would this woman want to be the only female at a poker night at someone else's house where her and her husband were the only guests and didn't know the host"? What would you want your husband to do? My guess is that you would ask him to cancel it, although you may not say it on this forum.

notkateanymore · July 2013

Just stop.

Stefibeth · July 2013

KateMW said:

Just stop.

:-bd

toadstool · July 2013

MGP said:

This is not a wedding. I am not obligated to offer her spouse a +1 on the invite. If she wanted to invite another female friend that I had not met I would still feel the same way. Personally I would never want to put a host in that type of position. Have I been to people's homes before meeting them? Yes, it's called socializing. But did I know the people I went with and made sure the host was OK with it. Absolutely. Would I have been offended if they had said no? Possibly, but I would understand.

Here is the best comparison I can make to my arguments:

1. Let's say it's not a playdate because I am NOT in any way trying to be discriminatory towards a male parent. Say you get invited to a party via Evite. You RSVP yes but as the date gets closer you notice that the guest list is dwindling and the people remaining (the "subset" if you will) either you don't know or don't really care to spend time with. It's just not worth going and you prefer to spend your time in another way. You think "eh, guess I will cancel" and do so and give the age old "sorry kids are sick excuse". Everyone has done this as some point whether you want to admit it or not. I'm just on the other side as a host, and I was more honest and direct.

2. Say you and the kids are going out of town and your husband wants to host a poker night. He gets on the horn via text/email/FB/Meetup/however you invite people to socialize. The only person that RSVP's is a person that one person you know has only met once and wants to bring his wife. Do you want these people in your house? Is your husband really that motivated to clean the house and make drinks and snacks to entertain these people on his own? Would you question for just a minute "why would this woman want to be the only female at a poker night at someone else's house where her and her husband were the only guests and didn't know the host"? What would you want your husband to do? My guess is that you would ask him to cancel it, although you may not say it on this forum.

1. I would go to the party because I enjoy the host and I already committed. RSVPs are not "yes, as long as something better doesn't come along" even if that something better is your couch. I'm pretty sure most people would agree that this example you gave is rude.

2. Poker night seems like a guys night out, so naturally it wouldn't seem appropriate to invite a wife along. A play date in no way is like a guys night out so the situations are totally different.

Again, you asked how people would handle this and they told you. Now you are getting butt hurt since they told you that they would have handled it differently and that they think that your response to these people was rude.

Andrewsgal · July 2013

You are wrong and it was downright rude you can continue to dig your hole deeper bit really you are making yourself sound worse and worse. IMO she dodged a bullet, you are showing your true colors before she actually befriends you. She should thank you for not involving her in your crazy.

Minipenguin · July 2013

MGP said:

This is not a wedding. I am not obligated to offer her spouse a +1 on the invite. If she wanted to invite another female friend that I had not met I would still feel the same way. Personally I would never want to put a host in that type of position. Have I been to people's homes before meeting them? Yes, it's called socializing. But did I know the people I went with and made sure the host was OK with it. Absolutely. Would I have been offended if they had said no? Possibly, but I would understand.

Here is the best comparison I can make to my arguments:

1. Let's say it's not a playdate because I am NOT in any way trying to be discriminatory towards a male parent. Say you get invited to a party via Evite. You RSVP yes but as the date gets closer you notice that the guest list is dwindling and the people remaining (the "subset" if you will) either you don't know or don't really care to spend time with. It's just not worth going and you prefer to spend your time in another way. You think "eh, guess I will cancel" and do so and give the age old "sorry kids are sick excuse". Everyone has done this as some point whether you want to admit it or not. I'm just on the other side as a host, and I was more honest and direct.

2. Say you and the kids are going out of town and your husband wants to host a poker night. He gets on the horn via text/email/FB/Meetup/however you invite people to socialize. The only person that RSVP's is a person that one person you know has only met once and wants to bring his wife. Do you want these people in your house? Is your husband really that motivated to clean the house and make drinks and snacks to entertain these people on his own? Would you question for just a minute "why would this woman want to be the only female at a poker night at someone else's house where her and her husband were the only guests and didn't know the host"? What would you want your husband to do? My guess is that you would ask him to cancel it, although you may not say it on this forum.

So, the problem is that these people are not good enough for you to clean your house? But the other group members are?

You're not obligated to give her a +1 but it's not like you're paying 100$/head for dinner, either. it's just one more person sitting on your couch. So what's the big deal? That if more people aren't coming then you don't want them coming, either? No wonder no one else is coming, good God.

notkateanymore · July 2013

letranger said:

Cheers. I'll continue to be inclusive.

Fix your signature so I can see the cute kids.

jensriot · July 2013

MGP said:

If she wanted to invite another female friend that I had not met I would still feel the same way.

I agree with other posters and I'm calling BS on this too. Your original op talked about your concern about a dad not really fitting in to the conversation. You're doing some major backpedaling now. Rationalize it any way you want, what you did was rude.

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