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No Filter Post..Just Let It Out..

Robynew28Robynew28 member
in Working Moms
Hi all,

So I am currently 6 weeks with my first. I found out I was KU at the end of an externship- and the site hired me. My boyfriend is about to start school in the spring (he has been trying to get in for so long!) Well, since I am just starting out my career and my bf will just be in school, when the baby comes I will have to go back to work and he will watch our LO. I can't help but sometimes get upset that I am pregnant and working 40+ hours a week, and then, 6 weeks after I birth the LO, I will have to return to work while he gets to stay home with the baby. I know things happen on life's terms, but sometimes I am just bitter. I am exhausted 24/7 and stressed. I feel like it is literally ALL on me- make the money, make the baby, have the baby, go back to work.

Am I just being bitchy?
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Re: No Filter Post..Just Let It Out..

  • Robynew28Robynew28 member
    It was definitely a surprise!! But I figure it was meant to be. And thanks for your words- makes me feel better that being overwhelmed is normal. I should make the best of my situation- again, thank you. Sometimes I think we just need someone on the outside tell you how it is- you know?
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  • thedashthedash member
    Hopefully not everything is on your shoulders right now. Do you live with your BF? Is he working right now? Starting school in 5 months or so is no reason not to work and save money right now. I also needed DH to really step up around the house during both of my pregnancies. Especially first trimester. He definitely does more than his fair share of housework while I'm pregnant. He cooks every night and does most of the day to day cleaning plus mops the floors and helps me carry laundry up our zillion stairs. It's ok to need a little extra from him right now. Second trimester will probably be easier and you'll be less exhausted. Hang in there!
    DS: 2/17/11          DD: 9/4/13
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  • itsmevkbitsmevkb member

    You're 6 weeks.  Give yourself a little time to let everything sink in before you start freaking out.  You have time to get a plan in place.  Yes, it seems it will be on you to work but that's not all bad.  I have always worked and with our first two my husband was in school and working nights so he definitely did a lot more of the daytime childcare than I did.  Sometimes I wished I could be the one home more often but honestly I never wished I wasn't working at all and in the end I was just happy that one of us was able to be home with them.  Most kids don't get that kind of time with their dads so I figured my kids were super lucky in that regard.

    You and your boyfriend can start figuring out now the division of responsibilities.  You will be exhausted in your first and probably late third trimesters so there's room for him to do more then and once the baby comes your whole world changes and although you say you feel like it's all on you to go back to work, imagine how he must be feeling thinking taking care of the baby all day will be ALL on him while he still has to get all of his school work done.  My husband got his PhD in the same time we had our first three and trust me, it was far more stressful on him taking care of the kids and doing that than it was for me taking care of the kids and working.

    It's okay to feel overwhelmed but resentment can really start to cause some big issues.  You guys can find a way to make it work for both of you.

    Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12

    Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck.  Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.

    This Cluttered Life

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  • 2chatter2chatter member

    I had a planned PG with my first, but did not plan on relocating to the US from AUS when I was 8 months pregnant and becoming the primary breadwinner.  (We were robbed and my laptop, backup CDs and field research tapes were all stolen for my PhD.  I was left with nothing, and our home was literally destroyed - they knocked down walls, no joke.).  My exh had just quit his job as a CFO and failed to tell me; he wanted to go play a professional sport.

    My exh had no status, so I worked and he SAH.  I was very resentful, as after he procured status, he still did not work.  My mom cared for the baby three days a week so that he could play his sport.  My advice is to make your peace with this now, or it will fester and ruin your relationship and cause you stress.  School is a temporary thing.  He can get a PT job while in school, something like waiting tables, around your schedule.  If you nurse, he can bring you the baby once a day instead of you pumping - that was a huge upside for me.  Figure out what is making your overwhelmed and make a plan for it, then execute the plan.  Work through your emotions now, as it certainly does not get easier when the baby is on the outside.  And focus on the positive - you scored a full time role with your externship - you have a solid career started, income and get to take a maternity leave.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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