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Blended Families
Ndsales
member
SS goes back to BM Soon
Ndsales
member
So SS is going back to BM in 14 days. I have mixed feeling about this. He shouldnt have to go through whatever he is going through down there, and after seeing all of his medical records and having our doctor go over everything with his doctor, I feel more comfortable that his doctor is on the same page with us and has concerns. SS has refused to speak to his counselor, just sits quietly not talking, is disrespectful to DH and I. Refuses to participate when we bring him places, has been mean to DS who is 1, and most recently locked the dog in a closet and fed him something that he will not tell us what (the dog was throwing up, and had to have his stomach pumped, the vet says he was poisoned, but couldnt figure out with what). I am on the verge of having a breakdown, because of all the stress dealing with SS. DH and I never fought before, and now we seem to fight all the time. I will tell DH if something happened during the day while he was at work, and SS will tell DH I am lying and laugh when DH trys to dicipline him. He told DH the other day "just send me back home then I dont want to be here" becuase he ate all his favorite cereal for bed snack and refused to eat anything else for breakfast the next morning. I am tired of this 7 year old threatening us, and telling me that DH and DS are leaving me and moving in with him and his mom.
I feel like I am failing as a step parent, because I feel this way. I love SS, but he is has been such a handful this summer. I fear for DS, and hate that DH and I are fighting all the time. I feel like our counselor sessions are the only time we can communicate without yelling at eachother. We have never been like this. Please dont flame me for this, I just need to vent, and I already feel bad enough. I feel like if I am having such a hard time with SS, am I going to have a hard time with DS and not be a good parent.
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Re: SS goes back to BM Soon
The only thing that even comes to mind is how C use to treat DH because of the hurt he felt over his own father. He was younger though and lives with us full time.
DS2 - 8/08
DS3- 9/09
DD1 - 11/11
DD2 - 10/13
DD3 - Csection Scheduled November 29th
I totally understand how you feel. My SS just recently came to live with us and he has ADHD and ODD. His behavior is very similar to what you described your SS doing.
I too feel like the worldest biggest failure because I can't seem to get through to this child.
My husband and I have been at each others throats lately too. I don't have any real advice for you but I wanted you to know that you are not alone and it is okay to feel the way you do. Hugs to you!
I am so sorry you are going through this! I think it would be scary living in a situation like this. Let's face it - - harming a helpless animal is behavior that a psychopath displays in early life. I'm sure you are worried about your 1 year old as well as the dog.
At the same time, SS didn't ask to be abused or mistreated by BM (or with whatever neurological problems would cause him to act like this) , and I'm sure this is the core from where his behavior stems.
Is there any way that he can be enrolled in half or full day camp next year? I think in a way your DH has it easy because he is at work all day while you are watching his child. I'm sure you are so stressed out and your DH can't really understand. Good luck.
We were hoping that we would be able to get back infront of a judge before he would have to go back, but the June court/CPS ruling is staying for now. They do not fell that there is any reason for SS to be removed from BMs home. SS does goe to daycare during the day (I work) with DS, and is a completly different child at Daycare. Bm tells us that SS is not this way at her home. Bm and her family get defensive when we bring up behavior issues, claiming he only has them at our house, but i find that hard to believe. Some days he is just plain me to DS and I, and when BM tells us that SS always listens to her BF, it drives me crazy. I spend more time with him even though i work than BM in the short time that we have him, than the reset of the year when she has him. BM tries to tell DH it is because I work full time and should be there to spend time with the boys. While I would love to stay at home with the boys, it is just not in the cards for us right now. Last night SS refused to talk to me, and when I told him his grandma wanted to skype him, he just left the room. I sent BM a text telling her he was in his ignoring me phase again, and I would have DH try when he got home, sorry. She blew up on me and called yelling that I just need to lay the law down on SS. I do take toys away, but I am not going to yell and scream at SS to get him to talk to me. DH and I feel that both boys need to be treated the same, and we are not going to yell and scream at DS, so we will not do this with SS
I wish you luck with the behavior stuff. My SS is a terror sometimes but I tell myself if all I can offer is a safe place to land once in awhile then we are doing what we can to help positively impact SS
I'm so sorry you are going through this with SS. It sounds like an awful situation and I'm sorry there seems to be so little to be done within your control to fix it.
I am thinking of you and hoping that this gets better soon. I do find it odd that at his age he just sits in counseling and doesn't speak. That is some incredibly strong-willed behavior for a 5 year old IMO and even the way he is treating you sounds like the behavior of an older child. I don't have much experience with kids his age, but it sounds like he is in full on protection mode of his mother. I'm just really surprised that he hasn't put down his guard after spending several weeks with you in what seems to be a much safer place than his mom's house. It's exhausting for anyone to keep up that much anger, let alone a 5 year old. She seems to have really gotten into his head.
Do you think it's possible that he just really misses his mother and that this has been a long time to be away from her? I don't remember how long he has been with you but from what I recall, it's been at least since mid June?
I'm so sorry you are going through this with SS. It sounds like an awful situation and I'm sorry there seems to be so little to be done within your control to fix it.
I am thinking of you and hoping that this gets better soon. I do find it odd that at his age he just sits in counseling and doesn't speak. That is some incredibly strong-willed behavior for a 5 year old IMO and even the way he is treating you sounds like the behavior of an older child. I don't have much experience with kids his age, but it sounds like he is in full on protection mode of his mother. I'm just really surprised that he hasn't put down his guard after spending several weeks with you in what seems to be a much safer place than his mom's house. It's exhausting for anyone to keep up that much anger, let alone a 5 year old. She seems to have really gotten into his head
SS has been with us since May 25. He is 7, and is usually the man of the house as BM has a revolving door of men (she has the same every other weekend when he has his kids, but other guys living there other times). We are on counselor #2. the first one suggested someone else after 4 sessions of SS not talking. He does this to me too, and will be just fine at daycare and for DH. He has expressed that DH and DS will be going back with him to BMs. This has put me on edge to the point I started seeing a counselor on my own because I could not figure out where SS would get this from, even after DH sat him down and explained this would not be happening ever. BM apparently told him that DH and I had DS so she could have another baby since she could not have any more kids. DH called her and forced her to tell SS this was not true with us listening. We have a schedule at our house, and i know he does not like it. We have a set dinner time, set bed time, set bath time. It just makes everything easier, but SS hates it. He wants to stay up all night and be able to play COD when he feels like it (he is not aloud to play COD at our house)
Do you think it's possible that he just really misses his mother and that this has been a long time to be away from her? I don't remember how long he has been with you but from what I recall, it's been at least since mid June?
He may miss his mom, but from what her parents tell us, they have SS most of the time, because BM could not get SS to school on time and the school threatened to call Social Services