I'm having such a hard time admitting defeat. I wanted to BF our daughter so badly. We got off to a rough start and she lost a lot of weight so we supplemented with formula and I pumped. In the beginning she was getting about half of her intake from me. I continued to try to increase my supply. Now she's 9w old and I barely get one bottle a day. DH says to be happy I gave her what I could for as long as I could. To me I feel like I failed and it's the worst type of fail because it has to do with her. I know there's nothing wrong with formula and she's thriving. It's just something I wanted for her so badly. I look forward to putting the pump away and getting my boobs back, but I can't seem to pull the plug knowing that it will be her last bit of BM. It breaks my heart.
If you went through this, any tips for helping me get past that final bottle?
3 ectopic pregnancies (EDD's 1/30/12-tube removed, 6/2/12-methotrexate and 10/2/12-methotrexate)
IVF and Natural FET resulted in BFN's and a hole in our wallets
Natural BFP #4 on 9/7/12 gave us our miracle on 5/18/13
Re: XP: Hanging on to BF by a thread
I'm so sorry, Delino. I know exactly what you are going through. I dealt with supply issues with Ben, and ended up switching to FF aftertwo excruciating long, painful and difficult months trying to establish EBF and my supply.
Know that you are an amazing mama, and that she will love you and continue to thrive being FF. My biggest piece of advice is to not beat yourself up about this. Your precious little girl is going to be loved and nurtured by you and your DH no matter what she is eating. Be at peace with your decision- a happy mama makes a happy baby. Big (((HUGS))) to you dear, I know what a difficult decision it is make.
You gave your baby all you could when it comes to BM, now you can spend more lovin' time together.
TTC since 11/2009; Lap/HSG/Hysteroscopy: 5/2011 (endometriosis - removed; endocervical polyp - removed; high pressure in bilateral tubes - cleared)
BFP #1: 8/4/11; DS1 born sleeping on 11/16/11 at 19w1d
BFP # 2: 5/7/12, EDD 1/10/13, DS2 born 1/4/13
BFP # 3: 11/8/13, EDD 7/17/14, mmc 10wks
BFP # 4: 5/16/14, EDD 1/15/15, praying for our 2nd rainbow baby
((BIG HUGS)) Don't beat yourself up. I always had to supplement DS1 to to jaundice and weight issues. I ended up pumping a lot and I also would nurse for awhile and then FF. I also had to add rice cereal to all of the bottles. I made it to 6 months doing that, but looking back I didn't really enjoy me time with him.
My advice is to step back from the situation and do what you think is best for you and time it accordingly. Please enjoy your baby and being a mom. For our last nursing session when I finally did quit, it was just DS and I alone for a few hours and me holding him even long after he was sleeping. It was bittersweet but after that time I was a lot happier and able to play with him more.
But - and I can only speak for myself here - but after almost two weeks, pumping every two hours, without much coming out, growing frustrations, stress, and just overall being miserable: that last bottle felt like just another stab to my heart . . . and then, it was like the clouds cleared. I was no longer stuck to a pump, and my son was/is thriving. That last bottle is so difficult, but for me, the new bottle of just FF, somehow came like a wave of relief, washing away any doubt I had over the process JMHO So my frank opinion? Bite the bullet, and just do it - rip off that doubt and worry and fear like a band aid, all at once
GL!
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BFP #1 06.20.11 I EDD 03.22.12 I MMC 09.01.11 (baby measured 6w4d) I D&C 09.07.11
BFP #2 02.21.12 I EDD 10.29.12 I DS born 11.06.12
Surprise BFP #3 07.27.13 I EDD 04.02.14 I Stick baby stick!
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I just had this battle myself. I had to EP with DS due to several issues. I got to the point where I felt that our entire lives revolved around pumping. I was pumping 8 times a day and for 20 minutes each time. Add that to the time it took for him to eat, be changed, etc and I literally didn't have more than about 15 minutes every three hours to myself and we won't even discuss sleeping.
Like you, I felt like I was failing him in some way if I didn't continue with BM. This was compounded by the fact that I had IUGR and I already felt that my body had failed him.
As much as I hated pumping, I couldn't bring myself to stop and switch to formula. With the advice from the ladies on my BMB and talking at length to DH and the pediatrician, we switched to formula b/c DS needs a happy, sane mother more than he needs BM. I am still feeding him and now have more time to spend with him.
I still haven't been able to put my pump away, even though I haven't used it in days. I know the time will come when I do. I have used all the BM I had stored and honestly felt better afterwards. Big (hugs) to you as you make the transition.
My OB gave me a great bit of advice when I was struggling. She said: "Trust me. You are going to have plenty of opportunities to feel guilty in his life. Don't waste another minute guilting yourself over this."
Honestly, I know it's hard, but you have to let this guilt go. You are a wonderful mother and your honey is going to thrive under your love and caring nature....regardless of if she is getting breast milk or formula. And you did breastfeed her and did the very best that you could. It's time to listen to your heart and stop beating yourself up.
m/c 12/25/09 (5w5d) mm/c D&C 4/9/10 (11w1d) Take home baby 2/22/11
My boobies belong to cour10e