Hormones or Depression?

JoDoc · July 2013

Hi, I'm going to apologize because this will end up being long, and there are details that will probably be left out that would make the story make a bit more sense, but some things would just take too long to explain.

1st, I'm happily pregnant with twins. I am overjoyed that I will be having 2 wonderful babies, due in December.

I dealt with depression most of my life. I was on medication that worked well, but when we decided to try to become pregnant I tapered them off slowly. Also, one majorly important thing to keep in mind, I have never wanted to hurt myself, nor have I wanted to cause physical pain to others. During the worst moments of my depression I have simply wanted to pick up and go away, start fresh someplace where no one knows me and to get away from those who are hurting me. I would never endanger the lives of anyone else nor myself. Ever.

Lately I've been feeling pretty down, like nothing is positive in my life. (I want to correct that by saying that these babies are wonderful and I'm looking forward to meeting them face-to-face. They truly are a very positive part of my life) My DH is under a lot of stress at work and I'm one of those types that would rather bottle my issues up than to burden someone else that is already troubled. There are things that have been said and done lately that have bothered me immensely and I know that's where these current feelings are coming from.

There are issues with his parents...long, boring, in-depth issues. Long story short, we both agreed that our son (he just turned 15) would NEVER be at their house alone with them, and would not be going there to do any yard work or other menial tasks they'd make up to get him to come over. Last night I got home and DH announced that our son would be going to their house to do some yard work. I just looked at him and said "When is he going over?" DH said "I'll drop him off on my way to work." So, he's there, alone with them, for 9 hours. It was made very clear in the way DH told me that there would be NO discussion about this. Kind of an "I have spoken" look. (he doesn't ever play that card, we're pretty equal, he's not dominating in any way) This after a comment that was made the day before that already had me questioning "my place" in this family...I feel like a giant vortex spiraling down.

I need to stress, I'd never cause harm to myself or anyone else. But is what I'm feeling "normal" and I'm making more out of it than I should? I had had an issue with something his mother said to me, very negative and derogatory. He could tell something was wrong when we got home and when I mentioned what it was he said "I can't deal with this too right now, you just have to understand she's insane and let anything she says roll off your back." I know that I can't explain to him how I'm feeling now, it'll just exacerbate his own problems, which will cause me to shut down and share nothing. (That's my track-record...you get mad because I share and I shut down and share nothing. Stupid I know)

How normal is this? Am I seriously going crazy? We are planning on bottle feeding, so the minute these precious babies are out I'm starting up on the anti-depression meds. I know I need them. Ugh, thanks for sticking through this and reading until the end.

TREDgirl · July 2013

Depression sucks. But there are plenty of medications that are safe while pregnant and during breast feeding. I know everyone has their opinions but unless you've dealt with it yourself you really don't know.

My dr's and I made the decision for me to stay on meds during fertility treatments, pregnancy and after. There is nothing wrong if that's what you decide and or have to do.

If you're set against taking meds while pregnant at least talk to your psychiatrist and a therapist.

Good luck! There is no need to suffer.

PumpkinAndThePeanut · July 2013

TREDgirl:
If you're set against taking meds while pregnant at least talk to your psychiatrist and a therapist.

I was going to suggest this too. Also, OP, it sounds to me like you are blaming yourself too much for being down. Feeling apologetic for being unhappy despite your pregnancy, etc. Adverse situations can trigger depression so I suspect your current feelings are caused by both the situation with your family as well as your medical history. Hugs!

amd1982 · July 2013

Although I cannot relate to the depression part of your post I can relate to having a crazy mother in law and dh blaming it on her being crazy. He never backs me up and it feels really crappy. I too find myself wondering how I fit into that family. But I have to say now that my babies are here I could care less. They are my highest priority as I'm sure yours will be as well.

What I will say is twins are very stressful on a marriage in my opinion. You guys need to be as solid as possible and to me it sounds like you're feeling down but that your husband also needs to be supportive and partner with you as a parent and a team. Again I'm not judging or telling you what to do but IMO I would go see someone together. Dh and I do and it's the best thing for us and our children. I wish you the best of luck In your journey. I can only imagine how difficult dealing with depression must be so I hope things work out well and you start to feel better.

TobieRose · July 2013

You are not going crazy. Honestly, I think something would be wrong if you didn't feel depressed in this situation! I have found myself in a similar situation lately (husband under lots of stress, and some serious MIL issues--I have recently come to the conclusion that she has a personality disorder) and I have been struggling a lot lately, especially since we are expecting a visit from her at the end of the month. I do not have a history of depression but it feels lately like I have been barely holding on to my sanity.

Having all of that on top of the stress (even if it is also joyful) of expecting twins is a LOT to handle, so please be gentle with yourself as much as possible!

I wish I could give some helpful advice, but really all I have to offer is sympathy.

rinascita · July 2013

amd1982:
Although I cannot relate to the depression part of your post I can relate to having a crazy mother in law and dh blaming it on her being crazy. He never backs me up and it feels really crappy. I too find myself wondering how I fit into that family. But I have to say now that my babies are here I could care less. They are my highest priority as I'm sure yours will be as well. What I will say is twins are very stressful on a marriage in my opinion. You guys need to be as solid as possible and to me it sounds like you're feeling down but that your husband also needs to be supportive and partner with you as a parent and a team. Again I'm not judging or telling you what to do but IMO I would go see someone together. Dh and I do and it's the best thing for us and our children. I wish you the best of luck In your journey. I can only imagine how difficult dealing with depression must be so I hope things work out well and you start to feel better.

100% This! I just spent 8 days with my MIL that jacked up my schedule and wouldn't even let me hold my own baby when he had to get a chest x-ray when they thought he might have pneumonia!!! She literally took him out of my arms and said 'I've got him!'... they can be so hard to deal with!!! There are days I feel crazy and aren't the best in regards to our marriage but it is a marathon not a sprint. We knew twins would be tough on us as individuals and our marriage but we started being better at making sure we resolved anything from the current day that night before bed so we didn't let things build. Before the twins, we'd just deal with the ocassional argument and let it go as long as one of us felt mad but now we know we can't do that anymore. I'd suggest as a first step maybe setting aside some time to have a conversation about how you're feeling with your husband... not in the heat of the moment or when he seems preoccupied but finding an hour that you 2 can just talk together. Also, FTR, you are NOT crazy - I think you are well within your rights to have concerns over things that have happened based upon your post.

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