One & Done: Only child
mdrswedding
member
How did you know?
mdrswedding
member
Hi. I am new to this board and so happy I stumbled upon it! This might seem like a silly question but how did you know you wanted just one? Was it a strong feeling that you just knew? I ask because we seem to be having a hard time deciding. We both had always thought we wanted two kids. We now have an amazing 20 month old son and are now unsure if we want more. We thought we did and then I experienced a miscarriage at 8 weeks. Now we both are unsure. I seem to be concerned about everything...the unknown, our ages (I turn 40 later this year)... everything....I just wish I knew the answer (if that makes sense). BUT then I think if the decision is this hard then maybe I already have my answer??? I don't know....just glad I stumbled to this board!
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Re: How did you know?
I also don't know, and also just really, really wish I knew the answer.
No help from me, but sympathy.
If you just go and read a lot of the older posts, you'll see this asked and answered. I'm not saying that to say you should'nt ask - just that you might get some insight that you're looking for.
The fact is that it's SO varied as to why people are OAD. For some, they've just always known they didn't want more than one. For others, like me, a part of the decision is medical. And the medical aspect led to other factors in the decision (age, finances)
It's not an easy question to answer! And there is no ONE answer.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
He's 4.5 now and on one hand I think "heck, in certain ways he's so much easier now - having another kid wouldn't be that hard", but then on another, Ijust think "I don't care how old he is - having two will be a challenge no matter what" (we have a whacky schedule too, due to DHs job, so for periods of time, childcare largely falls to me.)
Back to my first sentence- sometimes I feel like our medical issues led us to being OAD when realistically, that may have been the better choice for us anyhow. But I fell into that "we have to have 2 kids!" expectation too, but have come to realize that no, actually I don't.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
As PP said, there are a lot of threads along this same vein, so go ahead and read those, but here is a synopsis of my situation as an answer.
DH and I always wanted 1-2 children, but this is when it was just fantasizing about the future and not the reality.
The reality was that I had 2 lost pregnancies, stressful pregnancy with DD, pregnancy induced hypertension, awful L&D, and post partum anxiety.
So, I guess, for me, it was a mix between always being okay with 1 (I am an only myself, and loved it), and being pushed more to that direction. We COULD try for another, but we don't want to.
I think we would have been OAD anyways though, honestly. Our family feels complete with DD and we couldn't afford daycare for two or for me to SAH (and I wouldn't want to anyways).
Well before becoming a mom, I thought I'd wanted 2-3 kids. Then I actually had a child and saw how much time, work, and money goes into parenting. Especially how much time goes into it. I'm not obsessed with my son but one can't do a "half-job" in being a mom.
DS is high energy and I see that I do not have the patience for more children. DH and I discussed the topic a few years ago and his quote hit it right on, he said "that would mess everything up". I believe Ms. Jade said it best when she said (paraphrased) "we have just the right amount of everything right now (house size, private school, vacation, time for DH and self) and we don't want to rock this boat."
This really stuck out to me. My husband and I KNEW without a shadow of a doubt that we wanted to start trying for our first child...my son Colin. I never felt that strong of an urge to have a second child though after he was born...and the older and older he got the less and less I felt that need for a second child.
During our decision making process (which lasted a year by the way) I told myself that I would never try for a second unless I felt that strong of an urge again. It never happened. DH got snipped when Colin was 18 months. We are very happy with our decision.
It's a hard one to make! Give yourself some time...make a pros and cons list. This really helped me see down on paper which direction I wanted our lives to go.
Good luck with your decision!
I wanted several kids. Then I had one.
I have no desire to have a second kid. My first is high needs and hard work and I'm burnt out physically, mentally, and emotionally. I see little babies and don't have any desire to add one to our family. It may change over time, but we are definitely one and done for now.
I have a step-daughter, so knowing my DD already has a sibling was a factor. I am v close w my brother and that was important to me; however, having a second for this reason alone isn't a good idea. Many siblings hate or have nothing in common with their siblings.
Hubby wasn't too keen on another one after ours.
Life changes a lot with a baby, and it is nice to have a two to one parent/child ratio! I think more kids would have put more stress on our relationship. We love how we each get a sleep-in on the weekend.
The cost of daycare from 12-18 months exceeded our mortgage! Daycare is now about $1k per month, and we now have 'fun' money again. More kids would limit our travel and dining, which is something we love doing.
I had pp pre-e, and would be high risk for another pregnancy. Didn't want the stress or risk.
Lastly, I have a wonderful, beautiful, perfect DD. I don't feel the need to add more kids because I find being her mom is so fulfilling.
Anyway, it isn't just one reason, but the combination. Many of my friends are entering into second kid stage, and I have no diaper changing envy!