I'm judging...WDYT?

Jnmac83 · July 2013

Does this make me mean?

My friend's friend just had a baby at 36 weeks, but the baby stopped growing at 32 weeks. The baby is in NICU and weighed 3 lbs at birth. The mom is posting things on Facebook like "dinner and a concert tonight! Date night!"

Would you go to a concert if your baby was in NICU and pretty sick? Or am I being too judgmental? I've never had to deal with a baby in NICU so maybe I'm being an asshole, but I don't think I am. It was just shocking to me.

WDYT?

poppyseed1017 · July 2013

Hmm. How long ago did she have him? I mean, I understand wanting some sort of break; I can't imagine how stressful that must be. Personally, I don't think I would be able to enjoy myself at a concert with a baby in the NICU. Maybe her husband surprised her? I don't know. I guess I'm half-judging. Lol.

rp-chicago-mom · July 2013

I doubt I would be able to go out...but like poppy said, some of that depends on when she gave birth. Like, if it was last week, I wouldn't be able to do it but if she's had a baby in the NICU a month, I could see needing a break.

Cheerilee · July 2013

My first reaction was, "Seriously?! Don't you care about your baby?" But, I compartmentalize. I can't get past one thing to do the next until thing 1 is done, fixed, whatever.

My second, and less 'me' reaction was, "She's been stressing and worrying for a month. Maybe things are less dire. She NEEDS to do something for herself. She NEEDS to have a date night with her SO to stay strong together."

I would be a miserable lump of mess and snap at anyone who began to suggest I leave my baby's side.

MommyMelRN · July 2013

This question is right up my alley! How long ago was the baby born? I mean if its been like a week, judge away. 3 weeks? Good for them. Also, what nationality are they? Not to be stereotypical, but in a lot of Asian cultures it's perfectly normal for parents to basically abandon their kids at the hospital until they are ready to come home.

rp-chicago-mom · July 2013

Cheerilee said:

I would be a miserable lump of mess and snap at anyone who began to suggest I leave my baby's side.

That about sums me up, too. I could see SIL playing the "I NEEEEEEEEED MEEEEE time!" card after about three days. Can you tell I don't think much of SIL?

Jnmac83 · July 2013

poppyseed1017 said:
Hmm. How long ago did she have him? I mean, I understand wanting some sort of break; I can't imagine how stressful that must be. Personally, I don't think I would be able to enjoy myself at a concert with a baby in the NICU. Maybe her husband surprised her? I don't know. I guess I'm half-judging. Lol.

She had him at the end of June. About 3 weeks ago.

Jnmac83 · July 2013

stephaniemthomas said:
I don't know that I could go to a concert and enjoy it. Maybe go to dinner or something, but I think my mind would just be too focused on my baby to enjoy a concert. Either way I don't think I would be posting it all over Facebook.

That's pretty much exactly what my first though was.

Cheerilee · July 2013

Baker_Bride said:

Cheerilee said:

I would be a miserable lump of mess and snap at anyone who began to suggest I leave my baby's side.

That about sums me up, too. I could see SIL playing the "I NEEEEEEEEED MEEEEE time!" card after about three days. Can you tell I don't think much of SIL?

That would be FSIL, too. We may have the same family and not realize it...

MommyMelRN · July 2013

Jnmac83 said:

Hmm. How long ago did she have him? I mean, I understand wanting some sort of break; I can't imagine how stressful that must be. Personally, I don't think I would be able to enjoy myself at a concert with a baby in the NICU. Maybe her husband surprised her? I don't know. I guess I'm half-judging. Lol.
She had him at the end of June. About 3 weeks ago.

it might be time for a break then, but I wouldn't be posting it all over FB either.

Jnmac83 · July 2013

MommyMelRN said:

Jnmac83 said:

poppyseed1017 said:
Hmm. How long ago did she have him? I mean, I understand wanting some sort of break; I can't imagine how stressful that must be. Personally, I don't think I would be able to enjoy myself at a concert with a baby in the NICU. Maybe her husband surprised her? I don't know. I guess I'm half-judging. Lol.
She had him at the end of June. About 3 weeks ago.

it might be time for a break then, but I wouldn't be posting it all over FB either.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know why I even care, I just thought it was odd. To me, 3 weeks with a newborn isn't that long and I wouldn't be at a concert, but that's me. I get what you're saying though.

jessalynn521 · July 2013

Yeah, posting on FB? I wouldn't, but even with just our 48 hour NICU stay the nurses were all surprised to see me there ALL.THE.TIME. All I could think was about my baby there. But I will say that going like that even just for 48 hours was extremely draining. I could see needing to take a break away 3 weeks later. That is really hard.

I guess what I am saying is I personally don't judge, but I don't think it would be for me if I were in the same position.

SpruceGrouse · July 2013

She could be grieving in a way. After my friend died my teacher kept calling my parents because I was acting overly happy in school and participating in everything. It was my way of coping.

bigbootyjudi · July 2013

Yep, I judge, and I did the same thing when a girl I knew had her DD at 25ish weeks. We went out to lunch once during her DD's 12 week hospital stay and throughout lunch, she was talking about how she was going to go to the store, get her nails done, etc. and then had all of these errands for the next day and how she wasn't going to drive 45 minutes to go see her DD until her SO was off work at 5pm.

I can see making time for yourself, but honestly, if your kid is in the NICU, you should be there for more than 2 hours a day.

When she brought her DD home, all she posted about on FB was how easy her kid was because she wasn't used to being rocked (because she was in the NICU for so long), how she was so independent, and how she was so "lucky" because she didn't have a "needy" baby.

:-O

Crossingfingers · July 2013

I'm judging that hardcore. After 2 weeks of C being in the NICU I took the older kids to a movie and bawled for most of it. I understand needing to get some air- but joyously posting it all over Facebook- definite side-eye from me.

stlmomma27 · July 2013

Me personally, I would not be able to go out on a date if my baby was in the NICU. I would be putting all my time at the hospital praying that my baby was growing and thriving. That's just my opinion.

MoFree · July 2013

My daughter was in the NICU for almost 7 weeks and sometimes the stress got to me. It is very difficult to be there 24//7 and different people react in different ways. That does not mean they don't care about their babies.
My husband and I often went out for a meal when L was in the NICU because we both knew we wouldn't be going out for a long time once she was home. That being said, I think her post about a date night was unnecessary.

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