Thoughts on baby shower for second pregnancy

austjenn · July 2013

So this is my second pregnancy but third child (first are twins). My girls will be four when the baby is born and we have gotten rid of all the baby stuff. What do you think, have a baby shower or just a little party? What are you planning to do if this is your second? Thanks

Lena122 · July 2013

I think it's only appropriate if someone has offered and wants to throw you a shower. I don't anticipate having a shower and I'll likely decline if someone offers.

gingerbabe · July 2013

I would personally just throw a little party. It seems weird to have a baby shower for the second pg. but I didn't even have one the first time around, it's just not my thing! But baby showers are thrown for you by others and you may not get any offers since it's your second time around. A party, you can just throw yourself!

peanutmuse · July 2013

Honestly? No, I don't think this warrants another shower. Very tacky. I know others have different opinions, but that's mine.

ETA: Nope, not even a little party. Still tacky.

sugarland726 · July 2013

I'm a harda$$ on things like etiquette and showers. The age of your children and the fact that you chose to get rid of things do not constitute a reason to have another shower, in my opinion. Had you lost all your baby stuff due to flood, fire, home invasion, whatever, that would be different. But choosing to get rid of stuff and then asking people to buy you new stuff after they already bought it for you once is not appropriate. Again, in my opinion. Others will undoubtedly differ.

DaisyKD · July 2013

I generally think that a second shower is only appropriate if the oldest is 5-6 years older than the second, or the father is different and it's his first.

That being said, if someone offered to throw me a shower I wouldn't turn it down, but I definitely wouldn't register and I would politely ask them to keep the guest list to a bare minimum and keep everything VERY low key.

If everyone I knew had showers for every kid they had I'd be broke!!!

cpm1223 · July 2013

I'm not a fan of baby showers for any children after the 1st. I think it's tacky. I also think it's tacky to plan your own shower (which it seems like you're asking if you should do.)

I can't imagine asking my family and friends to re-stock our nursery etc because we decided to just get rid of all of our baby stuff...seems kinda crazy to me.

I think a "sprinkle" is becoming somewhat common but it's planned by someone else (not asked for by the mom to be) and it's a small party where guest bring diapers, wipes, etc. It's not the norm for where I live to have a sprinkle and certainly not to have a 2nd shower, so I wouldn't do either myself.

mrsjenni · July 2013

Wait, so you want to throw yourself a second shower? No. Just no.

peanutmuse · July 2013

sugarland726:
I'm a harda on things like etiquette and showers. The age of your children and the fact that you chose to get rid of things do not constitute a reason to have another shower, in my opinion. Had you lost all your baby stuff due to flood, fire, home invasion, whatever, that wouldnbsp;be different. But choosing to get rid of stuff and then asking people to buy you new stuff after they already bought it for you once is not appropriate. Again, in my opinion. Others will undoubtedly differ.

Yup, Sugar and I have the same opinion.

Jmattis · July 2013

I agree with the PP regarding only having a shower for your first pregnancy. I thinking if someone offers to throw you one that is small that's a different story, but definitely not to throw your own.

nicholssquared · July 2013

Just posted this on second tri:

nicholssquared:
My opinion is that if someone offered to throw me a shower for 2+, I would accept, simply because they're obviously excited for me and want to express it through a shower. It's more for the host than for me. That being said, when they asked me to supply a guest list, I would keep it to my mom, MIL, sisters, SIL and a few girl friends (if I had them, but I don't, lol). Since a shower is really about welcoming the mother into motherhood, having already been welcomed once, one wouldn't need a big affair and making it one just looks gift grabby. Also, I wouldn't register and I would provide no registry information. If people want to get me a gift they can get me whatever they want as a gesture. It's my job to provide the necessities for my child, not theirs.
That said, no offer, no shower. Period. In fact, I was not offered a shower with my second and I didn't have one. Never even batted an eye at it. I was somehow....just fine!

Your baby's sex and spacing doesn't merit any exceptions. Also, please don't throw yourself a shower.

moosebaby2011 · July 2013

peanut+muse:
sugarland726:
I'm a harda on things like etiquette and showers. The age of your children and the fact that you chose to get rid of things do not constitute a reason to have another shower, in my opinion. Had you lost all your baby stuff due to flood, fire, home invasion, whatever, that wouldnbsp;be different. But choosing to get rid of stuff and then asking people to buy you new stuff after they already bought it for you once is not appropriate. Again, in my opinion. Others will undoubtedly differ.
Yup, Sugar and I have the same opinion.

Put me on this team.

austjenn · July 2013

To answer some of your questions, no I am not planning to throw myself a party. A lot of friends and family want to do something for this time around. I just don't know what to tell them. Thanks for your thought.

BuckeyeANG · July 2013

I vote no shower/sprinkle.

I am considering a small party after the baby is born (I have seen it referred to as a sip and see on TB). The purpose of it would be to allow everyone to see the baby all at one time so we don't have a steady stream of visitors for weeks on end. The purpose is NOT to get gifts. Just to let people see the baby.

LMCB12 · July 2013

sugarland726:
I'm a harda on things like etiquette and showers. The age of your children and the fact that you chose to get rid of things do not constitute a reason to have another shower, in my opinion. Had you lost all your baby stuff due to flood, fire, home invasion, whatever, that wouldnbsp;be different. But choosing to get rid of stuff and then asking people to buy you new stuff after they already bought it for you once is not appropriate. Again, in my opinion. Others will undoubtedly differ.

Agree

Firefly9 · July 2013

I won't be planning any sort of shower for #2--I don't think you should throw yourself a shower EVER. I am not a fan of full-on showers for a second child, except in the case of some of the things other ladies mentioned, like there being a large gap in age or having lost things. I'm also not a fan of any sort of shower for #2 of the same sex as #1 You should still have plenty of baby necessities. I would think it'd be a little more okay FOR SOMEONE ELSE to offer to host a "sprinkle" or "diaper party" if #2 were a different sex, but even then, I'd feel a little judgy.

I'd rather celebrate by going out to dinner with friends, no gifts.

SunflowersBride · July 2013

christinesb19:
peanut+muse:
sugarland726:
I'm a harda on things like etiquette and showers. The age of your children and the fact that you chose to get rid of things do not constitute a reason to have another shower, in my opinion. Had you lost all your baby stuff due to flood, fire, home invasion, whatever, that wouldnbsp;be different. But choosing to get rid of stuff and then asking people to buy you new stuff after they already bought it for you once is not appropriate. Again, in my opinion. Others will undoubtedly differ.
Yup, Sugar and I have the same opinion.
Put me on this team.

Same here. And honestly, 4 years doesn't seem like that huge of an age difference to me, and certainly not enough to warrant another shower (although I'm in the camp of you only get one shower). Just tell your friends and family that you appreciate the offer but you do not want another shower. I'm sure you have some friends/coworkers/thrift stores around that you can find many things for your new baby. Hell, my mom just bought me a pack n' play and swing from a yard sale. You'll be fine.

ccip82 · July 2013

christinesb19:
peanut+muse:
sugarland726:
I'm a harda on things like etiquette and showers. The age of your children and the fact that you chose to get rid of things do not constitute a reason to have another shower, in my opinion. Had you lost all your baby stuff due to flood, fire, home invasion, whatever, that wouldnbsp;be different. But choosing to get rid of stuff and then asking people to buy you new stuff after they already bought it for you once is not appropriate. Again, in my opinion. Others will undoubtedly differ.
Yup, Sugar and I have the same opinion.
Put me on this team.

+ 1

One " exception" (if you want to call it that) is surprising the MTB with a very small get together. Example, my mom, aunt, sister, and cousin took my sister out to lunch when she was pregnant with her second. We bought her small gifts (baby clothes), and had a cake. No decorations, no invitations, nothing that even hinted it was a shower. It was a small lunch gathering of close family. I think that is perfectly fine.

salsamommy · July 2013

peanut+muse:
sugarland726:
I'm a harda on things like etiquette and showers. The age of your children and the fact that you chose to get rid of things do not constitute a reason to have another shower, in my opinion. Had you lost all your baby stuff due to flood, fire, home invasion, whatever, that wouldnbsp;be different. But choosing to get rid of stuff and then asking people to buy you new stuff after they already bought it for you once is not appropriate. Again, in my opinion. Others will undoubtedly differ.
Yup, Sugar and I have the same opinion.

THIS THIS THIS!!!!!!

shakespearenluv · July 2013

Because my boys were only 21 months apart I told everyone NOT to throw me a shower. I was against it as it seemed greedy. My mom and sister did however surprise me and take me out for a spa day. Two of my best friends surprised me and came too. There were cupcakes and a few gifts but I in no way expected anything! It ended up being perfect!

angiek1 · July 2013

I think a shower is inappropriate, but my friends are doing a casserole party where people will bring frozen dishes that the hubby and I can reheat when baby is born.

forevergraceful · July 2013

sugarland726:
I'm a harda$$ on things like etiquette and showers. The age of your children and the fact that you chose to get rid of things do not constitute a reason to have another shower, in my opinion. Had you lost all your baby stuff due to flood, fire, home invasion, whatever, that would be different. But choosing to get rid of stuff and then asking people to buy you new stuff after they already bought it for you once is not appropriate. Again, in my opinion. Others will undoubtedly differ.

Exactly this.

Unknown · July 2013

This content has been removed.

sabriel1 · July 2013

SunflowersBride:
christinesb19:
peanut+muse:
sugarland726:
I'm a harda on things like etiquette and showers. The age of your children and the fact that you chose to get rid of things do not constitute a reason to have another shower, in my opinion. Had you lost all your baby stuff due to flood, fire, home invasion, whatever, that wouldnbsp;be different. But choosing to get rid of stuff and then asking people to buy you new stuff after they already bought it for you once is not appropriate. Again, in my opinion. Others will undoubtedly differ.
Yup, Sugar and I have the same opinion.
Put me on this team.
Same here. And honestly, 4 years doesn't seem like that huge of an age difference to me, and certainly not enough to warrant another shower (although I'm in the camp of you only get one shower). Just tell your friends and family that you appreciate the offer but you do not want another shower. I'm sure you have some friends/coworkers/thrift stores around that you can find many things for your new baby. Hell, my mom just bought me a pack n' play and swing from a yard sale. You'll be fine.

Agreed with everything that was said here in all of these quotes. It makes it worse that you had twins the first time around as people often spend a bit more when people have multiples. It's no ones fault but your own that you got rid of all your stuff. Tell your family and friends who want to throw this for you that a meet the baby party (gifts are generally not expected) would be a great way for them to celebrate with you

halfthetree · July 2013

peanutmuse:
Honestly? No, I don't think this warrants another shower. Very tacky. I know others have different opinions, but that's mine.

ETA: Nope, not even a little party. Still tacky.

This. No shower past first child, especially if you are planning it, that's way worse.

halfthetree · July 2013

sugarland726:
I'm a harda on things like etiquette and showers. The age of your children and the fact that you chose to get rid of things do not constitute a reason to have another shower, in my opinion. Had you lost all your baby stuff due to flood, fire, home invasion, whatever, that wouldnbsp;be different. But choosing to get rid of stuff and then asking people to buy you new stuff after they already bought it for you once is not appropriate. Again, in my opinion. Others will undoubtedly differ.

This is exactly what I was thinking. Totally weird to ask for people to buy your baby things when you have already had 2 babies.

yogi1012 · July 2013

cpm1223:
I'm not a fan of baby showers for any children after the 1st. I think it's tacky. I also think it's tacky to plan your own shower which it seems like you're asking if you should do. I can't imagine asking my family and friends to restock our nursery etc because we decided to just get rid of all of our baby stuff...seems kinda crazy to me. I think a "sprinkle" is becoming somewhat common but it's planned by someone else not asked for by the mom to be and it's a small party where guest bring diapers, wipes, etc. It's not the norm for where I live to have a sprinkle and certainly not to havenbsp;a 2nd shower, so I wouldn't do either myself.

This. You shouldn't gotten rid of your stuff!! People will most likely give you gifts, after the baby is born, but there shouldn't be a big shower.

KrystalCrockett · July 2013

wilburbud:
My thoughts babies more than 7 years apart things expire, I get it, and first children Shower.subsequent children, same gender or not, sprinkle. and you can NEVER throw it, or ask for it.nbsp;

I'm with you. My children will be 11 years apart. However, if no one offers, there is no shower. So much of my stuff is already coming from very generous friends with awesome hand me downs, I won't be registering for much anyways.

MountainRose12 · July 2013

I have to agree with the others; it just looks bad.

I never had a baby shower for my first. We had just moved to town and all my friends and family were hundreds of miles away. We'll be moving again next month--back to our 'hometown'-- and a good friend has offered to throw me a baby shower. I declined. Although I would really love the experience of having a shower, I think it will look bad. Some guests may not realize that I didn't have a shower for DD. Under almost all circumstances, including mine, showers for second-time moms are inappropriate.

sugarland726 · July 2013

KrystalCrockett:
wilburbud:
My thoughts babies more than 7 years apart things expire, I get it, and first children Shower.subsequent children, same gender or not, sprinkle. and you can NEVER throw it, or ask for it.nbsp;
I'm with you. My children will be 11 years apart. However, if no one offers, there is no shower. So much of my stuff is already coming from very generous friends with awesome hand me downs, I won't be registering for much anyways.

You would definitely be an excellent example of having a shower for a second child. I wouldn't blink twice at receiving an invite for you.

salsamommy · July 2013

MountainRose12:
I have to agree with the others; it just looks bad.
I never had a baby shower for my first. We had just moved to town and all my friends and family were hundreds of miles away. We'll be moving again next month--back to our 'hometown'-- and a good friend has offered to throw me a baby shower. I declined. Although I would really love the experience of having a shower, I think it will look bad. Some guests may not realize that I didn't have a shower for DD. Under almost all circumstances, including mine, showers for second-time moms are inappropriate.

I would look at this as an exception though!!! If someone throws you a shower, you definitely deserve to have that experience since you missed out with your first!! The person throwing the shower could put it into the wording of the invite!!!! or make it more of a party rather than a "showering of gifts" ... but do the games etc!!

sarahlm619 · July 2013

peanut+muse:
Honestly? No, I don't think this warrants another shower. Very tacky. I know others have different opinions, but that's mine. ETA: Nope, not even a little party. Still tacky.

I agree with this!

baby2ra · July 2013

I agree with what has already been said about the tackiness of a 2nd shower. I just wanted to add that it sucks that you got rid of all of your baby stuff. I would definitely start scouring Craigslist and consignment shops for some good deals!

Spumoni0205 · July 2013

I totally agree!

S&DHutson · July 2013

I am definitely having one for my second and my son was only born a year ago..lol. My mom is just like that though. I figure if it's a girl I will need clothes anyway and if its a boy again, we will have a diaper dump, where everyone brings diapers instead of presents. I say if someone offers, go for it : )

lovinglife13 · July 2013

A few of my close girlfriends are pregnant with baby #2 right now, and with my best friend who didn't ask for a shower, I sent out an invite to our close group of friends and scheduled a "brunch" shower at a really nice restaurant in Seattle that does a great brunch. It is more of a day to celebrate her, and I am sure some of the girls are going to bring some cute baby girl items, but it isn't expected. I am really excited for it.

biblionerd · July 2013

The only thing I find appropriate for 2nd+ children is a small immediate family get-together, like parents and siblings, to hang out and celebrate the baby. BUT that's because in my family all parents and siblings are going to get a small gift for the baby anyway, so it's not like you're doing anything out of the norm other than eating pizza or something and talking at the same time. I would never suggest it or recommend it to my family, but I wouldn't turn down something like that. No aunts, uncles, cousins, so and so second removed, friends, neighbors, coworkers, etc.

alliejoe · July 2013

A shower is tacky and ridiculous if you already have children (unless there was a fire/flood/disaster or something like that- I'll say that's ok.)

I will also add that my mom and I and a few close friend (say 7 people total?) threw a little shower for a friend but it was because we wanted to buy girl stuff and we offered. It was me and my mom, the mom and her mom, and a friend a her mom, plus one other of our moms' friends....

ccip82 · July 2013

S&DHutson:
I am definitely having one for my second and my son was only born a year ago..lol. My mom is just like that though. I figure if it's a girl I will need clothes anyway and if its a boy again, we will have a diaper dump, where everyone brings diapers instead of presents. I say if someone offers, go for it : )

No, just no...I hate being dictated what I should buy for someone. Especially diapers.

ashybear · July 2013

I'm definitely not as offended by the idea of a second shower as a lot of posters. Maybe not a full blown one, but I think something to celebrate the second or third child is nice. It's been my experience that occasions like these are often the only time you get to see some dear friends who might not be in your closest circle anymore or who live farther away. It's not like if you have a housewarming party once you never get to have one again, and I think a casual, maybe coEd, party would be fun. As long as it's about celebrating the milestone and not getting gifts, I say why not?

stoneofthor · July 2013

Many of my friends got married around the same time so there were a ton of wedding showers. Then those same friends got pregnant around the same time so there was a ton of baby showers. Then there were baptism, 1st birthdays and so on and so forth. At what point do we stop hitting people up for gifts? Absolutely no one in my group is having or had a shower for their second and subsequent children and some how everyone is surviving and the babies are thriving even though they weren't celebrated with a shower. Each time a friend has another baby, I drop in to visit the newborn and bring a small gift. That is more then enough.

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