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Single Parents
itsaleedanielle
member
Single Momma - 20 years old
Waiting on baby number one:
EDD: 05/08/12 | Completed miscarriage 9/6/12
EDD: 12/12/13 | Waiting and praying for my LO
Elias Daniel<3
17 weeks pregnant, and only 20 years old
itsaleedanielle
member
And SO walked out today.
I told him that things were bothering me - the fact that I was the only one working; he's only been to one doctors appointment; he's never once asked how baby is doing - just a casual "I love baby" now and then that seemed forced. He claims he's happy within our relationship, and claims that he's very excited and will forever love our first child, however I have felt like I've basically been in it alone this entire time.
You see, SO recently became homeless. We lived together when we conceived (no, it wasn't planned - but that's done with and over) but he had some issues with our roommates and decided to leave without telling me. When I cam home, the locks were changed and I had to call the police to get my belongings back from these people. I lost half of everything I had, and had no choice but to stay with my father until I could work on another living situation. While we were apart he was living with a friend who recently lost his house. SO currently has been hopping houses with no where to go.
This has put so much added stress on me, however I tried my hardest to help him. I do understand that life is hard for him but I've provided options - simple ways to fix our problems. If he would cut off the marijuana and get a job, then we could not only get a place on our own once again, but we could also better support our child-to-be. He snapped at me for the suggestion telling me he could provide for baby other ways and I only wanted him for his money - but in the two years we've dated, I'm the only one who's ever worked.
Anyway - long story short - last night I snapped and told him he was out of time to change and straighten up. That I loved him, but I had to do what's best for my child. I don't want it born and growing up around a stoned dead beat father and that w deserved better than that. I told him that it was time he had to change - and whenever he did he could come find us and we'd work out a custody deal (or even us if possible), but he wasn't convinced.
SO basically told me I was selfish, rude, and only leaving him so I could go be a slut with my new boyfriend that he thinks I've been talking to the entire time. He has a past history of cheating (and I honestly don't know right now why I ever looked past any of this for him). It's just been a horrible situation. He's decided that I don't care about him - despite me supporting him for two years, and he left me before I could even try to talk to him about things.
I honestly don't know how to handle this right now.
I know I'm coming off as whiny - I just mainly want to know:
How did you guys handle it?
Becoming a single parent?
Facing this on your own?
And how do you get through the fear that you won't be able to do it alone..?
ETA: I kind of used this mainly as a venting experience. I'm sorry it ended up being so long/:
I told him that things were bothering me - the fact that I was the only one working; he's only been to one doctors appointment; he's never once asked how baby is doing - just a casual "I love baby" now and then that seemed forced. He claims he's happy within our relationship, and claims that he's very excited and will forever love our first child, however I have felt like I've basically been in it alone this entire time.
You see, SO recently became homeless. We lived together when we conceived (no, it wasn't planned - but that's done with and over) but he had some issues with our roommates and decided to leave without telling me. When I cam home, the locks were changed and I had to call the police to get my belongings back from these people. I lost half of everything I had, and had no choice but to stay with my father until I could work on another living situation. While we were apart he was living with a friend who recently lost his house. SO currently has been hopping houses with no where to go.
This has put so much added stress on me, however I tried my hardest to help him. I do understand that life is hard for him but I've provided options - simple ways to fix our problems. If he would cut off the marijuana and get a job, then we could not only get a place on our own once again, but we could also better support our child-to-be. He snapped at me for the suggestion telling me he could provide for baby other ways and I only wanted him for his money - but in the two years we've dated, I'm the only one who's ever worked.
Anyway - long story short - last night I snapped and told him he was out of time to change and straighten up. That I loved him, but I had to do what's best for my child. I don't want it born and growing up around a stoned dead beat father and that w deserved better than that. I told him that it was time he had to change - and whenever he did he could come find us and we'd work out a custody deal (or even us if possible), but he wasn't convinced.
SO basically told me I was selfish, rude, and only leaving him so I could go be a slut with my new boyfriend that he thinks I've been talking to the entire time. He has a past history of cheating (and I honestly don't know right now why I ever looked past any of this for him). It's just been a horrible situation. He's decided that I don't care about him - despite me supporting him for two years, and he left me before I could even try to talk to him about things.
I honestly don't know how to handle this right now.
I know I'm coming off as whiny - I just mainly want to know:
How did you guys handle it?
Becoming a single parent?
Facing this on your own?
And how do you get through the fear that you won't be able to do it alone..?
ETA: I kind of used this mainly as a venting experience. I'm sorry it ended up being so long/:
Single Momma - 20 years old
Waiting on baby number one:
EDD: 05/08/12 | Completed miscarriage 9/6/12
EDD: 12/12/13 | Waiting and praying for my LO
Elias Daniel<3
This discussion has been closed.
Re: 17 weeks pregnant, and only 20 years old
I would say he is not worth your time of being worry about him and sad. Being happy is important during pregnant, the baby can feel your emotions as well. He doesn't even have money to support himself, so how could he said all you wanted is his money? I think he still not mature enough to be a father, but somehow people said when the baby comes, guys could be more mature and realize it REAL of being a dad.
I'm 24 and I broke up with BD when I was 12 weeks pregnant. By that time he was still convincing to go for abortion and when I was at 24 weeks, he emailed me and told me to give him the baby so he could take the baby to an adoption and he doesnt need to have any contact with me. I was depressed all the time, cried a lot. But when DD was born I forgot all my pain and I was so busy of taking care her, I don't even have time to think about BD. So far, I don't have any contact with him and I still thinking should I pursue child support or not, coz I don't want DD know anything about this guy.
Talk to your friends or family, they would help you a lot, emotionally or financially. You can do it on your own for sure.
Be happy and smile more. Hang in there *HUGS*
I think you made the right decision by telling him to get his sh!t together before you guys can continue being together. It must feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders right now, but I guarantee every day with space from him will make your life easier.
The way you handle it is one day at a time, one issue at a time. And try to get as much support from family and friends as possible. And ASK for that support. Don't just use their ears to complain about BD. Use your time and their time to help you be happy about baby. If you need some errands done, ask! Most people will totally help, but just don't know what you need.
I have to say though that I disagree with PP about not seeking child support and about not wanting LO to know anything about BD. First, child support is his legal responsibility. He can't not work forever, and your LO is entitled to that financial support. Secondly. If BD doesn't pose a threat to LO I don't see the point it keeping him at bay just because you have a grudge. If he decides he wants to be involved, then IMO let him. But for now, keep your distance and try not to focus on his BS.
good luck, and feel free to vent any time.
I'm due any day now with my son and his dad ran off with an ex girlfriend across the country. I basically just figure that if he doesn't want to be there then I shouldn't make him be there. It was hard at first but doing it alone has been a much better experience than I expected so far at least. don't worry about what he's doing, focus on you and baby. Turn to family for support. I hope things go as nicely for you as they are for me.
I feel like I'm pretty much in the same boat as you right now. Of course there are a few differences but I am also 20 years old, I'm 20 weeks pregnant right now and I had a similar falling out with my baby's father.
He was homeless for awhile when we where first dating and just couch surfing at friend's houses. Just a few months before I got pregnant he started staying at his mom's house but it was only suppose to be a temporary thing. He's still there now. He has yet to find a job and I don't think he's really even been looking. I've tried several times to talk to him about his drink and smoking pot all the time and just partying with his friends but of course he doesn't think it's a problem. Even though his own friends thinks he goes too over board with it.
I finally stood my ground one night at a party he was at. I hadn't seen him in awhile and I showed up to try to surprise him. He was happy at first but then after he started drinking so much he started being really rude towards me and accusing me of hanging on other guys at that party when I was only either with him or some other girls that were there. I tried not to fight with him but he kept coming at me so finally I had enough and just had to end it.
I still don't know where we stand at this point with our child. He says he wants to be there for her and take care of her but I honestly don't see how he's going to be able to do that with the way things are in his life right now. Plus I really feel like my daughter deserves better and so does your child. Regardless of your relationship with this man you now have to think about what's best for your baby. I think it's perfectly fine set high standards for him as a father. He needs to step up and support his child in a legitimate way. Not with sketchy side jobs, dealing drugs or whatever he thinks he plans on doing to provide for your baby. Just think about what you think your baby deserves in a parent. That's what I try to do. It's definitely not a dead beat dad.