A question about babysitting

moosebaby2011 · July 2013

I recently got into a debate about this topic and was wondering how other moms and moms-to-be felt.

Would you allow someone who was babysitting your child to have friends accompany them to your house? Would it make a difference if you knew this other person?

DH and I are not ok with our sitters bringing people we don't know into our home. Period. If we know the other person we're a little more flexible on the issue. The person with whom I had the disagreement thinks that if you trust the person enough to let them care for your child then you should also trust them to use good judgement where their friends are concerned.

Are DH and I just being overprotective parents or is it perfectly normal to request that our sitters socialize on their own time?

ETA: Would it make a difference if the sitter is a close relative, is over 30 years old, and is not accepting payment for watching your child?

Mamash619 · July 2013

Absolutely not! Are you allowed to bring friends to work? Noooo! It's a job that needs 100 attention on the baby at all times!!! All it takes is a second!

kiki1978 · July 2013

I think if the babysitter is there to watch your child, they shouldn't have people tag along. I don't understand why they want to bring a friend to a job. Would you bring your friend to your job?

cpm1223 · July 2013

I agree with you and your H. I wouldn't be ok with that either.

I used to babysit with a friend of mine, but only because the parents knew us both and they wanted us both there to babysit.

Babysitting is a job (that they're being paid for) and it's not a time to be hanging out with friends.

WinsyWade · July 2013

I don't think you are overreacting. As a person that has babysat for over 20 years, I think it's completely unprofessional for a sitter to bring friends over to their charge's home. The only exceptions I've found were if the parents were having me stay late/spend the night and told me to bring a friend with to "help", or if I asked in advance for a once time thing.

I once had a mom tell me to have my boyfriend (now my DH) stop by after he was done with his guard weekend. She knew him well but I told her I was uncomfortable with that.

Sitters, especially if teens, may act completely professional in front of the parent and with the children, but around their friends, they are completely different. I don't think just because you trust your sitter, you should be expected to trust their friend(s).

growingmybun · July 2013

Our (pretty young) babysitter asked to bring a friend one day when we were in a jam and needed her to watch our son while we were at work. It was a very long day and the extra pair of hands was helpful. The friend was so great that we use her as our back up sitter. We live in a small town and these girls moms are all friends, so I felt ok.

Unknown · July 2013

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forevergraceful · July 2013

Nope, we are very particular about who we let into our lives and house. I would not be okay with a babysitter bringing a friend. Even if the babysitter had good judgement in the friend, I would want them to be fully focused on the reason why they are there.

moosebaby2011 · July 2013

Thanks for the replies. Would your answer change at all if the sitter is a close relative who is over 30 years old, and is not accepting payment?

I also babysat for several families, both when I was a teenager and as an adult, and it never would have occurred to me to ask to bring a friend with me so I was kind of shocked that the topic even came up.

adunkin · July 2013

I honestly think this depends on what type of babysitting we're talking about. A few hours for date night is not the same thing as a full or part-time nanny.

No, you don't bring your friends to work. But you do (usually) have plenty of adult co-workers to chat with and people you must interact with through out the day. Stay at home moms don't deny themselves daytime adult conversation with their friends because they have a baby to watch.

Now, what that looks like in practice is challenging to figure out. Back when I nannied, I had a short list of friends (including my boyfriend) who were basically approved. And usually we just went for a walk together or to the kiddie park when I was going stir crazy in the house.

moosebaby2011 · July 2013

adunkin:
I honestly think this depends on what type of babysitting we're talking about. A few hours for date night is not the same thing as a full or part-time nanny.

We're talking about a few hours here and there. More like the occasional date night.

KEfam5 · July 2013

adunkin:
I honestly think this depends on what type of babysitting we're talking about. A few hours for date night is not the same thing as a full or part-time nanny.
No, you don't bring your friends to work. But you do (usually) have plenty of adult co-workers to chat with and people you must interact with through out the day. Stay at home moms don't deny themselves daytime adult conversation with their friends because they have a baby to watch.
Now, what that looks like in practice is challenging to figure out. Back when I nannied, I had a short list of friends (including my boyfriend) who were basically approved. And usually we just went for a walk together or to the kiddie park when I was going stir crazy in the house.

I would say this is true. Also, the location matters IMO. I watch two little girls full time plus my own. If I'm at their house, I absolutely wouldn't "have a friend over". However, we are usually at my house, and I might invite a friend for lunch or something. I would go crazy if I didn't have adult companionship once in a while. The girls' parents are fine with an arrangement like this.

WinsyWade · July 2013

christinesb19:
adunkin:
I honestly think this depends on what type of babysitting we're talking about. A few hours for date night is not the same thing as a full or part-time nanny.
We're talking about a few hours here and there. More like the occasional date night.

And every time this 30 year old feels the need to bring someone with? Is it their SO or just a friend? It still seems so weird to me.

Shannahbee · July 2013

If it was a paid sitter, I would firmly say no friends. It's a job! I can't bring my friends to work.

When it is an older, volunteering relative? Bit of a difference. At the end of the day, you are the parent so it's whatever you feel comfortable with. Just know that a volunteer can easily say never mind if they aren't happy with the arrangement... That's their prerogative .

thelittlepear · July 2013

DH and I babysit several of our friends kids, and we go together regularly, but I would never take anyone other then him along... The parents don't know them, the kids don't know them... When I babysit, I go to spend some time visiting with the kids, not to visit with my friend that I brought along.

iwalktheline · July 2013

When I was first reading your post, I was picturing that the babysitter was a young high-school aged kid. In which case, I would worry that they would be too distracted with the friend there to carefully watch LO.

However, with the added info, I would be much more apt to tell them to bring the friend. If you trust the person who's watching LO, I don't think I would think twice about it. The only thing that would make me question is if you don't like the type of people that they hang out with (like if you were worried that the friend might steal or use substances in the house, etc).

Cara1024 · July 2013

Only if I knew the other person and even then I wouldn't want that to happen very often.

I used to be a full time nanny and whenever my mom would come into town (maybe 3 times a year) she would go to the families home with me and while I watch the little girl. It was better for everyone that I wasn't asking for time off to be with my mom, and since it was my mom it was clear that I wasn't bringing someone who would just goof off the whole time. The family had not met my mom previously but I had worked for them for a year already.

On your ETA: Older family member being non paid, yes they could bring someone if they wanted to!

holly142 · July 2013

When I was young (under 16) I always baby-sat with a friend because it made me feel safer. Ages 16-23 I didn't have a friend unless I was baby-sitting for multiple families. However, there were a few times that I baby-sat late in the evening and I was able to bring a friends because the kids would be in bed for the majority of the time and my friend and I would watch a movie after the kids went to bed. Now that I am married, my husband and I will baby-sit my nieces and nephews together, but I don't do other baby-sitting.

holly142 · July 2013

I also think it depends on if this relative has much baby-sitting experience. My brother-in-law sometimes watches his niece and nephew for free, he is 30 and since he doesn't know much about kids, he brings his girlfriend. I think he and his girlfriend have fun watching the kids together and are totally focused on the kids.

Piach · July 2013

christinesb19:
ETA: Would it make a difference if the sitter is a close relative, is over 30 years old, and is not accepting payment for watching your child?

This actually does make a difference to me. Hypothetically, if my sister-in-law aws watching DD and wanted to have her boyfriend come with her, I don't see a problem. I guess for me, it is actually how well the "friend" knows DD. I wouldn't want someone that is a stranger to my child in the house, but if my DD knows the person, then I don't really have a problem with it.

Now, my babysitter that I pay $15 an hour better not bring a random person to my house.

moosebaby2011 · July 2013

Piach:
christinesb19:
ETA: Would it make a difference if the sitter is a close relative, is over 30 years old, and is not accepting payment for watching your child?
This actually does make a difference to me. Hypothetically, if my sister-in-law aws watching DD and wanted to have her boyfriend come with her, I don't see a problem. I guess for me, it is actually how well the "friend" knows DD. I wouldn't want someone that is a stranger to my child in the house, but if my DD knows the person, then I don't really have a problem with it.

The friend in question is someone DH and I (and DS) had never met until we came home early from a "date night" to find him at our house with my relative. We did not know he would be there and it was extremely awkward.

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