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TTC #2, already gone to the dark mind space

Bananappeal145Bananappeal145 member
in Secondary IF
So, I'm new here...sort of. I'm new to this board anyway. I have PCOS and I had some trouble conceiving my first daughter. I got very depressed and generally angry and anxiety ridden b/c I felt like my body didn't work. We've been TTC # 2 for about 6 months (which for me is only 4 cycles, which also pisses me off) and I am already going down this dark emotional hole. I'm not ovulating, but I keep getting these massive and extremely painful "hemorrhagic" cysts on my my right ovary. I have to wait 6 weeks to let it clear up before they put me on clomid and by then I have missed my window to go on clomid for my left ovary. Then I get the cycst back on my right one and they won't give it to me...again. I'm so frustrated! And of course I keep getting "relax, it will happen" "You just need to stop trying"  "If it was meant to be,..blah blah blah"  Just wanted to vet to people who might understand. Thanks for listening.
Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


TTC #2 since 1/1/13

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Re: TTC #2, already gone to the dark mind space

  • AprilDrew04AprilDrew04 member

    So sorry you are going through this.  I totally understand the frustrations of your body not cooperating.  I spent all summer last year trying to do IUI and we managed one cycle.  My body kept ovulating too early for me to detect it.  

    We had to take a break due to DH developing epilepsy, and are just now ready to get back into IF treatments.  I am currently on day 34 and usually have 26-28 day cycles.  Of course not pregnant...just frustrated with my body.

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    DD conceived after 3 years of ttc.
    MFI - DH had varicocele repair and took Clomid to get DD b. 02/2010

    TTC #2 since 6/2010
    10/2012 DH diagnosed with Epilepsy
    A few failed IUIs summer 2012 and 2013. 
    DH taking clomid and waiting to see if he needs another vericocele repair. 
    Hoping for a 2015 baby or babies. 
    Wishing, hoping, waiting.


    Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickersLilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Trying to Conceive Event tickers

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  • KC1212KC1212 member

    I totally understand the dark place. I've been there. Heck, I lived there for 4 years. The odd thing is, even after a success, those old feelings never completely go away. And I understand the whole body-not-working-the-way-it-should thing. Right now I'm on cycle day 40 and a 40 day cycle is rare for me. I'm *usually* pretty regular but if I'm stressed (which I have been ) I can really put myself in a funk. Right now I want AF so I can get this show on the road. I've POAS like 50 times in the past week (BFN) despite the frisky memorial day weekend we had.

    I HATED the "relax" advice or "get drunk" or "relaxed and get drunk" or relax on vacation and get drunk" it will happen when you least expect it BS.

     

    image

    Me: 27 DH: 33
    Married 6 years
    Conceived DS after 4 years of MFI

    TTC # 2 (not trying,not preventing ever)
    May 2013 - August 2013 Timed Intercourse = BFN
    September 2013 Timed Intercourse, Weekly Acupuncture, Herbs=BFN
    October 2013 Timed Intercourse, Weekly Acupuncture, Herbs, and "warming foods" = BFP
    Beta #1 19, Beta #2 18 Progesterone 4.6 Miscarried 11/9/13
    November 2013 - Benched, waiting for first post-loss AF.
    No longer benched per New RE/OB!
    Jan. 15 2014 - BFP. HCG 3900 - Ectopic :( 
    Jan. 16 2014 Left tube removed and D&C
    March 2, 2014 First AF


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